Monday, October 31, 2011

Hair, Beautiful Hair

There is an advertisement in the Metro that makes me laugh every morning.

It is for wigs. It pictures a man and a woman, both with thought bubbles imagining how they would look in a great wig. The woman is fine. Let us assume she'd like to look more like Lady Gaga, whatever.

But the guy is looking wistfully up and both the images of him in a wig are laughably sleeeezy. And he's not even bald. I love the idea of a decent-looking guy thinking "Man, I wish I looked like a total sleaze bag."

Friday, October 28, 2011

The World Series - Go Cards!

I've had a cold all week, so I went to bed around the 6th inning of last night's game. Texas had just gone ahead 5-4, and I thought the very idea of seeing George W's team win the World Series would just make me sicker, so I turned off the t.v.

This morning I read this:

"It was as great a game as baseball has ever witnessed, rivaling the Carlton Fisk homer in Game 6 of the 1975 Series and Bill Buckner's error in Game 6 of the 1986 Series. "

My motto: Life is what happens after I've gone to bed.

This being said, I would not have wanted to stay up to watch 11 innings. My nerves! Anyway I am happy to see there's a Game 7 tonight, and I really, really hope George W goes home disappointed.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

More FF

I told FF that I had recently started using the breadmaker I bought way back in April. In particular, I mentioned that I was very happy with the olive bread I made on the weekend.

I have now received 2 emails requesting that I send him a loaf of olive bread by FedEx. I said no. Nothing personal, but I don't FedEx bread to anyone, anywhere.

What kind of person thinks he can convince someone to send bread across the country by courier?

Finally, a Fancy Feast Update

FF is quitting his job. We can't be surprised. It's been a whole 7 weeks!

He says there is too much overtime, and he feels like "a mule". But...he claims he has another job lined up already. Calgary, magical city of jobs.

I think it is time to start the countdown toward the inevitable "I'm homesick and I want to come back" email. I say it will arrive in early in November.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Out with the Old, in with the New

In a nice bit of foreshadowing, two weeks ago we received a notice to all staff that the name of Libya is now "Libya."

I was disappointed. I always liked writing "Libyan Arab Jamahiriya" once I finally got the hang of spelling Jamahiriya correctly. When am I ever going to use that knowledge again? ....waiting for another Arab strongman to surface...

The Circle of Life

With the death news out of the way, let us focus on international baby news.

Creepy little French president Sarkozy and his beautiful wife (Carla, she of questionable taste in men) had a baby girl. Congratulations to them. I'm sure I speak for all of humanity when I say I hope the baby looks like her. Mazel tov.

No Mo' Mo

He said he'd go down fighting and it appears he did. Graphic photo on the Gazette website. This will make him a hero for generations of people who will want to fight "Western imperialism".

Alas, Mo, he stuck around for a good long time. Reagan bombed Libya in 1985 or 1986. And still Mo hung around.

If I had a power-blue jumpsuit, I would wear it in his honour. But I don't. And now I guess I never will.

Monday, October 17, 2011

I'm on my soap box

Just a quick rant about that crash at the Indy race yesterday and the driver who was killed. There were a few quotes in the paper today from other drivers saying things like "I can't believe this happened!" etc.

Excuse me. But you are in a job where at any given race, there is a certain percentage of ghouls, I mean spectators, who have specifically bought tickets in the hope of witnessing exactly what happened: a fiery death crash. Best. Race.Ever.

Hope they all captured it on their cell phone cameras. That's a big appeal of this sport.

And drivers are surprised that this accident happened? How ridiculous. Rant over.

Running Man

A 100-year-old man completed the Toronto Marathon yesterday. Hmmm. What did I do yesterday?

1. Did not complete a marathon.
2. Walked 1 1/2 blocks to the mall TWICE.

The man weighs only 115 lbs. Maybe the wind carried him? If I understand the story correctly, he started jogging at age 80. So I guess I've got 30 years before I need to start thinking about getting in shape. Phew. Had me worried there.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Saturday night at the movies

We went to see Ides of March last night. I enjoyed it, but was a bit disappointed that it wasn't meatier given the great cast. Perhaps my enjoyment was tarnished by listening to Smoothie declare how old Gorgeous George is looking.

It's true. Our cohort, George, is showing his age. But that's okay. I mean, he's 50. He's old. We're old. That's life.

Smoothie's other complaint was...get this!....too much Ryan Gosling! As if. He said it was 50% Ryan Gosling and 5% percent of everybody else.

And the problem is....?

Friday, October 14, 2011

Nation of Wimps

There's currently a rainfall warning for the island of Montreal. A rainfall warning.

When did we become such pansies that we need a warning about rain.

