Thursday, December 31, 2009

The two poles of The Bay

I went to The Bay after my half-day's work.

First in ladies wear, I was delighted to find 3 items of work clothes that fit. Any short woman who works in an office and needs clothes will tell you that finding pants/slacks/whatever you call them that fit without hemming (or hawing) is the Holy Grail. And finding 3 pairs? Well, I think I heard the Halleljuah Chorus thundering through the changing room. I happily went to pay.

The cashier at ladies wear was the sourest sour puss I have ever met in my life. In fact, I can now declare her Miss Sourest Sour Puss of 2009. So miserable. I was tempted, as I stepped away with my bag, to tell her if she hates her job that much she should just quit. Just quit, lady. Just leave now.

But then I went to the optical counter (la "lunetterie") to buy new specs and was served by the sweetest young lady in the world. Sweet Alice from Lunetterie. She was so gentle and nice, she made me immediately forget all about that miserable beeeoitch on the 3rd floor. Thanks Alice. New glasses will be ready in just over 2 weeks.

It's the end of the year as we know it

Happy New Year to Australia. Oh, and it's too hot to go out? T.F.B. is all I can say. Oh, that's not nice, I know. But it's actually warm here by Montreal standards today, too. Maybe minus 2, that's not bad.

So another year is winding down (or arounding-up, as I like to say). What can I report? I actually had to do real work until 11:00, so now my work year is done.

I've put in another application to the outfit in London where I applied in 2008. Their acknowledgement stated clearly that "only successful applicants will be contacted". I think we know what that means.......(crickets chirping in the stillness of the night).

I have to work on my New Year's Resolutions now.... more lonely crickets...

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Tuesday is Date Nite

I have a "coffee date" tonight. It was supposed to be a movie date, but we couldn't get organized, so it's a great Canadian date, i.e. coffee at Tim Horton's.

This is with a craigslist guy. I put that ad up 2 weeks ago, and it's still bringing in responses. Weird. Men are desperate.

Anyway, it's at the Tim's at Cote Vertu metro at 7:30. His name is Isaac and he's from DDO.

If I do not report in, tell the cops to drag themselves away from their Mafia crime-scene investigation to look for an abducted hot chocolate drinker. Last seen wearing a very heavy winter coat because it's the coldest night of the year and what kind of idiot goes out on a night like this anyway???

UPDATE: At 4:00 p.m. my date just cancelled. He says his car won't start. On any other day, I wouldn't believe him, but today I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt. I'm really glad not to have to go out!

Public Enemies

I love mob stuff. Here is an unintentionally funny quote from a partner of the guy who was killed.

“The poor guy. He tries to do something in his life and, because of his family’s past history, every time he turns around he gets hit with something.”

He gets hit with something? Like 4 to 6 bullets in the chest? That's something.

Monday, December 28, 2009

He Couldn't Refuse

Nothing arounds up the year in the old neighbourhood like a mafia hit.


Post script: What the hell does "arounds up" mean? I was thinking round-up and wind-up but ended-up with arounds-up. I AM A GREAT EDITOR.

Happy Belated Birthday, JAW Fan*

Roses are red
Violets are blue
You were not home
When I called you.

I left a message
on your voice mail
To say Happy Birthday,
but not Sieg Heil.

Why would I say that?
I don't know.
Nothing else rhymes with mail.
I miss NaPoMo.


*Birthday was Dec. 27.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Oink, oink

Yeah, yeah, I ate like a little piglet over Christmas.

Here's a partial list of my presents. See if u can spot the irony:

a) David Kessler's book on why North Americans overeat (I really wanted to read it. seriously.)
b) A recipe book from Weight Watchers.
c) A pound of chocolate... real Cadbury's from the UK.

Hmmm.

And when I got home who was waiting patiently on the railing of the front porch? The Black Cat, of course. Looking no worse for wear. Somebody must've fed him during my absence.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Christmas Spirit...NOT

At an office party here, one of the ladies got drunk. It happens. (No, it was not me, and I didn’t attend the party in question.)

The following day, she called in sick. People chuckled because everyone knew she was hungover. It happens.

One of her colleagues, who is a superior, BUT NOT her supervisor, was upset about her taking a “sick day” over this. So he went to HR and told them she should have to take a vacation day and not a sick day because she was hungover.

What kind of Anal Retentive Hung-up Control Freak does this?

And he’s a young guy, Canadian, early 30s, not some old foreign fuddy duddy. I can’t get over it. Has he never had a hangover? Does he not know the way one feels the morning after a booze up is “sick”? Who care if it is self-inflicted. You’re still feeling sick. And it’s the Holidays for heaven’s sake!!

What an asshole.

I don’t even know him, but when I see him in the elevator now I think “You are a huge asshole”.

It's Tuesday and NO movie date tonite

Oh well. I had another movie date lined up, but this has fallen through.

After making plans, I asked the guy to confirm that he was indeed single and not a married guy looking for a "discreet encounter". Over the weekend, I had exchanged a few messages with a different man, who then asked if I could be "discreet". Needless to say, that was the end of him.

Anyway, back to the potential date. I was expecting a simple answer like: "yes, I'm single" or "I understand that you are wary of craigslist, so yes I can confirm I'm single". Instead I got a one paragraph rant about how angry he was to be asked this, and he is used to going to movies alone and he will continue to do so and he doesn't need me.

I'm not sure if that meant he was married. Whatever. And they say women are drama queens. Please.

Monday, December 21, 2009

I love this one!

I just got another email in response to my now week-old craigslist ad. Let me quote it in its entirety:

"Hi, I’m interested in movie companionship."

Somehow I am managing to resist this delectable offer.

Hello, Sailor, interested in a little movie companionship?

Sunday, December 20, 2009

A Christmas Story

I got up this Sunday morning, and once again, the manger had been ransacked during the night. And my worst fear had come true: Bebe Jesus was declared MIA.
The donkey was also gone.



The sadistic culprit returned to bat the cow around a bit more.


His work done, the culprit exited stage right.



I searched and searched and eventually found the BeJe under a chair swaddled in dust bunnies. (No photo available. I have some shame.) The donkey turned up too. All parties accounted for, harmony returned to the nativity scene.


The End....OR IS IT????




Saturday, December 19, 2009

Cat does not = Elf

The Big Red One has turned his back on Christmas. So there.

For a week now, he has been ransacking the manger both day and night. I'm calling it my Tarantino Manger because every night when I get home from work, the bodies are strewn everywhere, Mary, Joseph, the donkey, the cow, all over the place. The Bebe Jesus has yet to get swatted into the dining room, but it's only a matter of time, methinks.
But for now, The Big One rests....



And yes that is a magazine with Johnny Depp on the cover. What? Doesn't everybody sleep next to a picture of Johnny Depp? How else can one ensure sweet dreams...

