Sunday, November 28, 2010


The month of November is almost over and I realize I have not yet blogged about Movember and moustaches. I hate moustaches. I've always hated them.

So when a young man of my acquaintance informed me early in the month that he was growing a "mo", my heart sank. I feared it and loathed it in advance. He sent me an early picture, and I thought oh gawd No.

But then...we met up...and, boy do I hate to admit this, but I kinda liked it. It was part 70s porno, part Village People, part Oakland A's circa 1973, but...I liked it.

Now at month-end, the thing is looking Gay Biker Beyond Belief. And yet, I remain strangely drawn to it. But surely this is temporary insanity. Come December 1, and the good lord willing, the stache will be gone, and I will regain my senses.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Work will make you free, Part 2

I don’t understand people. I really don’t.

My boss, She Who Will Not Retire, is diabetic. She takes 4 insulin shots per day.

We all now have a Crazy Big Boss who is a head case. Basically CBB works 24/7 and expects everyone else to do the same. Last night my boss, SWWNR, worked until 1:00 a.m. This was not planned or expected, but CBB kept a few people on a conference call for 2 hours. Conveniently, CBB was working from the comfort of her home, while my boss and two other managers were stuck here.

So my diabetic boss missed supper, missed her insulin shot at supper and did not get her bed time shot until hours later than usual. She had some kind of meal replacement during the evening. That was it. When I asked her why she could not excuse herself to come to her office and get her shot, she explained that she does not want CBB to know she quote has a disease unquote. She does not want to use her diabetes as an “excuse”.

I couldn’t help myself. I said, well, CBB is going to know when you collapse on the floor! Her response: if I collapsed, CBB would just want to know when I would wake up and be working again.

Even our middle manager does not know. My boss does not want any higher level managers to know. If that was me, I would excuse myself for supper just because I am an angry, angry bitch if I have to work when I’m hungry. Give me 15 minutes to grab something and I will keep going…and I don’t even have diabetes. But don’t ask me to work without food…not to mention a pee break!

This morning, she told me her sugars should’ve been at 8 and they were 22. Go ahead, fuckin’ kill yourself for your job. This kind of self-sacrificing is insane to me….especially since she is able to take early retirement TODAY if she wants to.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Canadians Love Their Weather!

Courtesy of MsMushrooms: here are the current temps in Edmonton. Look closely. Yes, that is MINUS 30.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Hoarder No More?

Despite being under the weather over the weekend, I went on a decluttering frenzy.

My old t.v. and two non-functioning VCRs ended up at the curb, as well as a green trash bag full of stuff. Another bag went to the local charity, and my recycling box was packed full of old magazines.

I am so great.

See? As soon as I decide I will PAY someone else to haul away my junk, I suddenly am motivated to do it myself. Money talks.

Friday, November 19, 2010

It's World Toilet Day

November 19, a day close to my heart. I wish I was in Japan where they really know their toilets. But, alas, I am not.

In fact, I am home sick, but only occasionally visiting my friend, the toilet.

Happy Toilet Day to one and all.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Eureka Moment

As I sat at my desk, fantasizing about my escape which will not happen, I had a light-bulb moment about my decluttering problem.

I have decided that as a Xmas present to myself I am hiring the Got Junk people to come and haul away my stuff. I won't do it myself, so it is time to have someone else do it.

Laziness is the primary reason I have done nothing. Hauling it to the road, etc., is just too much trouble.

I've finally reached the point where I am ready to get rid of a lot of stuff. So in early December, probably the 4th or 5th, I will be getting rid of tons of stuff. I'm already giddy at the prospect.

Must escape!


Monday, November 15, 2010

Help! Oink Oink

I need a new diet. Anybody have any suggestion?

I cannot face going back to WW and being told that I can survive, without being hungry, on 23 points per day. No, I cannot. 23 points is my breakfast and lunch....what about the rest of the day? (Yes, I know this is precisely why I'm fat.)

I need some new form of inspiration!

You'd think I'd be inspired by BGTSmoothie who told me last week he'd finally restarted his WW point counting and had lost 7 pounds in the first week. Well, good for you, fat boy! (See, this here is my attitude problem coming out.) He's counting points and got a personal trainer at the Con U gym because he is a Con U alum. Is this true? Can we do this?

I'm going to be 50 effing years old in less than 4 months. I don't want Oldest Age Ever to coincide with Fattest Weight Ever.

Friday, November 12, 2010

In Mob News

Boy, the mob hits are really ratcheting up in Montreal this year. Fortunately, this latest one was not in my neighbourhood. A sniper's bullet through the living room window is pretty dramatic stuff.

On the news last night, they mentioned how the Rizzuto family wiped out the Controni family to take over. How nostalgic to hear that name. Ah, the Contronis, the mobsters of my youth!

But who is now wiping out the Rizzutos? That is the question.

