Friday, February 27, 2009

Nerd Alert

I was waiting for the elevator with one of our IT guys this morning (I don't know him, have never spoken to him), and he was whistling the theme from Star Wars. Very animatedly. He was really giving it all he had.

These people really do exist.

I think he might've been whistling it ironically, but I can't be sure.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Happy Birthday to Me

48 today. Groan.

I have asked my special Guardian Angels to look out for me, and to grant me all my birthday wishes. To provide both spiritual and physical protection. Will they comply? Ay-yi-yi, if this twosome can't do it, nobody can!

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

All money, all the time

I'm a regular Ali Velshi, seems all I can talk about is money, money, money. (It makes the world go round, the world go around, the world go around.)

Anyway, today I paid my municipal taxes. Ah, municipal taxes. A tax-paying event then sends JAW Fan into spasms of anticipatory cheque-writing.

I went to the bank as I had to pay the bill at the counter. I was served by this cute young Latino-looking guy named Hubert or Hector. At the Royal, they are obsessed with calling you by your name.

Which is fine if you have a name that everybody knows how to pronounce. In my case, however, I am constantly bombarded by tellers like Hubert/Hector who says "thank you, Mrs. ...... Twyieeoh" and then with each thing he tells me he has to give it another shot. "Please key your PIN now, Mrs. Taayiwhyo". Poor Hubert/Hector. I think his jaw got stretched.

If only I was married to George, then everybody would just call me Mrs. Clooney, and my life would be so easy.

Rock-n-Roll all nite

I watched Obama’s speech last night. Boy, that Prez is a Rock Star. I’ve never seen a President sign so many Congress. The crowd was going mental. For a political speech? About a recession? About how bad things are right now? It was bizarre. I was expecting to see someone’s panties go flying onto the podium. Congressmen squealing like teenyboppers at Elvis.

He slammed the previous administration hard. Niiiice.

Michelle Obama is gorgeous. I’m not a fashion watcher, but she’s got me hooked. Every big appearance by the President now has me asking: what is Michelle going to be wearing? She’s amazing.

Now. About the Republican rebuttal. I had heard that the Governor of la Louisiane is the “big hope” of the Republican party. Ohmygod. They are so dead. Stick a fork in ‘em, they’re done. What the hell was that? He almost skipped up to the microphone, tra la la, it was sooo weird. It’s not often I get to use the word “mincing”. But, yes, mincing. Then he spoke in his exaggerated way, like he was on Reading Rainbow or some other show for little kids. I cannot figure what that was all about. Weird and disturbing.

I’m trying to picture MPs in Parliament whooping and squealing and nearly fainting over Stephen Harper. Hmmm. I lack the imagination to go that far. In self-preservation my brain is blocking all attempts.


Too many plane crashes so far this year.

Not that I'm planning on going anywhere, but still. I don't like this trend.

Air travel is just not the same since Mr. Anon left the business.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

In other Mexican news...

the world's fattest man is slimming down big time.

According to the BBC, he has gone from 560 kg to 250 kg. What's that? From over 1100 pounds to 550 or so. Wow. Impressive.

He is following a diet of carbohydrates, proteins and fats in a ratio of 40:30:30, supervised by a team of scientists and nutritionists. He credits his fiancé with helping him. She encourages him, but he added "I can no longer eat my favourite Sea Salt chips in my bed because the crunching wakes her up and then she yells at me."

We all know how that feels.

South of the Border, Part Dos

Yes, potato chips were definitely the snack of choice during my Puerto Vallarta vacation (as well they should be!). An entire week of chipmania, to be precise. In fact, one morning we sat with a charming gay couple from Moncton (apparently, they do exist on the east coast, too) and had an excellent chip conversation, particularly focused on the silver-bagged President Choice flavours. Those silver bags sure are all the rage in Canada...Might I add that one of the men in question was a hot-bodied Speedo-wearer, who looked like he was carrying a potato down the front of his bathing suit (for emergency snacking purposes, I imagine)...but I digress.

Next on my discoveries were a delicious Jalapeno chip, not unlike our own President's Choice kettle no reason to go into much detail. They rated a solid and tasty wang reading of 8 inches. Next were Ruffles Queso (cheese, for my non-Spanish-speaking readers.). They should have been called The Queso-iest, as I have never sampled a chip so cheesy and which actually tasted like real cheese. Obviously, peso equals queso...cause Senor Ruffle (opposed to our North American version, Mr. Ruffle) sure packs one mean wedge of wonder into his underwear. On el wang-o-metro, these dong-inspired bites of deliciousness score a porno-worthy 9 inches. Muchos gracias, Senor!!!

