Saturday, December 31, 2011
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Friday, December 23, 2011
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Monday, December 19, 2011
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Thursday, December 15, 2011
I've been watching Peter Kent since the Kyoto/Durban conference stuff started stirring up, and am I the only one who thinks the guy is drunk all the time? He's so out of it.
Drunk or not, what a loser! This government is full of them. This country is so going down the tubes.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Today I sent him the link to my employer's website so he can be put on a roster for IT consultancy work. In the unlikely event that he would be hired, I would have Fancy Feast in my life 24 hours a day! Oh, the possibilities.
Monday, December 12, 2011
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Thursday, December 08, 2011
As a kid, I thought this was a really boring song. A callow youth was I. I heard it on the radio a couple of months ago, and wow, has that song ever changed. It is now such a great song. Who knew a song could change like that?
In other celeb death news, Harry Morgan died. He was 96. Ancient.
Wednesday, December 07, 2011
Sunday, December 04, 2011
Friday, December 02, 2011
Quebec! Where even the daycares are corrupt! *sigh*
(The auditor general's first clue was video of Paulie Walnuts leading the kids through Inky Dinky Spider.)
Thursday, December 01, 2011
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Now this is grudge holding I can get behind!
My father, possibly the world's greatest and most long-lasting grudge holder, would've loved these guys.
Reminds me of an incident I did not witness, but my bro-in-law brings up every now and then. He was car shopping with my dad, and they were approached by a young German clerk in the showroom who wanted to show them a Volkswagen, and my father yelled Nein! Nein! and walked out. Yes, he could be a nut sometimes. Fortunately, he did not have a cane to swing at the guy. But he could hold a grudge.
Monday, November 28, 2011
More interesting to me, is that Stalin's daughter died, age 85. I'm sure I'm not the only one who read that who thought, Stalin had a daughter who was still alive AND living in the US? Who knew? I read her life story in the NY Times. Pretty sad and confused. You can't choose your parents!
During the scene where the Muppets band together to rebuild their dilapidated theatre, they sing "We Built This City on Rock-n-Roll". This pretty well disqualifies a movie from getting a thumbs-up from me.
I share this because that awful song has been in my head all morning, and I want to put it into someone else's head. And I hope that I have now achieved this.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Last week, I "acquired" a bottle of Jack Daniel's, which I have never tasted before (to my failing memory).
So I figured why not take a shot of JD to warm up. Heck, it's after noon, right? So I just did. I took a sip and literally said "whoa". It's really strong in the throat, but then, it's weird. It does not burn the way scotch does. It's sweet and warm. I like it!
Cut to: 4:00 p.m. Nanuk under a pile of papers asleep in the midst of drunken decluttering.
Monday, November 21, 2011
I said it's an old stereo. It was my father's. I kept it because it was the only one we had that played 78's.
He asked (you guessed it) "What are 78's?"
I said 78 rpm records. Vinyl. And I showed him one. He'd never heard of 78's. I showed him a couple. Very heavy vinyl, bigger than an 45, one song per side. He said: one song only? That's not very environmentally friendly.
I love that. Who thought about the "environment" in the days of 78's?
Then he explained that he still has an income. He is working for the same company "remotely" from home. (Aside: That is MY dream, but it will never happen for me.) He is part-time now, 20 hours per week, but said he would request to be brought up to full time, 40 hours. Then, working remotely, he could move back to Montreal. Apparently, the company has a guy working full-time remotely from Saskatchewan right now, so it can be done. My skepticism was palpable.
He said he has five choices of where he would like to live.
2. Victoria (because he loves both these cities and "knows people there")
3. Ottawa (home)
4. Montreal (me)
5. Winnipeg. Now Winnipeg is only an option because when he was hitch-hiking West this summer he stopped there for a bit and met these two sisters who invited him to stay overnight and before he said anything else he said "Don't Judge Me!"
Ah, Fancy Feast. I think my sister summed it up best when she said "Don't let that goof back in your house".
Thursday, November 17, 2011
He won't take a full time job that pays less than $60 grand. Even in Calgary that is not easy when you are as unbalanced as he is. *sigh*
He wants me to call him to have "a chat". We all know what this means, right?
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Monday, November 14, 2011
Anyway, I know there are some who are still mourning the non-starter that was the mystery man from Huntingdon, but perhaps this will be a bit o'balm on that wound.
This fellow is from Laval. (Yeah, I know, ewwww Laval.) When I told him I was originally from V'Field, he asked whereabouts in V'Field. I said: You know V'Field? And then he said he used to have a girlfriend who was from....wait for it....St. Polycarpe. And then he dated another woman from....Riviere Beaudette. And he knew someone (a relative? I can't remember) who was a psychiatrist at the V'Field hospital. And he has been to Parc Sauve to watch the Regattes a few times. (Unlike me.) So when I said we lived about halfway between the hospital and the Laroque Bridge, he knew it. Weird.
So I asked him if he had a thing for women from that part of the world? He just laughed. Guess so.
