Thursday, December 31, 2009

The two poles of The Bay

I went to The Bay after my half-day's work.

First in ladies wear, I was delighted to find 3 items of work clothes that fit. Any short woman who works in an office and needs clothes will tell you that finding pants/slacks/whatever you call them that fit without hemming (or hawing) is the Holy Grail. And finding 3 pairs? Well, I think I heard the Halleljuah Chorus thundering through the changing room. I happily went to pay.

The cashier at ladies wear was the sourest sour puss I have ever met in my life. In fact, I can now declare her Miss Sourest Sour Puss of 2009. So miserable. I was tempted, as I stepped away with my bag, to tell her if she hates her job that much she should just quit. Just quit, lady. Just leave now.

But then I went to the optical counter (la "lunetterie") to buy new specs and was served by the sweetest young lady in the world. Sweet Alice from Lunetterie. She was so gentle and nice, she made me immediately forget all about that miserable beeeoitch on the 3rd floor. Thanks Alice. New glasses will be ready in just over 2 weeks.

It's the end of the year as we know it

Happy New Year to Australia. Oh, and it's too hot to go out? T.F.B. is all I can say. Oh, that's not nice, I know. But it's actually warm here by Montreal standards today, too. Maybe minus 2, that's not bad.

So another year is winding down (or arounding-up, as I like to say). What can I report? I actually had to do real work until 11:00, so now my work year is done.

I've put in another application to the outfit in London where I applied in 2008. Their acknowledgement stated clearly that "only successful applicants will be contacted". I think we know what that means.......(crickets chirping in the stillness of the night).

I have to work on my New Year's Resolutions now.... more lonely crickets...

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Tuesday is Date Nite

I have a "coffee date" tonight. It was supposed to be a movie date, but we couldn't get organized, so it's a great Canadian date, i.e. coffee at Tim Horton's.

This is with a craigslist guy. I put that ad up 2 weeks ago, and it's still bringing in responses. Weird. Men are desperate.

Anyway, it's at the Tim's at Cote Vertu metro at 7:30. His name is Isaac and he's from DDO.

If I do not report in, tell the cops to drag themselves away from their Mafia crime-scene investigation to look for an abducted hot chocolate drinker. Last seen wearing a very heavy winter coat because it's the coldest night of the year and what kind of idiot goes out on a night like this anyway???

UPDATE: At 4:00 p.m. my date just cancelled. He says his car won't start. On any other day, I wouldn't believe him, but today I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt. I'm really glad not to have to go out!

Public Enemies

I love mob stuff. Here is an unintentionally funny quote from a partner of the guy who was killed.

“The poor guy. He tries to do something in his life and, because of his family’s past history, every time he turns around he gets hit with something.”

He gets hit with something? Like 4 to 6 bullets in the chest? That's something.

Monday, December 28, 2009

He Couldn't Refuse

Nothing arounds up the year in the old neighbourhood like a mafia hit.

Post script: What the hell does "arounds up" mean? I was thinking round-up and wind-up but ended-up with arounds-up. I AM A GREAT EDITOR.

Happy Belated Birthday, JAW Fan*

Roses are red
Violets are blue
You were not home
When I called you.

I left a message
on your voice mail
To say Happy Birthday,
but not Sieg Heil.

Why would I say that?
I don't know.
Nothing else rhymes with mail.
I miss NaPoMo.

*Birthday was Dec. 27.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Oink, oink

Yeah, yeah, I ate like a little piglet over Christmas.

Here's a partial list of my presents. See if u can spot the irony:

a) David Kessler's book on why North Americans overeat (I really wanted to read it. seriously.)
b) A recipe book from Weight Watchers.
c) A pound of chocolate... real Cadbury's from the UK.


And when I got home who was waiting patiently on the railing of the front porch? The Black Cat, of course. Looking no worse for wear. Somebody must've fed him during my absence.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Christmas Spirit...NOT

At an office party here, one of the ladies got drunk. It happens. (No, it was not me, and I didn’t attend the party in question.)

The following day, she called in sick. People chuckled because everyone knew she was hungover. It happens.

One of her colleagues, who is a superior, BUT NOT her supervisor, was upset about her taking a “sick day” over this. So he went to HR and told them she should have to take a vacation day and not a sick day because she was hungover.

What kind of Anal Retentive Hung-up Control Freak does this?

And he’s a young guy, Canadian, early 30s, not some old foreign fuddy duddy. I can’t get over it. Has he never had a hangover? Does he not know the way one feels the morning after a booze up is “sick”? Who care if it is self-inflicted. You’re still feeling sick. And it’s the Holidays for heaven’s sake!!

What an asshole.

I don’t even know him, but when I see him in the elevator now I think “You are a huge asshole”.

