I know I'm doing it wrong.
I am currently in the midst of my first attempt at using white strips. I put them in, they got all drooly and slipped off. This can't be right.
So I've reapplied them, but they probably aren't working. Who knows? Maybe they are not meant for exceptionally drooly people like me. Time will tell.
I can already feel this isn't worth it. Sigh.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Monday, June 28, 2010
Surfin'
Since I'm on my week off (and it's raining again) here is an appropriate news story from the Globe & Mail:
Some Canada Revenue Agency workers have been spending far too much time browsing the Internet and sending offensive e-mails – and not enough time collecting taxes. Internal reports show an average of 85 employees a year are disciplined for wasting their work days surfing the web, setting up sports pools, sending chain letters, promoting “illegal substances,” sharing offensive cartoons and running pyramid schemes.
Some Canada Revenue Agency workers have been spending far too much time browsing the Internet and sending offensive e-mails – and not enough time collecting taxes. Internal reports show an average of 85 employees a year are disciplined for wasting their work days surfing the web, setting up sports pools, sending chain letters, promoting “illegal substances,” sharing offensive cartoons and running pyramid schemes.
“(One) employee browsed the Internet an average of three hours and 32 minutes per day,” says one investigation report from last July, or about half the shift.
3 hours and 32 minutes per day? Amateur!
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Of soccer and protesters
I have returned from the G20 fortress of the Holy City. I was safely in the suburbs and had nothing at all to do with the Red Zone and the Security Fence, and all the other nonsense. Watching the local news on Friday evening, it was obvious the newscasters were just aching for some rioting, arrests, anything to report on. It was so wrong. Shameful, really.
So they finally got their burnt police cars, and smashed windows and arrested rioters. I hope all the newscasts were satisfied.
Meanwhile, poor Frank Lampard. A real shame about that disallowed goal, but since it didn't much matter in the long run..well, Aufwiedersehen, England. heh heh.
So they finally got their burnt police cars, and smashed windows and arrested rioters. I hope all the newscasts were satisfied.
Meanwhile, poor Frank Lampard. A real shame about that disallowed goal, but since it didn't much matter in the long run..well, Aufwiedersehen, England. heh heh.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Holiday Thursday
I've got my coffee. The cats are fed. And now I await the azzurri. This vacation time will either start out wonderfully or...not so wonderfully.
I can't believe England made it through. But so did Ghana! Yay!
Update: 89' Fuck.
I can't believe England made it through. But so did Ghana! Yay!
Update: 89' Fuck.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
The Earth Shook?
Apparently, we had a 5.5 earthquake about 40 minutes ago. I didn't notice a thing.
If I had been at home, I'm sure I would've been aware of it, but here at work, nuthin'.
I was in the cafeteria with a colleague, and I guess we were so engrossed in our endless bitchin' about our employer, we had no awareness of the shifting tectonic plates.
If I had been at home, I'm sure I would've been aware of it, but here at work, nuthin'.
I was in the cafeteria with a colleague, and I guess we were so engrossed in our endless bitchin' about our employer, we had no awareness of the shifting tectonic plates.
Last day at the office
Whee. Two public holidays = 1 and 1/2 weeks off for the price of 5 vacation days! I love a bargain.
I shall be off to the Holy City tomorrow to attend the G-20 Summit with other world leaders.
Well, not quite. But I will be sitting in the hot tub at my sister's, and eating BBQ hamburgers and watching soccer. I think I will have a better weekend than my G-20 colleagues.
I will get to watch Italy tomorrow before departing. What timing.
On the agenda for next week: the Round of 16 and the Quarter Finals. And decluttering! I swear I will get some serious decluttering done next week...unless the weather's too hot. There's always an unless.
I shall be off to the Holy City tomorrow to attend the G-20 Summit with other world leaders.
Well, not quite. But I will be sitting in the hot tub at my sister's, and eating BBQ hamburgers and watching soccer. I think I will have a better weekend than my G-20 colleagues.
I will get to watch Italy tomorrow before departing. What timing.
On the agenda for next week: the Round of 16 and the Quarter Finals. And decluttering! I swear I will get some serious decluttering done next week...unless the weather's too hot. There's always an unless.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Sum-sum-summertime
Yesterday was the first day of summer. We all know what that means....as of today the days start getting shorter.
It's tough being an eternal pessimist, but I try.