Wednesday, November 09, 2011
As I was raking I saw the Publi Sac guys go by, so I went to the front porch and retrieved my bag. But today there were TWO bags. The second bag contained a free roll of toilet paper! Something of actual value.
It was about 3:00 p.m. and nobody was around. The CPN was not home, nor were his neighbours across the street or next door to him. Nor was my across-the-street neighbour. i.e. No Witnesses.
So I walked next door and stole the CPN's free roll of toilet paper. Yep! I did it. And I can't stop grinning about it. Winter's coming and he's going to piss me off for another snow shovelling season, so hey, there's no harm is taking a bit of advance revenge. Nyeh, nyeh.
But then today I see that the fat aptly-named rapper Heavy D dropped dead at age 44.
You can't win. Statistically speaking I'd imagine that for every 106-year-old pizza-eating woman, there are ten fatties not making it to 50. Sigh.
Monday, November 07, 2011
I hadn't yet seen the Occupy Montreal campground, even though they are set up only one block away from work. So I went by. They seem very orderly and quiet. A few passersby, checking out their signs and posters, but overall not much happening.
I hope it stays that way.
Sunday, November 06, 2011
Over the past week, I had been emailing a 40-something fellow, with a possibility of meeting up. He seemed okay, but on his end, he shared far more intimate details than I did. It was a bit odd, but certainly not that unusual for a Craigslist posting.
On Wednesday, I asked him to provide a photo and I would send one in return. He said he didn't have his phone with him, so he would send one the next day. He didn't. The next day he asked if we could set up a day and time for a date. I said, okay, but I thought "no photo, no date, Jack".
We decided on Sunday at 7.On Friday I asked him once again to provide a pic. He wrote back one line: "You send one first and I'll return the favour. Thanks." At that point I decided screw you, I don't need this game. One thing I know about CL, if the guy doesn't happily send a photo, something is fishy. Usually, he's married. So I said I am suspicious of you and I am no longer interested in meeting.
Well...then I got a photo. He was not at all attractive to me, so I was kind of relieved that I'd already dropped out.
But then last night came the ranting. Did you know I am an evil person who only lures men over the internet with no intention of ever meeting them? I should inform Fancy Feast and Smoothie of this. I'm sure they have no idea I am such an evil fake.
But the best line was that he had shared intimate details and I had "electronically raped" him. Yikes! I'm an electronic rapist. Who knew? Should I register with the police? Electronically?
I ignored that rant but then this morning, he sent me the same rant again from a different email account. So I wrote back and said he had confirmed my suspicions that he was a drama queen and I was very glad that I had chosen not to meet him.
Well...you know what I am now? A "scumbag". And I am NEVER to contact him AGAIN!
I'm glad I have a good nut job detector. (Well, except for FF, of course, but he's a safe nut job. He is a risk only to my wallet.)
Saturday, November 05, 2011
Friday, November 04, 2011
Kid, there is only one man who can tell you how to deal with a) your celebrity and b) endless babes throwing themselves at you. And that man's name is Gene Simmons. Seek him out. Listen to him. You will have the best life evah!
Thursday, November 03, 2011
Clearly, two big mistakes in the same year would result in a negative performance review from his boss, God.
I want that job. I can predict wrongly with the best of them. I'll pick a date and ask gullible fools to support my ministry. I'll giggle as I watch them give away all their belongings. Then when the day passes uneventfully, I'll say sorry and go back to my predicting, but I'll wait a year because I don't want two mistakes in the same year.
Wednesday, November 02, 2011
Yesterday, I heard from him again but only to argue about my thoughtlessness in not FedExing him 2 (yes, 2) loaves of olive bread. I said, it ain't gonna happen, let it go, etc. And that drama seems over.
But now, lo and behold, I have just received another email, saying that he did receive his pay and he is ready to send me $100 to begin repaying his debt. Of course, saying he's going to repay and actually repaying are two different things, but given all of debt woes of the past two days, I am rather shocked by the offer. Maybe he's going to want to trade the $100 for olive bread? I don't trust him.
Monday, October 31, 2011
It is for wigs. It pictures a man and a woman, both with thought bubbles imagining how they would look in a great wig. The woman is fine. Let us assume she'd like to look more like Lady Gaga, whatever.
But the guy is looking wistfully up and both the images of him in a wig are laughably sleeeezy. And he's not even bald. I love the idea of a decent-looking guy thinking "Man, I wish I looked like a total sleaze bag."
Friday, October 28, 2011
This morning I read this:
"It was as great a game as baseball has ever witnessed, rivaling the Carlton Fisk homer in Game 6 of the 1975 Series and Bill Buckner's error in Game 6 of the 1986 Series. "
My motto: Life is what happens after I've gone to bed.
This being said, I would not have wanted to stay up to watch 11 innings. My nerves! Anyway I am happy to see there's a Game 7 tonight, and I really, really hope George W goes home disappointed.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
I have now received 2 emails requesting that I send him a loaf of olive bread by FedEx. I said no. Nothing personal, but I don't FedEx bread to anyone, anywhere.