It's Tuesday and NO movie date tonite

Oh well. I had another movie date lined up, but this has fallen through.

After making plans, I asked the guy to confirm that he was indeed single and not a married guy looking for a "discreet encounter". Over the weekend, I had exchanged a few messages with a different man, who then asked if I could be "discreet". Needless to say, that was the end of him.

Anyway, back to the potential date. I was expecting a simple answer like: "yes, I'm single" or "I understand that you are wary of craigslist, so yes I can confirm I'm single". Instead I got a one paragraph rant about how angry he was to be asked this, and he is used to going to movies alone and he will continue to do so and he doesn't need me.

I'm not sure if that meant he was married. Whatever. And they say women are drama queens. Please.

Monday, December 21, 2009

I love this one!

I just got another email in response to my now week-old craigslist ad. Let me quote it in its entirety:

"Hi, I’m interested in movie companionship."

Somehow I am managing to resist this delectable offer.

Hello, Sailor, interested in a little movie companionship?

Sunday, December 20, 2009

A Christmas Story

I got up this Sunday morning, and once again, the manger had been ransacked during the night. And my worst fear had come true: Bebe Jesus was declared MIA.
The donkey was also gone.

The sadistic culprit returned to bat the cow around a bit more.

His work done, the culprit exited stage right.

I searched and searched and eventually found the BeJe under a chair swaddled in dust bunnies. (No photo available. I have some shame.) The donkey turned up too. All parties accounted for, harmony returned to the nativity scene.

The End....OR IS IT????

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Cat does not = Elf

The Big Red One has turned his back on Christmas. So there.

For a week now, he has been ransacking the manger both day and night. I'm calling it my Tarantino Manger because every night when I get home from work, the bodies are strewn everywhere, Mary, Joseph, the donkey, the cow, all over the place. The Bebe Jesus has yet to get swatted into the dining room, but it's only a matter of time, methinks.
But for now, The Big One rests....

And yes that is a magazine with Johnny Depp on the cover. What? Doesn't everybody sleep next to a picture of Johnny Depp? How else can one ensure sweet dreams...

Thursday, December 17, 2009

It's over

We took Boozy the Spy out for lunch today. And we had a very pleasant time with her.

She has left us her email address and invited each of us to stay with her if ever we are visiting her part of the world.

She lives in the south of Spain. Near a beach. Arriba.

That's the best offer I've had in months.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Work Update

We had one-on-one evaluations from Boozy the Spy, our consultant, today. I can't believe that Friday is her last day with us already. What a weird 5 weeks it's been.

BtS told me that I was a very good editor BUT I am sloppy with the small details. I do not pay attention to the small stuff. I could not agree more.

Later I had a flashback to my mother reviewing my Grade 2 homework and saying: You make sloppy mistakes because you AREN'T paying attention.

It's like that 7-Up series of documentaries. The way I was at age 7 is the same as I am now at almost 49-Up. Interesting. I'm an old dog and you can't teach me new tricks. woof.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

I'm alive

I survived and enjoyed the movie. It's big, it's an epic, it's Chinese. It's a big Chinese epic. Lots and lots of blood, and more spears, catapults and arrows than anyone can count. More dead bodies too. And typhoid as a weapon. Wily.

My date was a very nice fellow. There was no lurve connection, but he seemed smart and interested in history. I'd see another movie with him but I don't expect to hear from him again. Alas.

I guess I can rate my craigslist adventure as a success. I don't know if I want to go through it again, tho. I had two new emails when I got home tonight. Talk about trying your luck at the last minute.

Here we go

So I am off to Red Chill at 6:40 at the Forum. I am putting this info out there in case I don't report back tomorrow.

"The victim was last seen entering the Forum around 6 o'clock and was wearing a black jacket and a violet scarf."

The guy's name is Sasha and from the photo has black hair and seems quite chunky*.

I'm betting it's 50/50 whether he actually shows up or not. But I'm still seeing Red Chill. yay.

(*JAW Fan, stop drooling.)

Monday, December 14, 2009

On-line adventure update

I got another 8 emails overnight. I'm still wading through them and can't answer them. Some guy in Chicago thinks he's my best friend now. He's even invited me to the Windy City. I've never been to Chicago....hmm.

Anyway, one candidate has emerged as the most normal and fun sounding. So we shall exchange some more messages tonight, and quite possibly actually see this darn movie together tomorrow.

All pretty freakin' strange, this whole experience has been.

Yesterday, some guy sent me a picture of himself in a Speedo. I kid you not. This alone should be enough to have JAW Fan scrambling to get on craigslist.

Oh No Silvio

You know I hate Berlusconi as much as the next sane person does, but this assault was a bit extreme.

All that blood. It looked like a Scorsese movie. Poor Silvio. Perhaps some young nubiles will tend to his wounds.

