Saturday, October 31, 2009

C'est Halloween

My first trick or treaters of the evening. It's only 5:15 and still broad daylight! But there they are, five boys around 10 years old. I give them each two treats, then the arguing starts.

One kid gets his two treats, but keeps his bag open. I say: You already got yours. The kid points to a chocolate bar and says: But I want one of those! And I say too bad, and his friends yell to him to move out of the way.

Another kid gets one chocolate bar and one nibs. I say, you get two things each. The kid asks: Can I get a third? I REALLY want a twizzler! And I, again, say too bad. Move on, guys.

They continued down the street bickering.

The End (Again)

Kumar and I are officially done. Again. For the second and last time, it is over.

We really mean it this time.

It was good fun while it lasted.

Back to the trenches....

Friday, October 30, 2009

Should I or shouldn't I?

I just went to a presentation about Toastmasters, the public speaking group.

This is the kind of thing I need so badly, but it scares me so much just the thought of it makes my hands shake, and waves of nausea come over me.

I know I'm the kind of person this is meant for.

They have their meeting here in the building at work every Friday. It would be so good for me to get comfortable with public speakinig. But it scares me shitless.

Should I join? What if I barf the first time I have to make a speech? What if I don't sleep for 3 nights before the meeting? What if? What if? What if?

Wednesday, October 28, 2009


Five of my work friends went to NYC for a 4-day long weekend. They came back Tuesday and I have spoken to two of them separately.

Were they even on the same trip?

Person A said it is great. Everyone got along except for some minor squabbles, but it was always under control.

Person B said it was a nightmare, and she is never travelling with some of these ladies EVER AGAIN.

I can't wait for more versions of this trip.

I am sooo glad I did not go.


Sunday is municipal election day. And what a choice of prime candidates we have!

I agree with one editorialist (maybe it was in the Gazette) who said the city of Montreal is so broken and corrupt, the election should be cancelled and the whole joint put under trusteeship.

I mean, really, when the best candidate is the one who appears the least corrupt, and he also happens to have written a 9/11 conspiracy book accusing the Bush admin of orchestrating it, well, that is really sad. And that's the guy I'm voting for! A nutcase! But he appears to be a not-yet-corrupted nutcase. Give him a few months, he'll be as dirty as everyone else.

I guess I should just be grateful that my garbage is still being collected, and that the city trucks have been taking care of all the piles of fallen leaves too. I suppose this service is also a mafia contract. Whatever.

This raises the point: is it really worse that contracts are all won by the mafia if the day-to-day work is still being done? Maybe if the mob ran candidates and openly ran as The Mobster Party, they would do a good job. Isn't that how Chicago is run?

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

H1N1 drive-by shooting

Those crazy Americans. I saw on the news last night that they can get their flu shots without getting out of their cars.

Roll down your window, roll up your sleeve and the nurse comes to your car. Only in the USA.

Why do Americans even have homes? They can live in their cars, and they want to!

And for that matter, why do Americans even have pants? Nobody ever sees them from the chest down.

Monday, October 26, 2009


Purchased my Hallowe'en candy. 50 twizzlers and nibs, and 24 little chocolate bars.

At two treats per imp, that is enough for 37 imps.

The real question, of course, is: Can I make it to Saturday night without opening a bag? Those twizzlers are already calling my name...

Swoon, thud

So Morrissey collapsed on stage. It's almost too easy, this one. So many song titles and lyrics to choose from.

Heaven knows he's miserable now.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Jeez, they're all alike

That darn cat.

I have been feeding the (originally) half-starved Black Cat for about two and a half weeks now. So this morning? It was the first time he refused to eat what I served him! The nerve.

Listen, Blackie, I said, I will have you know that this dollar store special costs me a whole 33 cents per can. You think I'm made of money?

If I wanted to see this as a positive development, I might think that maybe his stupid neglectful owners served him a proper breakfast this a.m., and so he had no need for a second breakfast. Perhaps that was the case, and he wasn't just being a typical, entitled arrogant c.a.t.

Maybe he was already full. I had noticed over the past week that he has filled out quite a bit. He's looking slightly...what's the word...Baldwinish.

My motto: Promoting feline obesity, one cat at a time.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Cold Soup

Aw, everyone from our t.v.-watching childhood is dying. Now it's Soupy Sales.

Problem with t.v. today? Nobody on it is named Soupy.