What kind of person thinks he can convince someone to send bread across the country by courier?
He says there is too much overtime, and he feels like "a mule". But...he claims he has another job lined up already. Calgary, magical city of jobs.
I think it is time to start the countdown toward the inevitable "I'm homesick and I want to come back" email. I say it will arrive in early in November.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
I was disappointed. I always liked writing "Libyan Arab Jamahiriya" once I finally got the hang of spelling Jamahiriya correctly. When am I ever going to use that knowledge again? ....waiting for another Arab strongman to surface...
Creepy little French president Sarkozy and his beautiful wife (Carla, she of questionable taste in men) had a baby girl. Congratulations to them. I'm sure I speak for all of humanity when I say I hope the baby looks like her. Mazel tov.
Alas, Mo, he stuck around for a good long time. Reagan bombed Libya in 1985 or 1986. And still Mo hung around.
If I had a power-blue jumpsuit, I would wear it in his honour. But I don't. And now I guess I never will.
Monday, October 17, 2011
Excuse me. But you are in a job where at any given race, there is a certain percentage of ghouls, I mean spectators, who have specifically bought tickets in the hope of witnessing exactly what happened: a fiery death crash. Best. Race.Ever.
Hope they all captured it on their cell phone cameras. That's a big appeal of this sport.
And drivers are surprised that this accident happened? How ridiculous. Rant over.
1. Did not complete a marathon.
2. Walked 1 1/2 blocks to the mall TWICE.
The man weighs only 115 lbs. Maybe the wind carried him? If I understand the story correctly, he started jogging at age 80. So I guess I've got 30 years before I need to start thinking about getting in shape. Phew. Had me worried there.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
It's true. Our cohort, George, is showing his age. But that's okay. I mean, he's 50. He's old. We're old. That's life.
Smoothie's other complaint was...get this!....too much Ryan Gosling! As if. He said it was 50% Ryan Gosling and 5% percent of everybody else.
And the problem is....?
Friday, October 14, 2011
When did we become such pansies that we need a warning about rain.
Snowstorm warning, I get. Freezing rain, I get. Extreme cold, I get. But rain?
Jeez, take an umbrella! Wear trendy colourful rubber boots. This isn't Bangkok, we are not up to our armpits in water.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Just when I think Obama a.k.a Black Bush can't get any more disappointing he ratchets up the Bushiness. This is stuff to warm the cockles of Cheney's cold, cold heart, if he still had one.
I hate to go all "Mom" on them, but if you haven't finished your Soup War and your Meat-and-Potatoes War, you can't have your Dessert War. That's just the rules.
Excuse me while I go check if there is an Iranian terrorist in my closet. Apparently they are everywhere. Everywhere, I tells ya. Save the Saudis!!
Friday, October 07, 2011
Thursday, October 06, 2011
Then I found out my boss isn't in this morning.
This is my Lucky Day!! and, no, I am not putting in the time at the end of the day.
Wednesday, October 05, 2011
Monday, October 03, 2011
a) [insert celebrity name] rocks a bikini;
b) [insert celebrity name] shows off her bikini body.
Why is the bikini the only item of clothing that, when one is wearing it, one's whole body becomes that item. I don't get it. I think all clothes should now have this honour. I want to see this headline:
"Nanuk of the North flaunts her muumuu body"
Oh yeah, baby.
His message was very polite and in fact I don't think I would've even noticed him if he hadn't mentioned V'field. That may sound negative, but in the world of Craigslist that's a positive. It means he didn't send me a photo of his wiener (yes, I've gotten some choice shots in the past) and he didn't say write some eye-rolling nonsense like "allow me to make this the greatest night of your life".
So don't be dissing on the Mystery Man from the Chateauguay Valley.
I think we could probably locate him now by just driving over there and looking for the guy with the reddest ears in town.
Sunday, October 02, 2011
Odd, but I don't remember us being militant drinkers. Were we ever militant drinkers?
Our DRINK MANIFESTO has 3 drinks on it:
1. Cosmopolitain Martini
2. Cosmopolitain No. 3
Now I don't want to toss out this piece of paper. That's the whole problem with decluttering. You always find something good!
P.S. To JAW Fan: I also found a picture of Banana Boy.
Last night I was bored, so I decided to place an ad on my old friend Craigslist and see if anyone of interest surfaced. Very little to report, though I did hear from a guy who lives on Mariette so if location, location, location is the key, I can't do better than that. But his lifestyle bears too close a resemblance to Fancy Feast's (i.e. POT) so I don't think I'll meet him.
I exchanged a few emails with one guy who seemed educated and promising, but then he mentioned that his ideal woman would be thin, nervous and an activist. 3 strikes, you're out.