Then there was the entire Sea Salt Chip fiasco. At 3:00 AM one morning, I awoke...a pang of hunger whacking away inside of me like some horny teenager. Not wanting to devour anything too spicy on an empty stomach, I opened a bag of Sea Salt Crisps (of the kettle variety). For a plain chip, they were quite yummy and satisfying...About three quarters of the way through the individually-sized sack, however, my travelling companion awoke and commenced chastising me for the deafening crinkle noises I was making with the bag. I explained how I was sucking the chips to reduce the crunch factor and was about to explain that if the bag was made of a non-crinkle material that most likely chip-oil would seep through...but a mini-dispute ensued, resulting in me tossing the remaining uneaten portion onto the night table in a Dynasty-like huff. Needless to say, I have now been scarred for life where Sea Salt chips are concerned. Tasty as they were, on el wang-o-metro (no matter how many inches), I'm afraid these bedroom buddies rate a Not-Tonight-I-Have-A-Headache.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Two final Oscar items

1. When they were showing the Foreign Language nominations, just that 1-second clip of the Japanese movie made me want to see it. It was instantaneous, like: I've got to see that! Even before it won. I don't know when it will be released here.

2. Lastly, what was with the clips from other movies that appeared in blue, framing the nominees, for every award. In particular, at the bottom. I was totally distracted by that same goofy image of the kung fu panda. It was just weird, trying to look at Meryl Streep and my eye being drawn downward to kung fu panda. Who designed that?

Okay, it's Gay Day

Speaking of being in the closet…funny story.

My beloved bro-in-law got a call last week from a guy he used to do business with a lot. The guy is in his 60s, retired a couple of years ago, and was calling bro-in-law to tell him he had come out of the closet. And was getting married. To a guy he has known for 2 weeks.

My bro-in-law’s reaction: aren’t you being a bit hasty?

Also, this guy is pretty wealthy and his “intended” is an American who has health problems so will benefit from Canadian health insurance. Also, he has not has sex with the guy yet.

Bro-in-law’s reaction: I see.

My reaction: this is why it’s a bad idea to wait until you are 60 to come out. (*cough* HJ) Inevitably, you will make an idiot of yourself. And probably get wiped out financially. Being 60, acting 20. Leaving people shaking their heads.

He then proceeded to go into way too-much-information about his new life. He just broke up with a porn star. Yeah, right. Then he says to bro-in-law: imagine if all our former associates knew that I, former Executive whatever of whatever company, was quote “getting in the ass”.

Bro-in-law needed two Johnnie Walkers to recover from that phone call. I said to my sis: if you are invited to the wedding, you have to go. She said they would.

Oscar Review

So much for my brilliant post-Oscar sleep-in plan. I have taken the morning off just to sleep, and what happens? Mr. Jaws decides that 6:02 (while it is still dark out) is Big Time Play Time. He would not stop attacking me. I should say that I am glad he is back to his normal lively self, but honestly, I am annoyed with him. I did not get back to sleep. Dumb cat.

Oscar thoughts:

1) watching Jennifer Aniston was very uncomfortable. It didn't help that the camera was on Angelina at one point. I thought Jen looked like she was going to have a meltdown. She was awful. I couldn't tell if Brad was squirming.

2) whoever did Reese Witherspoon's make-up should be banished from the make-up biz forever. She is usually so radiant but she looked liked she had two black eyes. Thumbs down.

3) Adrien Brody? let's hope that "look" is for a role. Otherwise, seek help. I thought he was a fashionista. Looked like crap.

4) DeNiro is turning into everybody's dad. Ho, ho.

5) Sean Penn gets more twerpish every year. I used to like him, now he just grates on my nerves.

6) How long will Hugh Jackman reign as the gayest straight man alive?

7) Too bad the camera closed in on Sophia Loren. From a distance, when she walked out, she still looked like this formidable goddess, but in close-up, well, she's looking old. That's a shame. I wanted to be in awe of her.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Oscar Red Carpet

I'm not intending to live-blog the Oscars, but I have to mention 2 things:

1) Melissa Leo. Wow. She is so glamourous. Unrecognizable. She's always playing a hag, but man, she gives hope to us all. I repeat: wow.