Thursday, December 17, 2009

It's over

We took Boozy the Spy out for lunch today. And we had a very pleasant time with her.

She has left us her email address and invited each of us to stay with her if ever we are visiting her part of the world.

She lives in the south of Spain. Near a beach. Arriba.

That's the best offer I've had in months.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Work Update

We had one-on-one evaluations from Boozy the Spy, our consultant, today. I can't believe that Friday is her last day with us already. What a weird 5 weeks it's been.

BtS told me that I was a very good editor BUT I am sloppy with the small details. I do not pay attention to the small stuff. I could not agree more.

Later I had a flashback to my mother reviewing my Grade 2 homework and saying: You make sloppy mistakes because you AREN'T paying attention.

It's like that 7-Up series of documentaries. The way I was at age 7 is the same as I am now at almost 49-Up. Interesting. I'm an old dog and you can't teach me new tricks. woof.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

I'm alive

I survived and enjoyed the movie. It's big, it's an epic, it's Chinese. It's a big Chinese epic. Lots and lots of blood, and more spears, catapults and arrows than anyone can count. More dead bodies too. And typhoid as a weapon. Wily.

My date was a very nice fellow. There was no lurve connection, but he seemed smart and interested in history. I'd see another movie with him but I don't expect to hear from him again. Alas.

I guess I can rate my craigslist adventure as a success. I don't know if I want to go through it again, tho. I had two new emails when I got home tonight. Talk about trying your luck at the last minute.

Here we go

So I am off to Red Chill at 6:40 at the Forum. I am putting this info out there in case I don't report back tomorrow.

"The victim was last seen entering the Forum around 6 o'clock and was wearing a black jacket and a violet scarf."

The guy's name is Sasha and from the photo has black hair and seems quite chunky*.

I'm betting it's 50/50 whether he actually shows up or not. But I'm still seeing Red Chill. yay.

(*JAW Fan, stop drooling.)

Monday, December 14, 2009

On-line adventure update

I got another 8 emails overnight. I'm still wading through them and can't answer them. Some guy in Chicago thinks he's my best friend now. He's even invited me to the Windy City. I've never been to Chicago....hmm.

Anyway, one candidate has emerged as the most normal and fun sounding. So we shall exchange some more messages tonight, and quite possibly actually see this darn movie together tomorrow.

All pretty freakin' strange, this whole experience has been.

Yesterday, some guy sent me a picture of himself in a Speedo. I kid you not. This alone should be enough to have JAW Fan scrambling to get on craigslist.

Oh No Silvio

You know I hate Berlusconi as much as the next sane person does, but this assault was a bit extreme.

All that blood. It looked like a Scorsese movie. Poor Silvio. Perhaps some young nubiles will tend to his wounds.

As the guy on t.v. this morning said, why didn't they just throw a pie?

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Today's on-line adventure

There's a new John Woo movie out called Red Cliff starring my fave Tony Leung.

I want to see it this week, and I decided to try an experiment. So I put an ad on ..... Craigslist.

Here is my ad:
"I'm a white female, 48, who is interested in seeing the movie Red Cliff at AMC this week, preferably Tuesday when it is cheap LOL. I'm a fan of Tony Leung and John Woo. I usually see this kind of movie alone, but this time I thought why not ask if there is any man out there interested in seeing it with me.

I'd prefer to meet a man under 48 years of age, Asian would be nice, but not necessary. If we get along, good; if we don't, at least we've seen the movie. :) "

Pretty straightforward, right? So far (i.e. about 2 hours on) I have received 7 responses, 2 of which seem normal and I plan on answering them. Neither of them is Asian. The others? I've got a 24-year-old Vietnamese guy with the tallest spikiest hair I have ever seen in my life. It's a great photo, trust me. And I got a guy who I can only assume is a "professional" as he has sent me a photo of his very large ...wang. Which part of the ad did he not understand?

I'd always heard that Craigslist was an adventure. And so it is.

UPDATE: This is fascinating. Look at this normal message I received:
"hi there,
In case you have not found anyone yet (which I doubt, where do I take a number?), here's a 39 y/o white male who would be willing to catch that movie. Tuesday actually works for me, in the evening preferably. So if you are still looking, let me know".

I googled his email address to see if there was anything about him, and turns out he's an escort! The Internet is a scary place.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Christmas Time is here


"This tree appears to adequately serve my needs for something
under which to lounge".
-- The Big Red Elf.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Tiger, tiger burning bright

This Tiger Woods story isn't going away, is it? It's got real legs.

The Gazette had a full page of Tiger stories today. It's up to 9 mistresses now. But. And this is a big but, every one that I have read about has raved about what a great lover Tiger is.

Face it, Tiger's life could be much worse.

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

Mr. Blackie gets his dream house

Crazy Cat Lady reporting in.

The Black Cat has not gone away. He is more a part of my life than ever. So much so that I have built him his very own outdoor shelter for the cold winter months, starting with tomorrow's first storm of the season.

It's lined with insulation and has a comfy flannel floor. He is effing spoiled. Here are two photos. One of the Big Red One taking the shelter-in-progress for a test drive, and then Mr. D. fighting off Big Red for the coveted space.

Yes I am insane. But Blackie will be safe and warm.




Monday, December 07, 2009

Hooray

The deadline for the mega-urgent work task that has been making me miserable for 4 weeks has inexplicably been pushed back.

No idea why, and I don't care. Now it can be finished in January, or maybe even February, I have been told. Who knows what this is all about?

For me this only means two things: No more overtime, and more bloggin' time.

It's a win-win.

Saturday, December 05, 2009

Another December Tradition

Dag nabbit. For the 2nd year in a row, the Food Bank people rang my doorbell when I was in the shower.

What are the odds? On a Saturday when I am home all day (like today, incidentally, WORKING from home on my stupid short deadline project grrr), the time that I'm going to be unable to answer the door is about, say, 15-20 minutes in the entire day.

And yet. Again this year, that's when they show up.

Making a note for 2010, first Saturday in December: "Do not bathe until Food Bank people have come by. "

Friday, December 04, 2009

Christmas Time is officially here

I have seen the seasonal Chia Pet commercial twice now.

This year's noteworthy innovation is the SpongeBob Chia cause he needs some grass growing on top of his head.

Also, there's a new one that you can put a flashing light on top of. Apparently this makes it "festive".

I'm all for "festive".

And in Winter Weather News (my annual obsession): It's December 4 and still no snow on the ground. This is my Christmas prezzie from Mother Nature. How many days can we go without snow? wheee.

Thursday, December 03, 2009

Tiger, tiger

It's pretty hard to avoid Tiger these days, what with him fessin' up to his naughty behaviour.

