Friday, April 30, 2010

Wisconsin-based Chip Review

Who would have thought that my business trip to Madison Wisconsin would result in a major potato chip discovery. The town itself was surprisingly hip, with plenty of interesting things to do (fun stores, huge variety of restaurants, arts and culture, etc)...but the highlight was the bag of chips I spotted in the convenience store. There on the racks was a flavour of Doritos that leaped out at me like some demented girl in a giant birthday cake at a lodge convention...Late Night All Nighter Cheeseburger...Certainly, the taste could not live up to its name!...Wrong!...These beef flavour-enhanced cheese snacks did in fact taste like a cheeseburger. I was so thrown back that my underwear nearly flew off. But were they yum worthy, you ask? Yes, indeedy, they were!!! So much that I rushed back on my last night to procure what turned out to be the last one on the shelf. I only wished I had a bag of the Lay's French Fries and Gravy chips I had reviewed nearly two years ago with me...then it would have been the perfect fast-food meal treat. On the wang-o-meter these quarter-pounder triangles of fun rate a deep-delving and (w)ow-inducing 9.5 inches...meatier than Jimmy Walker and complimented with the perfect Velvet Painting of Elvis-like cheesiness. Mr. Doritos, please, feel free to slip that recipe of yours into my boudoir, where I would be more than happy to mmm-mmm-mmm all over you.


Work, work,work. Nanuk is a busy bee.

All work and no play makes Nanuk a dull bee.

But it's Date Night with the Cat Man, Attempt No. 3! Will this never end? It's turning into a toothache. Let's just get it over with.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

It's Springtime in Montreal (for Hitler?)

Most of the snow is gone tonight, but this is what it looked like when I got up this morning.

RoMaBo - Still No Date with the Cat Man

Another evening, another failed date attempt. Somebody (not me) took a nap and didn't wake up until 8:00 p.m. Then somebody (not me) realized the weather was absolutely awful and couldn't ride his bike to meet me. Public transit would cause further delay. So somebody (me) said: Forget this, this is never going to work.

So date day is now rescheduled to Saturday when Cat Man says we will have "all day to play". Oh god. This could be interesting.

So Cat Man emails me his phone number and says "Why don't you call me? But not right now because I'm going out to the dep to buy snacks". Maybe he's not all bad. It was agreed I'll call him tonight. Perhaps he is a Doritos eccentric Doritos man.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Effin' Weather

I don't know what time JAW Fan is supposed to be flying off to beautiful Madison, Wisconsin.

I hope, for his colleague's sake, he is a calm flyer. I do picture him however grabbing onto some poor person's elbow screaming "Look at the weather, we're all going to diiiiie".

The Playoffs

You just never know with hockey, do you? You just never know.

Winter's back with a vengeance this morning. Eff. At least the snow is melting on contact, but man, this is unpleasant.

You knew this was going to happen because yesterday the roofers started reshingling my roof. They got one whole side finished, so there's no risk of leaking today, but nothing brings back winter like construction on my house. I'm guessing the guys will be back by Thursday. She said hopefully.

Monday, April 26, 2010

RoMaBo - Purridise Postponed

Home renovation mishaps prevented Cat Man from keeping our date. My main concern is that no spackle landed on his cat. And none did.

Date postponed for 24 hours.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

RoMaBo - Meow Edition

It appears I am meeting a new man tomorrow evening. He has already sent me numerous pictures of his cat. She is a cutie, and he is obviously very fond of her. (I also received one picture of him.)

Crazy Cat Lady meets Crazy Cat Man? Can this be? Is this the recipe for romantic bliss?

I sent him three pictures of my crew as well. I have now learned that the keyboard shortcut for a cat is ^_^

He's a computer guy, as well as a CCM, apparently.

Saturday, April 24, 2010


My sis thinks we should go to Florida every year. I can't imagine why she thinks this. Sigh.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Charlie Don't Surf

Nothing says "American beach" like....military choppers! Right over your head! My god they were flying low.

I was in the water one of the times they flew over and 1) I wanted to wave in a friendly way while 2) thinking that I had seen Apocalypse Now too many times and just assumed they were going to start shooting at the water.

And, no, these were not Coast Guard copters. The Coast Guard copter was a friendly red-and-white job that hovered passed a couple of times a day. These were black Black Hawk-type nasties. You can hear the roar from miles away. The kind that would make you poo your pants if you thought they were actually after you.

Nanuk sur la plage

I'm back. Wah! it was so nice.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Open Comments

Mr. D. says: Go on vacation already, human. We want the bathroom to ourselves.

The forecast for the Tampa area: rain tomorrow; scattered thundershowers for the next few days. Effin".

Consider this the vacation post. Leave as many comments, poems, etc., as your lil hearts desire. Back on Friday...