2) Matthew Broderick has Hitler Hair. Why? And why is SJP letting him do this?

P.S. CNN has Anil Kapoor on, hosting the Oscar trivia quiz in his Millionaire host persona. I'm luvin' that dude.

P.P.S. Go Mickey.

Hey, Ossssscar

Yes, it's Oscar day. You can argue the pros and cons of Slumdog all you want, but frankly, the only thing that really matters tonight is that JERRY is getting an honourary Oscar.

How bloated will he be?
Will he be goofy?
Or will emotional Jerry take over, and he'll starting crying and being "deep"?
Will any of Jerry's "Kids" be in the audience?
and most importantly, will we see any clips from The Day the Clown Cried?

I know I am asking too much, but Oscar is all about dreaming, right?

Oh, Jerry, you'll never walk alone.


This is my 2,000th post! How many wasted hours and how much lost productivity does that add up to. I'd rather not think about it.

Two thousand posts and I am still a big loser, i.e., that is to say, I did not win the big $50 million jackpot last night. When I saw that there had been four winners, I said to myself "Well, surely, one of them must be me." But, alas, no.

I don't get it. I bought not one, but TWO tickets, and I still didn't win. I'm beginning to suspect this lottery thing is fixed. Against me.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Today in $$$ news, not my $$$

There seems to be a big story coming about how a Swiss bank is going to release the names of all the American Richie Richs who are using this Swiss bank to hide their money.

Call me dumb (please, don't) but hasn't this always been the whole point of Swiss banking? That it allows rich people to hide their money.

Which Swiss genius decided to destroy their whole banking-based economy by making it transparent?

Unless I am totally misunderstanding this story, somebody in the Swiss banking industry is dumber than I am.

I'm transferring my millions to the Caymans. So there.

In other money news, today I found I have a dime with King George on it. It's from 1938. That's pretty old. Maybe if I keep it for 20 more years (but not in a Swiss vault, they will squeal on me, those squealers) it will be worth 25 cents. My retirement fund.

He'll be here soon

The current left-handed President of the United States is scheduled to land in Ottawa at 10:30.

Ottawa is only two hours from Montreal. Will I feel the Earth move? Oh the excitement!

Another b-day today

All of us February babies (and babes! ha!) are used to a little inclement weather on our birthdays.

So this year Mrs. Anon gets a snowy one for sure. I'll bet she was awake and alert at 6:25 to hear her best friend forever, Pascal, give the birthday forecast for today.

Happy B-Day young chickie. (You're still not catching up to us. This is unfair.)

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Meanwhile...South of the Border...First in a Series

Ah, beautiful Puerto Vallarta, a sun and pleasure paradise, where the Speedo is still the bathing suit of choice, worn by those who should be wearing kaftans...but, fortunately, also by hot-bodied hunks who managed to induce some ogle-drool all over the front of my Hawaiian-Tropic-# 8-scented chest...and if that weren't enough, PV is also the land of the papas friedas (potato chips). Let's face it, a vacation without chips is like Alec Baldwin with a shaved body or a 98 lb Jean-Claude Van Damme...utterly and completely pointless.

First on the week's purchase were Chips à la Diabla...They were not as hot as hell, as one might be led to believe, but when it comes to, have the Mexicans got it down pat. As the package states "suculentament diferentes" (and no, that does not mean "suck slowly"). These bites of mucho happiness tasted akin to our ketchup chips, but with an added kick (Devil's Ketchup might have been a more suitable name) These chips (libre de acidos grasos trans) were a true treat and a wonderful way to welcome the week. Granted, copious amounts of sun, sea, and alcohol will easily lower anyone's standards...nonetheless, on the Mexican el wang-o-metro, these papas rate a muy grande ocho ( 8 ) inches...and will have you screaming with suculentamente.

The second day's purchase had to be eaten on day three, due to a gorge fest of deliciousness at a local restaurant...Bag # 2 were named Chip-Otles (and were a chipotle and cheese flavour). How clever these Mexicans were to spot the word "chip" in "chipotle" (I know I never did) and turn it into an ingenius marketing campaign. A double olé for our friends down south. Upon opening the bag, I was blinded by the chemically-red seasoning that covered every inch of these crunchers (note: not necessarily a bad thing.) My first bite immediately brought to mind a spicy Doritos with a hint of smoky flavour. My travelling companion thought they tasted like hotdogs. Obviously, the heat and beer were wrecking havoc on someone's taste buds. Confusion and discussion ensued. There we were in Mexico, experiencing our own McLaughlin Group moment, exchanging opinions and spewing accusations faster than Life is a Rock (But the Radio Rolled Me) is sung. Unable to come to a firm decision, these chips on el wang-o-metro rate a 7.5...or a 6...or a 4.5...who knows? Perhaps a second bag is required for retesting purposes, but until then they remain an enigma...much like Little Richard.