Snowstorm warning, I get. Freezing rain, I get. Extreme cold, I get. But rain?

Jeez, take an umbrella! Wear trendy colourful rubber boots. This isn't Bangkok, we are not up to our armpits in water.

Just overheard at my desk

Two colleagues pass each other in the hallway.

Colleague 1: Hey, you look different today!
Colleague 2: Yes, I do.

She keeps walking away. Then

Colleague 2: Casual.

Am I in a Beckett play?
Yes, I am.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Just Stop It Already

Why are the Americans jonesing for another war in the Middle East? I mean, really, this will be their third. Gluttons.

Just when I think Obama a.k.a Black Bush can't get any more disappointing he ratchets up the Bushiness. This is stuff to warm the cockles of Cheney's cold, cold heart, if he still had one.

I hate to go all "Mom" on them, but if you haven't finished your Soup War and your Meat-and-Potatoes War, you can't have your Dessert War. That's just the rules.

Excuse me while I go check if there is an Iranian terrorist in my closet. Apparently they are everywhere. Everywhere, I tells ya. Save the Saudis!!

Is No News Good News?

Anyone have any news? I don't.

Friday, October 07, 2011

Celebrity Death News - Niche Edition

Our dear friend, Charles Napier,
Didn’t have a wit so rapier,
But in Cherry, Harry & Raquel
We saw his wang swing like a bell.

Thursday, October 06, 2011

Hee Hee

I got up late this morning and knew I was going to be late for work, but so what. I would just put in the time at the end of the day. Then I was on the bus ride from hell. What should take 35 minutes took 55. So by the time I crawled in I was 40 minutes late.

Then I found out my boss isn't in this morning.

This is my Lucky Day!! and, no, I am not putting in the time at the end of the day.

Wednesday, October 05, 2011

A Joke

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

You know what I love about this joke. The premise. Two cannibals are eating a clown.

I mean...What?

Monday, October 03, 2011

Endless Summer No More

Summer has ended and I am hoping that it will be June 2012 before I once again have to read either of the following phrases:

a) [insert celebrity name] rocks a bikini;
b) [insert celebrity name] shows off her bikini body.

Why is the bikini the only item of clothing that, when one is wearing it, one's whole body becomes that item. I don't get it. I think all clothes should now have this honour. I want to see this headline:

"Nanuk of the North flaunts her muumuu body"

Oh yeah, baby.

The Man from H'don

This is just to clarify that the man from H'don did not at all come across as a loser.

His message was very polite and in fact I don't think I would've even noticed him if he hadn't mentioned V'field. That may sound negative, but in the world of Craigslist that's a positive. It means he didn't send me a photo of his wiener (yes, I've gotten some choice shots in the past) and he didn't say write some eye-rolling nonsense like "allow me to make this the greatest night of your life".

So don't be dissing on the Mystery Man from the Chateauguay Valley.

I think we could probably locate him now by just driving over there and looking for the guy with the reddest ears in town.

Sunday, October 02, 2011


I am in the midst of doing some rainy Sunday decluttering, and I have come across a piece of paper containing the title DRINK MANIFESTO.

Odd, but I don't remember us being militant drinkers. Were we ever militant drinkers?

Our DRINK MANIFESTO has 3 drinks on it:
1. Cosmopolitain Martini
2. Cosmopolitain No. 3
3. Fidelito

Now I don't want to toss out this piece of paper. That's the whole problem with decluttering. You always find something good!

P.S. To JAW Fan: I also found a picture of Banana Boy.

Romantic Male Box: Uh-Oh Edition

What an awful weekend. Could the weather be more miserable? I doubt it.

Last night I was bored, so I decided to place an ad on my old friend Craigslist and see if anyone of interest surfaced. Very little to report, though I did hear from a guy who lives on Mariette so if location, location, location is the key, I can't do better than that. But his lifestyle bears too close a resemblance to Fancy Feast's (i.e. POT) so I don't think I'll meet him.

I exchanged a few emails with one guy who seemed educated and promising, but then he mentioned that his ideal woman would be thin, nervous and an activist. 3 strikes, you're out.

Then I heard from a guy who said he lived in the V'Field area. Well, this piqued my interest because I still love V'Field and wouldn't it be fun to meet someone from there? He is 49. So I asked him where exactly he is from and he replied: "H'don". Yikes. So I had to ask if he attended CVR, and he said yes. I decided this was a bit too odd. So this mystery man was a year behind me in high school, and still lives in H'don. For sure, this is someone that the Anonymous siblings know. Too close for comfort. So I had to let it drop, though I am very curious as to who it is. He emailed this morning to ask if I'd reconsidered. I think not.