Speaking of sheer misery, let's see what France manages to do today. Les Bleus will be in la toilette, I expect.
It's tough being an eternal pessimist, but I try.
Speaking of sheer misery, let's see what France manages to do today. Les Bleus will be in la toilette, I expect.
Monday, June 21, 2010
And in other sports news
When the Persian dropped by, I was (sort of) watching the US Open. The Persian knows zero about golf, but for some reason he was immediately mesmerized by the t.v. (Translation: he’s a guy.) So we watched some golf.
Persian: I don’t know anything about golf, but I know it’s not good if it goes in the sand.
(we watch a bit more)
Persian: Or the really high grass.
(we watch a bit more)
Me: Why is it so hard to stop watching golf?
(we keep watching, ohhhing at missed putts)
(minutes pass)
Me: Are we going to do something else, or do you want to keep watching golf?
Persian: I don’t want to watch golf…..oh, look it’s Tiger Woods!
(we watch more golf)
Persian: I don’t know anything about golf, but I know it’s not good if it goes in the sand.
(we watch a bit more)
Persian: Or the really high grass.
(we watch a bit more)
Me: Why is it so hard to stop watching golf?
(we keep watching, ohhhing at missed putts)
(minutes pass)
Me: Are we going to do something else, or do you want to keep watching golf?
Persian: I don’t want to watch golf…..oh, look it’s Tiger Woods!
(we watch more golf)
Kiwi Flab
I don't care if they all believe they are part of a "warrior culture", obese middle-aged New Zealanders should not be taking off their shirts in public.
While it could be argued that the presence of those fish-white beer bellies gives the at-home viewer a greater appreciation of the taut, flat abs of the players, the truth is no such point of comparison is required.
While it could be argued that the presence of those fish-white beer bellies gives the at-home viewer a greater appreciation of the taut, flat abs of the players, the truth is no such point of comparison is required.
My Perfect Moment of Zen
Looked out the window yesterday afternoon and saw Blackie the cat having a nice big dump in the middle of the CPN's back yard.
It's the little things that make life worth living.
It's the little things that make life worth living.
Fame in the 21st Century
Chatting with the purring Persian on the weekend, he was telling me that during the Grand Prix festivities he went to a club, and a certain woman was there who is famous essentially for having large boobs and posing in a bikini. I won't write her full name because I don't need hits from the lustful young fellows who are her "fans" but let us call her Kim K.
Anyway, the Persian met said Kim K. and his reaction was priceless.
"I didn't recognize her. She didn't look anything like she did in her sex tape!"
Remember when people used to be famous for actually having accomplished something? I'm such an old bag. On the other hand, staying in nice hotels, going to night-clubs, "singing" a few songs and posing with young guys who've paid $100 to get in is not a bad way to make a living. Maybe she's on to something.
Anyway, the Persian met said Kim K. and his reaction was priceless.
"I didn't recognize her. She didn't look anything like she did in her sex tape!"
Remember when people used to be famous for actually having accomplished something? I'm such an old bag. On the other hand, staying in nice hotels, going to night-clubs, "singing" a few songs and posing with young guys who've paid $100 to get in is not a bad way to make a living. Maybe she's on to something.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
I'm crying!
Gawd! Italy! Is it really so hard to put that ball in the net? Eff!
My heart, she is a-broken...boo hoo hoo
My heart, she is a-broken...boo hoo hoo
Friday, June 18, 2010
On the town
In a highly uncharacteristic turn of events, I was on Crescent Street last night with the gang of old bags...I mean, with the girls.
My 52-year-old friend says: God, the men are so old. When we used to come here 25 years ago, the men were young.
Me: It's the same men. They're still coming here.
Friend: But they're old!!
In non-news, I hated the Crescent Street scene 25 years ago, and I still hate it. Who are these people? ick.
My 52-year-old friend says: God, the men are so old. When we used to come here 25 years ago, the men were young.
Me: It's the same men. They're still coming here.
Friend: But they're old!!
In non-news, I hated the Crescent Street scene 25 years ago, and I still hate it. Who are these people? ick.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Strictly Canadian Celeb Death News
Maureen Forrester died. Tell me I'm not the only Canadian who only remembers her as being the "culture" part of every Confederation Day (or Canada Day) concert on CBC in my youth.
