Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Sheepish belated B-Day wishes

Our Susieq from the land of Oz met the Big 5-0 a few days ago.

So, I'm a few days late. Sorry, but hey you get to be 50 all year! Enjoy!

Monday, March 30, 2009

As the Kumar Turns

You didn't think he was gone for good, didja? Well, he's back.

Having given him up for dead over the past couple of weeks, I was shocked (see Claude Rains) to see the battered Kumar-mobile pull up in front of the house on Saturday.

First thing he says when walking in (in his traditional haughty huff): "Your neighbours are the nosiest people in the world!" The woman across the street, who I would rate about a 7 on the Nosey Meter (as opposed to my neighbour two doors down, whose face should be emblazoned on The Nosey Meter (patent pending)) was having a party on Saturday and most of her guests were arriving around the same time as Kumar materialized. So, as he gets out of his car, on this very quiet street, there were indeed at least 5 people at the window across the street, watching him. I explained they were probably anticipating another person at their party, and that's why. They were not staring because he is the be-all and the end-all (except in his own mind).

But then we were in my living room looking out, and well, it did look like they were also just staring across at us. It was rather odd.

Anyway, Kumar had been on a road trip for the past 2 weeks or so. He quit his job in Toronto (Yep, in a recession, he quit a decent job, idiot!). And he had been down in the USA, at various job interviews in Atlanta, Virginia and New Jersey. He had just got back (he pulled out his passport as proof that he had just now crossed the border). And I was his first stop on his return. Lucky me. Did he tell me any of this before leaving? Of couse not. He must think I am a mole and I love being in the dark.

Dubai remains unconfirmed, but is not looking promising. It appears he is self-sabotaging this one by making demands he knows they won't accept. I suppose it is easier to say that they could not come to an agreement than to admit he doesn't actually want to move there.

Conclusion: We're back at square one. He is working for his own company again, and for the first time since November, we are living in the same city. This cannot end well.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Good news

I may have office hours for blogging tomorrow. My boss has taken the day off.

Of course, she HAD to leave me something to "take care of" in her absence, but I won't let that get in the way of my Revolutionary Blogging!

Bankers are evil. Death to Mr. Monopoly.

Donde esta la revolucion?

Yesterday a group of disgruntled folks vandalized the home of the president of the Royal Bank of Scotland, and in France some employees took their boss hostage. To which I can only say:

It’s about time.

I’ve been waiting for people to start rising up against everything that’s happened in the past couple of years. Notice these acts of revolt are happening only in Europe so far? That’s because in North America, Dancing with the Stars and American Idol are on. We mustn’t be disturbed from our t.v. watching.

Europeans are so much better about giving a shit. We don’t care. The banks can take all our money, lay-off hundreds of workers while still announcing stupendous profits, and we still won’t care enough to throw a brick. Where is our Ignatz Mouse to lead us?

I did read that AIG officials are hiring bodyguards after receiving death threats. So all is not lost. I wonder how much more it will take before protestors demonstrate on Wall Street. Nah. Won’t happen. We’d rather take out our anger (if we feel any) by shopping at Wal-mart. That’ll show those millionaires how we really feel.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

A disturbing trend

Over the past 1 to 2 weeks, I have found myself increasingly occupied with work during working hours. This "work" business is absorbing a great deal of potential blogging time.

I don't know how to make this stop.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Life is short, Part 5233 in a series

Another month, another funeral for another friend in my age group. This is getting to be a bit much, I think.

Anna and I worked together for a while, and she gave me my first kitty cat, the much-feared and near-universally loathed Miss P. (But I loved Miss P and that's what counted! So she hissed a little, big deal.)

Anna was also my room-mate on my first trip to China. She was a fun gal. Always cheerful, never a bad word about anybody.

She was 51 and had had lung cancer for about 5 years, and fought it as long as she could. It is a complete and utterly unfair world where someone like Anna dies and loads of miserable old effers live on forever.

RIP, fun gal. She's chuckling somewhere, and then throwing her head back and guffawing.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Springa, she has sprunga

Spring officially began about 2 and a half hours ago. Can you feel it? Sure!

I have to say that March this year has not been at all like the dread normal March, which is usually so snowy, cold, long and awful that it is my 2nd most hated month, following the eternal depths and despair of darkness that is called November. But this year, well, March has been positively European in its springiness. C'est si beau.

I guess in Australia autumn started today. Is that how it works? Seems logical.

Last night a girl scout appeared at my door, fund-raising. She was selling things for the garden, so I ordered peat moss, sheep manure, and seeds for vegetables, herbs and container plants. I'm ready to get growing.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

I don't get it

Absolutely nothing good has been reported on the economy lately and yet stock markets have been "rallying" for a week. Why? The economy is still shit.