I guess this completes a very minor celebrity death threesome for the past week or so. There's was Capt. Lou Albano and the guy who wrote the theme song for The Addams Family.

Speaking of which, all the obits talked about the snap, snap of the Addams Family theme, but he also wrote the Green Acres theme. Which was pretty awesome. That didn't get enough reporting. Of course, the Green Acres theme is really only at its best when performed by Mr. Anonymous, complete with theatrical gestures. You are my wife! Good-bye city life!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

A New Star in Kitty Heaven

Let us take a moment today to bid farewell to OC Kitty. The Anonymi's elder stateswoman has passed on to feline paradise.

She was 19. She was always a good old girl. So long, OC.


So, guys, there's a cute little black cat that is still driving me nuts, and really wants to be adopted...ahem...he has a home, but he needs a better one. He's really cute. Really.

Confession: He looked half-starved a couple of weeks ago, so I broke down and started feeding him. I know. I know. I'm stuck with him now. My cats hate him with a passion. But he's so cute.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Monday Blahs

I hate this time of year.

It's cold*, dull and there's nothing happening. My greatest challenge in the past few days has been avoiding hearing about the balloon boy and his stupid balloon parents.

On the positive side, I turned on the t.v. last night and there was a football game on from New England, and man, it was snowing like crazy. Thank the lord for the cold front that kept that evil precip away.

In other fun news, yesterday afternoon I mowed the front lawn, and while doing so, I kept the mower facing south the whole time (as opposed to turning in 2 directions) so all my dead leaves ended up in my neighbour's driveway. It was very satisfying. This being said:

There's gotta be more to life than this!

*Yes, it is sunny today, and that's a good thing. But it won't last.

Friday, October 16, 2009


I fear I am turning into JAW Fan.

This week in the Romantic Male Box, I got a couple messages from a man whose profile said he had recently gotten his life together and had a lost a lot of weight. I looked at his pictures, and he was pretty chunky.

Later in the week, he posted a new photo of himself. He has certainly lost a lot of weight. He’s very tall and looks like a string bean now. And I thought: blech. He looked way better when he was fat.

The Alec Baldwin thing, and now this. Yikes.

Tee Vee

All I can say about the 30 Rock premiere last night is: Steve Buscemi is great. He made me laugh out loud with the chameleon (sp?) bit.

On The Office, Kevin is becoming my favourite character. Last week it was the wig and Kleenex box shoes, this week is was his cluelessness with the credit card company.

Also from 30 Rock, I want to adopt the phrase "Massaging the truth".

Note to JAW Fan and Ms Mushrooms: I'm falling into the Alec Baldwin swoon camp.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Decisions, Decisions

Have not yet decided what to give out at Halloween.

I saw in my Publi-Sac that most stores have stuff on sale not too expensive this week. I think it is either Zellers or Pharmaprix that has a big bag of various red licorices. This might be a good option because I could resist it, i.e., that is to say, I could buy it this weekend and not eat all 100 pieces by Oct. 31. Not being that big on licorices myself. This goody bag includes Twizzlers and Nibs. Hmmm.

An aside: when I was in Vancouver, there was a really good candy store close to the hotel. I went in and asked the clerk if they carried Grape Nibs. He had never heard of such a thing. Sorry, guys, I tried!

I ended up buying Cadbury bars imported from England. Not at all like the crappy domestic Cadbury bars. (Did I talk about this before? Probably.) Anyway, real Cadbury bars imported from the UK are fantastically delicious. Shoulda bought more than two.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Work Question

Let's say you work in a bureau with about six or seven departments in it. And you have a new Head of that bureau.

How long should it be before the new Bureau Head either has a general staff meeting to introduce himself, or goes dept to dept to introduce himself? A week? Two weeks?

We are now at two-and-a-half months and we still have not met the new boss.

My supervisor (Mrs. Defend and Make Execuses for the Superior No Matter What) tells us the new guy is very, very busy.

We, the underlings, are beginning to suspect that the guy is just a douche.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

The New Me

I didn't have any junk or over-eating today. I am so great!

And I spent 45 minutes in the gym. Doing actual exercise.

How long will my self-loathing propel me along? A day? 2 days? A week?

Monday, October 12, 2009

It's over

The over-eating is over.

I'm done. I've got to stop. I had the worst food hangover of my life this morning. It was not caused by the turkey, mashed potatoes, mashed turnips, stuffing, yams, gravy, cranberries, asparagus and wine. No. It was caused by the dessert pig-a-thon of pears and brie.

