It can't be over already

NaPoMo went by far too quickly. We haven't even had the election yet.

I hereby declare that NaPoMo will be extended until Tuesday, 3 May, in order to allow for some post-election poeteering.

Thank you for your kind attention.

Foodie vs Non Foodie

The Scene: Dinner table last night.
The Menu: Beef stew (with dill throw in)

Me: This is pretty good.
Chef: No. It's substandard. When I make something I want it to be perfect.
Me: Well I like it.
Chef: We're only eating it because we are both hungry and it's here. It's not good. The beef is low quality.
Me: Yeah, it is chewy, but who cares? Overall, it's good.
(we both chew and chew)
Me: Yum. I just got a big dill flavour happening there.
Chef: In one bite?
Me: Yes, that was good.
Chef: No, that's not good. You shouldn't get a noticeable taste in one bite. It means the flavours are not evenly distributed.
Me: But I LIKE dill. It tastes good.
Chef: I need to try this again with better meat and more attention to the ingredients.
Me: Whatever. More wine?
Chef: No. I don't like that wine.
Me: Fine. More for me. (pours and drinks)

Update (Just now in an email)
Him: Just had leftover stew for lunch. Gross.
Me: I just had it too. It's perfectly acceptable. I guess I'm having the rest of the leftovers!

Tonight on the menu: rib-eye steaks, baked potato, mushrooms and green beans. And yes, I am back to my Highest Weight Ever. :(

Cats R Us

I had been predicting this conversation would occur, and last night it did.

Fancy Feast asked me if he could bring his cat to live with us. I had to say no. I knew it was coming.

I'm all for being a Crazy Cat Lady, but 3 cats is a crowd, 4 is already a bother and 5 would be pandemonium.

I know she is a sweet little thing, but if my 3 have not yet accepted Blackie into the inner sanctum, and he has been hanging around for almost two years now, what would they do this new stranger? FF acknowledged the inevitability of cat fights and acting out (i.e. one or more cats peeing on the furniture to "make a statement"). But I know this subject will come up again.

Problem is FF's brother won't keep the cat anymore because she is lonely and is already acting up (i.e. peeing on FF's stuff that is in storage at his brother's). FF has found another friend to take her for now, but I know that will not last either.

Another day, another escape attempt

This morning I submitted an application for an editor job at Mr. Anon's esteemed employer. Yes, I would be making less money than I currently am, but I've decided this has become a matter of retaining my sanity.

Escape at any cost in now the name of the game.

Fancy Feast feels this is sheer insanity. His suggestion is to try to get 6 months to a year off for mental health reasons. Which, frankly, sounds wonderful, except a) I don't think I can manage the whole screaming-like-a-maniac-while-rolling-around-on the-floor-of-the-doctor's-reception-room shtick, which seems to be necessary for securing long-term mental health leave in this place, and b) the situation here will be the same or worse on my return, so what does this really serve?

Oh LottoMax, why have you failed me, too?

The Fix is On

Far be it from me to accuse the National Hockey League of wanting to make an extra buck or two, but two 5-on-3's get the Canadiens to a game 7? How convenient.

A bit hard to believe that victory is legit.

How quickly is our joy extinguished*

This morning, I got on the scale and I was down 2 pounds. I was surprised but very happy. I had done a lot of walking over the weekend, and FF had cooked us some healthy food. Just now, I was emailing FF about this, and he said: "Wait a sec. I was also down 2 pounds this morning."

Pessimist that I am, I am now certain something is wrong with the scale.
*sad face icon*


*Doesn't this sound like the name of a Bach hymn or a psalm? Maybe something Milton wrote while on a diet?

Election Friendship Deal Breaker

Yesterday, BGTSmoothie told me he is going to vote for the Conservative candidate in his riding because he is the only one who wears a yarmulke.

Really? I said. That's your reasoning. I'm assuming every candidate running in the riding is Jewish, so he makes the decision to vote for Steve-o because the PC guy wears a yarmulke. What? The others aren't good enough Jews?? And this from a man who claims to be an atheist and only follows practice for "cultural" reasons.

Also, he's convinced Harper wears a wig. Where do we stand on that?

Then he tells me voting for NDP is a wasted vote because they can't win. But his vote is also wasted because his riding is always 80%+ Liberal.

Question: Is voting for Harper (for any reason) a friendship deal breaker?

My nephew may also vote for Harper but blood is thicker than water. I can't disown him, I can only mock him.