I have just one hope. Now that the cat (get it?) is out of the bag, I hope Tiger goes The Full John Daly on us.

I want him to get a beer gut, and be drunk in public, be photographed smoking cigarettes like a maniac, and still keep playing golf. People will love him for it.

He should also get divorced and become a serial marrier. Four or five wives. Really trashy ones. But should he stay married, he and his wife should go the Glen Campell/Tanya Tucker route. Public brawls. Drunken fights in hotel lobbies. Let it all hang out.

Tiger will be a whole lot more fun if he does all that.

Wednesday, December 02, 2009

Personal Note to Mr. Anonymous

Please keep in mind that in 2011 we both will be marking a Big Birthday. Something special will be required to celebrate this.

Three words: The Grand Barn.

http://www.the-grand-barn.com/tgb.html

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Really slow news weekend

Headline of the day goes to the Times of London:

Crouching Tiger, hidden hydrant.

You would swear that Woods is the first guy in history to have his wife attack him with a golf club. Doesn't this happen every day?

Saturday, November 28, 2009

2009? pfffft It's already so over

It's an early start to the New Year.

Work is in turmoil, and I'm living on junk food, with predictable results. So yesterday, rock bottom day, I decided to get an early start on my New Year's resolutions in a valiant attempt to get life under control before it becomes all about sleepless nights and an additional 5 pounds to lose.

I feel like I've been in a hitchcockian spiral for too long. It has to end.

2010 starts for me next Tuesday, December 1.

Friday, November 27, 2009

A propos of nothing much

I am an avid obituary reader. I can't even blame this on middle age. I've always read 'em.

So imagine my delight when I spotted one today where the deceased's nickname "Big Sexy" is featured prominently. Like, right in the heading of the obit. Not just in the body of the thing. It's like part of his official name.

I may have to reconsider. Maybe I don't want to be known as the Mastermind behind [blank], maybe I want to be known as "Big Sexy".

I'm likin' this idea.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Half a Day Off

Boozy the Spy did not schedule a meeting for this morning, so I've done the natural thing. Taken the morning off! Whee.

I slept in as late as the cats would let me, i.e. a whole hour. I slurped coffee while skimming the NY Times on-line, and I shall pop by the "guichet" to pay some bills before heading for the office.

I also washed out the litter boxes so as to feel that I did do some constructive manual labour in my time off.

I'm still not sure what this whole consultancy scheme is going to accomplish, if anything. It has put some zing into our normally routine office life. There is that.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Things get interesting in a good way (for a change)

In the continuing saga of the workplace....turns out that Boozy the Spy used to be the head of the department in Head Office in NYC where I applied twice last year and was rudely rejected. She's been retired for 8 years.

So I sat down with her and asked: what is it you people want? What did I do wrong? What do I have to do?

She was eager to hear me out and gave me a plan of action for getting my foot in the door in the right dept in NYC while avoiding the nasty, nasty people in their HR department. I was very excited by this prospect.

So call me Quisling. I am now consorting with the "enemy". Also, she is a direct path to The Phantom and my opportunity to get my name on his radar. If I impress Boozy, I will impress The Phantom.

Suddenly, I'm a playa. How did that happen?

Thursday, November 19, 2009

The Spy Who Loves Me

I had a long talk with my boss, Mrs. David Brent, today. I dunno what to think. Now the story is that her boss, The Phantom, wants to e-x-p-a-n-d our department, add new jobs and promote the existing staff.

As Charo used to say: Do ju think I was born tomorrow?

In her clumsy, unguarded way, she basically told me that in 5 or 6 years, I (Nanuk of the North, the Mastermind behind [blank]) will be the boss of this expanded department.

She also let slip who she thinks will get the short end of the stick, and it's the colleague I am closest to and trust the most. One who is actually a close friend. Nice, eh?

All this to say that our consultant, Boozy the Spy, is here to provide us (or... some of us) with the advance training that will give us an advantage in getting the promotions that are coming in the magical-land-of-Oz-expanded-department of the future. She's here to HELP us.

Tra-la-la. Let us all dream pretty dreams. I want a pony!

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Stop me if you've heard this one

My boss (let's call her Mrs. David Brent) has to retire. Now. Before she destroys us all through her incompetence.

Yesterday, she called a "quick" meeting to inform us that her boss, the guy we still have not been introduced to after 3 1/2 months (i.e. the Phantom), hired a "consultant" to do a "review" of our department. Without telling Mrs. Brent.

My colleague said: She's a Spy. The Phantom has sent in a spy.

The spy started yesterday. She was already in the building when we had our little meeting to inform us of her arrival. The Spy is allegedly going to watch us do our jobs, "coach" us and even assign us tests and assignments. Fuck that shit! We've all been in our jobs more than 10 years, and now we're going to be tested? We were all tested when we got these jobs. We will soon be beating a path down to the ombudsman's office.

Mrs. Brent told us: "Don't bother going ballistic. When I was told, I went ballistic for ALL of us!" Knowing how she cowers in the face of all authority, I would imagine her version of going ballistic was to chew her pencil and look nervously around the room.
My other colleague wondered why the Phantom would've brought the Spy in without Mrs. Brent's knowledge. I said: when you know someone's a dud, you work around them.

On the lighter side, after we were introduced to the Spy, who is a retired British lady, my colleague said: "She looks like somebody who enjoys a drink". This was said in an approving way.
The next 5 weeks should be interesting.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Mastermind

Ever since Khaled Sheik Mohammed's trial in NYC was announced, I have lost count of the number of times I have heard "Khaled Sheik Mohammed, the Mastermind behind the 9/11 attacks".

I like that title. I want to be known as the Mastermind behind [blank].

Behind something. I don't know what.

So when people talk about me, I want them to say "you mean, Nanuk of the North? the Mastermind behind [blank]?"

It doesn't have to be diabolical.

Anything at all.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Lou has left the building

Whoo hoo. Lou Dobbs quit CNN. I didn't watch his final appearance but I'm sure he was in a huff of some kind.

I won't miss him. Maybe Lou will retire to Mexico? hardy har har.

Will this make me watch CNN more? No. I turned it on yesterday and that dim bulb Tony Harris was trying to look serious and "interested". I just could not take him. Why does that nitwit still have a job?

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Remembrance Day

My nephew is a guest speaker at his old high school today.

As a reservist, he was asked by one of his former teachers to sit up front on the panel to represent the guys in uniform. But over the weekend one of the speakers dropped out, so my nephew got the call and was asked to speak.

He is the 4th generation of our family to join the forces either actively at war (WWI: my grandfather and WW2: my father) or as a reservist (my bro-in-law).

I read his speech. And it is pretty good. I'm sure he will do well. He is not afraid of public speaking, unlike his aunt.