There would be an act like the Guess Who, or worse, and then it would be time for our only famous opera singer Maureen Forrester. And, as a kid, I'd think she wasn't really a REAL opera singer because her voice was low and not screechy high. Real opera singers screeched, in my book at age 8.
I was surprised that she died, only because I figured she'd been dead for years.
RIP Mo.
There would be an act like the Guess Who, or worse, and then it would be time for our only famous opera singer Maureen Forrester. And, as a kid, I'd think she wasn't really a REAL opera singer because her voice was low and not screechy high. Real opera singers screeched, in my book at age 8.
I was surprised that she died, only because I figured she'd been dead for years.
RIP Mo.
Monday, June 14, 2010
I am a masochist
Why else would I continue to support those friggin' Eye Tyes?
They drive me nuts.
Nuts! I tell ya.
So, before any England supporters ask me to, allow me to cheer for today's opponents:
PA-RA-GUAY! PA-RA-GUAY!
On the man-fest front: One look at the Dutch team during the national anthems this morning, and I must confess I felt myself feeling partial to them. What a consistently fine-looking bunch.
They drive me nuts.
Nuts! I tell ya.
So, before any England supporters ask me to, allow me to cheer for today's opponents:
PA-RA-GUAY! PA-RA-GUAY!
On the man-fest front: One look at the Dutch team during the national anthems this morning, and I must confess I felt myself feeling partial to them. What a consistently fine-looking bunch.
Smooth moves
Yesterday I had to go to the pharmacy for one of those "female products". It is in the same aisle as the condoms.
I get to the aisle and make a turn. The store is almost empty. There's a man looking at the condom section. Seems like he's trying to make a selection. And...he's a guy from work.
I don't really want to buy my product in front of this guy. I know him, but barely. I don't even know his name. So, like in a sitcom, I look at other things. He has spotted me too, and we then did an amazing job of each turning and walking away like we hadn't seen each other, though we both knew we had. Our choreography was spot on. Creeping with the Stars.
Safely ensconced in another aisle, I was picking out something else non-embarrassing, when he came around the corner, and said "Hey, do you live around here?" We then had a brief chat about where we live.
Why is this embarrassing? At least it was for both of us, and not just me.
I get to the aisle and make a turn. The store is almost empty. There's a man looking at the condom section. Seems like he's trying to make a selection. And...he's a guy from work.
I don't really want to buy my product in front of this guy. I know him, but barely. I don't even know his name. So, like in a sitcom, I look at other things. He has spotted me too, and we then did an amazing job of each turning and walking away like we hadn't seen each other, though we both knew we had. Our choreography was spot on. Creeping with the Stars.
Safely ensconced in another aisle, I was picking out something else non-embarrassing, when he came around the corner, and said "Hey, do you live around here?" We then had a brief chat about where we live.
Why is this embarrassing? At least it was for both of us, and not just me.
White Teeth
Here's a poll question for all you oldsters, i.e. people my age and thereabouts. Do you or have you ever used anything to whiten your teeth?
On the weekend I called up Fancy Feast. I knew he was home, but he didn't pick up the phone. He calls back 10 minutes later and said he couldn't answer because he had his white strips on and if he had answered he would've sounded like "nyahh nyahh nyahh" and I would've gotten upset with him for acting the fool. (He knows me!)
My sis, the dental hygenist, has told me that strips do work and they are safe. She isn't against them. But I've been too cheap and lazy to try them. Regular flossing is already a trial. I can't imagine taking on another tooth task.
Fancy Feast is not a trendy guy, but I have noticed that he has really good teeth. I'm beginning to suspect he is some kind of stealth groomer. So, is this the secret? And is it now just a standard part of taking care of oneself for 20-somethings? Does everyone in that generation use white strips? Something else to fret about? My teeth aren't white enough!!
Am I the only person still walking around with unstripped teeth?
On the weekend I called up Fancy Feast. I knew he was home, but he didn't pick up the phone. He calls back 10 minutes later and said he couldn't answer because he had his white strips on and if he had answered he would've sounded like "nyahh nyahh nyahh" and I would've gotten upset with him for acting the fool. (He knows me!)
My sis, the dental hygenist, has told me that strips do work and they are safe. She isn't against them. But I've been too cheap and lazy to try them. Regular flossing is already a trial. I can't imagine taking on another tooth task.
