Sunday, January 31, 2010
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Eff! I have to be out all day for a friend's birthday brunch etc., boozing, etc..
Let's all ponder the image of JAW Fan in Mexico on the beach in a speedo. OK. Let's not. On so many levels, let's not.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Seeing as how he was a recluse, I expected the story to be that he actually died 6 months ago, but they only got into the house and found his remains yesterday. But, no, apparently he did actually die yesterday.
Great books. I love them all.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
The giant political nerd within me is atwitter.
I'll have my popcorn popped and ready to go.
Sad, isn't it?
UPDATE: That was the funniest SOTU speech I've ever watched. There were a lot of "Oh Snap" shots at the Republicans. It was great.
On a sartorial note, Joe Biden's purple tie was to die for. As was Michelle Obama's purple dress. I am thrilled that everyone has started wearing purple, wearing purple.
Am I Robert E. Lee or Uly S. Grant? Lead the rebellion or save the union?
Our Lincoln is on her way to Ford's Theatre.
(*To refresh the reader's memory, these would be "get rid of boss", and "be more Machiavellian", respectively.)
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
I had told him to please be on time because I am very uncomfortable by myself in a bar or pub. I told him I'd arrive around 7:10. I got there at 7:15. I looked around. No Persian.So I sat at a table and watched the door. No Persian. So I left.
Meanwhile, a few metres away....
The Persian was sitting at the bar, watching the hockey game, and found himself surrounded by 3 "over-friendly" guys. I did indeed notice these 4 guys sitting at the bar and talking loud, but since I was looking for one guy alone, I didn't pay attention to them. I certainly didn't walk up and eye them to see if any of them was the Persian.
So he didn't see me sitting near the door of the pub, and I didn't see him at the bar. Today he says "I thought you'd be sitting at the bar". Yep, sure, me and seven men, just watching the game.
Moral of the story: Do not "date" in the 21st Century unless you are both carrying cell phones with each other's numbers programmed into them. Lesson learned.
Monday, January 25, 2010
It was the worst, blandest, most lame soup I have ever tasted. Bar none.
I had far tastier soups on the several occasions I joined my mother for lunch in the nursing home. I kid you not.
Avoid this soup at all costs. Save the $2.59.
I'm still trying to get the taste of bleh out of my mouth.
But, being a hoarder, I have saved the second half of the can, hoping to use it to make some kind of sauce or something. It will need a lot of spices, peppers, life.
It's plus 7 and raining. In January! The world really is ending.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Husband of Ms Mushrooms turns 49 today. The first of "the Cock'n'Bull gang" to enter his 50th year. Not that he gives a damn, being the un-neurotic, laid-back guy he is.
Friday, January 22, 2010
I'm tempted, but it's going to be minus 7!
I know Harper thinks he's Stalin, and this cannot continue, but minus 7 is cold.
Here was my sister's take on the matter. The rally is being held downtown, and The Bay is downtown and The Bay is having a sale where all previously marked-down items are another 30% off. Therefore, according to her logic, I should protest Stalin first and shop for bargains later.
Remember that great sale back at the begining of the year where I got three pairs of pants for the office for $50. Well, what if I can get even more pants for about $35? In sister's mind, this is a great opportunity to protest the government and SAVE!
Brother-in-law has already written a letter to his MP, so they are in full anti-Harper mode right now. And it's 30% off.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
There's a weird, smooth easiness involved in that shared Catholic upbringing. I felt it immediately with Nickname Pending, and now again it happened with NAG.
I think I have to change NAG's nickname. He is Former Altar Boy or FAB. (Get it? He's FAB.)
Shut up and go change the cat litter, Nanuk.
I don't have a name for him but since he is the New Age-appropriate (40s) Guy, I will go with NAG for now.
I'm a bit worried I'll hear a lot about work because NAG's company is undergoing some kind of restructuring and it appears to be a hassle for him. I hope he doesn't talk about it for an hour.
It looks like this Sunday will be a first meeting with the Purring Persian, while Date No. 2 with Nickname Pending has been pushed back to the following Sunday. That is okay, he's worth waiting patiently for.
I trust your score card is now up to date.
The Canadian govt has organized a high-level, super-duper meeting on Haitian reconstruction. And it is going to be held in our building. So us minions have been told to stay off the premises, for security reasons.
In a way, I'm a bit disappointed. Hilary Clinton will be attending, and it would've been exciting to see her in person, maybe take a picture. As my colleague said "You can always stand across the street trying to get a glimpse and get picked off by a police sniper." There IS that option.
I now have dreams that I am going to accomplish SO MUCH in that one unexpected, bonus day off. I will follow ALL my New Year's Resolutions!
Monday, January 18, 2010
Sunday, January 17, 2010
In Up in the Air, he looks old and haggard, but maybe he's supposed to be. Maybe it's part of his character. But a turkey neck is a turkey neck. And George had a turkey neck.