Back to work for some....but not all

The Easter weekend is either over or in its last day, depending on how evil your employer is. I have One More Day off, but it is already filled with back-to-work anxiety.

It's the final week of NaPoMo. It's the final week of the election campaign. It's the final week of Fancy Feast staying at my house. Is it the final week of anything else?

In Literary News

Our favourite (biographer of a) pornographer has a review in the Big Time. Very cool. Hope it helps to sell some books.

http://arts.nationalpost.com/2011/04/22/open-book-a-gentleman-of-pleasure-by-brian-busby/

Our Bizarro World Election Campaign

According to today's poll, the NDP is ahead in the polls in Quebec.

The NDP is first in Quebec?

Has this ever happened before? In history? How weird. And I learned a new word. Young francophones who support Layton are called "Jack-istes". I like that.

Suddenly for the first time, my little NDP vote won't feel so lonely.

Oink, oink

I think I may have to toss Fancy Feast out. Not because of any problems, but he has gone into cooking mode. And at this rate, I will be in Totie Fields territory in no time. Shopping for a muu muu.

Last night I came home to the aroma of an amazing spaghetti sauce, with garlic bread and a nice red wine. Tonight when I get home, he will be out but he's asked if I want anything made for me to reheat when I get home. This is ridiculous. My plan was to make a tuna sandwich because I have lots of tuna and want to use up the bread I bought on the weekend, so I said no thanks, but then he said he can make up tuna salad, with mayo, lemon, pepper and green onions. Like I'm going to say no to that?

Look for me next season on The Biggest Loser.

Local celebrity death news

Michael Sarrazin has died. Surely this is worth a poem from JAW Fan, who if I am not mistaken was a fan (i.e. in lust with him) in his youth.

Election update

Last week, my sister (the now Ontario-ite) asked me if the Bloc has ever done anything good for Quebec. To my knowledge the answer is No. They are never part of government so why would their ridings be given any money from the Feds. So she asked, why do people keep voting for them?

All I can figure is that Bloc voters in Quebec are our version of poor Americans who always vote Republican. They are trapped in a mindset that does not permit them to understand the concept of voting against your own interests. I don't know how many generations it takes before a voting bloc wakes up and says "wait a sec, this party hasn't given us anything. Let's not vote for them anymore".

Onward

When are we going to get some actual Spring weather? It's awful around here. Temperatures in Florida were amazing. Mid-80's F and sunny, sunny, sunny. The water in the Gulf was warm and lovely to swim in. The beach was quite empty, as were the restaurants. It was All Good. {smiley icon here}

I came home to find that Fancy Feast had not let my cats starve, and everyone was happy and healthy. The kitties seem to have taken to the new human stray in their midst. There was one problem, however. FF downloaded an episode of the Simpsons from a pirate site and crashed my home computer with a virus. He fixed it overnight...but then...while in Florida I received a grovelling email from him confessing that he had returned to the site (DUMB BELL!), caught the virus again and now the computer was DOA. Angry email exchanges ensued.

Anyway, days passed, I returned home and the computer did not get fixed until last night, after endless attempted fixes and various improvisations. He assured me the morning, the darn thing is fixed again. The punchline? When I informed him that he was FORBIDDEN to go back to the stupid pirate site again, he was disappointed. Some people never learn. I fully expect him to ignore me, and end up confessing later this week that the computer is again FUBAR.

But other than that, everything is dandy.

Back to reality

Back home, back at work and back on line. More later. Only two weeks of NaPoMo left. We have catching up to do.

Countdown to Heat

Happy Birthday to us. Tomorrow this blog will be 5 years old. Finally ready for kindergarten. How time flies.

In 24 hours I shall be boarding my flight to Tampa. I leave my feline friends in the sturdy hands and absent-minded brain of Fancy Feast. Let us hope nobody runs away from home before next Friday.

Forecast temps in Tampa for the upcoming week are insanely hot.

Repeated dips in the gulf will be required.
I hope there will be no tornados or oil spills in the next 7 days.

NaPoMo will return to its regularly scheduled programming on Saturday, 16 April.

My Clueless Boss

Even though I'm on vacation, I got a work update today. sigh.

Due to our restructuring, there are new offices being built and bodies are moving around. My boss said to one of my colleagues that there is no point in moving my office because quote it's easier to leave Nanuk where she is because when I retire next year Nanuk can just move into my office unquote.