As the guy on t.v. this morning said, why didn't they just throw a pie?

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Today's on-line adventure

There's a new John Woo movie out called Red Cliff starring my fave Tony Leung.

I want to see it this week, and I decided to try an experiment. So I put an ad on ..... Craigslist.

Here is my ad:
"I'm a white female, 48, who is interested in seeing the movie Red Cliff at AMC this week, preferably Tuesday when it is cheap LOL. I'm a fan of Tony Leung and John Woo. I usually see this kind of movie alone, but this time I thought why not ask if there is any man out there interested in seeing it with me.

I'd prefer to meet a man under 48 years of age, Asian would be nice, but not necessary. If we get along, good; if we don't, at least we've seen the movie. :) "

Pretty straightforward, right? So far (i.e. about 2 hours on) I have received 7 responses, 2 of which seem normal and I plan on answering them. Neither of them is Asian. The others? I've got a 24-year-old Vietnamese guy with the tallest spikiest hair I have ever seen in my life. It's a great photo, trust me. And I got a guy who I can only assume is a "professional" as he has sent me a photo of his very large Which part of the ad did he not understand?

I'd always heard that Craigslist was an adventure. And so it is.

UPDATE: This is fascinating. Look at this normal message I received:
"hi there,
In case you have not found anyone yet (which I doubt, where do I take a number?), here's a 39 y/o white male who would be willing to catch that movie. Tuesday actually works for me, in the evening preferably. So if you are still looking, let me know".

I googled his email address to see if there was anything about him, and turns out he's an escort! The Internet is a scary place.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Christmas Time is here

"This tree appears to adequately serve my needs for something
under which to lounge".
-- The Big Red Elf.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Tiger, tiger burning bright

This Tiger Woods story isn't going away, is it? It's got real legs.

The Gazette had a full page of Tiger stories today. It's up to 9 mistresses now. But. And this is a big but, every one that I have read about has raved about what a great lover Tiger is.

Face it, Tiger's life could be much worse.

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

Mr. Blackie gets his dream house

Crazy Cat Lady reporting in.

The Black Cat has not gone away. He is more a part of my life than ever. So much so that I have built him his very own outdoor shelter for the cold winter months, starting with tomorrow's first storm of the season.

It's lined with insulation and has a comfy flannel floor. He is effing spoiled. Here are two photos. One of the Big Red One taking the shelter-in-progress for a test drive, and then Mr. D. fighting off Big Red for the coveted space.

Yes I am insane. But Blackie will be safe and warm.

Monday, December 07, 2009


The deadline for the mega-urgent work task that has been making me miserable for 4 weeks has inexplicably been pushed back.

No idea why, and I don't care. Now it can be finished in January, or maybe even February, I have been told. Who knows what this is all about?

For me this only means two things: No more overtime, and more bloggin' time.

It's a win-win.

Saturday, December 05, 2009

Another December Tradition

Dag nabbit. For the 2nd year in a row, the Food Bank people rang my doorbell when I was in the shower.

What are the odds? On a Saturday when I am home all day (like today, incidentally, WORKING from home on my stupid short deadline project grrr), the time that I'm going to be unable to answer the door is about, say, 15-20 minutes in the entire day.

And yet. Again this year, that's when they show up.

Making a note for 2010, first Saturday in December: "Do not bathe until Food Bank people have come by. "

Friday, December 04, 2009

Christmas Time is officially here

I have seen the seasonal Chia Pet commercial twice now.

This year's noteworthy innovation is the SpongeBob Chia cause he needs some grass growing on top of his head.

Also, there's a new one that you can put a flashing light on top of. Apparently this makes it "festive".

I'm all for "festive".

And in Winter Weather News (my annual obsession): It's December 4 and still no snow on the ground. This is my Christmas prezzie from Mother Nature. How many days can we go without snow? wheee.

Thursday, December 03, 2009

Tiger, tiger

It's pretty hard to avoid Tiger these days, what with him fessin' up to his naughty behaviour.

I have just one hope. Now that the cat (get it?) is out of the bag, I hope Tiger goes The Full John Daly on us.

I want him to get a beer gut, and be drunk in public, be photographed smoking cigarettes like a maniac, and still keep playing golf. People will love him for it.

He should also get divorced and become a serial marrier. Four or five wives. Really trashy ones. But should he stay married, he and his wife should go the Glen Campell/Tanya Tucker route. Public brawls. Drunken fights in hotel lobbies. Let it all hang out.

Tiger will be a whole lot more fun if he does all that.

Wednesday, December 02, 2009

Personal Note to Mr. Anonymous

Please keep in mind that in 2011 we both will be marking a Big Birthday. Something special will be required to celebrate this.

Three words: The Grand Barn.