Thumbs Down

I was upset to see the story on the news last night that some asshole vandalized the cenotaph in Fredericton.

Some people really are scum.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Why I want the job.

I’ve been in the same department for 10 years. My boss is a lovely compassionate woman, but frankly, she is a lousy manager. She has no long-term plan and simply reacts to everything. She never takes the initiative to make our department better. She would claim she is putting out fires, but I don’t believe it. She’s just not a clear-thinking manager. I’ve been bitching about this forever, and this is the reason that I think I need to apply for the job.

It’s a case of: You think you can do better??? Well, yeah, I think I can. The department needs a backbone. And I need more stimulation.

Of course, it would be quite a bit more money both in salary and into the pension pot, but that’s not the prime motivation. I make enough to live now. But I’m bored and unchallenged. And as Cartman might say: I want some authori-tie.

Monday, November 09, 2009

Today's Poll

My boss will be retiring in about two years. Over the weekend, I decided I want her job. The question of the day is: when do I start laying groundwork and making murmurings about this?

A. Now, to mark your territory and discourage other applicants.
B. A year from now.
C. When the official vacancy is published.
D. Never, you don’t really want this job. You are, at heart, a lazy ass.

Sunday, November 08, 2009

Long-winded narrative about an on-line romantic scammer

When I retire from my glorious current employment, I will become a private investigator as my second career. The Internet makes it so easy!



As I wrote below, the Invisible Man’s email provided his full name. It is an unusual name so I decided to google him to see if there was anything about him out there in cyberland. There was only one thing.


(Aside: has anyone been Googling for the past few days. It is so cute. Every day they have a different Sesame Street character in the title. Today’s its Elmo!)



He (the Invisible Man, not Elmo) is the subject of a long rant on a site about “romance scammers”. A woman wrote it to say that her aunt was being conned by some man she met on the Internet and is in love with. It’s a long story so I’ll just post the original complaint:


Quote He’s asking her for money to help him get back to Canada. She’s almost sending out $925 plus willing to send money for a plane ticket. Do you know this guy? He says he’s from Malaysia and his wife died and his 2 kids are staying with his sister in law. His friend died in the UK and he flew over there lost his wallet in the cab. He’s a real estate agent. He's rich of course. Now he wants her to sign over her power of attorney... Help!!! Unquote.


It got worse. Over the course of a few months, it appears the woman sent him five thousand bucks.


Later, he shows up on the site defending himself and his reputation. It’s the same guy who emailed me for sure. The email address is the same, and the writing style is too. I won’t post his name, because I don’t want him or anyone involved with him coming to this peaceful little blog. Email me if you want to read it all.


So I emailed him, and said: Hey, guess what? I Googled you, pal, and saw the whole story. I told him he could respond any time, but somehow, this time around, I’m really not expecting to hear back from him.


Is it time to give up on the Romantic Male Box? Time to return to fruitlessly lusting after a Scotsman at work? Or try to reconcile with Kumar? It’s a weird world out there.

Saturday, November 07, 2009

The Return of the Invisible Man

I really was not expecting to blog this, but holy crap, the Invisible Man wrote back.

He claims he was scared out of his wits by the whole on-line dating "thing" and decided to escape.

Well. Now what? I have his full name. He doesn't have mine. heh heh.


I'll answer and see how things go.


Of course, if b) below turns out to be true, he will be dead to me.

Thursday, November 05, 2009

Nancy "Nanuk" Drew

I have decided to play detective.

I went back to the Romantic Male Box this morning to see if there is any news from the Invisible Man. I was surprised to see that his profile had been deleted.

Now, who among us doesn't love a mystery, eh? Especially when we are bored.

Fortunately for the (Old) Girl Detective, the Invisible Man had provided his yahoo email address in one of his messages, and even though his account was deleted, his messages to her were not.

So, why not? I emailed him at his yahoo account, telling him exactly this: that I loves me a good mystery and I'd like to know what happened?

Will he respond? Stay tuned for the next chapter in The Case of the Missing Cyber Man.

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Romantic Male Box - The Resurrection

I exchanged three emails with this man who seemed normal. In his last message, he suggested we meet up. I answered in the affirmative. This was four days ago. And….I haven’t heard from him since.

Should we take this to mean:

a) He has croaked from H1N1.
b) His wife found out about his on-line shenanigans.
c) He’s actually a 14-year-old in Laval.
d) He’s upset about Mayor Doofus’s re-election and has been in a drunken stupor unable to face the world since the weekend.
e) He is secretly Defense Minister Peter Potato-Head and suddenly realized he is getting married.

Other suggestions welcome.

News!

Who cares about Swine Flu? The big exciting news today is that Alec Baldwin will be co-hosting the Oscars.

Oooooh!

Not that anyone cares, but his co-host will be Steve Martin.

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

Choo choo

Warren Buffet bought a railroad!

My first thought was: He's Mr. Monopoly. But some wise-ass commenter at the Globe & Mail beat me to it, saying that B&O, Reading, Short Line and Pennsylvania were next.

I loved Monopoly as a kid. Haven't played in a long, long time.

They should put Warren Buffet's picture on the Monopoly box instead of Jacques Parizeau's. By jove.

Speaking of riches beyond my imagination, I see that the new lotto has a prize of $50 million this week. I guess I have to shell out the $5 to give it a try. $50 million. As my sis said: That would totally ruin our lives. I had to agree. So, of course, we're both buying tickets.

I'm sick at home today, with the non-swine-flu. I feel so untrendy having a regular cold. I'm old fashioned.

Monday, November 02, 2009

Elections

Well, sigh, Mayor Doofus is back for 4 more glorious years.

Makes you wonder if democracy really is the best form of government 'cause, frankly, the people are idiots.

Not that we had much of a choice. It was a really poor field.

At least the mafia can sleep soundly at night, knowing their contracts are safe. Keep picking up my garbage and fallen leaves, you trusty mafia guys. Much appreciated.

Speaking of the mafia, 60 Minutes had a cool story about The Yakuza last night. Did you know that their tattoos are so dense, they can't sweat. And this leads to many of them getting liver disease? The things you learn. TV is very educational.

Sunday, November 01, 2009

Post H'ween Wrap-up

I only had 25 Halloweeners instead of the 37 I had anticipated. I gave away most of the mini chocolate bars, but guess who is going to being eating Twizzlers for the next week? ...or possibly for just the next couple of days, should I go on a Twizzlers binge.

Did everyone get fewer kids than usual? Ms Mushrooms wonders if this is an H1N1-related decline. Could be.

Best fringe benefit of Halloween: The occasional handsome dads who are out on the sidewalk, waiting for their kids. They always wave and say thanks. Nice!

