Tuesday, May 28, 2013

In CPN News

Spying over the fence for the past couple days, I have noted that the CPN is not going to work and spends the whole day (outdoors, of course) in his pyjamas and a robe. While this type of behaviour could indicate that he has entered the Hefner Zone, I do not believe this to be the case.

Yesterday, while CPN Wife and CPN Daughter ate a normal supper, CPN himself dined on toast and soup. So clearly, he has recently undergone surgery of some kind.

In the immortal words of Basil Fawlty:  Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

Friday, May 24, 2013

Friday Update

1. Happy 72nd Birthday to Bob.

2. My employer will not be moving to the Middle East. Official announcement came this morning from our dear friend, the Minister Buffoon of Foreign Affairs of Canada.

3. Third item, Happy High School Graduation to Miss Mushrooms Jr.  All growed up.

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Battle of the Network Starz

Have you ever met anyone who has been on a reality show? Up until last night, I would have had to answer No to this question.

But last night my sister's contractor, the guy who re-did her kitchen and bathroom, was a contestant on a show on Discovery where people race their old jalopy bazoos around an obstacle course. The winner gets a refinishing job on his bazoo while the losers get their cars impaled on a big thing called the "Spike of Shame" (which has nothing to do with Sean Connery's wang, which I still have not seen a full frontal picture of...but I digress).  I met this contractor last summer and if ever there was a contractor who deserved his own reality show, it is him. He is a "character" of epic proportions. Mike Holmes is a dullard compared to this fellow. No wonder his wife sent his name in to audition for TV. Some people were born to be on TV. He didn't win, though, and his beloved van was impaled on the Spike of Shame.

This is the second person my sister knows to appear on a reality show in the past year. Earlier, the daughter of a colleague was in a episode of a program where young women who have poor money sense (and generally no common sense) get read the riot act and put on a budget by the loud-mouthed Gail V.O., she of the undeterminable accent. (Actually, it's Jamaican, but you never expect to hear a Jamaican accent from a white person, do you? Admit it, you don't.) That young woman got $5000 for her public humiliation. Is that a fair bargain? I dunno. But in my mind, anyone who belongs to an on-line shoe club and gets new shoes mailed to her on a regular basis, deserves public humiliation.

My sister's new career: Hanger on to the D listers.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

In Hockey News

It is extremely rare that, alone in my living room, I shout Yessss during a sports event.  But when Boston scored that 4th goal last night, I was, like, Yessss Yessss.  If cats could manage a hi-five, I would've had them all doing it.


Truth is, I don't hate the Leafs at all. I have no problem with any of the players, and I think Reimer is very, very good. I just want to see Cherry and all those morons at the CBC be bitterly disappointed. Ah! That was so good.

Monday, May 13, 2013

Astronaut Yawn

Am I the only person totally bored by Chris Hadfield and all his tweeting and guitar playing from space?  I'll be glad when he lands back on earth and we don't have to see him on the news anymore.

I'm a nerd, but I'm not a science nerd. Actually, I am science idiot. I know nothing. And I'm good with that.

Wednesday, May 08, 2013

Neighbourhood watch

Despite myself, I keep looking for updates on that awful Cleveland kidnapping story. You just don't know what your neighbour could be up to. Well, actually in my case,  I do, because I can't avoid noting everything my crazy CPNs are doing since they do everything outside. It's Spring, bring out the ironing board!

But I digress.

I love the guy that helped rescue the women. I want him as my neighbour, eating his McDonald's. He is cool. He had dramatic flare, knows how to tell a story. He can sit on my porch and listen to salsa music all he wants. I would feel very safe.

Saturday, May 04, 2013

Endless Summer

We can all relax because Summer has truly arrived. The Polish ironing board is now being used outside.

Friday, May 03, 2013

The End of an Era

The big day has finally arrived.
The day that Knuckles G. bids good-bye, adieu, auf wiedersehen, sayonara, to the land of cheese and peanut butter.
Will he be back in 2 weeks, 3, 2 months?
Stay tuned.
For let us never forget the words of Michael Corleone:  "Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in."
Happy 14th months vacation!!

Thursday, May 02, 2013

In medical news

Yesterday, I visited by GP for my annual check-up, which I hadn't had in two years. ha ha.

As he was putting the cuff on my arm to check my blood pressure, he said "So are you guys moving to the Middle East? How does the voting work? Don't the Americans want you to stay?" I started answering but I knew I was getting agitated, so I said asked him why did you ask me about this when you are taking my blood pressure? I can feel my blood pressure going up!  He laughed and said I was right, it was stupid of him to raise the issue while taking my BP.

My BP turned out to be higher than usual, but he said he would take the circumstances into consideration. It's still in the normal range, Middle East or no Middle East.