Friday, September 30, 2011

All is Golden

I'll admit I've been ignoring Parliament now that the PCs have their majority, but I can ignore it no longer. I have one question.

When did Question Period go Gay, Gay, Totally Gay?

Since when is it appropriate for one gay MP to question another gay MP about golden showers?

Sir Wilfried Laurier would not stand for this I'm sure. Trudeau no doubt would ask the two of them to keep their golden shower references in the bedroom* where the state has no business.

(*maybe the bathroom would be better.)

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Creepy Guy

You know which commercial I hate? The Lenscrafters one where the guy is on the bus and laughing about a book that a woman is reading three or four seats in front of him.


He's a stalker! Get off the bus, girl. Get off the bus at the next stop! That guy is a creep. Run away! Run away!

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Let's Play "Explain the Joke"

Here is a "joke" that JAW Fan's colleague told him yesterday.
Our mission today: 1) to explain what the joke is and 2) to figure out what anyone would find funny about this, i.e. who laughs at this kind of joke.

There was an old Chinese man named Too Old To Kum.
He married a young Chinese woman named Too Young To Kum.
But then surprisingly they had a baby, so they called him Where He Kum From.

Editor's Note: I spelled "come" as kum in a feeble attempt to make these names appear remotely Asian.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Black Arm-Bands for Everyone

I will simply reproduce this article from TMZ because what more can I say?

The SNACK GOD who invented DORITOS has passed away ... but TMZ has learned his funeral is nacho average ceremony ... 'cause the guy will be buried with 3 FLAVORS of his prized invention. Arch West -- the 97-year-old ex-Frito-Lay legend -- died last week, and his daughter announced the family plans on "tossing Doritos chips in before they put the dirt over the urn" when he is buried.TMZ spoke with West's son-in-law ... who tells us the family will use Original, Cool Ranch and Nacho flavored Doritos, since those were West's favorite. He was NOT a fan of the Cheeseburger flavor, so those will not be used. According to his daughter, West came up with the idea for Doritos during a family vacation to San Diego ... when he discovered a snack shack selling fried tortilla chips in 1961. Snack strong in heaven, Arch.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Runnin' Scared

So yesterday a guy died while running the Montreal Marathon. He collapsed 2 k's from the end.

Well, that's all the warning I need. For my own safety, I need to abandon my feeble attempts at exercise. It's too dangerous.

In other health news, I bought another bag of the organic child labour chips. mmm mmm good.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Blog Update

I draw your attention to the right-hand column where I have added links to Jim's blog and Brian's blog for eee-zee access.

Friday, September 23, 2011

Happy Bruce Day

Springsteen is 62 today.

He's got 12 years on me, so why do I feel old and decrepit?

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Apocalypse Today

It's the end of the world as we know it. Not only are all world stock markets going wheeee like they are on the roller coaster at the Great Escape, but in bigger apocalyptic news: there is nothing new with Fancy Feast.

I had not heard from him in a week, so I emailed to say (literally) whazzup? He said Nothing. If you can't trust FF to have some cockamamy tale about how somebody, somewhere is treating him unfairly, well, then might as well throw in the towel.

Stick a fork in us, we're done.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011


REM have broken up. I'm not sure how I feel about this. I was a huge fan over the first 5 or 6 records, but I haven't been excited about them for years.

(Aside: As Mr. Anon and I discussed a few weeks ago, at our age, are we truly ever excited about anything in music, books, concerts, etc., anymore? Answer: No.)

Anyway, I saw REM for the first time in Washington D.C. at the DAR Constitutional Hall. It was great. I loved them. And I loved them for a long time.

Not to sound too much like old crank, but after Bill Berry left, I was not much into them anymore even though I continued to buy their records. Then they got really big....and....meh...they were just another big band.

Oh well. I enjoyed them and appreciated them, and there are some songs, many songs, I will always like. Thanks, you guys!


An email from Mrs. Anon has reminded me of something funny at work.

Our Big Boss is a woman from China, with a typically Chinese name. One of the people in my department cannot remember her name so she always refers to her as "Ping Pong".

Even though I am totally appalled, I still find myself smiling at this. It's just so wrong.

Another colleague used to have a boss from West Africa who spent a lot of time on the phone speaking her native language. My colleague would complain that all day she had to listen to "ooga booga language" . Again, I'm appalled, but I can't help but laugh, mainly because I don't think people realize how horrible and ignorant they are being.

What a place.

Monday, September 19, 2011

The Earth Moved

I was lying on the couch with Miss Hitler yesterday afternoon, and I felt that unmistakeable rumble of an earthquake. Just for one or two seconds. But that sound and feeling is unique.

I looked at the headlines in the paper today and nothing. But I just checked the CBC website and read that a small 4.1 hit Gatineau at 3:19 p.m.

The article did not mention that it was felt in Montreal, but I am here to say, yes, it was felt in Montreal, at least on one couch in NDG. It wasn't just Miss Hitler shifting her fat rump.

Friday, September 16, 2011

In Work News

In a moment of insanity a couple of weeks back, I agreed to take on the editing of our Annual Report. My burnt-out colleague, who has been doing this task for 15, count'em 15, years, said she just could not face it for another year. I always felt it was wrong that the same person got assigned this "thing" year after year, so I said yeh, why not? I'll do it.

Of course, my boss, Mrs. Never Think Outside The Box, said, okay, great idea. But did it EVER occur to her in 12 years to assign the task to someone else? No, of course not.

It's going to be awful. A coordination nightmare of missed deadlines and uncooperative departments. But there ya go. It's my baby now. Just had our first meeting. Next meeting is on Monday.