Saturday, October 31, 2009

C'est Halloween

My first trick or treaters of the evening. It's only 5:15 and still broad daylight! But there they are, five boys around 10 years old. I give them each two treats, then the arguing starts.

One kid gets his two treats, but keeps his bag open. I say: You already got yours. The kid points to a chocolate bar and says: But I want one of those! And I say too bad, and his friends yell to him to move out of the way.

Another kid gets one chocolate bar and one nibs. I say, you get two things each. The kid asks: Can I get a third? I REALLY want a twizzler! And I, again, say too bad. Move on, guys.

They continued down the street bickering.

The End (Again)

Kumar and I are officially done. Again. For the second and last time, it is over.

We really mean it this time.

It was good fun while it lasted.

Back to the trenches....

Friday, October 30, 2009

Should I or shouldn't I?

I just went to a presentation about Toastmasters, the public speaking group.

This is the kind of thing I need so badly, but it scares me so much just the thought of it makes my hands shake, and waves of nausea come over me.

I know I'm the kind of person this is meant for.

They have their meeting here in the building at work every Friday. It would be so good for me to get comfortable with public speakinig. But it scares me shitless.

Should I join? What if I barf the first time I have to make a speech? What if I don't sleep for 3 nights before the meeting? What if? What if? What if?

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Rashomon

Five of my work friends went to NYC for a 4-day long weekend. They came back Tuesday and I have spoken to two of them separately.

Were they even on the same trip?

Person A said it is great. Everyone got along except for some minor squabbles, but it was always under control.

Person B said it was a nightmare, and she is never travelling with some of these ladies EVER AGAIN.

I can't wait for more versions of this trip.

I am sooo glad I did not go.

Elections

Sunday is municipal election day. And what a choice of prime candidates we have!

I agree with one editorialist (maybe it was in the Gazette) who said the city of Montreal is so broken and corrupt, the election should be cancelled and the whole joint put under trusteeship.

I mean, really, when the best candidate is the one who appears the least corrupt, and he also happens to have written a 9/11 conspiracy book accusing the Bush admin of orchestrating it, well, that is really sad. And that's the guy I'm voting for! A nutcase! But he appears to be a not-yet-corrupted nutcase. Give him a few months, he'll be as dirty as everyone else.

I guess I should just be grateful that my garbage is still being collected, and that the city trucks have been taking care of all the piles of fallen leaves too. I suppose this service is also a mafia contract. Whatever.

This raises the point: is it really worse that contracts are all won by the mafia if the day-to-day work is still being done? Maybe if the mob ran candidates and openly ran as The Mobster Party, they would do a good job. Isn't that how Chicago is run?

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

H1N1 drive-by shooting

Those crazy Americans. I saw on the news last night that they can get their flu shots without getting out of their cars.

Roll down your window, roll up your sleeve and the nurse comes to your car. Only in the USA.

Why do Americans even have homes? They can live in their cars, and they want to!

And for that matter, why do Americans even have pants? Nobody ever sees them from the chest down.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Bonbons

Purchased my Hallowe'en candy. 50 twizzlers and nibs, and 24 little chocolate bars.

At two treats per imp, that is enough for 37 imps.

The real question, of course, is: Can I make it to Saturday night without opening a bag? Those twizzlers are already calling my name...

Swoon, thud

So Morrissey collapsed on stage. It's almost too easy, this one. So many song titles and lyrics to choose from.

Heaven knows he's miserable now.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Jeez, they're all alike

That darn cat.

I have been feeding the (originally) half-starved Black Cat for about two and a half weeks now. So this morning? It was the first time he refused to eat what I served him! The nerve.

Listen, Blackie, I said, I will have you know that this dollar store special costs me a whole 33 cents per can. You think I'm made of money?

If I wanted to see this as a positive development, I might think that maybe his stupid neglectful owners served him a proper breakfast this a.m., and so he had no need for a second breakfast. Perhaps that was the case, and he wasn't just being a typical, entitled arrogant c.a.t.

Maybe he was already full. I had noticed over the past week that he has filled out quite a bit. He's looking slightly...what's the word...Baldwinish.

My motto: Promoting feline obesity, one cat at a time.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Cold Soup

Aw, everyone from our t.v.-watching childhood is dying. Now it's Soupy Sales.

Problem with t.v. today? Nobody on it is named Soupy.

I guess this completes a very minor celebrity death threesome for the past week or so. There's was Capt. Lou Albano and the guy who wrote the theme song for The Addams Family.

Speaking of which, all the obits talked about the snap, snap of the Addams Family theme, but he also wrote the Green Acres theme. Which was pretty awesome. That didn't get enough reporting. Of course, the Green Acres theme is really only at its best when performed by Mr. Anonymous, complete with theatrical gestures. You are my wife! Good-bye city life!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

A New Star in Kitty Heaven

Let us take a moment today to bid farewell to OC Kitty. The Anonymi's elder stateswoman has passed on to feline paradise.

She was 19. She was always a good old girl. So long, OC.

(pause)

So, guys, there's a cute little black cat that is still driving me nuts, and really wants to be adopted...ahem...he has a home, but he needs a better one. He's really cute. Really.

Confession: He looked half-starved a couple of weeks ago, so I broke down and started feeding him. I know. I know. I'm stuck with him now. My cats hate him with a passion. But he's so cute.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Monday Blahs

I hate this time of year.

It's cold*, dull and there's nothing happening. My greatest challenge in the past few days has been avoiding hearing about the balloon boy and his stupid balloon parents.

On the positive side, I turned on the t.v. last night and there was a football game on from New England, and man, it was snowing like crazy. Thank the lord for the cold front that kept that evil precip away.

In other fun news, yesterday afternoon I mowed the front lawn, and while doing so, I kept the mower facing south the whole time (as opposed to turning in 2 directions) so all my dead leaves ended up in my neighbour's driveway. It was very satisfying. This being said:

There's gotta be more to life than this!

*Yes, it is sunny today, and that's a good thing. But it won't last.

Friday, October 16, 2009

Gulp!

I fear I am turning into JAW Fan.

This week in the Romantic Male Box, I got a couple messages from a man whose profile said he had recently gotten his life together and had a lost a lot of weight. I looked at his pictures, and he was pretty chunky.

Later in the week, he posted a new photo of himself. He has certainly lost a lot of weight. He’s very tall and looks like a string bean now. And I thought: blech. He looked way better when he was fat.

The Alec Baldwin thing, and now this. Yikes.

Tee Vee

All I can say about the 30 Rock premiere last night is: Steve Buscemi is great. He made me laugh out loud with the chameleon (sp?) bit.

On The Office, Kevin is becoming my favourite character. Last week it was the wig and Kleenex box shoes, this week is was his cluelessness with the credit card company.

