Thursday, March 31, 2011

It's NaPoMo Eve

Twas the night before NaPoMo
And some were a-tingle
But the cupboards were empty
Not even a Pringle

The poet was bundled
Asleep in his bed, while
Visions of a naked Alec
Bounced in his head

His loins were stirred
As was his libido
O Alec, he purred
Remove your speedo

It was but a dream
And he woke with dejection
But was such a great dream
His noodle’s still at attention

April begins tomorrow
So let us get started
On a month-long adventure
Not for the faint-hearted

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Developments on the Home Front

TWO days to NaPoMo! That would be two days until the official start of NaPoMo, as we have been getting teasers for a while now. thanks.

On the home front, there has been an interesting development. My "frenemy" Fancy Feast has resurfaced, after hiberanting/hiding since our Thanksgiving fiasco. (See blog posts for Oct 4 and Oct 10 of last year....grrrr)

Being a sap who takes in strays (see posts re: Blackie the cat, same month of last year) I have agreed to let Fancy Feast stay at my place for a week. His circumstances are complicated and his long-windedness legendary. So let's just say, he needs a place and he's ready to pay.

He has agreed to share the guest room with Blackie. Althought I do not know if King Blackie will accept this. Let the two of them work it out.

Due to a health problem, he (FF, not Blackie) has lost 50 pounds over the winter and thus considers himself an expert on everything weight- and health-related. So he informed last night that next week we will be following a "food plan". Not a diet, a food plan. I can't wait. My week off at home with Fancy Feast and his food plan. Stay tuned.

FF works a 4-to-midnight shift so I should expect him to arrive Friday after midnight. What a way to start the vacation.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Campaign news

Will somebody please please please assure me that Harper is NOT going to sing every day? puhleeze.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Election Time Again!

A federal election campaign coinciding with NaPoMo? Is this possible? Let the rhymes begin! Well, let the rhymes begin on Friday, that is.

Update on the Romantic Male Box Crazy Water Man Edition: I sent the guy a polite email saying thanks, but I do not think we would be compatible. Good luck with finding the right woman. I added that I now knew more about salt water energy drinks than I need to know. He replied: Water is what I do for a living, it's not who I am! Technically, thought I, aren't we all primarily water? But I was in no mood to nitpick. I did not reply because as far as I was concerned, I had said my polite goodbye.

So next day I got another email asking: what is it I wanted? what was I looking for? (I resisted saying "Not salt water energy drinks") I ignored him. Then I got a final message informing me that this would be his last email, that he would be deleting me from his contacts as soon as he hit Send. OK. But he just wanted to add that he gave amazing, fantastic massages and that every woman who gets one from him loves him and says don't stop, don't stop. (I assume he also gives them salt water energy drinks to keep them hydrated.)

Friday, March 25, 2011

Romantic Male Box: Healthy Drink Edition

I exchanged a few emails with a man from CL this week. He said he was 55, lived in the west end somewhere and seemed normal.

Then...yesterday he emails me that he slipped on some ice yesterday morning, banged his noggin and was dizzy so he went to the hospital. They checked him for concussion, told him he was okay and sent him on his way. Still normal.

Then...he tells me how he chatted up the doctor and told her he markets a "health drink". He convinced the doctor to ship 4 bottles of it free to her father. ??? He told me the drink is primarily salt water. ??? But the doctor was very interested in having her father try it.

Then...he forwards me 3 Word documents with explanations of the health drink and testimonials about it. (I did not read them.) and then a YouTube video about this drink. And he writes about 3 additional paragraphs about what it consists of and how healthy it is.


I think maybe they missed the concussion on the x-ray. Back to the old drawing board...

Thursday, March 24, 2011

What is up with....?

I've been watching the news to learn about our military involvement in bombing the living daylights out of Cool Mo G...but without actuall killing him, you know.

Our Minister of National Defense is on t.v. a lot and this leads me to ask only one question:

Why has Peter Potato Head taken to wearing super-wide clown ties?

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Celebrity Death News

On the non-polar bear death circuit, Elizabeth Taylor died.

Knowing American t.v., that is the end of everything we might have heard about Libya, Japan, Yemen, Bahrain, etc.

I expect it will be All Liz All Day.

Monday, March 21, 2011

At the parade

Here I am next to our float. The looming presence on the left of the photo is Smoothie, hogging the camera as usual.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Celebrity Death

In the Euro polar edition of celebrity deaths, I am very sorry that Knut the polar bear died. He was only 4.

I has a sad :(

Well, that was fun

Being in the parade was a lot of fun. I really enjoyed it. We felt like celebrities waving to people. I couldn't quite figure out why people wanted to wave at us, but what the heck, we waved back.

Smoothie's school was handing out free calendars. So at each block, we would stock up with an armful of calendars and go towards the crowd. All these hands waving, everybody loves a freebie. (I'm sure the trash cans along Ste. Cate Street are full of calendars now.)