Fancy Feast is not a trendy guy, but I have noticed that he has really good teeth. I'm beginning to suspect he is some kind of stealth groomer. So, is this the secret? And is it now just a standard part of taking care of oneself for 20-somethings? Does everyone in that generation use white strips? Something else to fret about? My teeth aren't white enough!!
Am I the only person still walking around with unstripped teeth?
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Follow-up
Finally remembered to follow up on JAW Fan's suggestion of last week to google the phrase "50 incher man fest" and see what came up (came up? tee hee)
Well, quite hilariously, the first thing that happened was google asked me if I was actually searching for "50 inch man fest"? Well, why not, said I? I clicked yes. And the first site was..."Attack of the 50 ft woman". How does this make any sense? It should've been Attack of the 50 inch man, no?
Nothing porny came up at all. At least not on the first page of results. I decided not to go on to page 2.
Well, quite hilariously, the first thing that happened was google asked me if I was actually searching for "50 inch man fest"? Well, why not, said I? I clicked yes. And the first site was..."Attack of the 50 ft woman". How does this make any sense? It should've been Attack of the 50 inch man, no?
Nothing porny came up at all. At least not on the first page of results. I decided not to go on to page 2.
Mr. Green in the Goal without the Ball
Now that I know the Mushrooms family has seen England v USA, it is safe to discuss The Goal.
It's a shame Wide World of Sports isn't on anymore because that footage of the England goalkeeper watching the ball trickle over the line was a classic case of Agony of Defeat.
It is so rare that I am supporting the Americans in any sporting event that I must take a moment to shout: USA! USA!
And Go Ghana!
The Australians are on in an hour or so. Are their fans nuts or what? Almost, but not quite, as kookoo as the Dutch.
Couple of extra things: Orange boots? Is there any other event where so many men would wear orange boots with pride. Well, maybe at "Pride". But nowhere else. I'm not a fan of the orange boots. I hope Cannavaro won't be wearing orange boots.
And lastly, the horns. Those goddamn horns. Stop them. I can't remember what they are called. But just stop blowing them. For 2 minutes. Just 2 minutes, please.
UPDATE: Vuvuzelas. That's the name of the goddamn horns.
It's a shame Wide World of Sports isn't on anymore because that footage of the England goalkeeper watching the ball trickle over the line was a classic case of Agony of Defeat.
It is so rare that I am supporting the Americans in any sporting event that I must take a moment to shout: USA! USA!
And Go Ghana!
The Australians are on in an hour or so. Are their fans nuts or what? Almost, but not quite, as kookoo as the Dutch.
Couple of extra things: Orange boots? Is there any other event where so many men would wear orange boots with pride. Well, maybe at "Pride". But nowhere else. I'm not a fan of the orange boots. I hope Cannavaro won't be wearing orange boots.
And lastly, the horns. Those goddamn horns. Stop them. I can't remember what they are called. But just stop blowing them. For 2 minutes. Just 2 minutes, please.
UPDATE: Vuvuzelas. That's the name of the goddamn horns.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Too Much Soccer!
Ack! I'm already behind schedule. I didn't realize there were 3 matches today, so when I turned on the t.v. at 9:00 and saw a "post-game" show, I was bewildered.
I missed Greece v South Korea completely. Ah well. I'll catch up with those lovely, loser Greeks later.
Argentina looked good, but I really liked Nigeria. I don't know if they have a chance to advance. I guess they have to beat those lovely, loser Greeks which I guess they could, but can they beat the zippy Koreans, too?
On the Man-Fest front, Argentina: sorry, too many pony tails. Too much long hair. But, hellooo No. 9. Who knew a guy named Gonzalo doesn't have to look like a poor shoemaker?
And I love Maradona. The gestures, the jumping around like a maniac, the dramatics. He is a hoot.
I missed Greece v South Korea completely. Ah well. I'll catch up with those lovely, loser Greeks later.
Argentina looked good, but I really liked Nigeria. I don't know if they have a chance to advance. I guess they have to beat those lovely, loser Greeks which I guess they could, but can they beat the zippy Koreans, too?
On the Man-Fest front, Argentina: sorry, too many pony tails. Too much long hair. But, hellooo No. 9. Who knew a guy named Gonzalo doesn't have to look like a poor shoemaker?
And I love Maradona. The gestures, the jumping around like a maniac, the dramatics. He is a hoot.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Here they are!