Magical Mushroom Birthday

Happy Birthday to Ms Mushrooms, who is unfortunately not availabe to receive b-day greetings from the Internets, as her computer died over the weekend, and she is back in the Stone Age of computerlessness.

Oh well. In addition, in Mushrooms news, she broke her ankle last week (old ladies do these things) and is in a cast for the next 4 to 6 weeks. So best wishes for a speedy recovery in the "Robocast", too.

She's having a great February!

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Hate to be the old Nervous Nelly again, but the TSX is down over 280 points and the Dow is down over 250. And this is not making any kind of headlines anywhere. Apparently for the Dow this is the lowest it has been in a decade.

We're at that point, now, aren't we? When plunging markets don't even raise an eyebrow. Billions, trillions, whatever. Money is so abstract, it means nothing to us anymore. I'm going to buy some of that rust-proof paint, and paint my green wheelbarrow. I want it to be real shiny and pretty when I push it over to IGA, loaded with worthless currency, to buy a loaf of bread.

Meanwhile the whole planet has worked itself into a tizzy (smelling salts for all!) over some 13-year-old kid in Britain who fathered a child. O the humanity.

I'm thinking of taking up whiskey-drinking. Whiskey just seems like the kind of liquor I'm going to need as society slips into Great Depression 2.0. Something that will knock me out cold.


Nuestro amigo, el JAW Fan, has returned from vacation, and I am told Mexican chip reviews will be forthcoming. Muy caliente! etc. etc. Ay yi yi, I have now exhausted my espanol. (And I can't find the right Alt-number key-combo to make the tilde over the n.) oh well.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Term of the Day

In work-related news, I'm reading a document that makes reference to "body orifice security scanners".

Two things:

1. Will I ever reach a level of maturity where this doesn't make me giggle?

2. Why do I immediately imagine a scene where George Costanza has been subjected to one of these things?

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Wimp Alert

After a few on-line chats over the weekend, I know I should've dumped Kumar this weekend. But I just couldn't do it on-line.

Is it hopelessly 20th Century of me to feel that dumping has to happen face-to-face? We've already had so many on-line chats that descended into arguments because of misunderstanding of tone and jokes that I just couldn't do the deed.

Now, I'm mad at myself and depressed. This is like being a kid and playing with a loose tooth. Just fiddling away, twisting it, instead of yanking the thing out once and for all. What a milquetoast I am. (I do believe that is the first time I have used this word on the blog, and I'm almost at 2,000 posts. It was far overdue. Such a great word.)

His excuse for not showing up today is that he got fatigued, and then developed some kind of rash, and went to the emergency at the CLSC where they told him he had a skin "reaction" to some form of wood. This after spending last night working in the family garage with his dad. It's such an elaborate tale of woe, in my wimpiness, and against my better judgement, I'm prone to believe him, but when I do, I loathe myself. He said: "When I come to see you, it's to have fun, not to make you sick". Indeed.

In other news, he claims he has got a job in Dubai, and is moving there is April. I'm thinking if I can just hang on until April without killing him, this whole silly affair will be over. If I don't make it to April, he won't get to "Dubai" and I'll be in jail for assault and battery and/or attempted homicide.

Saturday, February 14, 2009


Mr. Jaws had his follow-up today. His stitches are still in place. They will dissolve eventually, but are still holding firm for now. The swelling in his jaw is down significantly. 10 more days of antibiotics should leave him good as new.

He was well-behaved throughout his exam. I was not forced to play the embarrassed parent. He is such a good-natured fellow. He brings joy to all he encounters.

Weird thing. There is an assistant working at this vet who is the most androgynous person I have ever seen. Been thinking about him/her all day, and I still can't decide this person's gender. He/she held onto Mr. Jaws while the vet spritzed his gums. I held on too, so I was right next to this person, actually touching arm-to-arm, and I kept glancing at him/her, and I just couldn't be sure. The voice, the arms, the hands, the hair, the chest, nothing could give me a clue. It's Pat!