I should post a picture of my hair today, while it still has some brown in it. And then post another next July when I am totally Clooney grey.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

RIP Dave

As this week marked the 3rd anniversary of the death of David Foster Wallace, I finally got around to buying his unfinished novel.

Silly me, I thought it was a work-in-progress, how big could it be? Well, the thing is a brick. Only DFW would have a 550-page UNfinished book.=

I miss that man.

Monday, September 12, 2011

The Truth is Revealed

I went to the website of the Late July snack company, makers of uber yummy Dude Ranch chips.

And I read this: "Not only are all our products USDA certified organic and proudly wear the organic seal, but on any given day you can find three generations at work, including eight-year-old Stephen and four-year-old Benjamin."

So now we know. The secret of a truly great chip? Child labour.

I have seen the future, baby, it is....taxes

I'm just bursting with predictions today.

As we all know (or should know) the world economy is in the "shitter", to use the economic term. I note this news from Greece: "Greece announced an emergency property tax of about 50 cents per square foot on all buildings, payable immediately, in a effort to top up government coffers enough to meet bailout conditions."

Payable immediately! Government says we're broke, so pay up now. They will be imposing the tax through people's electric bills. Face it, we are all going to be met with this kind of surprise in upcoming years. Every goverment is going broke. And who is going to pay? Little ole us.

When I get that bill, you know what I'm going to say? "Don't look at me! Don't look at me!"

Weekend Roundup

I can't decide when I like Serena Williams better: 1) when she is overpowering and literally awesome to watch, when you think she just cannot be beat by anyone on Earth, like she was on Saturday or 2) when she is full sassy kookoo like she was on Sunday. My new expression whenever someone disagrees with me is going to be "Don't look at me! Don't look at me!" And then I will say "You are ugly on the inside". She was lousy on the court but crazily entertaining on the sidelines.

I've discovered a new chip! And a deelishious one it is. The company is called Late July and the chips I bought are called Dude Ranch. And they are dudalishly delish. And the best thing about them. I bought them at the HEALTH FOOD store, so of course they are very, very healthy and have no calories. Not a single calorie! least I think that's what health-food chips are like. Well, I believe it. So it's true. NO CALORIES!

Now I'm not a terrorist, nor have I ever played one on t.v., but if I was a terrorist, I would not plan to bomb something on the anniversary date of the big event, when security is at its highest. I would wait, say, maybe a day or two, say on a Tuesday, when the barriers have come down and everyone is back to normal. Then....Surprise!

Sunday, September 11, 2011

The Return of the Missing Kid

There's something very fishy about this story of the little boy abducted in BC and now back with his family.

Let me make one of my fearless (and usually wrong) predictions. The parents were in on it. Maybe they want a book deal or something, or just wanted attention. But something's not kosher about the kid ending up back in his own house in the middle of the night.

Just sayin'.

Saturday, September 10, 2011


What's the difference between 9/11 and a cow?
You stop milking a cow after 10 years.

Enough already.

Thursday, September 08, 2011

Wednesday, September 07, 2011

Headline of the Day

"Intruder raids fridge, takes bath at Celine Dion's home"

That's no intruder, that's Rene.

Tuesday, September 06, 2011

A little touch of Fancy Feast in the evening

Got a little email from FF telling me about his new room-mates.

He says one of them is a good and generous guy, but "his social skills could use some work". Apparently, "he needs to have everyone's attention....and doesn't stop talking".

I am tempted to say: "Honey, that's not a room-mate, that's a mirror".

Monday, September 05, 2011

A Holiday from our Labours

A very happy very rainy Labour Day greeting to all. Why can't I sleep in past 7:30 on weekends? It is so frustrating.

Still no Fancy Feast news. I'm convinced that renaming the blog put a curse on FF updates. I may change it back if this trend continues.

But fortunately, we'll always have Kumar. Being a holiday weekend, a visit from Kumar was not unexpected, but I was caught off guard (translation: with both cheeks smeared with face cream!) when I saw an unfamiliar car stop in front of the house. An unfamiliar Mercedes. And who emerges from it, but Kumar himself.

After rapidly wiping aforesaid face cream from face, I greeted him in my usual warm and loving way i.e. "What are you doing here? You couldn't call or email first?" He said: "You know me. I'm like that." True, if I haven't learnt to expect the unexpected after 3 (!) years, then I am indeed a slower learner.

So I went out front to check out the Mercedes. He had told me in the Spring he'd bought a used one, a 2003. But, skeptic, that I am, I scoffed. But there it was. Still in good shape and very very nice. He's thinking of selling it. I want to buy it! A woman of my stature deserves a Merc in her 50s. No?

He said he is very materialistic, but the things he buys don't make him happy for long. At least he has accepted this about himself. Will he stop buying status symbols? No, probably not. But at least he knows they don't do much in terms of fulfiling his needs. I understand that...and yet...I still want to buy that car!

Friday, September 02, 2011

No FF news is bad news

Wouldn't you know it? Now that the blog has been renamed, there is basically nothing new with Fancy Feast. That's life, eh?

Yesterday we discussed whether or not he should be wearing a tie to work. I think he should dress to impress, but he said that in this job he has to visit clients, which sometimes means having to get on the floor under a desk to work on cables. If he was wearing a tie, he would likely kneel on it, thus choking himself.

We both agreed this is bad. So, no tie.

It's a holiday weekend coming up. This means he will be spending 3 days in the company of his new room-mates. How likely is it that he will be at war with these new people by Sunday? Stay tuned...