My boys for 2010.
Best thing about this picture: No. 8 has his hand on No. 10's knee. Heya, whatta you? Somma kinda nancy boy? Getta yer handa offa my knee.
(I've been working on my Italian. Does it show?)
Wednesday, June 09, 2010
Pre-World Cup Quote
The Italian coach said:
No team is superior to Italy. I don't want to stay that we're better than everyone, but you might say that we're not inferior to any other team.
No team is superior to Italy. I don't want to stay that we're better than everyone, but you might say that we're not inferior to any other team.
I'm too sexy for my job
I've been following the silly story of the woman who is suing the bank for letting her go because she was so sexy she was distracting all her male colleagues.
We decided at lunch that when our esteemed employer cuts our jobs, this will be the avenue we will pursue in our demands for compensation.
I love the idea of me sitting before the appeals board saying "Come on, we all know I'm distractingly sexy. Admit it. For the sake of keeping the planes in the air, you had to fire me! Now pay up." (bats eyelashes)
If only I still had those shorts.
We decided at lunch that when our esteemed employer cuts our jobs, this will be the avenue we will pursue in our demands for compensation.
I love the idea of me sitting before the appeals board saying "Come on, we all know I'm distractingly sexy. Admit it. For the sake of keeping the planes in the air, you had to fire me! Now pay up." (bats eyelashes)
If only I still had those shorts.
Monday, June 07, 2010
Justin Time
Well, I finally decided I should find out a little of what this Justin Bieber kid sounds like. So I went to YouTube and (briefly) listened to two songs, one of them had been listened to 49 million times and the other 115 million times.
I have never heard either of these songs before in my life. Where am I living? Planet Old, apparently. And my god, they are so bland. What is all the fuss about? Fine, I'm 49 going on 95. I don't care.
Now, if you want to talk about my kind of new teen idol, let's talk about Paolo Nutini. ooh. An Italian Scot. What ...has someone been reading my dream diary? Ok, so every song I've heard except "Candy" has been pretty boring, but Candy is awesome. Luv it.
Speaking of other things I love: two commercials. 1) The Dos Equis ones with the most interesting man in the world. Makes me laugh every single time. My favourite line: He lives vicariously...through himself, and 2) the one for Old Spice: "Two tickets to that thing you love". Brilliant ad.
I have never heard either of these songs before in my life. Where am I living? Planet Old, apparently. And my god, they are so bland. What is all the fuss about? Fine, I'm 49 going on 95. I don't care.
Now, if you want to talk about my kind of new teen idol, let's talk about Paolo Nutini. ooh. An Italian Scot. What ...has someone been reading my dream diary? Ok, so every song I've heard except "Candy" has been pretty boring, but Candy is awesome. Luv it.
Speaking of other things I love: two commercials. 1) The Dos Equis ones with the most interesting man in the world. Makes me laugh every single time. My favourite line: He lives vicariously...through himself, and 2) the one for Old Spice: "Two tickets to that thing you love". Brilliant ad.
Sunday, June 06, 2010
Nature Attacks!
I am not Pioneer Woman. I cannot fight off wild nature at every turn. And since when do these critters raid the garbage can in broad daylight? On the other hand, who can resist old raisin bread?
Saturday, June 05, 2010
Divorce, avoided this time
Wow, the separations are coming fast and furious. This is more hectic to keep track of than celeb deaths.
Everyone's (non) favourite Defence Minster, Peter Potato Head, and his fiancee have decided not to marry after all. Aw. Poor Petey.
A quick glance through the comments section of the G&M reveals numerous references to Peter going back to his beloved potato patch with his loyal dog by his side...to weep and ponder. This guy is a godsend for those who like a laugh.
Everyone's (non) favourite Defence Minster, Peter Potato Head, and his fiancee have decided not to marry after all. Aw. Poor Petey.
A quick glance through the comments section of the G&M reveals numerous references to Peter going back to his beloved potato patch with his loyal dog by his side...to weep and ponder. This guy is a godsend for those who like a laugh.
Friday, June 04, 2010
D-i-v-o-r-c-e
I know Al and Tipper are the big separation story of the week, but I just saw that the figure skaters Jaime Sale and David Pelletier are splitting up too. This is sad. They were so cute together.
I guess cuteness does not a long marriage make.