Then I heard from a guy who said he lived in the V'Field area. Well, this piqued my interest because I still love V'Field and wouldn't it be fun to meet someone from there? He is 49. So I asked him where exactly he is from and he replied: "H'don". Yikes. So I had to ask if he attended CVR, and he said yes. I decided this was a bit too odd. So this mystery man was a year behind me in high school, and still lives in H'don. For sure, this is someone that the Anonymous siblings know. Too close for comfort. So I had to let it drop, though I am very curious as to who it is. He emailed this morning to ask if I'd reconsidered. I think not.
Friday, September 30, 2011
When did Question Period go Gay, Gay, Totally Gay?
Since when is it appropriate for one gay MP to question another gay MP about golden showers?
Sir Wilfried Laurier would not stand for this I'm sure. Trudeau no doubt would ask the two of them to keep their golden shower references in the bedroom* where the state has no business.
(*maybe the bathroom would be better.)
Thursday, September 29, 2011
He's a stalker! Get off the bus, girl. Get off the bus at the next stop! That guy is a creep. Run away! Run away!
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Our mission today: 1) to explain what the joke is and 2) to figure out what anyone would find funny about this, i.e. who laughs at this kind of joke.
There was an old Chinese man named Too Old To Kum.
He married a young Chinese woman named Too Young To Kum.
But then surprisingly they had a baby, so they called him Where He Kum From.
Editor's Note: I spelled "come" as kum in a feeble attempt to make these names appear remotely Asian.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
The SNACK GOD who invented DORITOS has passed away ... but TMZ has learned his funeral is nacho average ceremony ... 'cause the guy will be buried with 3 FLAVORS of his prized invention. Arch West -- the 97-year-old ex-Frito-Lay legend -- died last week, and his daughter announced the family plans on "tossing Doritos chips in before they put the dirt over the urn" when he is buried.TMZ spoke with West's son-in-law ... who tells us the family will use Original, Cool Ranch and Nacho flavored Doritos, since those were West's favorite. He was NOT a fan of the Cheeseburger flavor, so those will not be used. According to his daughter, West came up with the idea for Doritos during a family vacation to San Diego ... when he discovered a snack shack selling fried tortilla chips in 1961. Snack strong in heaven, Arch.
Monday, September 26, 2011
Well, that's all the warning I need. For my own safety, I need to abandon my feeble attempts at exercise. It's too dangerous.
In other health news, I bought another bag of the organic child labour chips. mmm mmm good.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Friday, September 23, 2011
Thursday, September 22, 2011
I had not heard from him in a week, so I emailed to say (literally) whazzup? He said Nothing. If you can't trust FF to have some cockamamy tale about how somebody, somewhere is treating him unfairly, well, then might as well throw in the towel.
Stick a fork in us, we're done.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
(Aside: As Mr. Anon and I discussed a few weeks ago, at our age, are we truly ever excited about anything in music, books, concerts, etc., anymore? Answer: No.)
Anyway, I saw REM for the first time in Washington D.C. at the DAR Constitutional Hall. It was great. I loved them. And I loved them for a long time.
Not to sound too much like old crank, but after Bill Berry left, I was not much into them anymore even though I continued to buy their records. Then they got really big....and....meh...they were just another big band.
Oh well. I enjoyed them and appreciated them, and there are some songs, many songs, I will always like. Thanks, you guys!
Our Big Boss is a woman from China, with a typically Chinese name. One of the people in my department cannot remember her name so she always refers to her as "Ping Pong".
Even though I am totally appalled, I still find myself smiling at this. It's just so wrong.
Another colleague used to have a boss from West Africa who spent a lot of time on the phone speaking her native language. My colleague would complain that all day she had to listen to "ooga booga language" . Again, I'm appalled, but I can't help but laugh, mainly because I don't think people realize how horrible and ignorant they are being.
What a place.
Monday, September 19, 2011
I looked at the headlines in the paper today and nothing. But I just checked the CBC website and read that a small 4.1 hit Gatineau at 3:19 p.m.
The article did not mention that it was felt in Montreal, but I am here to say, yes, it was felt in Montreal, at least on one couch in NDG. It wasn't just Miss Hitler shifting her fat rump.
Friday, September 16, 2011
Of course, my boss, Mrs. Never Think Outside The Box, said, okay, great idea. But did it EVER occur to her in 12 years to assign the task to someone else? No, of course not.
It's going to be awful. A coordination nightmare of missed deadlines and uncooperative departments. But there ya go. It's my baby now. Just had our first meeting. Next meeting is on Monday.
I should post a picture of my hair today, while it still has some brown in it. And then post another next July when I am totally Clooney grey.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Silly me, I thought it was a work-in-progress, how big could it be? Well, the thing is a brick. Only DFW would have a 550-page UNfinished book.=
I miss that man.
Monday, September 12, 2011
And I read this: "Not only are all our products USDA certified organic and proudly wear the organic seal, but on any given day you can find three generations at work, including eight-year-old Stephen and four-year-old Benjamin."
So now we know. The secret of a truly great chip? Child labour.
As we all know (or should know) the world economy is in the "shitter", to use the economic term. I note this news from Greece: "Greece announced an emergency property tax of about 50 cents per square foot on all buildings, payable immediately, in a effort to top up government coffers enough to meet bailout conditions."