Also from 30 Rock, I want to adopt the phrase "Massaging the truth".

Note to JAW Fan and Ms Mushrooms: I'm falling into the Alec Baldwin swoon camp.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Decisions, Decisions

Have not yet decided what to give out at Halloween.

I saw in my Publi-Sac that most stores have stuff on sale not too expensive this week. I think it is either Zellers or Pharmaprix that has a big bag of various red licorices. This might be a good option because I could resist it, i.e., that is to say, I could buy it this weekend and not eat all 100 pieces by Oct. 31. Not being that big on licorices myself. This goody bag includes Twizzlers and Nibs. Hmmm.

An aside: when I was in Vancouver, there was a really good candy store close to the hotel. I went in and asked the clerk if they carried Grape Nibs. He had never heard of such a thing. Sorry, guys, I tried!

I ended up buying Cadbury bars imported from England. Not at all like the crappy domestic Cadbury bars. (Did I talk about this before? Probably.) Anyway, real Cadbury bars imported from the UK are fantastically delicious. Shoulda bought more than two.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Work Question

Let's say you work in a bureau with about six or seven departments in it. And you have a new Head of that bureau.

How long should it be before the new Bureau Head either has a general staff meeting to introduce himself, or goes dept to dept to introduce himself? A week? Two weeks?

We are now at two-and-a-half months and we still have not met the new boss.

My supervisor (Mrs. Defend and Make Execuses for the Superior No Matter What) tells us the new guy is very, very busy.

We, the underlings, are beginning to suspect that the guy is just a douche.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

The New Me

I didn't have any junk or over-eating today. I am so great!

And I spent 45 minutes in the gym. Doing actual exercise.

How long will my self-loathing propel me along? A day? 2 days? A week?

Monday, October 12, 2009

It's over

The over-eating is over.

I'm done. I've got to stop. I had the worst food hangover of my life this morning. It was not caused by the turkey, mashed potatoes, mashed turnips, stuffing, yams, gravy, cranberries, asparagus and wine. No. It was caused by the dessert pig-a-thon of pears and brie.

Pears and brie is one of the greatest taste sensations in the world. Tasty pears, fresh creamy brie. I ate, and ate, and ate. I could not stop myself. Then my sis brought some gouda. I ate a bit of that.

Never again. I barely slept all night. And this morning I was BBB. Bloated beyond belief.

I may have to join CA. Cheese-oholics Anonymous.

Friday, October 09, 2009

Happy Turkey Weekend

I'm off to TO in the morning.

Time for the pig-out of turkey, stuffing and pumpkin pie. Yum.

I'm in love

I discovered a deadly, divine new snack yesterday. It was on special at Jean Coutu. How appropriate that this is the same pharmacy where I pick up my cholesterol drug prescriptions.

The Lindt White Chocolate Bar. With 32% almonds. Not one-third almonds. Thirty two per cent almonds.

I normally don't go for white chocolate, but these Lindt people, they know how to make it good.

It is heavenly. And I am certain that, because of the 32% almonds, it is verrrry healthy, too.

Har.

O, Lindt White Chocolate with 32% almonds. I wish we had never met, my love. You are too good. Too tasty. I am helpless to resist.

Barry Nobel

I am completely shocked that Obama has won the Nobel Peace Prize. I'm an Obama fan overall, but, as Clara Peller might ask: Where's the Peace? Don't you usually give this prize to someone after they accomplish something, not in anticipation of it? Wev!

Seems it is being awarded mainly for BO's work towards nuclear disarmament. Ahmadinejad must be steaming 'bout this. And little Medvedev must being saying "Hey guys, I'm pro disarming too, sort of."

The right wing will go ape-shit all over Amurica today. Another reason to hate the Euros. Barry is so in bed with those socialists.

Frankly, from the Euro point-of-view, this is just the "Thank God You Aren't Bush" Prize.

Thursday, October 08, 2009

I hate peaceful music

There's an Egyptian lady who sits down the hall from me. There are no other staff between us, the only in-between office is empty.

She likes to play Zamfir-type pan flute music through her computer. Most days she keeps it quite low and I can't hear it.

But all day yesterday it was just a bit too loud, and I could hear this weee-weee-weeee just enough to annoy the heck out of me.

This morning, I just sat down, and the music was at the same volume. So I had to go and ask her to turn it down just a bit. She was very apologetic, and I think I was pretty nice about it.

But it feels like it is already registered in my brain, and between the sound of the heating and the sound of the PC, I swear I can still hear an echo of the weeee-weee-weeee.

Pan flute music makes me want to kill somebody.

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

Swing, batter, batter

As the League Championships and the World Series are on the horizon (it is October, after all) how about a little baseball news.

I read this in Sunday's paper and I'm still recovering.

"A new book by a former employee of Alcor, the company that froze Ted Williams' remains, alleges the Baseball Hall of Famer's body was mistreated by the company.

Larry Johnson says in the book "Frozen: My Journey Into the World of Cryonics, Deception and Death" that he watched an Alcor official swing a monkey wrench at Williams' frozen severed head to try to remove a tuna can stuck to it. The first swing accidentally struck the head, Johnson contends, and the second knocked the tuna can loose."

I love tuna, but I'm not sure I can ever eat it again. This kinda puts me off the Red Sox, too.

Sunday, October 04, 2009

One Glorious Year

Kumar and I celebrated our anniversary this weekend. If by "celebrated"..."our"..."anniversary", you mean, we acknowledged that we met about one year ago this week, have continued seeing each other, albeit sometimes very infrequently, and haven't killed each other yet.

What a milestone.

And I said (many, many, many times) it wouldn't last.

Friday, October 02, 2009

Dave is a bad boy

This Letterman story is big news today. While I hate scummy cheatin' menfolk as much as the next gal does, I have to admit that if you're gonna cheat, you hafta be a man about it when you get caught.

Politicians could learn a lot from Dave. He really took the non-wimpy road on this. I'm not excusing his philandering for a minute, but this is so much more mature than "I did not have sex with that woman" or any of the stupidities of John Edwards or the goofball gov of South Carolina.

Extortion is such a weaselly crime. I think all extortionists probably look and sound like Peter Lorre. Geeeme me money or I weeel tellll.

Go ahead. And now the extortionist is in jail. This does not happen often enough.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Pabst Blue Ribbon!!!

I just read a news story about Dennis Hopper being rushed to hospital.

My fave line: Witnesses said he was wearing an oxygen mask.

Er, excuse me. This is Dennis Hopper. Why do they assume he was even in distress?

Monday, September 28, 2009

Tody tody kiru

It's been a while since I mentioned how much I love the Japanese, and more specifically Japanese Toilet Culture.

