Friday, November 30, 2007
Canada has had a number of warmer-than-normal winters in recent years, but this December through February is forecast to be one of the harshest in recent memory. (Globe & Mail)
But today I found it! I never have any Abominable Snowman news.
Thankfully, this has now been rectified.
"KATHMANDU (Reuters) - A U.S.-based television channel investigating the existence of the legendary Yeti in Nepal has found footprints similar to those said to be that of the abominable snowman, the company said on Friday."
My goal is have more regular reporting on the Yeti, Bigfoot and all their furry cousins. (In a dry spell, I'll even go for Loch Ness Monster news.)
Thursday, November 29, 2007
The Washington Post reports today that W. is currently reading A Confederacy of Dunces.
This means I have to take one of my favourite books of all time and toss it on a bonfire in the back yard. But only if he's enjoying it. Maybe he won't get the jokes and will toss it out.
What am I thinking? The story is a lie. Bush doesn't read books!
Oh, you naughty WaPo, you really had me going there for a minute!
Mrs Gibbons had been accused on three counts of insulting religion, inciting hatred and showing contempt for religious beliefs. She will be deported after serving her sentence in Sudan's capital Khartoum. (BBC)
None of this would've happened if she had named the bear C***s***er.
I think the court should be convicted of insulting intelligence, inciting hatred and showing contempt for anyone with a brain.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
But 12 days on, he’s still hanging in there. Still in intensive care, but not, you know…dead.
Being grim is really exhausting, so now I have to be light-hearted and positive about the whole ordeal. Tra la la. Tra la la. Everything will be fine. (I don’t believe this for a second! Who am I kidding?)
I got my Visa bill yesterday, and with the exchange rate, it came to CAN $127. whee.
After decades of seeing ridiculous exchange rates on credit cards, that one dollar reduction was such a thrill.
The British school teacher arrested in Sudan has been charged today with blasphemy, insulting Islam and inciting hatred after her pupils named a teddy bear Muhammad. Gillian Gibbons, 54, now faces 40 lashes, a six month prison sentence or a fine if convicted of the crime. (Times of London)
Let’s hope she gets off with a fine then leaves the country and never goes back to that hellhole again. I’ve had it with stories like this.
Annapolis Middle East conference. Annapolis is a sexy town, what with all those Navy men wearing dress whites. But what a joke. I’ve always known Bush is a lazy-assed c***s****er, but this is embarrassing. A one-day conference that results in a promise to have “benchmarks” by the end of 2008? That’s the accomplishment? I hope the participants at least got a nice supper and maybe a few decent buffet snacks ‘cause that’s all they got. What is one step below phoning it in? Bush is the pits.
Strikes in France. I don’t care about real French news. I have to confess I only read stories about Sarkozy’s love life. Now those are interesting. If he’s really dragging more than one official babe to all his meetings, it proves that for a lot of women power is everything. I am reminded of the immortal words of Buck Strickland of Strickland Propane: “..I’ve got a pretty little mistress. I’m living like a Frenchman.”
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
That's it. All my troubles will seem so much cuter if I start calling them collywobbles.
Me: Dr. Fried, will this surgery cure my collywobbles?
Dr F: Why yes, little girl, it will. ho ho ho.
(Suddenly my surgeon has turned into Dr. Hibbert on the Simpsons. Don't know how that happened.)
Monday, November 26, 2007
The engine runs perfectly, but the body is full of unsightly rust. About once per month, I find a business card tucked under the windshield wiper that says “We collect scrap metal”. It’s not always from the same company; apparently more than one scrap metal dealer covets my vehicle. I try not to feel hurt by these billet doux.
Now I have another problem. There’s a short in one of the windows and it does not stay closed. This has been going on a couple of months now, but is only becoming serious now because, hey, winter is here. You wanna drive around in this climate with a back window that is wide open? It’s not fun. I always thought automatic windows were such a cool advantage over old-fashioned cranking ones, but now I'm not so sure.
But do I want to pay a fortune to fix an electrical problem on a ’93 car? No, I do not.
So yesterday I had to go all white trash, and duct-taped a sheet of plastic across the gaping hole. Fortunately, as I went off to beautiful Lasalle to do groceries at my fave IGA, the window unstuck, righted itself and I was able to get the window to go back up and stay up. Huzzah. Now, of course, I’m afraid to drive the car out again in case the dang window falls again. It’s going to be an exciting winter.
I’m leaving the plastic up. Maybe I’ll get a Confederate Flag sticker for my back bumper. Yee-haw.
Saturday, November 24, 2007
If I was a Coors exec and I was watching a pitch from my ad man (for whose services I’d assume I’m paying a lot of money) and he said: Coldness. We’ll sell the idea of the beer being very cold, I would say: You, sir, are an idiot. Then I’d hit him with something.