Payable immediately! Government says we're broke, so pay up now. They will be imposing the tax through people's electric bills. Face it, we are all going to be met with this kind of surprise in upcoming years. Every goverment is going broke. And who is going to pay? Little ole us.
When I get that bill, you know what I'm going to say? "Don't look at me! Don't look at me!"
I've discovered a new chip! And a deelishious one it is. The company is called Late July and the chips I bought are called Dude Ranch. And they are dudalishly delish. And the best thing about them. I bought them at the HEALTH FOOD store, so of course they are very, very healthy and have no calories. Not a single calorie! ....at least I think that's what health-food chips are like. Well, I believe it. So it's true. NO CALORIES!
Now I'm not a terrorist, nor have I ever played one on t.v., but if I was a terrorist, I would not plan to bomb something on the anniversary date of the big event, when security is at its highest. I would wait, say, maybe a day or two, say on a Tuesday, when the barriers have come down and everyone is back to normal. Then....Surprise!
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Let me make one of my fearless (and usually wrong) predictions. The parents were in on it. Maybe they want a book deal or something, or just wanted attention. But something's not kosher about the kid ending up back in his own house in the middle of the night.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Thursday, September 08, 2011
Wednesday, September 07, 2011
Tuesday, September 06, 2011
He says one of them is a good and generous guy, but "his social skills could use some work". Apparently, "he needs to have everyone's attention....and doesn't stop talking".
I am tempted to say: "Honey, that's not a room-mate, that's a mirror".
Monday, September 05, 2011
Still no Fancy Feast news. I'm convinced that renaming the blog put a curse on FF updates. I may change it back if this trend continues.
But fortunately, we'll always have Kumar. Being a holiday weekend, a visit from Kumar was not unexpected, but I was caught off guard (translation: with both cheeks smeared with face cream!) when I saw an unfamiliar car stop in front of the house. An unfamiliar Mercedes. And who emerges from it, but Kumar himself.
After rapidly wiping aforesaid face cream from face, I greeted him in my usual warm and loving way i.e. "What are you doing here? You couldn't call or email first?" He said: "You know me. I'm like that." True, if I haven't learnt to expect the unexpected after 3 (!) years, then I am indeed a slower learner.
So I went out front to check out the Mercedes. He had told me in the Spring he'd bought a used one, a 2003. But, skeptic, that I am, I scoffed. But there it was. Still in good shape and very very nice. He's thinking of selling it. I want to buy it! A woman of my stature deserves a Merc in her 50s. No?
He said he is very materialistic, but the things he buys don't make him happy for long. At least he has accepted this about himself. Will he stop buying status symbols? No, probably not. But at least he knows they don't do much in terms of fulfiling his needs. I understand that...and yet...I still want to buy that car!
Friday, September 02, 2011
Yesterday we discussed whether or not he should be wearing a tie to work. I think he should dress to impress, but he said that in this job he has to visit clients, which sometimes means having to get on the floor under a desk to work on cables. If he was wearing a tie, he would likely kneel on it, thus choking himself.
We both agreed this is bad. So, no tie.
It's a holiday weekend coming up. This means he will be spending 3 days in the company of his new room-mates. How likely is it that he will be at war with these new people by Sunday? Stay tuned...
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
The family on last night's show wasn't deranged, they just couldn't get rid of their stuff. Like me. I'm not THAT crazy, I just can't get rid of all my stuff.
But real life is more effective than t.v. for motivating me. On Monday I was over at the Tall Teacher's place to bid him adieu before he heads to the Nation's Capital. I've always considered his apartment to be very sparsely furnished (which I admired). As I entered the place, he said: "Don't judge me!!" So imagine my shock when I saw the sheer number of boxes in his small apt. "But, but", I sputtered, "you don't even own that much". How could he have all these boxes in his kitchen?
This really shook me up because I thought I'd have to multiply the boxes in his kitchen by about 1000 to estimate the amount of crap I own. And how much of it do I really need? A fraction; a small fraction.
File this under: Major Waker Upper.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Since we last heard about FF, here is a rundown of what has happened in his life:
1. Started his new job. Wore a tie on the first day, discovered he was overdressed.
2. When to work today without a tie.
3. Got presented with a 2-page "renter agreement" (i.e. rant) from the friends he was crashing with. Choice exerpts below.
4. To escape current room-mates, answered an ad from people looking for a new room-mate.
5. Found new room-mates.
6. Borrowed money from his sister to pay Sept rent to new room-mates.
7. Is preparing to move out this evening.
Now about the "renter agreement", let's say it gives Sheldon and Leonard's room-mate agreement a run for its money. I'm just going to quote a few choice bits. Apparently the pot is a problem. And the sex. And co-habiting with dogs. FF refused to sign the agreement when they presented it, which is why he is moving out.
1. "Monday to Friday is work days which means early nights. Anyone coming over and staying over past 10:00 pm must be respectful of those who are sleeping and have to be up early for work. I will kick anyone out who is not being respectful of this rule.