48 is tough. For all of us!
Up in the Air is an enjoyable movie. Not the greatest movie ever made, but a good solid movie. For those of us in the aviation biz, it is especially fun.
Speaking of turkey necks, there's Harrison Ford on the red carpet. Meow.
Yikes Paul McCartney talks and looks like he's a hundred years old. scary.
Do you want to read about the biggest nitwit in the world??? You've come to the right place!!!
About 5 years ago, I got a cellphone. It was only for emergencies, driving on the highway, etc. 99% of the time, it sits on the shelf. I never have it with me. I basically never bothered to figure out how it works. I buy cards when I need to put some minutes on it, which ain't often.
At Xmas, I told my family I was thinking of upgrading at long last, for two reasons: 1) I can't text from this phone and it is time to join the texting world, and 2) my 5-year old phone is embarrassingly old and primitive looking.
Yesterday, I'm examining the phone to try to understand how it works...after 5 years. I find the missed call log, and I am deleting calls from last summer. I see one of the calls is from Bell, and it is a missed text message.
I press the button and, shazam, there's a text message on the screen. I've had texting all along and didn't know. How dumb is that? So I asked a friend to text me when she got home (after we saw Mr. Clooney). And, voila, there was her text.
I tried to respond but ended up calling her by accident. So I haven't figure out how to send a text yet, but I may attempt that today. But what's the hurry, I'm already 5 years late.
Update: I sent 3 text messages today. I'm a 21st century gal.
Friday, January 15, 2010
Thursday, January 14, 2010
That's the cut-off. Fortunately, I have a purring Persian waiting in the wings (and for a change I don't mean a cat!)
The governments have traditionally been evil and Mother Nature hates them. What did they do to deserve this?
The world is not a level playing field.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Well, how can I complain? All the services provided by the city are SO MUCH BETTER. Right?
I said, am I right?
(Cue the lonely crickets in the still of the night)
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
For 15 minutes, the intoxicating nacho cheese flavour filled my nostrils.
It was like Satan himself decided I should fail at Resolution No. 7.
EVIL, I tells ya.
Well, I got an email last night. A supplicating email. He's so sorry he's been so busy, etc., etc.
I'll be nice when I respond, but the message will be "you snooze, you lose".
Miss Too Too Popular of the North
Monday, January 11, 2010
Is this worth the price of admission? I dunno, to each his or her own. But I can imagine a certain someone buying the DVD and re-running two or three short scenes over and over and over.
The cinema was packed, but I did not overhear any moans of pleasure from the back row so I assume there wasn't anybody I know in attendance.
I cannot get over how fat Alec is.
In New Year's news, I brought my lunch from home today, so Resolution No. 9 is covered for this week. I am so great.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Dude 1: Hey, wanna hear about a new drink?
Dude 2: What?
Dude 1: A new drink. Canadian Club and ginger ale.
Dude 2: Oh yeah?
Dude 1: Yeah. It goes down like ginger ale and it really fucks you up.
I don't know what is funnier that it fucks you up or that Canadian Club and ginger ale is "new".
Don Draper would approve. Carry on.
Halleljuah! Halleljuah! Halleljuah! Halleljuah!
For the Lord God Omnipotent reigneth!
Halleljuah! Halleljuah! Halleljuah! Halleljuah!
(Handel must've been an insomniac.)
P.S. I made a hilarious typo that I should've left in (but being an "editor" I had to correct). I had written the Lord Gord. If I was thanking the Lord Gord, I would've sung the Canadian Railway Trilogy.
Saturday, January 09, 2010
Friday, January 08, 2010
Now he looks like he's wearing a black velvet choker from the 60's, like Melanie.
Let's all sing: I've got a brand new pair of roller skates, you've got a brand new key.
For anyone who cares to know, this figurine was purchased in the 1950's and was made in Italy. Stuff like this just doesn't exist anymore. It's practically a Bellini. Well maybe not.
The Big Red One is in a sulk today because he has nobody to decapitate. He's asleep and no doubt dreaming of next December. Kill! Kill!
An afternoon nap is on the menu.
This morning I have to finish packing away the Xmas tree and decorations. Joseph's head still needs to be glued back on, and Mary is still MIA after 4 days. I can't find her anywhere.
My search for the missing BVM has led me to realize that also on the agenda for this morning is vacuuming under every piece of furniture. It's not decluttering per se, but it's enough housecleaning to qualify for a good deed under Resolution No. 8.
Thursday, January 07, 2010
At 1:00 a.m., I started to suspect those weren't decafs.
At 3:05 a.m., I was pretty well sure those weren't decafs.
When the alarm went off, I was in a daze. I came to work. My colleague comes into my office and says "I didn't sleep AT ALL last night. I'm exhausted. I'm sure those weren't decafs."
I had already had insomnia Sunday and Monday. So I've slept one night out of four this week.