Friday, April 16, 2010

RoMaBo Oddity, No. 3: Brave New World

An email received this morning from Mr. North Carolina included this bit of info: “I get turned on by that librarian look with glasses.”

This is the same thing that turns on my Tall, Hot Teacher friend.

And I say: it’s about freakin’ time!!

It’s about time that quiet, little librarians (or editors) get their day in the sun. Where have these guys been? This must be the start of a great new era. Finally, the men of the world will stop lusting over bleached-blonde, fake-boobed porn starlets and come out of the closet, declaring their unbridled lust for the shy, bespectacled frumps of the world.

Onward, sez I.

Thursday, April 15, 2010


Larry King is getting his 8th divorce. Good lord. He is accused of cheating. This raises so many questions. The thought that there are 8 women on the planet who could've tolerated being married to hideous, moronic Larry, is already mind-boggling. But that he's having affairs. Larry King? Face it, Larry ain't no Tiger. I shudder.

Second point of the today. Pro-obesity websites. I haven't read the article in today's G&M, but I'm intrigued by the idea of being a gainer. Gaining weight on a website for people's entertainment. Who am I kidding? It's just a reason to gorge on chips.'s tempting. I guess deep down I want to wear a muumuu. Like Homer.

Third, hockey!! I can't believe Ottawa won last night. For a change I don't want them to win. I want to see more of Sidney. Am looking forward to watching Montreal die a quick, painless death. In 4.

Fourth, I didn't hear from Mr. North Carolina yesterday. I'm disappointed. Don't tell me I've been dumped already!

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

RoMaBo Oddity, No. 2 in a series(?)

At 10:00 last night I received an email from Mr. Romance, allegedly in North Carolina, telling me how he had to sit through a boring, boring business dinner with some nerds, but spent all this time tuned out and thinking of me.

This could get good. Question is: how long to drag this fantasy out?

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Did I miss a Happy B-Day, jr edition?

Is it Little Anonymi No. 2's birthday today? Have I missed it? Don't tell me it was last week. I just associate him with "Lucky 13". Matches his lucky personality...

Regardless Happy Birthday, Little Terror.

Romantic Male Box Oddity

On the weekend, I exchanged a couple of messages with a man who, for whatever reason, seems in love my writing style.

(He should meet JAW Fan!)

Through the power of all my magical (?) words, he is enamoured. I think we have exchanged 3 or 4 emails. Anyway, I just got an email from him with an invitation to go to North Carolina this week. He is going to play golf and wants me to come along for the trip. Makes me wish I was some kind of grifter con-woman. Room Service! Champagne!

Who does this kind of thing? I guess he must be pretty sure I'll say no. We haven't even exchanged photos. What if I turned out to be JAW Fan in a muumuu (and a towel on my head). What are men thinking? (Rhetorical question: I know he's thinking hanky panky in North Carolina.) How daring.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Help wanted: Temporary blogger

This time next week I should be sitting on a nice beach soaking up the Floridian sun.

Yes, I shall be absent right smack-dab in the middle of NaPoMo. How will we survive?

A guest blogger is more than welcome, if only to set up new posts so JAW Fan can fill the comment box with his inspired verse. This does not in any way limit the guest blogger's right whatever he/she desires.

Apply within.
Salary: Are you kidding?

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Nanuk's Weekend Sports Desk

Like the rest of the house, the sports desk is cluttered.

First The Masters. When I watched Mickelson kissing his cancer wife, I could not help but wonder what the scene would've been had Tiger won. In my perfect world, all 15 of his mistresses would've lined the path to the clubhouse, and he would've stopped to roughly smooch each one. Tiger was disappointed not to have won, but I'm sure the kindly Southern gentlemen of Augusta will supply him with plenty of comfort women. It's in his contract.

In baseball news. The Cardinals are on t.v. which means a look at Albert Pujols and his "tremendous rump". Yup, it's pretty tremendous alright. But the oddity here is that the Brewers have an outfielder named Corey Hart. And Corey Hart just let an easy fly ball bounce off his glove into the stands for a double. It's a night game and Corey is not wearing his sunglasses. Need I say more.

Too many celebs dying in rapid succession

I can't keep up. In the past week or so: Robert Culp and Malcom McLaren.

Last week, I got hell from JAW Fan for not reporting of the death of ancient John Forsyth of Dynasty (and Charlie's Angels) fame. I figured I didn't need to report on people who were on shows I didn't care about. How silly of me.

So I won't make the same mistake twice in a row. I never watched Designing Women, but JAW Fan will be upset if I don't mention that Dixie Carter died.