Any sexual encounters must be in your own bedroom or in the shower. NO EXCEPTIONS. We are not ok with other people’s bodily liquids and it’s downright rude. Again be respectful of others who are around no one wants to hear your sexual encounters."
2."Follow the guide lines that have been set up for how we have trained our dogs and what we do with them. Yes they are not your dogs but... If you let them out you will have to deal with the consequence and responsibilities that come with the dogs. You will have to clean a dirty bum and will need to keep a watch full eye on them and you will have to take off the underwear for when the girls are in heat. It is part of co-existing with them and not being cruel. If they get out you will be held responsible for the consequences that happen outside or within the yard. This is a law that is held here in Calgary so be very carefully I cannot stress this how important that is. We would never forgive you if something happened to any of the dogs. Be very wise and responsible."
3. "No chemicals at ALL or anyone on chemicals in the house".
Thank goodness pot is a weed and not a chemical, is all I can say.
Monday, August 29, 2011
A whole Sunday without power is a long day. By 4:30 I was hankering for some hot food. So I had an idea, and here is the real tragedy. I called up Chalet, and they had NO delivery service. Shudder. They too had suffered power outages, so no delivery, but there would be take-out service if I wanted to wait. Chicken would be back on-line at 6:30.
Chalet! It saw us through the ice storm with flying colours, but yesterday was not so lucky. Oh well. My power came back on at 5:30 and I had pasta in a hurry in case I was in the dark again. But I wasn't.
Fin de Irene.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Yes, he is soon to be gainfully employed. This is great news for me for two reasons: 1) I may start to see some of my "investment" come back to me in upcoming months and 2) I won't come home from work to the surprise of finding an Egyptian pothead anarchist on my front porch. It's all good.
Of course, being FF, he seems to have nearly talked himself out of the job during salary "negotiations". Permit me, through the miracle of "cut and paste" to have him tell his own story. The $25 in question is the hourly wage. Apologies for the quality of this excerpt. I have no idea why it won't paste correctly. grrr.
Okay, I got the job. They offered $25. :/
I started to talk back a bit...
Me:"$25? Really? How did they come up with that number?"
HR Rep: "Uhhh that's their rate....?"
Me: "They had asked me what my salary expectation was, and I told them I wanted $25 - $30, depending on how many of the requirements I met. Are they saying I didn't meet any requirements?"
HR Rep: "Uhmmm...."
Me: "Alright, you know what... it's fine. They offer annual raises, right?"
Me: "Alright, you know what... it's fine. They offer annual raises, right?"
HR Rep: "Oh yeah, for sure, there will be raises"
Me: "Okay, it's fine then. I'll accept."
HR Rep: "Really? Okay great! I'll let them know!"
You know, I wasn't sure what I was thinking... But it didn't take long for me to realize that I'm arguing about a job offer and not going about it in a way that I'd get more money... So I shut up real quick. LOL -end cut and paste -
You know, I wasn't sure what I was thinking... But it didn't take long for me to realize that I'm arguing about a job offer and not going about it in a way that I'd get more money... So I shut up real quick. LOL -end cut and paste -
You know what's good about this? He realized he was screwing up and shut himself up. This is real progress.
Dad does not shop for gifts. Dad looks like Rasputin, and Dad up until yesterday had literally not left the house since June. He is a teacher and the last time he was out of the house was the last day of school. I know. It's very weird.
Anyway, so Smoothie has no clue what to get his mother. Apparently it has to be something nice because the mother apparently got a very nice gift for her husband. Mom of Smoothie is taking a trip later this year so I have so far suggested new luggage or a nice leather passport holder. Both were rejected. Then I suggested one of the digital photo frames loaded with family pictures. She got one last year; it is still in the box. Perfume? Nope, no go.
Now I have suggested that Rasputin get a shave and a haircut. If he were my husband, that would be the Bestest Gift Ever.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Monday, August 22, 2011
They were away last week and their daughter was home alone. She came to tell me that she found Blackie curled up under some lawn furniture one evening last week. She thought he was sleeping so she left him alone but after a few hours she realized he was dead. The next morning she called the SPCA and they took him away.
I am sad, but so relieved to know that he died quietly in a safe spot and was not mauled by a raccoon or run over by a car. He had been disoriented a couple of times in the past two weeks, so I guess he was sick but didn't really show it. Now I can sleep at night and stop worrying about him.
Mr. Cool chillin' in the backyard, July 2011.
This is a reminder to all to enjoy life now. (Yes, this advice from a chronic malcontent and complainer. I do see the irony.) We all think we're going to have a nice long retirement. It doesn't always work that way.
Friday, August 19, 2011
But no Blackie. So either they took him with them or they've got him in a room without access to the open window... Blackie, where are you? I wondered. I looked at the other cats but they just stared back at me. Useless kitties.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Me: (startled) (yelling) WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?
Peeing Guy: (startled) I'm so sorry. I have to pee.
Me: (still yelling) Get off my property!