Holy crap, woman. Could you be more inappropriate? You don't say things like that. Maybe I should tell her that since our dept went from a staff of 6 to a staff of 17, I have no intention of applying for her stressful, insane job. Jeezuz.

B.O. (not Barack Obama)

Crisis phone call from Smoothie this morning. He is president of his class, and there is a student who stinks to high heaven and the other students are telling him he has to tell the guy to clean up his act. I told him this is one of the most common workplace/school problems, and yet nobody ever seems to know the correct way to approach it. I told him to talk to the vice-principal, who Smoothie is very friendly with, and see what she suggests.

Why do we have such a huge fear of offending somebody whose smell offends us? Any ideas? poetic or otherwise. References to Peppy LePew will be lost on this student because he is not from a Western culture and will not get them.

Another odd point which intrigues me, the stinky student is married, so does his wife also stink? Or does she tolerate him? And if she does not stink, why isn't she telling her husband to take a bath already?

About Jobs

This is an unrhyming poem about work.
What is it with jobs?
I have one but I don't like it
so I am looking for another one. JAW Fan had one he seemed to like fine
but he got placed in a different one it seems he's not going to like.
Mrs. A. is in a new job this week
So that is good
She escaped the clueless tool of a boss she had for so long
Mr. A had a job he hated
and he found another one that is better
but he still works insane hours sometimes.
Does anyone have a job they like?

Survivor: JAW Fan edition

JAW Fan survived the massive round of cuts. He is one of only 4 people kept on out of 23. While this occasion deserves a poem, I think everyone is too mentally exhausted to rhyme even moon with June.

Life with Fancy Feast

I could not turn this into a poem if I tried. If it was a poem, it would be The Odyssey. Epic.

So FF calls last night when he's leaving work at 5:15. But he doesn't get home until 7:15 because he made a detour to buy chicken (not Chalet, but New System). I thought the plan was for him to take the 8:00 bus to the Nation's Capital, but clearly he's not going to make that bus. He's going to Ottawa because his days off are Monday and Tuesday. So he says he'll take the 9:00. Then he decides to do laundry....and he starts talking, talking, eating, talking. Suddenly it's 8:20 and he can't make it to Berri for 9:00. Next bus is 10:30. If he takes the 10:30 he will be in Ottawa by 12:45, and there's only one friend he thinks might accept him at the hour. He calls her. She says no, because she has given her boyfriend his own key to her place, and the boyfriend and Fancy don't get along, so it's not a good idea that he be found sleeping on her couch if boyfriend shows up. So he says, I guess I'll take the 8:00 bus tomorrow morning.

I hear him showering at 6:50 this morning. I'm thinking he has to be out of by 7:15 to make the 8:00 bus. Showering, showering. Finally he's done. I get up, it's 7:10, I go downstairs. He's standing there in a towel. I say "You have to be out of here in 5 minutes if you are going to make the 8:00". He says "Good morning!" all smiles. sigh. He tells me he doesn't like to be rushed. He'd rather be late. He's supposed to meet another friend in Ottawa before 11, but clearly that isn't going to happen. He calls the friend, leaves a message that he'll be an hour late. Needless to say he doesn't make the 8:00. He leaves the house at 7:55, so he will make the 9:00....unless he detours somewhere. Time management: not his forte. This is the kind of thing that stresses me but I have adopted a sigh and detachment. He doesn't care about being late, then I don't care about him being later. He's not my responsiblity. sigh (bis)

He'll be back Wednesday. He had planned to come here (or, as he has taken to calling it, "home") and then go to work for his afternoon shift, but he said he'd better bring his work headset with him in case he gets delayed and has to go straight to work from the bus. I said I think that is an EXCELLENT idea. So he did.

Happy NaPoMo Everybody!

Le Grand Jour has arrived.

Firstly, congratulations to Mrs. A. as this is her last day under her clueless tool of a manager and is off to a new job on Monday. Bravo!

In other news, I was shocked while walking home last night to see a "For Sale" sign at the house of Blackie's real owners. What will this mean? Typical of these odd hoarder folk, it was not a real estate agent's sign, but simply a "For Sale" sign you buy at the dollar store and write your phone number on it. Does this mean they are serious about selling their hoarder house and moving away? And will this mean.... a custody battle? Will they expect to take Blackie with them when they go? What to do? What to do? I've always considered Blacke to be my Foster Child and never really mine, so I think I would let him go, but maybe he won't want to go. And if they move away, then he really is mine through and through. Crazy Cat Lady is worried.