Friday, February 13, 2009

Smart Alec

I hate to be blogging about Alec Baldwin in JAW Fan's absence, but I have watched 30 Rock for the past two weeks, and that man is hilarious. Last week, he was a scream as a Mexican soap opera character called the Generalissimo, and this week he was in church pretending to recite the Our Father but actually whispering into his cell phone trying to change a dinner reservation.

You had to be there. Trust me, it was hysterical.

Then he was in the confessional. More hilarity. (Well, maybe only for Catholics.)

Brrrr, as predicted

Winter has returned. I found the wind to be bitterly cold this morning. No snow, however. Which is a good thing.

Seems like this is a holiday weekend for everybody on the continent except us. In the USA it's Presidents Day. What is it called in other provinces? Heritage Day? Family Day? In Quebec, it is well known that we are ANTI-family, or so I always hear, so no Family Day for us.

Why not just call it Winter-Break-to-stop-people-from-killing-themselves-from-depression Day. We could all use it.

A three-day weekend should mean that Kumar will make his way down the 401 for a visit. If he does not show up, he is toast. And I really mean it this time. Really! Even if he does make it, he will be informed that while he may not be quite toast yet, he is in the toaster and my finger is poised on the button.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Pre-Valentine's Day Special

I have a good friend here who is in (what the rest of us think is) a terrible relationship. It has been going on for 13 years, and the basic problem is money. She saves it, and he spends it. They have come close to bankruptcy once, have been audited by Revenue Canada, and she has lent him over $250,000 over the course of time for his business. And as far as I know, never got any of it back. She refinanced the house to pay off Rev Canada. And now with tax time coming, they are on the brink again. She pays the mortgage and all the bills, and we don't know what happens to the money he makes. He's a general contractor. She makes the same money as I do. She has now lost two friendships because they were friends who hired him to do work on their houses and there have been accusations of overcharging, shoddy work etc. All the while she is defending what a good and honest man he is, too trusting of his clients and claims he is the one getting shafted by people who won't pay.

It is so distressing because we are watching him drag her into bankruptcy. And yet the worse it gets, the more she defends him. This week it's like she has dug in her heels for a final battle. He can do no wrong. It's incredible to watch. The worst combination of a woman who will give and give and give to save her relationship and a predatory man who will take and take and take because he can. We are all upset about it, but then we realize that it is precisely because she is like this that he is with her. He may love her (?), but he also knows that he can control her and preys on her insecurity. This woman is 50 years old, not 20. It is so incredibly depressing. Do we learn nothing over the course of our lives, or do we just make the same mistakes over and over?

All of us single (or, ahem, semi-single) gals are wondering: is this what is takes to keep a man?

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Job news, endless

Someone sent me a vacancy announcement for an Editor job in Geneva today.

Geneva strikes me as one small notch above Siberian exile. Not as cold, but just as bleak and dull.

But, never-say-die trooper that I am, I'm going to apply anyway. What the heck. On-line applications are just too easy.

But....Switzerland has both good chocolate and cheese. And it's near Italy. Which has pasta and the Azzurri. Hmmm.

Is it warm around here, or is it me?

Temperatures are above freezing today. I did not wear boots to work for the first time in 3 months because the sidewalk is free and clear of snow and ice. I did not wear a hat.

I may do a little Dance of Joy.

Tomorrow's forecast: rain, turning to freezing rain, turning to snow a.k.a. winter as usual.

Respite only lasts a day. I'll take it.

Tell me something good

Here is a sure sign that there is far too much economic news on the news these days. I'm developing a crush on the Governor of the Bank of Canada.

Every night the news is about money, jobs, recession. And there he is, on my teevee all the time, his sympathetic blue eyes peering into my bank account, telling me that the recession will be shorter than what everyone else says.

I so want to believe you, Mark Carney, you and your sincere blue eyes.

Monday, February 09, 2009

Yakkity Yak

I'm watching Prez O's press conference.

Oh my god! He talks so much. Shut up, Barry. You talk too much. My god. Shut up already.

How he does go on...and he's using words that have more than two syllables. We are not used to such things. I'm overwhelmed.

Are we going to see "House" tonight or what? I fear not. We have nothing to fear but Barry talking until we have all cried Uncle and given up.

