Thursday, January 31, 2008

What the hell???

A Brazilian judge has banned a group from parading in the Rio carnival with a float depicting the victims of the Holocaust and a Hitler figure......The judge said the samba group could still parade but must remove mannequins meant to represent dead bodies. (BBC)

I'm speechless.

Nothing says "carnival" like "Holocaust".


I slept nearly 'round the clock last night and I feel so much better today. My cold is nearly gone. I'm feeling human.

(Note to JAW Fan: Please inform Jean-Philippe of my progress.)

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Rudy Fails

and endorses McCain.

Rudy's standing next to McCain right now, sporting a Vice-President-in-waiting grin.

God help us.


Yikes, the winds are crazy here right now. One of my gutters is already loose from the snow and I expect it will fly off and land in the backyard within the next few hours. Also, I'm hearing bumping on the roof. I hope I'm not losing any shingles.

On the bright side, I'm safe at home. And I had Kraft Dinner for lunch. It is the height of normalcy.

What Do You Do, Vargas?

and not: What does Vargas do?

Sunday night I was not in t.v. watching form, but I happened to flip around a bit and came across, you know it, you love it, Thunderball.

In a moment of impeccable timing, it was the scene where Bond shows up at some rich guy's swanky estate, and meets a lady in a pool. Then the rich guy comes out and, yes, his two henchmen: Vargas and the other one.

What timing! I said.

He does not drink
He does not smoke
He does not make love.

I didn't have the concentration to keep watching, so I only stuck with it for a few minutes. That junkadoo goes on forever. And then some woman denigrated Bond's love-making skills. I know, I know, it was only for King and Country. I did not see the rest of the movie but only hope that in the end she was served her just desserts.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Embarrassed Much?

Hey you Blade Runner fans. Celebrity drunk news for you:

LOS ANGELES, California (AP) -- Sean Young has entered rehabilitation for alcohol abuse following a weekend outburst in which she was heckling from the audience at the Directors Guild of America awards.

I know this woman has had problems for years, but heckling someone at the Directors Guild of America awards? I guess it's a step up from the People's Choice Awards.

Harold Macmillan, Deflator

I read On Chesil Beach by Ian McEwan yesterday. Yes, I read a book in a day. I feel like the Post Pessimist. I confess it’s a very short novel, but still.

Great book. Sad and funny, frustrating and ultimately heart-breaking. I kept saying to the two main characters "oh come on, you two, Communicate! You aren’t communicating and you’re ruining a great thing."

The book is about two virginal 22-year-olds on their wedding night in 1962. It's about Britain just entering the 1960s, with the post-war hardships and the hope of the younger generation. And rock and roll. Here’s a great bit. It involves the young man’s efforts to stop thinking about sex in order not too "arrive too soon".

"Just in time, he thought of the news, of the face of the Prime Minister, Harold Macmillan, tall, stooping, walrus-like, a war hero, an old buffer - he was everything that was not sex and ideal for the purpose."

So Frustrated

How am I supposed to get well if my body is expending all its energy fighting a head cold? This is nuts. I've been sick for 3 days now. And I know if I wasn't fighting off this cough, I would be prancing about like a merry sprite* by now. Crap.

*What a visual.

Monday, January 28, 2008

And Now Presenting....A Visual

Here's a pic of someone getting the same surgery as me. Yikes. Look at all them tubes!

In Crazy Neighbour News

Everyone knows about my crazy Polish neighbour (CPN) whom I loathe to the depths of my soul. Well on Friday night, it was my sister’s turn to flip out over his stupidity.

The city had only removed the snow from one side of our street, so she had to park across from my house. CPN too had to park his car across the way. There were NO OTHER CARS within 5 or 6 house lengths from ours. So what did he do? He backed up and parked in front of my sis’s car to within a few centimetres. Why? Who knows? Because he is a nut.

She spent the whole evening looking out the window at the two sole vehicles on the street squeezed up against each other. CPN could not have opened his trunk if he’d wanted to. That’s how close he was to her front bumper.

She was livid and puzzled. "What kind of person does this?" she asked over and over, stewing.

She plotted revenge. She was ready to find a pay phone and send unwanted pizzas to his house. Then she thought she could call CAA and have them tow the car away for a laugh. She schemed and plotted for an hour. It was really driving her crazy.

She thought about going out and moving her car directly in front of his, but I cautioned that he is nutty enough to ram her just to show his superiority, so she didn’t do anything.

I suggested she light a bag of cat poo on his front porch. She’d never heard of the flaming bag of poo prank.

As for me, it was fun to watch someone else go through this for a change. She now better understands my ranting about his ludicrous behavior.