Do we need a divorce pool as well as a death pool?
I guess cuteness does not a long marriage make.
Do we need a divorce pool as well as a death pool?
Thursday, June 03, 2010
Celebrity Death: Right on schedule
Let's say, you are in a Celebrity Death Pool. Specifically, you are in a Golden Girls Death Pool. And let's say, you have made a big wager on Betty White being the last surviving Golden Girl.
Well, guess what? YOU WIN!
Rue McClanahan, RIP.
Betty will live 4ever.
Well, guess what? YOU WIN!
Rue McClanahan, RIP.
Betty will live 4ever.
Wednesday, June 02, 2010
More Chip News
Jumpin’ Jezebel in a housedress! I cannot take it anymore. Chip flavours are coming out faster than movies in the Twilight series. The new flavour in question: Ruffles’ Hot Wings. For chicken connoisseurs, let it be known, there is absolutely nothing poultry-ish whatsoever about this once-again-misnamed chip flavour. And if you’re hoping for finger-lickin’ sloppiness, forget it! None of that either! But, now, for the good news. As a BBQ chip, these taters are positively oo-la-la. The hot factor in these babies has been upped a notch, taking me back to my Puerto Vallarta vacation…but not hot in a way that will have you begging the local fireman to put his hose in your mouth (not that that’s a bad thing.) So, if you’re looking for a spicy snack that won’t set your undies on fire, these Wings win without a doubt. Yes, folks, this sack o’ potato pleasure will have you munching away like a beaver on hard wood.
On the wang-o-meter, these clucky chips rate a floppy four fowly inches where chicken inspiration is concerned; but as a BBQ potato snack, they rate a happy-as-Hell, Lucifer-lovin’ nine inches of hot afternoon delight (or any time of day for that matter.)
On the wang-o-meter, these clucky chips rate a floppy four fowly inches where chicken inspiration is concerned; but as a BBQ potato snack, they rate a happy-as-Hell, Lucifer-lovin’ nine inches of hot afternoon delight (or any time of day for that matter.)
8
Countdown time: eight days until the World Cup.
Drool buckets ready?
Mr. Mushrooms bought a 50" HDTV just for this event. Mrs. Mushrooms agrees! Money well spent, eh?
Drool buckets ready?
Mr. Mushrooms bought a 50" HDTV just for this event. Mrs. Mushrooms agrees! Money well spent, eh?
Tuesday, June 01, 2010
THERE IS A GOD!!
The news I have been waiting for since 1992 has finally arrived.
Al Gore and his wife are separating.
Far be it from me to rejoice in someone else's disappointments, but....
Come to Mamma, Al, my hunny baby. I'm all yours!
Al Gore and his wife are separating.
Far be it from me to rejoice in someone else's disappointments, but....
Come to Mamma, Al, my hunny baby. I'm all yours!
Hot Diggety Dog! It's a Chip Review
This weekend, at a private social event for three, I had the opportunity of sampling the new PC flavour of chips: Ballpark Hotdog. I was hoping these stadium snacks would score a homerun…but, sadly, they didn’t even get to first base. All three of us had the same initial reaction…yuck! Immediately, we began to discuss what they tasted like. Raw wieners? Relish? Crotch sweat?...We never quite came to a conclusion. But not being ones to waste a potato-based treat, out came the dips. T. Marzetti dips, to be exact…a thick dill and a smooth ranch…mmmmm! Deliciousness ensued. I had never heard of this Marzetti fellow before, but I’m glad he crashed the party, because the wienery-relishy-crotchiness was suddenly enhanced tenfold. Wow! It was like bringing Danny DeVito home one night and waking up in the morning to find George Clooney in your bed.
Unfortunately, on the wang-o-meter these Ballpark strikeouts rate an itsy-bitsy shriveled up and shrinky-dinky 1 inch of unsatisfactory pleasure, that’ll have you saying “Hey, where’s the beef?” faster than that old lady* from the Wendy’s commercial. But, please note, covered in T. Marzetti’s creamy white substance, these hotdogs grow an added 4 inches.
*Editor's note: That would be Clara Peller.
Unfortunately, on the wang-o-meter these Ballpark strikeouts rate an itsy-bitsy shriveled up and shrinky-dinky 1 inch of unsatisfactory pleasure, that’ll have you saying “Hey, where’s the beef?” faster than that old lady* from the Wendy’s commercial. But, please note, covered in T. Marzetti’s creamy white substance, these hotdogs grow an added 4 inches.
