Wednesday, September 26, 2012

In The News

There's only one really big development in the world today: Farmers are forecasting a worldwide shortage of bacon in 2013. 

Why go on? Why live? I ask you.

And me, with my new bar pan that cooks bacon to crispy, even perfection. What'll I do?

Monday, September 24, 2012

The beat I cannot get out of my head

I am very late to the party with this post, but I finally watched the Gangnam Style video on the weekend, and, this is EVERYTHING I love about crazy Asian pop culture.  (There were only 440 million views ahead of me, it's up to 460 million views today.)

The guy in the yellow suit makes it for me, but I love all of it. And leave it to CBC News last night to educate me that this song has a political message.  Sure beats folk music all to hell.

I must go rock out to the beat once again.

Unrelated: Re Mr. Girlyskirt's fave Scopitones. How can The Silencer not be in his Top 2?  I love The Race is On, but she is no Joi Lansing.  Also, the girls in the Sea Cruise video are so wholesome and cute. Why can't dancers in videos today be wholesome and cute, instead of looking like trashy ho's? Bring back wholesome and cute!!, sez this uptight, old bag.

Sunday, September 23, 2012


Happy Bruce Springsteen's Birthday to everyone. If this is not an international holiday by now, it most certainly should be. In a perfect world, we would all get Monday off, since Bruce Day falls on a Sunday this year.

Go drive on the highway in his honour.

Friday, September 21, 2012

Double your pleasure, double your fun

The blogger formerly known as J A W Fan now has two blogs on the run.
(It rhymes!)

Thursday, September 20, 2012

The Man from H'don

I regret I have no Fancy Feast news to share. I have not heard from him since his trip to Montreal and the rent-a-car-to-pick-up-Coq-au-bec argument.

But today I did get an email that said W---- Y----- has invited you to join Twitter.  So I guess I am still buried somewhere on the contacts list of the man from H'don.  If only that had worked out....HA!

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

News You Need

It appears the only purpose of this blog is to provide updates of J A W Fan's blog.  It's back up. Will it remain up or will some other misfortune befall it?  Stay tuned.

Friday, September 14, 2012

Is Nothing Sacred?

So everybody in the Middle East seems to be on a rampage today. Mobs are protesting in front of any old Western embassy.  But, but, now it is reported that a mob in Lebanon set fire to a KFC.  Have these people no sense of decency?  The Colonel would weep.  Salty, fatty tears.

In other news:  Why can't the Royal Family keep their clothes on? Are they wearing itchy English wool?  Stop getting naked, you are royalty.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

The Commenter formerly known as J** Fan

Ok. Where do we begin to unravel the strangeness about recent events involving our friend the newly renamed MajorDomo Hot Pants Homo (HPH, for short(s)).

Did you know that J**fan is the name of a city in Y***n, which is a country where the US Embassy was attacked yesterday, in response to that doltish amateur-hour Anti-I****ic movie. Is it possible that J**fan's blog was detected by some system that is programmed to find and delete all references to possible Al Q**** activity or sympathising or even sympathetic geography? Can you find J**fan, Y***n, on a map?

Far fetched, yes.  Unlikely, perhaps.  Impossible, in our modern world? I'd say No.

Anyway, if you are trying to locate MajorDomo HPH, he's under the bed with a bottle of wine until further notice.

Celebrity Death News: Blog Edition

After a very short existence, JAW Fan's Blog was ruthlessly gunned down by "the Internet".  Damn you, Internet.  You give us freedoms and then you take them away.

I am awaiting the news that Mac Davis's lawyers will be contacting the Hot Pants Homo for copyright infringement negotiations.  Correction: for nude copyright infringement negotiations.

RIP Jaw Fan Blog.  It was fun while it very briefly lasted.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Complete Control

My sister's neighbour died, and I am hearing amazing stories about what a control freak this woman was.

She had cancer since last winter, so she knew she was going to die. So she wrote her own obituary, and she planned out her funeral service, picked the music, etc.  Not so unusual. These people had a place in Florida, so she told her husband he is to go to Florida, as per usual, over the winter. But this next part is what killed me. She told her husband he is to get a dog after she dies. Then she told him what breed of dog to buy and what to name the dog.  WTF?

My sis says that man is going to be lost without his wife. No wonder. He'd been married to a drill sergeant for 50 years.

Wednesday, September 05, 2012

Vote Vote Bang Bang

My former colleague who was from Nicaragua always used to joke that Canadian elections are boring because nobody ever gets killed.  Well, we can check that off our To Do List now.

I shall begin stockpiling beans and evaporated milk for the upcoming civil war.

Tuesday, September 04, 2012

X marks the spot

My duty is done. But help me out here. My failing memory has failed me once again. Is this the first time the candidates' photos appear on the ballot? I can't remember seeing pics to go with the names before.

Cue: Mr Anonymous who will say "only for the past three elections".  And I'll believe him.

Yes, it is moi

At the upper end of my street there is an elderly couple who spend pretty well the whole summer sitting on their front porch. They are always there (during daylight hours) and most of the time their across-the-street neighbour, who is an eccentric junk dealer, is sitting with them. He talks non-stop. Everyone knows him because he rides his bike all over the neighbourhood looking for recyclable cans and other stuff in everyone's trash.

Yesterday I was walking up to the mall, and the three of them were sitting outside. There was nobody else around.  As I walked past, I heard the woman say "That's the woman I was talking about." And the neighbour paused, looked over at me, and said "Oh yes".

So here's the question. What are they saying about me? In what context was I the topic of conversation?

Monday, September 03, 2012

It's Election Eve

...and all through the province, federalists are cringing.

I remember the provincial election of 30 November 1998. I had just bought my house, and my landlord at the time said "why would buy a house when the separatists are getting back in? Your house will be worth nothing."  Well, they did get back in that night. That night my father had the major, major stroke that eventually killed him. Our family's gallows humour has always said that is was the re-election of the PQ that did him in. One of the last things my father did was vote. Against the PQ.

Thirteen years later, I am still in my crumbling house. Anyway, the separatists came and went and now we are coming to the end of the nine-year rule of Ti-Jean Federalist. It's been quiet for 9 years. We're all going to have to get back into "PQ Mode". Sigh. It will be interesting to watch how Harper deals with PQ provocation. It should be ugly. I'm already tired.

My friend the Persian, now a Canadian citizen,  will be voting in his first provincial election. He asked me if there was a way to vote against someone. I said, no, you can only check one name for the person you want. But he said he wanted a ballot that would say, I'm okay with this guy, or this guy, or this guy, but definitely NOT that guy. And the guy with the most negative ballots would be guaranteed to be not elected. Apparently, this is how class elections worked in his high school. I thought, hmm, negative voting. This would be a great way to make sure the biggest pain in the ass does not get in. I like it.