Monday a.m. update

My nurse has just hit the highway back to Toronto, so I am on my own for recovery now. I'd be feeling fantastic if not for this stupid head cold. Still pretty congested.

I'm eating like a baby or like Abe Simpson, depending on your point of view. Everything is mashed or cut into tiny tiny pieces. But I have managed to eat sweet potatoes, mashed up carrots and peas, scrambled eggs, canned spaghetti, and, believe it or not, pork roast! I'm timing my eating. It takes me 20 minutes to eat a small plate of supper. I chew every bite at least 30 times. What the heck, I've got nowhere to go. I'm very pleased with my progress, and everything is sliding down the gullet no problem. yay.

I'm examining my incisions. I have no stitches, just surgical tape which will fall off over the next few days. Looking good and clean so far.

On the agenda for today: read a book, nap, watch a few episodes of Arrested Development on DVD, nap, putter. busy, busy, busy.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Endless Fun

I developed a head cold overnight. What an unpleasant surprise. Runny nose, watery eyes, scratchy throat, the whole shooting match. I really hadn't planned on this. grrrrr.

Recovery seems to comprise good day/bad day/good day/bad day.

Yesterday I went out twice: to the drug store and to the bank machine. I was so proud of myself and energetic. Now today I feel like crap.

What I have learned about myself: I'm an inpatient patient. I'm usually so devil-may-care (heh). How come I've turned into a Type A in the past 4 days? growl.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Useless Pills

I took one of the blue pain pills last night and it did nothing. How disappointing. I get more relief from Tylenol and Gravol.

Maybe I should take the blue pill with a shot of vodka for greater effect.

Friday, January 25, 2008

My Busy Morning

I managed to have a shower and wash my hair. Keeping my arms up over my head for long enough to rinse was a bit challenging, but I made it. And then I had a bowl of oatmeal. I'm SuperWoman! heh heh.

I'm progressing by leaps and bounds.

I've been prescribed a fairly strong painkiller, but so far, I've only needed to take Tylenol. How disappointing to have good drugs in the house and no urge to try them out.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Monday, January 21, 2008

I'm Freaking Out!

Surgery is back on for Tuesday. I found out late this afternoon. I have to be at the hospital in 12 hours! GULP!

Can I sue the surgeon for mental cruelty? This is insane. I'm trying to pack my bag now, but I'm really just sitting around panicking.

Weekend Round-Up

I spent the weekend at home fuming over my non-surgical woes. I feel like somebody waiting to deliver a baby and the darn kid just won't show. So I did a ton of cleaning and decluttering. My recycling green box was overflowing this morning. At least some good has come of this stupid situation.

So what did I learn from the teevee this weekend?

1) John McCain's mother is still alive. And she seems fit and healthy. Holy mackerel. He's already the Republicans Methuselah, so what does that make her? Ancient Immortal Mother of Methuselah?

2) I watched too much South Carolina primary on Saturday. Saturday night I dreamt there was a caucus being held on my front lawn. A bunch of old people I'd never seen before were milling around. Then Ron Paul came up and insisted on shaking my hand. I was so excited, I went around telling everybody that Ron Paul shook my hand! But nobody cared.

3) Are we ready for a recession? The markets are tanking everywhere, while the USA has a day off. I guess they'll catch up (or catch down) tomorrow. When everyone sells, sells, sells, aren't "wily investors" supposed to step in and start buying up the bargains? Where have those darn "wily investors" got to? Don't people want bargains anymore? This ain't K-Mart, I guess.

4) John McLaughlin said it's time to move close to the ledge. That's not comforting.
5) I saw a bit of Goldfinger but I missed too much to catch up. It looked silly, though, and Sean Connery was still very handsome. I saw a bit where he drove some woman (i.e some woman) off the road using the Ben-Hur-chariot spikes on his tyres. That wily Bond.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Quotation of the Day

From William Carlos Williams:

It is difficult
to get the news from poems
yet men die miserably every day
for lack of what is found there.

Friday, January 18, 2008


My surgery's been postponed again.

In the words of the immortal Ed Anger: I'm pig-biting mad.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

I Hates Clogs

I'm stuck at home this morning with the plumber because my kitchen sink has a major clog. Turns out the clog is in the pipe that runs under the house. Yikes.

The plumber is currently gone, back at the "shop" to get some big machine he needs to clear out the pipe.

I wonder how much $$$$ this is going to set me back. Argh.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008


Sometimes it's dangerous to flip from one station to another. Last night, I flipped past Newsworld while they were showing a documentary on gastric by-pass surgery done using laparoscopy.