PG: I'm really sorry, but I have to pee.
Me: (always yelling) I don't care. Get off my property!
PG: But, lady, I was going to pee in my pants!
Note that I am holding a rake in both hands the whole time and am now walking towards him.
Me: I don't give a shit! Get the hell off my property!
PG: I'm really sorry. I'll pay you. I'll give you money!
Me: I don't want money! I want you to get off my fucking property!
PG: But I have to finish!
At this point, I realize that this guy is not a trouble-maker or a vagrant, just a young guy who urgently had to pee and picked the wrong place. He seems more scared than I do at this point. I am now A Crazy Rake-Wielding PMS Head Case. As I walk back towards the back yard I say:
Me: I'll call the cops if I see you here again!
PG: Lady, I'm NEVER coming back here.
I go around the corner, but I can still hear him yelling:
PG: I'm really sorry.
This is so much funnier to me now than it was 2 hours ago. :D
I had a sleepless night.
The most obvious explanation is that his real owners have taken him home. I suspect this may be the case because normally they keep all their windows open so their 5 or 6 kitties can come and go as they please, but this morning all the windows were shut. And there were no cats on their lawn.
Then again, maybe this is to keep the cops away. I don't know.
I has a sad for my disappeared Blackster. I hope nothing bad has happened to him.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Do I want to return Blackie to a disfunctional, indeed criminal, household? I don't know what to do.
I left him for two days outside without food, since he can't share the indoor territory with the others. I suspected he would be starving on my return. So I let him in the mud room right away where there was a bowl of dry food waiting. He looked at it with utter disdain. Really, pal? After two days with nothing, you are still turning up your nose at dry food? So I got him a can of moist shredded chicken. Spoiled brat.
Should he stay or should he go?
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Tall Teacher was looking at a picture I have of myself wearing my BEAUTIFUL patterned shorts from way back when. The shorts that JAW Fan loved so much.
I asked TT, what year do you think that is from? He looks and say "Based on the length of the shorts and the pattern, I'd say 1987". "You're very close," I said. He took a second look. "I'll revise and say 1985."
That picture was indeed taken in 1985. Uncanny 1980s fashion knowledge. I'm guessing it's because his oldest sister is the same age as me, so he may have been exposed to such fashion sense at a young age and remains scarred.
Tuesday, August 09, 2011
He has a job interview today in Calgary. With the competition. It's the big telecom whose advertisements have cute bunnies and lizards, etc. He should fit right in with those creatures.
I wish my father was alive to read this. He always believed that Johnson was behind the assassination. And, maybe just because I grew up hearing that, I've always believed it too.
So much for JFK's thinking that you keep your friends close, but your enemies closer. This is the ultimate FAIL of that theory.
Sunday, August 07, 2011
Within 5 minutes of meeting Sis Anon, Smoothie was pointing at the front of his pants and saying "Hey look at this". I was struck dumb, not knowing where this was heading. But it was just his proud display of his weight loss and adjusted belt notches. (!!!!) What a nut.
He later said, twice, that Sis Anon is "so cute" and seems likes "a very liberal woman". Take that as you may. (?!?!)
Anyway, I thought things were going okay with just Mr and Sis Anon but when the other fellow showed up, and Smoothie attempted to display his movie trivia knowledge, I knew this was a potential social disaster in the making, but he just would not shut up. Like many people his age, he thinks he knows a lot about movies, when frankly, he knows alot about movies in the past 20 years, and very little about anything else. So berating him in the theatre, I said this guy knows more than you ever will and you shouldn't really be challenging him. Then he said: "that guy's gay, right?" I said I was not aware of his status, but I believed it was "confused".
Thursday, August 04, 2011
Well, the cheque arrived in the mail yesterday. The company withheld more than $60 in taxes etc. so it is for $372 only.
My question today is: when do I tell FF that I've received the money? Because we ALL know darn well that when he knows I've got the cheque he's going to want me to deposit it ASAP and he'll use it all up on pot, beer, olive oil and fresh dill.
But the cheque is of no use to me as it is made out to him, so is there a reason why I should sit on this news and not inform him? I could always tell him I've got the money and say I'm not depositing it until I see his chubby little face again, but what will that serve. I'll still be out $435 until he shows up.
Suggestions? I knew this situation would arise once the money showed up. Until he settles his account with me, I'm out $435 that I forwarded in good faith to him. Question is: how will he react? He has all the leverage here, is he smart enough to use it?
The Presidency has really aged him. He still looks great for an old guy of 50, but the past couple of years have made him greyer and greyer. And no wonder. What a shitty job he has.
Complete this phrase: Labour Day weekend without Jerry is like.....
Tuesday, August 02, 2011
Monday, August 01, 2011
I've decided that attempting to stick to my low-carb diet will be my infidel version of fasting. But that doesn't mean I get to stuff my face with carbs after sundown.
At least I'll try not to. Evening carbs are the best carbs.
I cannot reach Mr. Anon nor JAW Fan, and I have lost my address book so I can't reach Sister Anonymous either. Has everyone bought their tickets?