Pears and brie is one of the greatest taste sensations in the world. Tasty pears, fresh creamy brie. I ate, and ate, and ate. I could not stop myself. Then my sis brought some gouda. I ate a bit of that.

Never again. I barely slept all night. And this morning I was BBB. Bloated beyond belief.

I may have to join CA. Cheese-oholics Anonymous.

Friday, October 09, 2009

Happy Turkey Weekend

I'm off to TO in the morning.

Time for the pig-out of turkey, stuffing and pumpkin pie. Yum.

I'm in love

I discovered a deadly, divine new snack yesterday. It was on special at Jean Coutu. How appropriate that this is the same pharmacy where I pick up my cholesterol drug prescriptions.

The Lindt White Chocolate Bar. With 32% almonds. Not one-third almonds. Thirty two per cent almonds.

I normally don't go for white chocolate, but these Lindt people, they know how to make it good.

It is heavenly. And I am certain that, because of the 32% almonds, it is verrrry healthy, too.


O, Lindt White Chocolate with 32% almonds. I wish we had never met, my love. You are too good. Too tasty. I am helpless to resist.

Barry Nobel

I am completely shocked that Obama has won the Nobel Peace Prize. I'm an Obama fan overall, but, as Clara Peller might ask: Where's the Peace? Don't you usually give this prize to someone after they accomplish something, not in anticipation of it? Wev!

Seems it is being awarded mainly for BO's work towards nuclear disarmament. Ahmadinejad must be steaming 'bout this. And little Medvedev must being saying "Hey guys, I'm pro disarming too, sort of."

The right wing will go ape-shit all over Amurica today. Another reason to hate the Euros. Barry is so in bed with those socialists.

Frankly, from the Euro point-of-view, this is just the "Thank God You Aren't Bush" Prize.

Thursday, October 08, 2009

I hate peaceful music

There's an Egyptian lady who sits down the hall from me. There are no other staff between us, the only in-between office is empty.

She likes to play Zamfir-type pan flute music through her computer. Most days she keeps it quite low and I can't hear it.

But all day yesterday it was just a bit too loud, and I could hear this weee-weee-weeee just enough to annoy the heck out of me.

This morning, I just sat down, and the music was at the same volume. So I had to go and ask her to turn it down just a bit. She was very apologetic, and I think I was pretty nice about it.

But it feels like it is already registered in my brain, and between the sound of the heating and the sound of the PC, I swear I can still hear an echo of the weeee-weee-weeee.

Pan flute music makes me want to kill somebody.

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

Swing, batter, batter

As the League Championships and the World Series are on the horizon (it is October, after all) how about a little baseball news.

I read this in Sunday's paper and I'm still recovering.

"A new book by a former employee of Alcor, the company that froze Ted Williams' remains, alleges the Baseball Hall of Famer's body was mistreated by the company.

Larry Johnson says in the book "Frozen: My Journey Into the World of Cryonics, Deception and Death" that he watched an Alcor official swing a monkey wrench at Williams' frozen severed head to try to remove a tuna can stuck to it. The first swing accidentally struck the head, Johnson contends, and the second knocked the tuna can loose."

I love tuna, but I'm not sure I can ever eat it again. This kinda puts me off the Red Sox, too.

Sunday, October 04, 2009

One Glorious Year

Kumar and I celebrated our anniversary this weekend. If by "celebrated"..."our"..."anniversary", you mean, we acknowledged that we met about one year ago this week, have continued seeing each other, albeit sometimes very infrequently, and haven't killed each other yet.

What a milestone.

And I said (many, many, many times) it wouldn't last.

Friday, October 02, 2009

Dave is a bad boy

This Letterman story is big news today. While I hate scummy cheatin' menfolk as much as the next gal does, I have to admit that if you're gonna cheat, you hafta be a man about it when you get caught.

Politicians could learn a lot from Dave. He really took the non-wimpy road on this. I'm not excusing his philandering for a minute, but this is so much more mature than "I did not have sex with that woman" or any of the stupidities of John Edwards or the goofball gov of South Carolina.

Extortion is such a weaselly crime. I think all extortionists probably look and sound like Peter Lorre. Geeeme me money or I weeel tellll.

Go ahead. And now the extortionist is in jail. This does not happen often enough.