Really, the tubes they stick in the patient are much larger than I'd imagined. And they jammed them into people's abdomens like plugging a hole in a tire. I can't really picture myself lying there like a beached whale with all that equipment driven into my gut. It made me feel light-headed. I'm not feelin' so brave today.

On the plus side, since this laparoscopic surgery is performed routinely now, maybe while the Doc's in there decluttering various organs, I can ask that he suck out some flab at the same time. Since he's in the neighbourhood and all.

Wish Me Luck

This morning I submitted an application for a job in London (not Ontario!). It's similar work to what I do here (no snide comments, please) in a similar organization. I don't expect anything to come of it, but the opportunity was too good to pass up.

Of course, you can all come visit me when I'm a swinging Londoner. heh.

Frankly I expect my only response will be from the Head of Human Resources, Nelson Muntz, who will say: You didn't get the job HA HA.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Another weird dream

Last night I dreamt that I was trapped in a department store's elevator shaft with three McGill students. ?????

The only thing that makes sense is the McGill thing. I received an alumni magazine the other day and thumbed through it last evening. So that's where that comes from. But why the elevator shaft? I love the subconscious!

Today in Luis Guzman News

Some of you may know that I am big fan of Luis Guzman. Well, who isn't, right? And anyone who isn't should reform their ways and become a fan, sez I.

I found this funny story on today about how our Luis is starring in a series of commercials for cheese.

Now if you were to think of the 50 States of the USA and try to pick which is the unlikeliest state for Luis to live in, where would that be? Of course! Vermont! But it turns out Luis is a "gentleman farmer" living in Vermont and was more than happy to appear in commercials for a local cheese producer.

Now could anything be cooler than being, say, in Burlington at PizzaUno and seeing Luis Guzman at the next table. I ask you. That would be bliss.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Speaking of nostalgia

A question for susieq.

JAW Fan wants to know if you are familiar with this series. He has fond memories of seeing it late at night here. Screaming women and alligators. These are the elements of a great t.v. series, in his opinion. I'm reserving judgement.

TV fun

The one good thing to come out of the writers’ strike is having the Golden Globes announced and wrapped up in a few short minutes.

I missed half the announcements because I was flipping back and forth between the GGs and Dr. Strangelove.

After seeing From Russia with Love a bit earlier and then Dr. Strangelove, I am really feeling nostalgic for the Cold War. I always do, but now more than ever. Those were the good old days. When I saw the story this morning about the British Ambassador being hauled in before the Russian Foreign Minister over some spat, I sighed wistfully.

But back to the GGs, I kept checking in with Larry King but his comments were so inane (even by his standards) that I had to give up. When Larry grumbled that he didn’t understand why “Daniel Day” did not win Best Actor in a Musical or Comedy, I just wanted to strangle him. Has he actually seen any of the movies he raves about? I know I’m stating the obvious, but I am continually amazed at what a clueless fool Larry is.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Great Movie Moment

I’m watching From Russia With Love right now. This is the second time it’s been on in the past month, and I find it really amusing.

A scene I love: Lotte Lenya wants to meet the new killer operative. They bring Robert Shaw (looking verrrry fit) to her. She circles him and then punches him hard in the stomach. He doesn’t flinch. She declares him satisfactory and leaves.

This is the test?

What kind of half-assed operation is SPECTRE anyway?

Friday, January 11, 2008

People are sick

I know this story has probably been around the world by now, but I can't get over how stupid people are.

Two men were arrested on Tuesday after pushing a corpse, seated in an office chair, along the sidewalk to a check-cashing store to cash the dead man’s Social Security check, the police said.
The men parked the chair with the corpse in front of Pay-O-Matic at 763 Ninth Avenue. They went inside to present the check, but a clerk said Mr. Cintron would have to cash it himself, and asked where he was, the police said. “He is outside,” the man said, indicating the body in the chair. (New York Times)

Pay-O-Matic is not Aut-O-Matic.

The cheque was for $355.


I saw Juno last night. It wasn't as good as I was expecting. But it is pleasant enough, and the acting is good.

What bothered me was the lingo. I got tired of the way this kid talked like a too-clever hipster all the time. I just wanted her to speak English for a bit to give me a break. Maybe if I'd seen this at age 20 I would've found it supercool, but I'm not the right demographic now. It's trying too hard to be quirky.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Money Woes?

An article in La Presse today says that gas at $1.50 a litre is just around the corner. Yikes.

Fortunately for me, because my car is slowly rusting away and on the verge of expiring, it has become unreliable, so I'm barely driving it this winter. Therefore I have no need to fill up very often.