I wonder if Michelle ever gets a word in at the dinner table. Ever. Only if Barry doesn't talk with his mouth full. That's her opportunity to jump in.

I Warned Him

This is the kind of story I get to post in JAW Fan's absence. I thought only Canadians were meeting their maker in Mexico, but so are Americans!

More than 200 American citizens have been killed since 2004 in Mexico's escalating wave of violence, amounting to the highest number of unnatural deaths in any foreign country outside military combat zones, according to the U.S. State Department. (MSNBC)

Outside the combat zone. A weird way to put it.

Still, it would've been enjoyable to antagonize him with this before he left. But I'm sure he had enough on his mind just willing the plane to the stay in the air through the sheer force of his mind. His poor better-half. I think if you listen closely you can hear them bickering from here.

Mexico can try its best to be nasty and scary, but it is not even close to scoring the Top Spot in my Worst Country in the World standings. Pakistan will be difficult to unseat.

Maybe, maybe not, possibly

I saw Doubt on the weekend. A very good movie for all Catholics and Catholic wanna-be’s. This latter group being a very small exclusive clique. In fact I only know one*.

I had seen the play 2 years ago, and I guess because the playwright also directed the movie, it kept the same tone. I thought it was very cleverly written because if you think the priest is guilty as sin, then everything he says makes you think “Entitled creep! Arrogant!” but if you think the priest is innocent, everything he says is reasonable and fair in the circumstances.

I still dunno if he done it.

As for Sister Aloyisius. Well, let’s just say she’s represents the kind of Catholic who must be thrilled to have Benny XVI in the top job now. At last. That John XXIII was a heretic.

*Note to wanna-be Catholic: You could just convert, you know. It could add a little spice to your life. heh. Spice and iconography.

Sunday, February 08, 2009

Fire Down Under

Wow, the death toll from Australia's wild fires is up to 84.

I could not figure out how so many people could get caught in the fire, but I read in the NY Times this morning that some people died "trying to escape the fires in their cars". Yikes!

Friday, February 06, 2009

Bon Voyage

Have fun in Mexico, JAW Fan, and try not to get yourself murdered like a number of Canadians have managed to do lately.

More importantly, have you been practicing these handy phrases: Dondé estan los chipos por favor? Tiene chipos de la dillo? Yumo, yumo, estos ketchupo chipos son muy deliciosos.

People are stupid, Part XXXIX

Everyone in Canada is in a tizzy over the 60-year-old woman in Alberta who gave birth to twins. "But she's ooooold" everyone is screaming. Turns out she went to India to get in vitro fertilization, but had the babies here (where Canadian tax-payers can pay for her foolishness).

But 60 is no big deal, I have learned. MSNBC reports today on a 70-year-old woman in India who had a baby, and she is the second 70-year-old to have a baby in India.

Which leads to the question: what the hell is wrong with Indian doctors? Are they all insane?

Worse thing is, the new 70-year-old mom, after 50 years of trying to have a kid, ended up having a girl. Does that mean she's going to have to kill her because daughters are lousy since they can't provide for you in your old age? Back to the old fertility board. If you don't have a son the first time, try, try, again.

B-Day Alert

Happy Birthday to Mr. Anonymous!

Long may he reign.

Thursday, February 05, 2009

One down, one to go

I will not be getting an interview for the job I went to New York for last October. What really pisses me off is that they won't give any details on why not:

On the basis of the results of the written examination, I regret to inform you that you will not be convoked to the interview. Kindly note that this decision of the Board of Examiners is final. We are not in a position to give any feedback, nor do we release individual scores/results.


Fine, go ahead, don't convoke me! I don't need your stinkin' convocation. But at least tell me how I did. Did I do so-so, is it worth trying again, or is my exam being sent around the department for laughs? It would be nice to know something... anything.

Nanuk is not a nurse

If anyone has any tips on how to get a syringe of medicine down the throat of a flailing, squirming cat (who has claws), kindly send them along.

One trick I will be using tonight is to wrap Mr. Jaws in a blanket like a mummy, that way I will only be battling his bobbing, ducking and weaving head, and not his wild paws and kung-fu style back kicks.

Yes, this morning's dose was quite the ordeal.

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Jaws .....Doo Doo, Doo Doo

I did not bring Mr. D home last night because he was still high as a kite when I got to the vet at 6:00. Turns out surgery did not last 1 hour, but 3 hours because he has a broken jaw.

