Tuesday, April 30, 2013

NaPoMo comes to a close

How quickly the month of April has flown.

I don't have any poem to end the month, unfortunately. But I do have some news.

Guess who is going to be a daddy?  FANCY FEAST!

I learned this yesterday, and it has taken me 24 hours to recover from the news. The baby is due in November, and I estimate that by December he/she will already be more mature than Dad.

Monday, April 29, 2013

Work News

All the excitement happens in my absence.  Last week while I was away, a serious offer was put forward by a country in the Middle East to move our offices over there.

Call me Ms. Knuckles because I may be starting to talk about a package in the next few months.

There has to be a vote, and if it passes, the move would occur in 2016 only. Fortunately for moi, I will be 55 and eligible for early retirement in 2016, albeit on a very reduced pension. But who gives a shit? I'm not moving to the desert! The cats would be uncomfortable!

The new host country would be one of those incredibly wealthy oil states and their offer is very tempting for the organization. (Translation: $$$$$$$$$$$$ for everybody at the top.) But for peons like me, no real advantages. And you have to live in the freakin' desert. It's 50 C for six months of the year. And I don't like A/C!

Sunday, April 28, 2013

Home again

I am back and I have brought the summer with me.
You're welcome.

Only 3 days left in NaPoMo.

Thursday, April 18, 2013

This is a long countdown

All packed and ready to go.
If I can get technology on my side
I shall blog from the sunny south.
If not, no.
Oh well.
Back next Friday...


Departure is tomorrow, but I am already
on vay cay

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Today's Poll

Justin Trudeau:

a) able politician; or
b) pretty boy lunkhead (with fabulous hair)?

Monday, April 15, 2013


Who attacks a marathon? Fat loser terrorists!!  "We're going to get you skinnies!"

(Let me take this opportunity to say I had nothing to do with it.)


The markets are crashing today because everyone who has gold (i.e. not me) decided to sell it.

Somebody explain the "market" to me again. Gold has for all of human history been great. Wonderful. Desirable. Humans love, want, hoard, etc. gold. But not today.

Today, gold is that thing that you accidentally put your hand in. "OOOH, yuck, icky, icky gold. Get it off, get it off."

Hell, I'll take your gold. Go ahead, make my hands dirty. I can handle it.

5 days to go

Counting down to my vacation.
Looking forward to Friday.
There will be sun.
There will be guns.
In the good ole USA.

Friday, April 12, 2013

Another Celeb Obit

Jonathan Winters died. He was 87.

All together now: He was still alive???

I loved watching him when I was a kid. I thought he was so funny.


The woman who designed the Doomsday Clock has died. She was 96.

There's a "time's up" joke in there somewhere.

I guess we should all be grateful that her clock outlived her.

Thursday, April 11, 2013

An Organization for your Organ

Group I did not know existed before yesterday: The Canadian Foreskin Awareness Project.

Thank you, Oprah. Without you, the CFAP would not be on every news site in Canada this week.  And the jokes are endless.  I could say the jokes just keep on coming, but that might be misinterpreted.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Spring has Sprung

This post will not rhyme.
The forecast is for 15 to 20 cm of snow on Friday.
This had better be one of those Weather Network scare tactics that never materializes.
I am depressed.
On the bright side, 9 days until departure for Florida!!

Tuesday, April 09, 2013

North and South

The situation on the Korean Peninsula is inching close to a thermonuclear war due to the evermore undisguised hostile actions of the United States and the South Korean puppet warmongers and their moves for a war against the North, said a statement by the North Korean Asia-Pacific Peace Committee. (CBC)

Lil Kim was a nut job, missing a screw.
When he died, all his countrymen wept on cue.

If they didn't weep and wail.
They'd be dead or tossed in jail.

Kim Jr is now in place of his dad.
And things are looking mucho bad.

He wants to go nuclear.
How very pec-u-liar. (bis)

He knows how to keep himself in the news
By filling his late daddy's platform shoes.

Monday, April 08, 2013

What a Day! Obit Threesome!

The Celebrity Death News just keeps on coming!

Next up (or down):  The Man They Call Reveen is now the man we can call...deceased.

It is worth a look at his website, just for a glance at his great, great hair. He lived and died in Vegas. What more can I say?


Adios Annette

One of my many, many regrets in life is that when I die my obituary in the New York Times will not refer to me as "Beloved Mouseketeer".

Now...take it away, Knuckles:

"Today I shed a little tear
Because Annette's no longer here.
So, let's all give a great big cheer
For this amazing Mouseketeer".

Maggie's Farm

Margaret Thatcher bought the farm
In her time, she did much harm.

April 8 will be the date
For all lefties to celebrate.

Nine years ago we lost Reagan, her crony
So why are we still stuck with Mulroney?

Thursday, April 04, 2013

Kill! Kill!

I know I may come across as a right-wing nut job, but I don't care: What is wrong with this country when killing your kids gets you a slap on the wrist and little else??? This is infuriating. I thought it was just Quebec's legal system that is nuts, but now I see that Alberta is just as crazy.

Is there any other country in the Western World that thinks, "oh, you killed your children. That's terrible. Go to a hospital for a year or two, and then you are free to go." Enough with this shit.

Hmm. I wonder if I could adopt my Polish neighbour? heh heh heh.

Wednesday, April 03, 2013

Screw the West Wind

O wind, I hate your guts.
You hurt my ears
Freeze my face
And make my eyes water.

This does not rhyme.
I do not care.
I want the wind to go away.
Be gone with you, O wind.

Shelley was wrong.
You are nothing to write home about.

Tuesday, April 02, 2013

Back to work ode

Be it NaPoMo this day
We must still earn our daily pay

But 4 days off at home
Makes me at the office groan

I am staring at my screen
Writing rhymes, but not obscene

I would be at my best
If I had 4 more days to rest

And my grim face would turn to chuckles
Had I a package just like Knuckles.

Monday, April 01, 2013

Welcome to NaPoMo, our Rite of Spring

Oddly enough, I am not starting the month with a poem, but with a Blast from the Past.

Yesterday, I got a call from the One and Only...Kumar.  Has long has it been, eh? I have no idea. Anyway, he was in town with some cousins, staying with his uncle and aunt. Turns out his aunt has developed hoarding tendencies...but that is a whole other story for another time, I suppose.

So, what was new over the past year and a half or so?
Well, he got married.
And then he got divorced.
These people...from these countries...I swear.

He went back for a visit to the A**hole of the World country of his birth, with his parents. While there he agreed to marry a local woman. And he did. Then he came back to Toronto* and started the paperwork for her sponsorship, visa, etc. Then her family started asking him and his parents for a lot of financial compensation. After all, he's a "rich Canadian". He said, in typical Kumar-ese, "what is this shit and blah, blah, blah?" So they flew back to the A**hole of the World, filed divorce papers, paid off her family with some "alimony" and came home.

I said: "I can't believe you didn't tell me you got married!"
K: "But now I'm divorced."
Me: "You should have let me know."
K: "I'm divorced for 5 months now!"
Me: [head shake] [eye roll]

*I said "So what do you think of your Mayor these days?" (He was initially a big fan of Mayor Ford and his family values.)  Kumar: "He is a drunkard and should be ashamed of himself".

Drunkard is a great word.