On the negative side, heating oil is also going to be at a record high in the very near future, and that's gonna cost me a lot.

On the positive side, I do own a nice shiny cup that I can use whilst begging on the street corner. I need to find some gloves with no finger tips for the complete Dickensian effect.

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Here I go again

Surgery is now scheduled for 22 January.

Will it take place, or will I be bumped again? Anyone taking bets on this?

Rudy Can Fail

Yay. I get to say it again.

The only problem with some Republicans losing is that it means another Republican has to win. A McCain win means how many more years of war? A hundred? Gawd.

It's great to see Mittens going down the toilet too. My worry is that if Mitt drops out of the race, we will be denied some great columns by CK. Hang in there, Mitt. At least keep telling those easy-to-detect lies. For everyone's reading pleasure!

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Old Dictator Death Watch 2008

Surprise! it's not Fidel but Suharto who's the subject of the first ODDW of 2008.

To be honest, when I saw the headlines about his deteriorating health, my first thought was "What? He's still alive?"

How come old dictators live so long? Must be a stress-free job.

A very odd dream

Last night I dreamt that our friends in Ottawa, J&J, were having a baby. Everyone seemed to know this except me. I kept thinking, how long has everyone known this? how could I not know this? This is big and highly improbable news, but everybody was quite nonchalant about it.

In the dream, Mr. Anonymous said, “oh they saw how great our kids are and decided to have one”. Definitely the kind of statement that only gets said in dreams.

So far, so good

The year is not yet lost. I did some decluttering over the weekend. (Bows, awaiting applause.)

It's true what they say: I did feel better afterwards, even though nobody but me would be able to see a difference.

Two rooms are done. Last night when I got home I vaguely considered doing a bit in the kitchen, but then thought bleh, forget it. Don't want to go overboard.

In not-so-good household news, my kitchen ceiling is peeling. I guess there is quite a lot of moisture that has gotten in between the second floor and the kitchen ceiling and it is causing the paint to crack and become unstuck. I haven't got an actual bubble of dripping water (yet) but I guess an early Spring paint job of the kitchen is inevitable.

Monday, January 07, 2008

Two more Canadian soldiers dead

Meet the New Year, same as the old year.

Is it too early to start counting down to February 2009, when we can get out of there for good?

Whatta nut

Sarko's gonna marry this model he met two months ago?

There's no fool like an old fool.

Sunday, January 06, 2008

What gives?

Before Sweeney Todd yesterday, I saw a trailer for a really, really awful looking comedy starring Matthew McConaughey. I don't like him.

So I watched 2 hours of Johnny Depp and 2 minutes of McConaughey, and what was the result? A dream about naked Matthew McConaughey. Is this right? Is this fair? I feel like I ripped myself off.

Have I ever dreamt about Johnny Depp? Not to my recollection. The brain is an unfair organ.

There will be lotsa, lotsa blood

I saw Sweeney Todd, and MAN, is it bloody!

I wasn’t expecting that. I knew it had to be a bit a bloody, but the gushing geysers surprised me. I quickly lost track of how many throats were slashed. I kept thinking "but this is a musical!"

I liked the songs. I know nothing about Sondheim, but I enjoyed this introduction.

Johnny Depp is good, but Helena Bonham Carter is better. Neither sings particularly strongly, but that’s okay.

Alan Rickman plays the bad guy, if you can say there is a bad guy. Frankly everybody’s a bad guy or a crazy or both. When Rickman’s young ward refuses to marry him, I thought, how can she turn him down? He’s Alan Rickman! The young fool!

How come nobody has wards anymore?

Friday, January 04, 2008

A Bit More about Iowa

Does this prove that Oprah is all-powerful? I think it does. Oprah cures the sick and secures a black politician’s victory in Iowa. Maybe she could do something about JAW Fan’s sore tooth.

I like Obama, but his wife is way more impressive than he is.

Chris Dodd is out of the race. Americans don’t appreciate a civilized wine drinker, and that is their loss. Sniff.

How is it possible that the bloated corpse of Fred Thompson finished third? I was frankly surprised to learn that the dead are allowed to run for office. Now I know better.

I hate phoney baloney Mitt, but who doesn't?

Rudy Can Fail

Giulani finished 6th in Iowa. I'd been hoping for that so I could use this title. That was fun. Let's hope I can use this joke over and over and over.

Huckabee clearly rode the wave of Iowan evangelical Keith Richards fans.

Progress is made

I didn't do any decluttering last night but I did dismantle the Xmas tree, and vacuum the area. So this feels like progress. I call it "pre-decluttering" like the kids call drinking at home before heading to the bar "pre-drinking".