Smoothie has decided he wants to go so he will be picking up tickets for the two of us this afternoon. He can get more tickets if I hear from anyone.... helloooo out there!
Sunday, July 31, 2011
And then the punchline.
Smoothie leans over and says: "I don't get it. Who was McCloud?"
Friday, July 29, 2011
So this week I bought a diet book. It's that French diet that everyone seems to be on. I'm reading the book. This may be as far as my new diet plan goes because that Frenchie diet seems unreasonable, unsustainable and possibly damaging to one's kidneys, if nothing else.
So maybe no Frenchie diet for me. But I still have to do something. I'll keep reading the book.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
When I told him about the $722.00, he said (as expected) "Screw Bell". LOL. I knew that was coming.
He is broke, of course, but expects to start working at some computer thing within the week. He needs $100 in the meantime, but said that I was "literally the last person on earth" he will ask. He has a couple of other people to try and squeeze first, and I was grumbling that he knows how I feel about lending money.
Me: I really don't want you to call back and ask.
Him: Neither do I. I haven't even asked and you're already riding me!
He sounds really relaxed and happy. Which is good. And he's lost a lot of weight. Apparently, he's a real chick magnet now. I said: you always were. He laughed in an embarrassed, but pleased way.
I'll just have to wait to hear from him to tell him the great news that he owes the company $722.00.
Monday, July 25, 2011
But Amy Winehouse didn't, I have just read. Too bad. I liked her.
And Jack Layton looks like he's on his way out too. I guess the campaign was just too strenous for his body. What a shame.
And now for a Fancy Feast update: there was some mail for him from his employer. As I have permission to open it, I did. And ha ha ha his last pay was a mistake. He should not have received it. So he now owes them $722.00. I can't wait to give him a call and hear what he says about that. Maybe he'll never be allowed to own a land line again until he pays up. I wonder if his company blackberry is still working. I'll soon find out.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Ontario is my Other Woman, luring my men with her siren's call into her clutches!
What does Ontario have I don't have? I ask you. ..... oh yeah, jobs. Careers.
I shake my fist weakly at you, heartless Ontario.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
a) he has learnt to manage his money?
b) he got a job?
c) he has run off with the medical marijuana delivery woman and will live happily stoned ever after?
d) his phone died and he can't reach me?
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
It's been fascinating but it just got amazing with old Rupert being smacked in the face with a shaving foam pie.
Too bad the News of the World doesn't exist anymore. It could put that on its front page.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Given the current heat wave, I decided over the weekend to launch the Reverse Ceausescu manoeuvre. Readers of this blog will know I am addicted to the Weather Network. So it was quite a challenge I undertook to not check the weather on t.v. or on the Internet, no matter how hot it was.
This worked perfectly yesterday. Yeah, it was hot. But I dunno how hot exactly, and I did okay. Had supper in an air-conditioned restaurant with Smoothie. No wine. No overheating.
But today, around 4:00 p.m. I was sitting in the backyard with Blackie and I started to feel woozy and unwell. So I came inside and sat in front of the fan until I felt a bit recovered, and then being only human, I turned on the Weather Network.
Well, the dang Humidex is 39. Three-nine. No wonder I felt like crap. Thank you Weather Network. You are a pal.
Friday, July 15, 2011
And she is right! Sadly, I have no prize to award to her.
He is down to $50. He bought a sleeping mat and a camp stove. Also, beer, pot and cigarettes. Why cigarettes when he is a non-tobacco smoker? They are a good appetite suppressant when on the road. Whatever!
Oh, and olive oil. He bought some olive oil. And soya sauce, onions, garlic and fresh dill.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
O woe is me, Nanuk.
Provigo was out of Greek Feta-shist Chips. Nary a bag to behold on the shelf. I was wounded to the core.
I needed to apply a balm to my wound. So I picked up a bag of Thick Cut Sour Cream & Dill.
I'm starting to revive...
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Me: Hi. I just deposited the money.
FF: Thank you (happy voice)
Me: it's supposed to be instantaneous, so it should be there.
FF: Uh..I checked 30 seconds ago, and I saw it. It's there.
FF: When can I expect the next installment?
Me: When you need it. But if it is within 48 hours, you are in big trouble.
FF: (Nervous laughter) Ok. I'll call you back later.
Any estimates on when that 2nd installment will be requested? I'm guessing Monday. It's been 20 minutes. He's probably already bought beer....and olive oil. He was upset at the high price of olive oil in B.C. Only he would be complaining about that.
But my point is, I saw it at Cavendish with Smoothie. As we were leaving the theatre, walking through the parking lot, he points and says: Look, a two-door Bentley. Frankly, I could not tell one car from another, but he is an obsessed car guy. So apparently there was a Bentley. At the bus stop, this car pulls up and he says: check out that Lamborghini. Who knew? It was pretty nice, but I didn't know what it was. Not 30 seconds later, he points and says: Aston Martin.
I'm living in the wrong neighbourhood.