I knew something serious had happened when I heard that crash in the basement.

Anyway, I am picking him up this afternoon. He cannot have his jaw immobilized because he doesn't have any teeth left to attach any dental equipment to, so it will have to slowly heal on its own. This is truly nutty. He will be on soft food for quite a while, but, knowing his feisty nature, I expect him to be acting normal, if not feeling normal, pretty quickly.

No vacation for me this year. I is a poor girl.

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

The Book of Love is long and boring

With Valentine’s Day around the corner, here’s one for the Romantics.

Last weekend, Kumar expressed his fear that I was “falling in love” with him. I assured him I was not, his being a great guy, etc., etc., notwithstanding. Good Canadians always love a chance to use the notwithstanding clause.

Now this is the kind of discussion women love, and men get glazed-over looks about. Why? Because women analyze something like this to death. Why? Because that’s what we do. It’s what we’re good at. Over-analyzing. Dissecting, Reinterpreting.

Instant female response to Kumar’s comment is to exclaim: “A-ha!! HE is, in true fact, the one falling in love and this is his way of discretely broaching the subject.”

Instant male response to same comment: “Uh, what was the comment, again?”

It was a weird thing for him to say, and we changed the subject quickly thereafter, but it wasn’t any weirder than a couple of weeks ago when he asked me what I thought of having kids. I think his brains are scrambled.

Actually, I think he has successfully managed to completely erase our age difference from his consciousness. Last weekend, he was telling me about his supervisor, who he described as “a very nice woman, but she’s older, around 50”. She makes his coffee for him every morning. Isn’t that nice? he said. I said, sure, but I’m thinking: hey, you old broad, hands off!

Soooo tired

I just wrote a 5 and a half hour exam for the powers-that-be in NY. Man, am I tired.

Two hours of English editing, one and a half hours of writing in English based on a Spanish text, and two hours of comparing an English speech to a French one. My brain is fried. Fortunately I have beer at home. Cerveza a la casa. Biere a la maison.

Now I am awaiting a call from the vet to let me know how Mr. D. did under general anathestic, and to know what time I can go over and pick up my toothless big boy. Life is non-stop fun.

Monday, February 02, 2009

Cat$ co$t Ca$h

Emergency: I had to take Mr. D. to the vet. An incident occurred in the basement yesterday, I know not what it was. I heard only a bang and a crash, and several minutes later, Mr. D. emerged from below, blood on his paws, blood dripping from his mouth.

I cannot imagine what exactly he got himself into.

So emergency visit to the vet today. His gums are swollen, his jaw looks a bit dislocated, and all 4 fangs (or incisors if you prefer a less feral word) have to come out. He's going to look like some old toothless French Canadian. I'll call him "Pepere". He has always had jungle breath that could knock you down in an instant, but now his gums are so infected, he can't go on like this. Gingivitus, and god only knows what else, is lurking in there.

I left him at the vet. They started him immediately on fluids by IV, and on antibiotics, and tomorrow is the multiple extractions. I should have him home again tomorrow evening.

On the bright side, they have already called to inform me that he tested negative for FIV, so he does not have Kitty Aids. This means his auto-immune system is good, and he should recover more quickly from the surgery.

The poor little guy. And me, the POORER little owner. This will easily run over a thousand bucks. But he's worth it!

Bruce is King

I may be biased, but I thought Springsteen's 12-minute, mini-opus was just great. All the excitement of his full-length show super-compressed without losing any of the energy. Neat-o.

Apparently there was a football game surrounding this Big Event. Whatever.

Sunday, February 01, 2009

One month of winter over

It's Pre-Groundhog Day! or Groundhog's Eve, if you will.

One month into 2009, let me review my progress on my New Year's Resolutions:

1) Declutter the house. Nothing to report on this front. I just can't throw anything out. I need psychological help in this regard. I'm not quite at the point where I will die pinned under a giant pile of old magazines that topples on top of me, so I still have a bit of breathing room in this regard.

2) Packing a lunch. Yay! Progress. Out of 20 working days, I brought a lunch 6 times. That's 30% of the time. I am amazing! Also, estimating the cost savings at approx. $4.00 per lunch, that's $24.00 saved. I am rich!

3) My unofficial NY's Resolution of losing weight. Also progress. I have lost 5 pounds! I am great! I want my doctor to love me when I see him in March, and I'm on the path to doctor's love. This is not to be confused with Dr. Love.