I suspect this all springs from Jon Stewart telling off that Jim Cramer nut from CNBC. Everything changed after that. Jon Stewart is all-powerful and controls "The Market".

Yesterday, Obama made a speech where he said he would take the blame for everything, since people are looking for somebody to blame. I like how he said: "Blame me, I'm the President". I think he really wanted to say "I'm the f**king President" but he resisted. I think it is sinking in that he IS the f**king President and he likes it!

I bet when he's putting on his tie in the morning, he looks in the mirror and says "I'm the f**king President" and then he laughs.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009


I am playing hooky today, with my boss's knowledge. Have a doctor's appointment at an inconvenient time so rather than have to make up the lost hours, I just got lazy and stayed home.

I have many important YouTubes to watch, etc., so it's not like I'm wasting time.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

[Bang head on desk repeatedly]

ABOARD THE PAPAL PLANE — Pope Benedict XVI said on his way to Africa today that condoms were not the answer in the continent's fight against HIV, his first explicit statement on an issue that has divided even clergy working with AIDS patients.

He had never directly addressed condom use, but has said the Roman Catholic Church is in the forefront of the battle against AIDS. The Vatican encourages sexual abstinence to fight the spread of the disease. (Globe & Mail)

Ya know, there are just so many things to address in these two short paragraphs, I dunno where to start. The RC church is at the forefront of the battle? How? By encouraging abstinence. In what universe (Benny World!) does that place the Church at the forefront? Groan.

Second, and more trivially, I love that this story was filed from "Aboard the Papal Plane". There's something very Batman about that. Meanwhile, aboard the papal plane....ta da ta da ta da ta da

So Happy St. Patrick's Day everybody. And remember when you leave the bar this evening, all hornied up on green beer, remember to abstain. From coochie coochie, I mean, not from green beer.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Celebrity Death News

Adios Altovise.

Mrs. Sammy Davis Jr, baby, has died. She was married to Sammy for 20 years. Wow.

I'm trying to think if I ever saw her anywhere but on Tattle Tales. I can only picture her talking to Bert Convy, her face in that little TV screen.

The Great Depression

There was an article in the Gazette on the weekend about how memberships in on-line dating sites are up a lot since the beginning of the recession.

Man cannot live on overpriced food and wine alone.

So, seeing as how I am on the cusp of the post-Kumar world, I thought I would check out one of the sites listed in the article. I registered and came to one (or maybe more than one) conclusion:

The recession has taken a toll on men’s faces. Really. If these are the best photos these guys have of themselves, times are tough indeed.

I immediately cancelled my registration. There’s gotta be a better way to go about things. Call me shallow because I have a problem with a middle-aged guy who thinks the best possible image to project of himself is one where he is wearing a trucker’s cap. Come on, guys, you can do better. No?

I fear that I am now spoiled. I don’t foresee finding another attractive man who is happy to snuggle while discussing the pros and cons of India having a permanent seat on the UN Security Council or US goals in the Afghan/Pakistan border region. (Geopolitical nerd heaven that was, let me tell you.) But no, I am in no danger of idealizing Kumar now that he is near-history. His faults, and they are myriad, are still fresh in my mind. As fresh as an overpriced six-pack of English muffins which now go for $2.59. $2.59! Can you believe it? Yep, I’m still mad about the grocery thing. And I’m out of wine.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Allow me to complain

Today's recessionary rant: groceries. i.e. the price of food.

I've been complaining about this to anyone who'll listen lately. This may have to do with my new habit of bringing my lunch, and my continuing (near futile) diet, which has made me more price-conscious. I seem to be at IGA almost every day.

Last night, I got a car, and went to LaSalle to the IGA I like and did a big order, a stocking-up kind of thing. And it cost me $85.00. Families of four would consider this a pittance, but for a single person (and that's just human food, not cat food) this was alot. And most things I bought were on sale. $3 for a 1 kg of peanut butter was a good deal, I thought.

How can people afford food these days? No wonder they are driving their SUVs to the food bank. And cereal. Since when is a box of cereal over $4.00? Big sale on Cheerios was 2 for $7.00? Cereal on sale is SUPPOSED to be $1.99. Come on, that's the rule!

I can't figure out where my cash is going, so last night I got out a note book and wrote down every place I spent money. I admit I'm still treating myself a bit. Case in point: 4 samosas and 2 cans of curry goop at Akhavan. Total: $8.39. But I like and appreciate samosas and curry goop. What is life without goop?

Should I stop drinking wine? That would save $15 or so a week. But I like a glass a wine! I can't win.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

In the news

It's a kind of a quiet week, so let's check out the news.