I'm too backward to know how to embed a YouTube clip, so I'll just provide the link. Watch it a few times and then try to get the tune out of your head.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zfyCnfZG0FI

An old drunk

Reading a story about a 51-year-old woman who got hit by a car in NDG this week. It was 3:30 in the morning, and she was drunk. The driver didn’t see her.

The comments on this story are amazing. Just how old do people think 51 is? And at what age is it appropriate to stop drinking to excess? Many of my friends are 51 and older, and trust me, they have been drunk way earlier than 3:30 in the morning.

Would people be more or less judgemental if it had been 10:00 at night? I suppose if it was 3:30 in the afternoon, the comments would be even more judgemental. But, gosh, people get drunk at brunch all the time!

Among my fave comments:
“Hope the old lady is ok.”
“I still hope the woman (whom I will not call a lady) recovers”.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

It's decluttering day

More specifically, it is the day to do the summer-to-winter wardrobe closet switcheroo.

My god.

I own a staggering number of clothes. Staggering is the only word I can think of. How did this happen? I blame my niece and all the hand-me-up's she has unloaded on me.

The existential angst question now is: How come I own more clothes than I ever imagined possible and yet I always feel like one of the most poorly dressed people I know? How is this possible?

Does anyone (or everyone?) else feel like they have tons of nice, clean, contemporary, decent clothes and still feel like a total sloberino?

Also, how come if a person owns, let's just say: 15 sweaters, they always wear the same 3 or 4? What is up with that? Is this some Darwinian-from-the-caveman wiring in our brains? "I've only got one pelt so I'm gonna wear til I'm eaten by the saber-tooth tiger. I can't wear that new pelt, it's too nice. I don't want to stretch it."

No Mo'

No Moammar for Newfoundland.

I'm crushed.

I have tent rental space available. Contact this blog for details. Cheap.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Grapes aplenty

Far be it from me to brag about how avant-gardiste, on-the-cusp, and uber-trendy I am, but this week both the Times of London and the Toronto Star had articles on how jam-making is the hot trend in kitchens this year.

Ahem. Old news, says I.

For the first time in 10 years, my backyard vine had an abundance of grapes. So I decided I could not, being Miss Recession Survivalist 2009, let them go to waste.

Two weeks ago, I took to jelly making. In order, here are pics of
1. the bounty on the vine,
2. the grapes as they were ready for squeezing, and
3. the final product: one jar frozen, one jar ready for eatin'.
As a first try, I was pretty pleased.

So, Times of London and Toronto Star? If you want to outdo me on trendiness, you got a long way to go, honeys.







Friday, September 25, 2009

Can't wait til Tuesday

In another life, I want to come back as a jump-suited bodyguard to an African dictator. But I digress.

On Tuesday, big Mo' Gadafi will be in Canada; Newfoundland, to be precise. I am looking forward to the news that night. He'll be the biggest thing to hit the Newfs since...um...er...

He needs a place to pitch his Bedouin tent. Does he really want to stay in a tent? Does he know how cold it gets at night in Newfoundland by late September? Perhaps we can give him a seal pelt to keep him warm.

If Newfoundland won't have him, I hereby extend my offer to let Mo pitch his tent in my backyard. He'll have to deal with a pesky black cat, and endless nattering in Polish from over the fence, but other than that, it should be pretty comfy.

I await word from his Social Secretary.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Oldster Celeb Birthday

Bruce is 60 today.

Geezer.

Time to retire.

At least he isn't dead, or wandering on people's lawns.

Monday, September 21, 2009

The last day of summer

What a drag it is getting old.

I have had a cold for 10 days now, and I'm still coughing and sniffling. I HATE THIS. Plus, I chipped a molar on Friday and the dentist can only see me tomorrow. I can't eat properly without pain. Bleh!!

And summer is over, which depresses me Big Time. But Ramadan is almost over, which is a good thing.

I found a pair of shoes I want to get rid off. That's 3 whole items in my big rama-dama clean-up. I will drop them in the good will bin tonight in celebration of Eid. What fun.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Saturday is market day

I am still in Survivalist Mode. Which means I am going to the local seasonal market each Saturday and buying veggies and freezing them, better to await the impending Apocalypse. I never shoulda read The Road.

This does, however, mean I have to keep my fridge and freezer in order. A bonus in my cluttered life.

An aside, Ramadan is almost over. Remember my Ramadan goal of decluttering? Want to know how successful I've been? Well. Um. I did manage to drop off two pairs of jeans at the good will bin. Yeah, pretty lame. Maybe I'll do A LOT of decluttering this weekend. (Slaps knee, good one, good one.)

Anyway, this morning at the market I purchased purple beans. I had never to my recollection even seen purple beans before. I googled them and they are called Royal Burgundy. Of course, in my mind they immediately became Ron Burgundy beans. I wanted to photograph them but somebody needed the space.

"Le Grand Orange with Ron Burgundy Beans". Eat your heart out, Cezanne.

Then another country was heard from, wanting to be photographed. This is the first indoor pic I get of Miss H. where she doesn't have light bulb eyes.


"Hello, inferior humans"

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Celeb Deaths Continue

The NY Times has a headline today: The Summer of Celebrity Deaths.

Odd, but true. I guess.

I see that Mary Travers of Peter, Paul & Mary has died. And Henry Gibson died too. That's two for today. Where's our third?

I suppose this is the start of the long trend. All the people who were stars, big and small, in the 1960s when we were kids, are in their 70's now. So they will be kicking off like gangbusters.

And yet, and yet, Keith Richards and Shane MacGowan live on...

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Freebies

Yay. Anybody who knows me knows I love two things: 1) anything free and 2) snacky treats.

So it was a thrill to get not one but 2 snacky treat samples in the mail today: one chocolate crunchy granola bar and one dark chocolate sweet & salty bar. Aren't you glad the food industry developed the sweet & salty concept? I sure am.

My only regret is that I did not check the mail earlier. If I had, I could've dashed over to the CPNs and stolen their free snacky treats before they got home from work. Then I would've had 4, and they would've had 0.

That would've been sweet.

A little story


Our last day in Maine was September 11. The flag at the hotel was at half-mast. My brother-in-law went down to the front office early (7-ish) to pick up a coffee, and the t.v. was showing some kind of September eleveny thing.

There was another guy there, having a coffee, watching the t.v. He told my b-i-l how they should've just taken out the Taliban leadership and not gone into a full war in Afghanistan. Seemed reasonable enough.

Then he said: I hate having a black President.

My b-i-l came back upstairs and was rattled. Who says something like that to a total stranger? It was time to come home. Watching all the craziness of the past summer and the "You lie" business of the past few weeks, you gotta wonder if the US is going to implode. What's the percentage of people who just can't accept a black President? And is this group mobilized enough to turn the country upside down? I dunno.