The team may have crashed and burned, the distraught supporters will not be buying plane tickets to Austria or Switzerland, but one Englishman may be on his way to Euro 2008.
Tony Henry, the opera singer tasked with singing the national anthems before England’s game with Croatia earlier this week, has become an unlikely hero of the Croatian game after appearing to make a somewhat risque slip of the tongue while belting out the nation’s tune.
The singer, from St Albans, Hertfordshire, should have sung “Mila kuda si planina”, which translates roughly as “You know my dear how we love your mountains”. Instead, he appears to have sung “Mila kura si planina”, which, although moderately nonsensical, can be interpreted as “My dear, my penis is a mountain”.
In actual football news, am I correct in believing that neither England nor Scotland qualified for Euro 2008? There must be tremendous teeth-gnashing going on in the Mushrooms household.
Friday, November 23, 2007
"SEOUL, South Korea (AP) -- The World Toilet Association kicked off its inaugural conference Thursday, hoping to spark a sanitation revolution that will save lives through better hygiene and break taboos about what happens behind closed bathroom doors.
To the celebratory rhythms of a percussionist beating on toilets, dozens of government delegates and U.N. representatives began two days of discussions on improving bathroom facilities for the 2.6 billion people worldwide who lack access to proper restrooms.
The South Korean government has given strong backing to the World Toilet Association, which has been spearheaded by the country's "Mr. Toilet" -- parliament member Sim Jae-duck. He earned his nickname for improving public restrooms for the 2002 World Cup as mayor of Suwon city."
I can’t decide what’s the best part of this story: the percussionist beating on toilets, or the guy nicknamed Mr. Toilet. Can I be Miss Toilet?
What is it with Koreans and toilets?
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
The question on everyone's lips: Will King Juan Carlos of Spain step up and tell Hugo to shut his pie hole?
Is there any reason NOT to eat it?
This weather is very depressing. Stupid cold country.
Monday, November 19, 2007
Think back to last Spring and my infatuation with the grumpy, silent Scotsman with the great wing tip shoes. Things have progressed painfully slowly over the past months, and we are now on fairly regular speaking terms.
So what does he go and do?
Nearly die. What nerve!
He had emergency brain surgery over the weekend and is expected to recover. But man, doesn't he know the rule? My crush cannot die, he's not even allowed to come close. I'm already neurotic! Give me a break!
Imagine how Charlie Brown would've felt if the little red-headed girl had suddenly keeled over and died. His life would've been even more pathetic.
I don't want to be the Charlie Browniest! Is this gallows humour? Can humour get any blacker than this? I don't know. It's too surreal.
She may just be making the most of a perfect wig and the right sunglasses, but it's still eerie.
Sunday, November 18, 2007
And I saw Michael Clayton, which wasn't as good as I was expecting. It won't ruin anything if I say that at the beginning of the film George Clooney escapes a car bomb, and then at the end there is a long sequence where we see the build-up to the car bombing, but I thought where's the suspense when we already know he's not going to die. I didn't see why this had to be revealed in the opening scenes. Odd.
One thing this movie tells us is that upstanding, honourable working class folk drive old Altimas. I could not agree more.
Happy to report that our cohort, George, is looking good for his 46 years. He looks his age. And still great. As do we all, right? Right?
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Friday, November 16, 2007
Joe Apple and Mary Pie have a son: Johnny Apple-Pie. Their friends Jack Banana and Brenda Split have a little girl Boopsie Banana-Split. When Johnny and Boopsie grow up and get married, will their kid be named Miles Apple-Pie-Banana-Split. And will his daughter on her wedding day become Angelina Applie-Pie-Banana-Split-Carrot-Cake-Spanish-Inquisition?
I mean, how does this work? When does it end, and who decides which of the names get ditched for brevity’s sake? I’ve never understood it.
Warning: Do not read if you are eating breakfast, lunch, supper or bedtime snack, depending on where you are on the planet!
JAW told me about this yesterday, and last night it was on the National news. I'm still grossing out.
"A controversial new treatment, which involves the transplantation of human waste, can treat cases of C. difficile infection. But only a handful of physicians in Canada undertake the messy procedure.
Studies that have been published show that more than 90 per cent of patients are cured through fecal transplants — most of them after just one treatment.
The procedure involves getting a close relative of the patient, such as a sibling, to donate several days-worth of stool. Louie tests the stool for diseases such as hepatitis and HIV and then mixes it with saline to create liquid feces. He then administers the stool to the patient through an enema." (CBC)
In the words of MAD Magazine: BLECH!!!!!
I love my sister but....BLECH!!!