Also, it's snowing again. Yay! Hoo-ray! I'm sooo happy about that.

Thursday, January 03, 2008

2008: Not off to a great start

I didn't do any decluttering last night. And why not? Because I had to shovel all the effing snow that fell on New Year's Day.

Thus I am grumpy.

Oh, and the windchill this morning is around minus 1,000. blech.

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

US Politics

I've finally found my candidate (not that I can vote, I know). Tonight on ABC News they asked the candidates for their "guilty pleasures". I didn't see everyone's answer, but Chris Dodd said his was a nice glass of wine and that sometimes he has too much. Bing! There's my man.

In this bizarro world of US politics where candidates aren't even embarrassed to admit they have never tasted beer (what the f***!) Dodd admits to enjoyng wine and having too much. What's not to like about this man? Go Dodd!

My fearless prediction: John McCain will be the Republican nominee for President. He will be defeated by the Democrat (no prediction here yet), though, because voters will realize he is a) batshit crazy and b) 150 years old.

Bridget Jones

I'm watching this movie right now, and I don't get it. I've seen most of it before, and I know I'm supposed to find her awkwardness cute and endearing, but I just find her pathetic. Why do women find her hilarious?

Sigh, this is it

I’ve found my New Year’s resolution for 2008.

Declutter, declutter, declutter.

This will be next to impossible for a pack-rat to achieve, but I have to do something. On a positive note, the NY Times had a link to an organization that assists people with “Chronic Hoarding”. Did you know such a condition ever existed, and that there’s an organization to help people with it? I didn’t.

Anyway, I took their quiz and I’m not in need of professional help in this regard. Quel relief. I’m a Level 1 which translates as “Household is considered standard”. Well, that’s fine and good for them, but I’m still living under too much stuff. Actually, I think I’m closer to a Level 1.5 because I had to check off “Limited evidence of housekeeping, vacuuming, sweeping”. But that’s pretty subjective. What is “limited evidence”? I dunno.

But I do know the solution is not to buy more storage bins and shelving units. The solution is to get rid of stuff. BUT HOW? (Yes, I’m whining now.)

These people who have neat homes, with closets that are not packed to bursting, with empty shelves, with beds that don’t have flat storage boxes underneath them, how do they do it? How do they get rid of stuff? Or how do they manage to not accumulate stuff in the first place? I just don’t understand. I need to know the secret.

Canada: Land of the Plain

Another great poll courtesy of The Globe & Mail, Canada’s newspaper of record.

TORONTO — It seems most Canadians realize they do not have movie star looks, according to a new poll that asked people to rate how attractive they think they are. On average, those questioned considered themselves a 6.7 out of 10.

Eight per cent of the more than 1,000 people asked rated themselves a 10, and two-thirds of those were men.

Most people also do not think the years will take much of a toll on them. When asked how they thought they would look 10 years from now, most thought they would only be a little less better looking.

Apparently some people are not familiar with the “ravages of time” concept.

And if I understand this correctly, about 5% of men claim to rate themselves 10s. I find this hard to believe. I think a lot more men think of themselves as 10s than that. I’d put it at 15%.

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

2008...and we're off!

Happy New Year.

Another year of blogging is on the agenda. However, as being a blogger is a big social responsibility, I believe it is my duty to attempt to elevate the level of discourse in the blogosphere. So allow me to commence 2008 accordingly.

Our first topic of the year:

Tom Hanks’ nipples.

I saw Charlie Wilson’s War yesterday. Oh, that is so last year. (This is the only day of the year where I can make that lame joke. Apologies. Let me begin again.)

About Tom Hanks’ nipples.

There is a post-coital bath-tub scene where two distracting things occur. One is that Julia Roberts applies thick mascara and then proceeds to separate her clumped eyelashes using a safety pin. It’s scary. Meanwhile Tom Hanks is in the bath-tub where he is shot in close-up at such an angle that his right nipple is distractingly prominent. I didn’t hear a thing he said because I thought, at first, what IS that? And then, I realized, ah, that’s a nipple. It is oddly red and…plump. It took over the screen. I wondered if he had only one like this, but then the camera angle changed and we got a similar shot of Tom’s left nipple which was just as…plump… as the right one. I really felt like they were totally in my face.

Other than this, I really liked the movie because it is about Afghanistan, a topic near to my heart. And Philip Seymour Hoffman (Da Man!) is great fun. Fortunately, we don’t have to see him naked. I already went through that once when watching Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead and I really could not have handled it again. Tom’s over-exposure was more than enough male nudity for one movie for me.