I'm taking tomorrow off work. I have a "date" with a Large Bosnian tomorrow night. I need all of Friday to sleep, lest I look even worse than I feel, and I feel pretty darn bad.
Wednesday, January 06, 2010
On Sunday afternoon, when I arrived at Nickname Pending's place, he had put on some music. I didn't really notice what it was, a mix of some kind. We were sitting on the couch, chatting, and then You've Got A Friend, by James Taylor, a.k.a. the Voice of a Slow Painful Death, came on.
(Important detail: Nickname Pending is a bit younger* than me.)
After a minute, I stopped and asked: Do you really listen to this? He looked worried and said in a meek voice: I thought you'd like it.
Anyone who knows me can just imagine my face at that moment.
In a flash, NP was off the couch and at his computer looking for a new mix. He sat back on the couch, the Beastie Boys came on. And all was well.
P.S. This morning, lying awake listening to CBC before dragging my carcass out of bed, You've Got a Friend came on. That dreadful song is going to haunt me all week.
*Okay, fine, quite a bit younger.
The line: "he understands the Bible like a turtle humping a shoe" made me LOL. Literally.
It was like in a movie. I went HAW! and then slapped my hand over my mouth. Why do we do this? Do we think we can stuff the laugh back in? It escaped and loudly. No turning back.
Chris appears to know everything about Mary, the mother of Jesus. Any questions on the nomenclature of the BVM? He's your man.
Please advise if I need to report back only on how many juicy flank shots there are, or whether you require a thorough evaluation of all incidents of exposed Baldwin skin.
Thanks for your cooperation.
Tuesday, January 05, 2010
It's wrong. The world is ending in 2010. The universe has spun onto its head, and nothing is as it was. I'm taking to quoting Yeats, the centre cannot hold. et cetera.
I'm now facing the prospect of having 2 boyfriends. In 49 effing years on planet Earth this has never happened. My sister says it's like an Archie comic, and I'm dating at Riverdale High.
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world.
Nickname Pending has informed from under the pile of papers on his desk, that the first available day where he can escape his overworked, stressed-out job is a day just for us.
Meanwhile, the Big Bosnian with whom I saw the John Woo movie last month, has resurfaced with a supplicating email. We must meet for coffee and there I will tell him if I want him. He hopes so.
"The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned; "
Wow, I'd forgotten how much I love this poem.
Monday, January 04, 2010
I hope that whoever did this effigy thing drops dead. I'm so digusted by this.
*Greg, if you're reading, this is obviously not you, but of course you know that.
Sunday, January 03, 2010
Hell has frozen over solid.
I had 2, count 'em, 2 dates this weekend. Thank you, craigslist.
Craigslist is indeed full of pervs, creeps, nakeds, speedos and general weirdos (i.e. friends of Mitch D. fer instance) but with a decent bull**** detector and some patience, it is possible to uncover a few decent men.
Today I met another, Nickname Pending, and he was a doll. But the polar opposite of the gentleman last night. They had only one thing in common: Both of them helped me put on my coat. Last night, it was clear this was Standard Operating Procedure for the nice older man. Today, when Nickname Pending, helped me with my coat he said "I saw this in a movie once". I'm such a pushover for goofy guys with funny lines.
I don't plan to see him again, but when we parted he said: "We WILL see each other again". I just couldn't say "we'll see" in my meek little doofus voice.
A Single Man is a terrific movie. Really stylish, and Julianne Moore is terrific. It has one of the most hilarious attempted suicide scenes ever. That's saying something.
Saturday, January 02, 2010
Friday, January 01, 2010
I have compiled my very serious list of Resolutions for this brand new year.
1. Stop adopting other people's cats.
2. Buy new glasses.
(I did this yesterday. Hurray for me. I can cross it off the list. 2010 is already a roaring success.)
3. Go on dates. (Again success. I have a movie date scheduled for tomorrow. But will I be pre-emptively dumped once again? Who knows?)
4. Convince my boss to retire so I can apply for and get her job. (This will NEVER happen but a girl can dream.)
5. Stop procrastinating. (About what? About everthing!)*
6. Become Machiavellian at work. (See 4. above.)
and now the usual suspects:
7. Lose 15 pounds.
8. Declutter the house.
9. Bring a lunch once a week.
and finally I am reviving this one which first appeared in 2007. I need it.
10. Be more mirthful.
*No. 5 is a direct result of the satisfaction gained from having accomplished No. 2. I originally got my prescription for my new lenses in December 2008. When I went back to the eye doctor in December 2009, I had to confess that I never got around to filling the script. The eye doctor shook his head, and I swore to him than when he saw me next December, I would be wearing my new glasses. I even vowed to buy them by the end of the month. Which I managed to accomplish on December 31. And, yeah, it felt good to finally get something done. So that is why No. 5 is on the list.