Thursday, November 15, 2007
"The Long Island lilt. The arrogance. The temper. The paunch. The propensity to play louts. "
This should be an easy one for the readership of this blog to guess, as he has a couple of rabid fans here.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Thank god it's not before the holidays. When I saw my hernia on the x-ray I said: It's huge! and all the doctors (4 of them!) said: yes it is. They said it isn't urgent, but it's also not something that can wait a year. So early in the new year it will be. I must wait for the secretary's call.
They said the reason I often feel uncomfortable after I eat is that my stomach isn't in the right place. That's simple enough. I know I should've had a hundred questions but I went totally blank. So I'll write my questions as they come to mind because I'll have another appointment with the surgeon before the big day. I should have my wits about me then.
Operation is supposed to take 2 hours. The surgery should be done laparoscopically (spelling? I have no idea). If done this way, it's an overnight stay in hospital and 2 weeks recovery. If they open me up and find they can't do it laparoscopically, then its 5 days in hospital and 6 weeks recovery. I can see why the first option is more appealing, even if its only 2 measly weeks off from work. I'm already planning on asking my boss to let me work from home for the 3rd week. I'm sure she'll say yes.
I have only two questions for him:
1. How likely is it that I'll die in surgery?
2. Assuming I live, how much time off work can I get?
This pretty well covers my whole range of existential questions: life, death, and lazing around the house.
If I'm home for a few weeks, I'll definitely need a new Sony t.v.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
I saw the trailer yesterday. If I hadn't known it was an PT Anderson movie, I would not have guessed. It doesn't look like one of his. What it does look like is DDL giving it all he's got. And that's a lot. Looks fantastic. Can't wait to see it.
A Conservative’s a Conservative, says I, and a former PM with envelopes of dirty cash makes everybody look bad. Let’s tar Steve with Brian’s brush. Wheee. Good old Mulroney, he can always be depended upon to make a mess and then be all indignant about it.
And I love that Steve told his Cabinet to have no contact with the old PM. Run away! Run away! I picture Steve in the corridors of Parliament being chased by Mulroney, while holding his hands to his ears and shouting: La la la, I can’t heeear you.
But, but cries Steve, I didn’t see any incriminating letter. Let’s all yell it together: Cover up, Cover up! Even devil-man Allen Gregg can’t believe that Steve didn’t know about the letter. Cover up, cover up.
When the plane landed, everyone huddled near the runway was jumping around and applauding. Am I missing something, or is it just plain weird to cheer for a big jet airliner?
Monday, November 12, 2007
Garrett Dillahunt is in this movie, and he's also in Assassination of Jesse James. And I didn't recognize him in either movie. Deadwood fans will remember him as the disgusting and evil Francis Wolcott. How I hated that character. Anyway, it appears he's becoming a movie star. He has a good goofy funny supporting role in No Country, the kind of small part that is often memorable in a Coen Bros movie. A lot of the character actors in tiny parts are really, really good in this.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Saturday, November 10, 2007
But. There's always a but.
Many years ago, I saw the Chinese equivalent of this movie. It was a Hong Kong western, a masterpiece called Ashes of Time. I loved that movie so much. But as I sat there loving every frame, JAW Fan sat next to me contemplating slashing his wrists because he hated it so much.
More recently, there was a Korean movie called A Bloody Aria that others liked. Meanwhile I spent the last hour of it seeking a rope which I could use to hang myself. I hated it that much.
All this to say there are movies I adore that I cannot in good faith recommend to others because I don't want to feel responsible if they hate it and feel that they have wasted 2 hours and 40 minutes of their lives. And this is one of those movies.
Let me reiterate that I love this movie. It's long, it's incredibly slow moving, but it got me in its grip and I was enthralled. So go see it, or don't. It was filmed in Alberta (and Manitoba) and it is gorgeous to look at. And the music is great. And the colours are great. And the acting is great. It's cinematic in a way most movies aren't. Brad Pitt is awesome and I'm not really much of a fan. But don't go because I told you to.
(For Ms Mushrooms, I see that many critics have called it Malick-like. That's all YOU need to know.)
Friday, November 09, 2007
Mr. Anonymous graciously led me around Futureshop at lunch-time and I saw a lot of teevees. A lot of nice teevees.
We fell upon a Sony Bravia 40 inch (I think) that was showing Casino Royale, and we were both smitten. It was love at first sight. We ooohed, we aahhed. We could barely tear ourselves away. We were ready to buy popcorn and spend the afternoon. Man, what a beautiful picture.
40 is too big, but a 26 might be just right.
He claims he wasn't drunk. Isn't that what they all say?
Unlike with most celebrity mug shots, Mickey actually looks better in his shot than he normally does. That's a bit of a sad statement, I suppose. He looks happy anyway...probably because he was drunk.
If anyone chooses to leave a comment re this post, please remember that this site is a "no-bashing Mickey Rourke zone". Thank you.