On a positive note, in 5 days we saw only one bumpersticker that said: Palin 2012.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

In TV news

Three things.

1. Yesterday, when I was lounging sick at home watching tennis (by the way, great job JM Del Potro the giant-sized man-child) I flipped over to watch a bit of the premiere of Dr. Oz's new show. I don't mind Dr. Oz. Really. I think he is okay. But his show? Well, it's all about ratings, I guess. This is why the first 15 minutes were all about S E X and were far too graphic for moi. Call me an old prude ("you're an old prude") but this was way over the line for daytime t.v. I kept thinking of all the people who were not watching this in the privacy of their own home, but who for whatever reason were stuck with the show on in a public place, like a gym, or an airport, or a nursing home (tv's are always on there). I would've been mucho uncomfortable if I was stuck on an elliptical trainer while Dr. Oz discussed private dangly bits. It was too much.

2. I've seen the first three episodes of Mad Men. I'm downloading (resentfully). Oh, Peggy, you are going to get in such trouble. Of course, Peggy has already been in "trouble" and survived, so maybe she will be okay. Peggy would've needed some assistance from Dr. Oz back in Season One. She should've avoided Pete's dangly bits altogether. I hate Pete. Still hate him in Season 3.

3. The Jay Leno Show. Why?

Monday, September 14, 2009

Minor (?) Celebrity Death News

Jim Carroll died. Died.

He was not my friend. And he died.

Honestly, I thought he was already dead. Dead. What do I know?

Not quite back to work

I'm sick. I have a head cold. My throat is raw. This started on Saturday. I'm about to call my boss to tell her I won't be in today. This is rather embarrassing. I got up, got dressed and was all ready to give it a try, but then I started coughing and breaking out in a cold sweat, and I realized it was stupid to drag myself to work just because I'm getting back from vacation.

It does look bad, though, doesn't it?

I'm going back to bed in a minute. Bleh.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Back to work tomorrow (weeps, weeps)

I like Maine. I would go back. Especially in September. It was quiet, even on the beach. The Atlantic, however, is pretty darn cold. But that's okay. I went in it anyway....once. Once was enough.



Sunday, September 06, 2009

To The East Coast! (and maybe the Green Monster)

I'm off to Maine in the morning. Weather forecast is decent, i.e. sunny for the entire week. On Wednesday we are going down to Boston. And with a bit of luck I will finally live my long-time dream of seeing the Red Sox at Fenway. I'm crossing my fingers. And if the rotation gods are on my side, and Josh Beckett is pitching, well, then I can just die happy.


I'll leave you with a couple of vacation pics from BC. My friend the sea otter doin' the backstroke at the Vancouver aquarium. and some lovely scenery from Butchart Gardens in Victoria.






Saturday, September 05, 2009

Summer's almost over? How did that happen?


Miss H. sez Happy Lazy Labour Day!
This is how she chases butterflies. Come here you butterfly and let me take a swipe at you.
(This technique generally doesn't work.)


Friday, September 04, 2009

I'm back

How!

Here I am in Stanley Park at the famous totems. Great weather. No rain. Lots of walking, lots of site-seeing.

I'm ready to retire on the West Coast.

Note to self: Invest in lottery tickets.

Friday, August 28, 2009

Vacation: Pacific salmon vs Atlantic salmon

I had a change of vacation plans about a month ago, and I am not off to Rome this year.

On Sunday, I am heading to Vancouver with my niece for a few days. It should be fun. As long as the weather is good, and the forest fires are far away.

The following week I am heading to Maine with my sister. It should also be fun. As long as the weather is good, and the hurricanes are far away.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Celeb (?) Death News

The writer Dominick Dunne died today.

Call him "Farrah".

Wham bam Ram a dan

Well, kids, here it is Ramadan again!

This is a time for fasting and abstinence, i.e., that is to say, there is to be no moon-June-spooning with Kumar during this holy month. I say to that: Hiss! Thumbs down. I know that the Koran says it is okay to moon-June-spoon after sundown, but that is on the assumption that you will be m-J-s-ing with your lawfully wedded spouse; not with some infidel hussy. So this infidel hussy is out of the picture until late Sept. Boo!

It might not be a bad thing overall because Kumar is a tad of an impatient guy, and just imagining what he must be like when he hasn’t eaten all day…well. All I can say is: Stay home and enjoy the fast, Oscar the Grouch.

It never occurred to me that at some point in my life, I would be affected by Ramadan. But in an effort to make lemonade with this lemon known as more free time, Ramadan shall become synonymous with (guess what?) decluttering!!.

Yes! I have decided that for me this will be the holy month of decluttering. There is a new show on A&E on Monday nights called Hoarders. It’s like they know what I want to watch. The real-life people on this show have hoarding compulsions, and they need professional help. I can’t turn it off. It’s like watching my dark future. Except I can still see all my floors; they are not covered with clothes and garbage. Really. It is unbelievable the level of filth and crap people can live in. Heck, I can even see a few inches of my coffee table. I’m not like them. Yet. And after Ramadan, maybe I’ll see more of my table surfaces? Maybe I’ll see that chair in my bedroom that has been covered with clothes for 6 months? It’s possible.

My fellow citizens

With Ted Kennedy gone, does this make Mayor Quimby the sole surviving member of that generation of the family?

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Shoo, go away

The black cat wants to live with us. She's driving me crazy. Go away, cutie. She needs a name. An annoying neighbour name: Bentley? Norton? What was Bill Daily's name on the old Bob Newhart show? Howard? Ok, she's Howard.


Monday, August 24, 2009

The new "Get out of jail free" card?

Rumour is that Bernie (The Earl Jones of the USA) Madoff has cancer.

Well, it worked for the Lockerbie guy. Might as well give it a whirl, Bern.

Maybe Davey Hilton can say he has cancer too, since it looks like he's going back in the can. Ah, the Hiltons! I remember years and years ago, I worked with a woman who knew them as children and she would always say what nice boys they were. Didn't matter what they were on trial for (public drunkedness, depanneur hold-ups, jailhouse sodomy) they were still such nice boys. The good ole days.

(Aside to BJB: Never wrote that book "Punch Drunk" did you? Just as well. You would have to publish a new, updated edition every 6 months.)

In Chip News

I bought some new Doritos Collisions this weekend. They are a combo of guacamole and Habanero.

Habanero is, apparently, Spanish for effing hot.

The guacamole ones were very refreshing and tasty, and necessary, given the lip-smackin’ and burnin’ effect of the Habaneros. A guacamole was needed after each Habanero to cut the burn. Guacamole, habanero, guacamole, habanero...next thing you know the whole bag is gone.


I don’t know if I like these as much as the original Collisions. I will need to try a second bag in order to make an informed decision. Don't want to be too hasty.