1. The Iraqi shoe-tossing hero was sentenced to 3 years in jail. Some are saying this is too harsh, but I can't argue. In fact, for that part of the world, it seems downright lenient. He did assault a visiting Head of State. Say what you want about the target (and there's nothing good to say) it was a crazy gesture. And I can't help but think if he had actually hit the target, the prison sentence would be a lot longer.

1a. I don't miss Bush.

2. Tent cities in the US. There was a story from California on the news last night about 300 people who've been unemployed for 6 months to a 1 year or so, and are now living in tents because they've lost their homes. It was weird and disturbing. Can things really go that bad that quickly? It is true that not a lot of people have savings, and I suppose a lot of them had debts. But it just seems like it's too soon into the recession for this. When will we start riding the rails and singing Woody Guthrie songs while strumming on the old beat-up guitar?

3. Also, several stories lately about the "new" people going to food banks in the US. Call me callous (you're callous!) but there is just something wrong about some well-dressed woman going to a food bank in her SUV. Why do I think these types of people haven't given up their cell phones or any other number of mod cons?

4. In international news, Pakistan's a mess again this week. Oh sorry, that's not news, that's just life. What a crap country.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Nerds among us

My new fave show is The Big Bang Theory, mainly because I love Sheldon so much. But last night for the first time he irritated me to the point of actually wanting to stop watching the show. I'm disappointed because I thought this was a sitcom I could watch for a while.

On the other hand, Sheldon might be replaced by Howard as my favourite character. He even had a pick-up line last night that I'm thinking of adopting "I'm the small package that good things come in". I know. It didn't work for him either. Loser.

Monday, March 09, 2009

The Book of Kumar

So. Kumar has this thing about being a sperm donor. (Now THAT, folks, is an opening line!) This has come up before in conversation.

I guess as a starving student at some point, he must’ve thought that maybe he could make a few bucks as a sperm donor. I’m sure he’s not the only guy to ever think about this. Anyway. He’s never done it, and this is his reason why. He’s has some crazy, mortal fear that if he had been a donor in his early 20s, then at some point in his 40s he would unknowingly sleep with his own daughter. Yes, I know. Believe me, I know. It’s insane.

I swear that people from that part of the world live only for “Drama”.

I tell him that statistically the chances are pretty darn slim that this could happen. But, says he, they still could!

So, a-ha, says I: here is your solution. Easy. When you are in your 40s, never sleep with a woman who is young enough to be your daughter. Stick with women your own age. Problem solved. No worries, now go donate all the lil sperms you want.

But no, says he, when I will be in my 40s, I’m only going to want to sleep with women in their 20s. Right now, he explains, I am in my 20s and I want to be with an older woman. But when I am 40, the last thing I will want is a 40-year-old woman. No way. At 40, I will want a woman who is 20.

I looked at him, puzzled. Why is that? I asked (apparently foolishly).

He looked at me like I was the biggest numbskull in the world and said. “Because that’s the way it works!!”

Boy, I’m dumb. I did not know that.

So, to any 40-something man out there who is with a woman in his same age group, You’re Doing It Wrong!

Sunday, March 08, 2009

Lovely Day

What a nice weekend. Spring is so close I can smell it. And I don't just mean the dog poop smell that is on most corners now that the snow is melting.

I've just returned from the kind of afternoon walk I have been waiting 3 months to enjoy. I was on the go for precisely 1 hour and 2 minutes. It was all good, except my ears were getting cold in the last 10 minutes or so. But I feel rejuvenated.

All ready for back-to-work on Monday. Bleh.

In other weekend news, spent some time with Kumar yesterday. I am delighted and amazed at how well we are getting along now that I know he is leaving the country. Funny how these things work out. The pressure to adapt and adjust is gone, I suppose. So we can just relax and have fun. How pleasant and unexpected.

Saturday, March 07, 2009

Happy B-Day, Junior Edition

Happy 9th Birthday to Little Anonymous No. 1.

(I know this looks like I only posted this because the Parental Unit mentioned it in the comments below, but honestly I meant to post this early this a.m. I just didn't have time until now. Really.)

I'm certain he's a good little Pisces. He sure has a niiiice day for a birthday.

Friday, March 06, 2009

Is it possible?

Will the temperature climb above freezing for the next 3, 4 or even 5 days?

Dare I dream?

We so need a thaw. I'm desperate. Either I'm getting crankier or winter is getting longer and miserabler.

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

Coming Soon

Looking at the calendar today, I realized that National Poetry Month is only 4 short weeks away.

I must start drumming up excitement now!