Thursday, November 08, 2007
How tacky. One should never use parish letterhead for stalking purposes. Even I know that! sniff
I dunno what is at the heart of this matter, but I suspect it has something to do with Conan's unearthly coif.
At least this guy wasn't stalking Max Weinberg.
I read something this week about a DVD player that also converts VHS tapes into digital format. I think I need one of those because I'd love to get rid of all my tapes.
No need to suggest I buy a 50" t.v. That ain't gonna happen. Nor will I buy one that has to be hung on the wall.
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
Why didn't I buy gold all those years that it was $600-something an ounce? It's $845 today. I'd be rich I tells ya. Silver used to always be around $5 or $6 an ounce, now it's something like $16. Cra-zee.
And yet I remain poor.
As soon as the Chinese talk about moving dollars, no matter how few, currency traders around the world get the vapours. The Chinese have decided to dump some of their US dollars and buy Euros instead. As should we all, I think. Who am I to argue with the Chinese?
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
A man is seen as strong and unemotional, so crying hints at depth. A woman politician has to portray herself as tough to succeed. So when a woman cries it reinforces stereotypes and tells us that her toughness was just a front and she has revealed herself to be weak underneath. “This is why Bill Clinton can cry more than Hillary can.” (Times of London)
Nice, eh? So go ahead, guys, cry your eyes out, but ladies, keep it for the shower.
Okay, confession time, I have to be honest here. When the Red Sox won the World Series, and big hunky Jason Varitek was interviewed and had tears in his eyes, I got all mushy. So, yeah, I’m guilty. Crying men are very appealing. I hate myself for saying it.
2. Liberty Valance: “That’s my steak”.
1. In The Quiet Man, when Barry Fitzgerald sees the broken honeymoon bed and says “Impetuous! Homeric!”
I never stop watching The Quiet Man at that point, I have to keep watching.
Monday, November 05, 2007
How’d they get the head in the bed?
Maybe this is explained in the book, but in the movie it don’t make no sense. Did they drug the guy? I’m thinking if I was sleeping and a couple of Mafiosi came into my bedroom lugging a bloody horse’s head, they might make enough noise to wake me up.
But maybe I’m a light sleeper.
Honestly, I watched it for the quarterbacks after reading an article about their different images and the type of advertising campagins they are each in. I don't actually care how much yardage they are passing for this season, or any other season for that matter.
Anyway, the proof that I am a nerd is that I find Peyton Manning far more attractive than Tom Brady. I suppose I should just go live on a desert island now, as I am sure this makes me an embarrassment to females everywhere.
My top three:
3. In Casablanca, the singing of La Marseillaise.
2. Terms of Endearment, the first date, when Jack Nicholson hisses at Shirley Maclaine that she needs a lot of drinks to “kill that bug that’s up your assss.”
1. In The Big Lebowski, when John Turturro licks the bowling ball.
I’ve been harping for ages about how Pakistan is the worst place in the world, and now we’re about to see it all unravel. Gotta hand it to Perv, though. Smart cookie. He knows he can do what he wants and no Western ally is going to dump him because all the alternatives are worse. He’s safe in joining the shirtless Putin in the Presidents-for-Life club.
Meanwhile, Osama sits in his condo in Quetta and laughs his ass off.
Friday, November 02, 2007
I showed this photo to a friend at work who said she wouldn't show it to her husband because then he would want to build one in the backyard swimming pool.
I'm not quite sure why this place is such a big tourist attraction, but who am I judge?
This photo is the altar in the pagoda. Very colourful, but it seems cluttered with too much stuff. Or maybe that is just me projecting my own poor house-keeping issues on the pagoda.
Participants at New Delhi's four-day gathering of experts, toilet aficionados, and even royalty from 44 countries are grappling with health and sanitation issues that endanger almost one-third of the world's people who don't have toilets. (MSNBC)
My only question: why is this being held in New Delhi, when obviously the centre of the innovative toilet universe is Narita Airport?
Thursday, November 01, 2007
There’s a big new cancer study that says if you want to avoid cancer and live a long healthy life, then you should stop enjoying life.
“Recommendations include avoiding processed meats such as ham, bacon, salami or any other meat preserved by smoking, curing or salting; only consuming small amounts of red meat; moderate consumption of alcohol; and avoiding junk food and sweet drinks.” (Times of London)
I’ll bet these medical wet blankets would classify Doritos as “junk food”, as opposed to the “food of happiness and spiritual fulfillment”, as they should be known.
Also unsurprising is that they recommend everyone be thin. Oh, that’s gonna happen. At my height, I should not weigh more than 128 lbs. Let me wipe away the tears of laughter.
Among the many interesting aspects of the cave was one in particular. It is called the Symbol of Fertility. Can you spot it? heh heh.