And a whole bunch of important Polish people died, and darn it! not one of them was my Crazy Neighbour!! The weirdest moment in all this is Pooty Poot Putin "assuring" everyone that he PERSONALLY will oversee the investigation of the crash. Well, we all know what that means. Nobody will ever know what happened. Friggin' Putin.

Friday, April 09, 2010

"It serves him well"

I did not have to search long to find my important news feature of the day. It comes courtesy of and is called:

What Can You Learn from Staring at a Baseball Player's Butt?

My first thought was (of course): I'm supposed to be learning something???

A lot of baseball players tend to have big asses". And while this "tends to be a pitcher thing," the boffo backsides aren't entirely confined to the mound. "Albert Pujols has a tremendous rump, and it serves him well,"

This reminds me that on Sunday evening, while lying deathly ill on my sister's couch, it was disappointing to watch Josh Beckett get off to such a lousy start this season. But he looked good. I would not classify his rump as tremendous, but it serves him well. I know he is pitching again tomorrow, but I don't know if it will be on t.v. locally. I may not get the opportunity to assess him.

Non-rhymin' Friday poem

(Wallace Stevens has nothing on me.)

Today is super casual day
As there are only two of us
To hold the fort

Some are on training
Others off sick
So I wore my jeans
And I can relax

This poem doesn’t rhyme
But I don’t care as I am
Super casual

Just hope I don’t get called
Up to the office of the
Because then I’ll be an
Embarrassed slob.

Thursday, April 08, 2010

JAW Fan's Ode to Pag

There's something I've been dying to know,
Whatever happened to Pagliaro?
Is it I fear?
Is he out of a career?
There was a time he was so hot
Especially with "What the Hell I Got"
Even with "Some Sing, Some Dance"
He had the fire in his pants.
But nowadays he's never seen
Has be become a true has-been?
Is there any way he can revive
And return the spirit of '75?
You know...the kind of thing...
The days when CKGM was king,
Where no matter where you did go
People asked "How's your oiseau?"

To those who did not grow up in Quebec
I know you're saying "What the heck?"
You had to live here for you to know
Just who the hell is Pagliaro

Releasing the pressure

Our resident poet (sorry, Ms Mushrooms, it's not you, but I'm sure you understand) tells me he is bursting with words. His word cup overfloweth, and he needs to jot down some rhymes. I don't have much to report on, but here's an item.

I read recently about a new trend that is catching on: nude yoga. It will come as a surprise to absolutely nobody that this past-time seems particularly in vogue in the gay community. I guess when you are able to lift your leg and place it behind your head, you are a) very flexible b) exposing your dangly bits to the whole class and thus c) very popular.

Apparently even in non-gay, mixed classes the men outnumber the women 2 to 1. Think about that, ladies. How many men of your acquaintance would you want to see in the buff in downward dog pose? .....? Oh so few.

Also, and maybe it's just me, but wouldn't nude yoga encourage more gas passing? I mean, there's nothing to block it. I'd just roll into a ball and toot.

Tuesday, April 06, 2010

By jove! ack ack...thud

My least favourite human Blacque Jacques Parizeau is in hospital. Wha happened? Did his waistcoat cut off his breathing? Did he suffocate on errant mustache hairs? Who knows? Oh, the G&M says he's suffering from exhaustion. Not surprising, being a racist a--hole and a thorn in the side of his own party is tiring work.

In the irony department, he is being treated at the Jewish General. Aha. Now, if the good folk at the Jewish are treating him to the best of their abilities, and I have no doubt whatsoever that they are, they are better people than I. (me?) I'd let the windbag suffer.

But that's just me. (I?)

Nanuk of the Dead

What a lousy Easter weekend. I have been sick since Friday night. I still managed to get to the Holy City, but I was dull company indeed as I spent half of my time there in bed, and the rest of the time up sneezing, coughing, wiping my eyes and nose and just generally being a sick person.

So I am still home sick today. I had not had a cold all winter, my last one was in Sept. So, of course, the holiday weekend was the ideal time to go down for the count.

And, right now, I am cleaning up cat barf. Life is glamourous. I'm going back to bed soon.

Friday, April 02, 2010

Weather to melt your chocolate bunnies

It's freaky hot. I'm loving it.

Happy Easter!

We shall return to our regularly scheduled programming on Tuesday, when NaPoMo starts in earnest. whoo hoo.

Thursday, April 01, 2010

Protesters Protesting

At lunch time, I had to go to The Bay, and there were a gazillion students protesting along St. Cate Street. A gazillion.

They announced an increase in tuition fees in this week's provincial budget, so that's why the students were out in very impressive numbers.

Most of the students carried similar signs, saying things like "Education is a right" and "Don't unfreeze rates" etc. But after I'd walked a couple of blocks, I saw this one young girl with black hair and her sign said "Bob Dylan is God".

She wins.