What did Ray Liotta call this: "real Sicilian greaseball stuff"? Maybe I'm paraphrasing incorrectly...

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Work will make you free

Two work-related items to report on.

1) JAW Fan has informed me that he will be working on Christmas Eve. This not solely during the day of Dec. 24, but Christmas Eve itself, i.e. the evening hours when Santa is packing his sleigh, JAW Fan will be at work. Nice, eh? In case it is not clear, he did not volunteer for this mission. He is also working Christmas Day. But he has Boxing Day off, so at least he can shop for sales!

2) There is a new manager in my organization. He is not my manager, thankfully. He has informed his staff, who are numerous, that the hierarchy of his department is not being respected, and from now on, superiors must be addressed as "Mr." or "Mrs." This has been met with incredulity and mirth. That's Mr. Asshole to you, underling.

Afterthought to JAW Fan: Don't they have any Jewish, Muslim or Hindu employees they could ask to hold the fort for 2 days? You know, non-Christmas-celebrating people. I mean, gawd, even our Cairo office closes on Dec. 25.

Aging, we're all aging!

Yesterday I had a chat with a colleague I have known for 17 years. It had been a while since we'd spoken face to face for more than 30 seconds. Man, is he getting old! I just kept thinking, yikes! He's 45. How did this happen? He used to be so handsome. Now he's...gulp...ordinary?

Just now, I went to see our company nurse to get my flu shot. As we were talking, I thought, gawd, she's so wrinkled. I think she's a bit younger than me. It's an epidemic of aging! This is all very scary.

(Aside) My flu shot arm is feeling wonky.

Observer of Aging and Obit Enthusiast.

Tuesday, November 09, 2010


I watched 3 minutes of George Bush on The National last night and it was more than enough.

I do not miss that man. I cannot get over how oblivious he remains to everything he did wrong. Good riddance.

Now, on the blogs, I keep reading about how his mother kept her miscarried fetus in a jar and showed it to George when he was a teenager. In most cases, I would feel sorry for a kid who had such a deranged parent, but in George's case, I have to say I still hate him. No excuses. But it's no wonder he became a drunk.

His mother is even nuttier than I thought. I mean, who does that?

Monday, November 08, 2010

Diplomatic cry babies

I am avidly watching the diplomatic spat between our great nation and the United Arab Emirates. As of today Canadians will need a visa to visit the UAE. Why is this funny to me?

My friend, the purring Persian, is from the UAE. This summer he got his Canadian citizenship and a Canadian passport. The main advantage of the Canadian passport? He will get to travel most everywhere without needing a visa.

So today I said: what's the deal? If you want to visit your parents using your Canadian passport, will you now need a visa? What if he is a suspicious character? He is not amused.

Friday, November 05, 2010

Friday afternoon sex blogging

Two controversial oddities on the Internet this week caught my attention. One was our old gay friend Stephen Fry getting into all kinds of hot water for saying that women don’t like sex as much as men do. Lots of people went nuts over that statement.

He has been so misquoted and paraphrased that I can’t even remember what he really said. All I think is that he is a great English eccentric and he’s only getting battier as he ages. By the time he is 60, he will be totally bonkers. So carry on, Stephen. I think his argument is that liking sex means you have to be lurking in public parks and bathrooms just waiting for some stranger to hump because you just can’t help it. And since women don’t do that, they don’t like sex as much as men do. I suspect this was a joke. Maybe it just wasn’t a very funny one.

The other hubbub was caused by a female columnist writing in Marie-Claire that the idea of fat people getting amorous on t.v. grossed her out. She was talking about that new sitcom where the two obese leads meet at an Overeaters Anonymous meeting and start a relationship. I haven’t seen the show, but it sounds pretty typically American to me. (And Canadian, for that matter.) It’s t.v., if you don’t like what you see, change the channel. Anyway, there were over 3000 comments on the M-C site last time I checked. The writer’s apology just dug herself deeper. I guess it is very good for blog hits.

Who needs t.v.? If I want to watch two fat people getting it on, I can invite BGTSmoothie over and set up a mirror. HA. That IS a joke. That will NOT be happening.

Thursday, November 04, 2010

Canada, the boring

I watched the national news last night. At least 15 minutes were devoted to potash.


It's good to live in a place where potash is the top story. No car bombings for us. I love this country.

Except for...those two idiots in Ontario who went to the Legion Halloween party in blackface and KKK costumes. Every country has to have a few of those and we are no exception. Morons.

Monday, November 01, 2010

A Wrench in my Master Plan

Loyal readers will remember that I have a Master Plan to take over my boss's job upon her retirement.

During my absence last week there were 2 URGENT meetings about the restructuring of our bureau. Turns out that while my boss currently supervises 6 people, as of January she will supervise 17 people. 17! And they will be working in 6 different languages. And no talk of an upgrade for her job.

Do I still want to go there? Or should I be content to be one of the 17?