Everyone was so polite, asking for their freebie and saying thanks afterward. It was an odd but fun experience.

Friday, March 18, 2011

There's a first time for everything

On Sunday I will be participating in the St. Patrick's Day Parade.

Yes, it's true.

Smoothie's school has a float and each student who is marching is invited to bring a guest, so he asked me to go with him. At first I said No Way. Then I thought about it for a while and said what the heck. I've never been in a parade before, and now I am officially at the age where I don't care about anything, so why not?....and there's a free lunch afterward.

I own nothing green. This is a problem.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Weekend Round-up

Looks like winter may be over, or at least, over-ish. Cautious optimism here.

I saw Rango on Saturday. What is the limit of references for adults that a kids movie can have before it goes too far? In Rango, the mayor of the village is, essentially, John Huston's character in Chinatown (minus the incest, thankfully). One thing I learnt: forget about kids getting that, even their parents are too young to get it.

When the mayor delivers the line about "controlling the water", I leaned over to Smoothie and asked if he recognized that line from Chinatown, and he told me he's never seen it. So who is that reference for? The grandparents of the kids seeing the movie? The great aunts?

In other Smoothie news, on Friday evening I went to a new restaurant with a friend from work. We definitely felt like we were the oldest folks there. Later I told Smoothie about it, he said he had been there, and the crowd was too old. I said really? Everyone I saw was in their 30s and he said exactly, it's an older crowd.

50 is the new 30! (Or so the Globe & Mail Style Section told me last week.)

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Miscellaneous Thursday News and Griping

Today, Environment Canada issued a snowfall warning AND a rainfall warning...for the same day. This cannot bode well. It's still snowing now but I brought my umbrella to work. I hate life.

In other news...My poor friend Smoothie. He thought he'd met the girl of his dreams two days ago. Now things seem to be going downhill. Looks like what he thought was the start of a beautiful relationship, she thought was a one-night stand. Don't these things usually go the other way between the sexes? It's interesting to watch this unfold from the male point-of-view. He was SO happy yesterday and now he's sinking fast. It's sad. I really wanted him to find a girlfriend. He's lonely. I'm glad I'm not 20-something anymore.

In non-news. Work is stupid, lame, etc. I hate it. What do they call it if you kill your boss? Patron-icide? (Maybe in Quebec.)

Monday, March 07, 2011

Intl Organization of CHIMPS

There's a Big Winter Storm raging right now. So what did my esteemed employer do? They sent an email at 8:00 (when I had already left the house) that the offices would be closed today. Then at 8:20, they sent a second email saying, ignore the first message, the offices are open.

When I finally got to the office (at 9:30!) people were leaving the building. There had been an intercom announcement that only essential staff had to stay, and anyone who wanted to go home was allowed to do so.

I'm still here because !!fudge!! it took me an hour and 20 minutes to get in, I'm not turning around and going home right away. I'll leave around noon to head home to my beloved snow shovel.

P.S. HAPPY BIRTHDAY to the bigger of the little anonymi.

Sunday, March 06, 2011

I'm a Cricket Widow

One thing I have learnt from frequenting men from former British colonies: everything is just dandy as long as I know my place. Cricket always comes first. Kumar lived for cricket, and the Persian lives for cricket.

So how about that Cricket World Cup, eh? Ireland beat England this week, and today the Irish gave the Indians a hard time before going down to defeat.

Ask me if I care. When does the baseball season start? March 31.

But, alas, I accept my fate. I can't compete against cricket. I guess I'll go knit or bake cookies or something. Or shovel. Apparently by this evening, there'll be plenty of shovelling to do. Again. Sigh.

Thursday, March 03, 2011

Exciting! NaPoMo Preview...

Twenty-eight days left to go
Before the start of NaPoMo
I just hope I have the time
To regale you with witty rhyme
Of waving wangs, big and small,
(Entertaining to one and all)
And saucy tales to grope and goose
In the tradition of Dr. Seuss
Here a bon mot, there some puns,
Slaps and tickles to Alec’s buns
April will be full o’ ribaldry
In rhyming style AABB

Wednesday, March 02, 2011

I'm still alive

Is this what life is like at 50? Reduced blogging capabilities? Lack of imagination? Nothing is ever new?

I doubt it, but nothing much is new in the past week.

I applied for another job yesterday. I came back from my long weekend totally ready to leave my esteemed employer. And, lo and behold, I spotted a job on-line for which I am totally qualified, so I dashed off an application. I don't expect to get the job, or even an interview (reason: I'm old and nobody wants an oldie on their staff) but it made me feel better to shoot off that c.v.

Today I feel less trapped and hopeless to be at work. Hope springs eternal, even in the heart of darkness of the olds.

Also, FIVE weeks until NaPoMo.