(drum roll)

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

In mid-life crisis medical news

Ah, the miracle of modern pharmaceuticals.

Looking over my blood test results, Dr. S. wrote EXCELLENT (in big letters, really) in his notes. My overall cholesterol level was down by half; and my “bad” cholesterol was down by 60%. The meds are thought to cause a 40% drop in naughty cholesterol, so this means my own goody-goody two-shoes behaviour modification accounted for an additional 20% drop.

To quote Bart: I am so great, I am so great.

Dr. S. will see me again in 6 months. If I maintain my angelic lifestyle, he will cut my meds in half at that point. And then after another 6 months, if (oh, and that’s a BIG if) I continue this saintly comportment, he will take me off the meds. I hate being on cholesterol-lowering medication. It feels like such an old person’s thing. How can I continue to deny the (blatantly-occurring) aging process if I stay on this medication? I don't wanna be old. Waaaah!

It would be so much easier to be a man. I could just buy a sports car and everything would be okay.

Monday, March 02, 2009

Chips in Puerto Vallarta, #3 in a series

JAW Fan sez:
As my loyal readers know, I have an issue with potato chips whose flavour name are not actually reflected in their taste...particularly when it comes to all these new-fandangle hotsy-totsy, spicy flavours that end up being nothing more than a mediocre barbecue. So, naturally, when I picked up a bag of Ruffles Extra Picante down in Puerto Vallarta, I had a pre-conceived notion of what they would taste like. Well, tickle my tuckus and call me a taxi...was I ever wrong! These chips were without a doubt the hottest snack food I have ever slipped past my lips. Seriously, Senor Ruffles, nobody with a healthy potato fetish needs a chip this hot. I mean, Geez Louise, I damn near burned my f * *king tongue off. After a couple of mouthfuls, I had to put the bag down. The next day, I had another mouthful and again put the bag aside, a third mouthful on the third day...and on day four I thought, "screw this, I ain't the Marquis de Sade" and threw the rest into the garbage. Yes, yours truly actually tossed his taters away...that's how hot these fiery f * *kers were! On el Mexicano wang-o-metro, they rate a freakishly abnormal and unbearably painful 17 inches...Impressive as it might sound, trust me, you don't want anything that big near you. Ouch!...But if you're feeling exceptionally daring, then proceed with caution...but don't say I didn't warn you!

Fortunately, to help make up for this picante debacle, there were Ondas Skate chips...a ridged BBQ chip with some lame skateboarder dude on the packaging. I certainly wasn't expecting anything out of the ordinary...but again, how wrong I was...they were totally delicious. What this company lacked in marketing, they made up for in flavour. This was truly a heaven-sent BBQ delight, providing the right amount of kick (much like a 1976 Patsy Gallant TV special.) Never has a BBQ chip offered such joy in the jockstrap. On el wang-o-metro, these mucho-macho hunkeroos (or barbecuties, if you prefer) score a perfectly-shaped, excellently-erect, and positively Mandingo-esque 10 inches that will have you humping all night long.

Resolution Rock

Another month gone in 2009, time to check in on the New Year’s Resolutions:

1) Declutter the house. Let’s not speak of this elephant in the room. Well, you can’t actually see the elephant because it’s still covered in clutter. No progress at all on this front. I need a Reality Show to do an intervention on this for me.

2) Packing a lunch. Continued success. I lost track of how many times I brought a lunch in Feb. That is how routine it has become. Frankly, I’m a bit stunned at myself for having kept the habit for two months.

3) Losing weight. Not so good. I only shed a measly half a pound. (Better than gaining, I know, I know.) Today is my doctor’s appt and I dunno how happy he will be with me. I must get back on track in March. It was so easy in January, but February blahs got to my eating habits. And birthday goodies. All added up to a flat line.

On the positive side for me, Kumar gained 2 pounds! HA HA (Nelson laugh.) Last month he weighed only 5 little pounds more than I did, but now he is 7 pounds more than me. (Let us ignore that fact that he is 9 inches taller, shall we?) He was annoyed, but then remembered that he’d been eating a lot of muffins and pancakes. Well, that’ll do it. I really cannot allow him to weigh less than me. That is just too depressing. Keep eatin’ those pancakes, boy.

Sunday, March 01, 2009

Radio Mushrooms

Today, at 2:30 EST, 12:30 Alberta time, our Ms. Mushrooms will be interviewed on the radio, radio.

Since I don't get Alberta radio, I'm happy to report that it will also be podcast on the old PC.

The site is ckua.com and the show is called Bookmark.

Bonne chance! (Not that she can read this because she remains computerless.)

UPDATE: Good job. Who knew she had a good "radio voice".