*Editor's note: That would be Clara Peller.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Celebs that be dead
If you are wondering why I have not commented on Gary Coleman or Dennis Hopper, it's because I'm waiting for the third celebrity shoe to drop.
Any guesses? Is it time for a round of Celebrity Death Pool?
I'm not counting Art Linkletter because the guy was 97. You gotta go sometime.
Any guesses? Is it time for a round of Celebrity Death Pool?
I'm not counting Art Linkletter because the guy was 97. You gotta go sometime.
My life is a joke (Boob Edition)
I went for my very first mammogram this morning. All weekend, I feared the pain, but it was really nothing. Problem was...3/4 of the way done, the machine broke down. Fun!
The technician tried to reboot. Nothing happened. So she is standing there pushing buttons and getting angry and frustrated, and I am going "la dee dah do do do" with the trouble-making boobs exposed.
She sent me off for other x-rays (bone density, etc.) and when I came back it still wasn't working. Half an hour later, after she talked to the technician on the phone about "la maudite machine" it started up again and got done. So something that should've taken 10 minutes took an hour. On a Monday morning. Why is it always me? At least my chest doesn't hurt.
The technician tried to reboot. Nothing happened. So she is standing there pushing buttons and getting angry and frustrated, and I am going "la dee dah do do do" with the trouble-making boobs exposed.
She sent me off for other x-rays (bone density, etc.) and when I came back it still wasn't working. Half an hour later, after she talked to the technician on the phone about "la maudite machine" it started up again and got done. So something that should've taken 10 minutes took an hour. On a Monday morning. Why is it always me? At least my chest doesn't hurt.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Fancy Feast Follow-up
He makes a mean guacamole and a lovely Oreo cheesecake. He is a Ruffles man.
He fixed my computer, so I finally have wireless, and my 4-year-old PC now runs faster and smoother than ever. He spent 20 minutes on the line with Bell and never once raised his voice or seemed impatient. They couldn't fix the problem, so he tried and tried again, and fixed it. In all, he spent over 3 hours just installing my defective wireless.
I could do worse.
He fixed my computer, so I finally have wireless, and my 4-year-old PC now runs faster and smoother than ever. He spent 20 minutes on the line with Bell and never once raised his voice or seemed impatient. They couldn't fix the problem, so he tried and tried again, and fixed it. In all, he spent over 3 hours just installing my defective wireless.
I could do worse.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Achoo!
Went to a birthday dinner for a friend last night. Only ladies present. We all brought funny cards for the guest of honour.
This was not my card, but it was the biggest hit.
Two women on the front. One is saying "Every time I sneeze I have an orgasm." Second one is saying: "What are you doing for it?"
Open card. First woman says: "Sniffing pepper."
My friends laughed and laughed.
BLESS YOU, HURRICANE HATTIE. That joke never gets old.
This was not my card, but it was the biggest hit.
Two women on the front. One is saying "Every time I sneeze I have an orgasm." Second one is saying: "What are you doing for it?"
Open card. First woman says: "Sniffing pepper."
My friends laughed and laughed.
BLESS YOU, HURRICANE HATTIE. That joke never gets old.
Dilemma
Big date with Fancy Feast tomorrow. So the question is: Diet Coke or water?
What to do?
And referring to BJB's comment about coffee flavour chips, why not chocolate flavor chips? Wouldn't they be the ideal combo of sweet-and-salty?
What to do?
And referring to BJB's comment about coffee flavour chips, why not chocolate flavor chips? Wouldn't they be the ideal combo of sweet-and-salty?
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
The Younger Generation
When I met Fancy Feast a few weeks back, he could not believe I had ordered a Diet Coke. He insisted that soda gives you cancer. Apparently, I should drink water.
This weekend, I had coffee with the Tall Teacher and he is appalled, appalled, that I put sugar in my coffee. "That is so bad for you," he says.
What is with these people? I hardly know how to bring up the topic of CHIPS with either of them. I may have to live in the Chip Closet, munching in the privacy of my own home. And I won't feel guilty about it!
This weekend, I had coffee with the Tall Teacher and he is appalled, appalled, that I put sugar in my coffee. "That is so bad for you," he says.
What is with these people? I hardly know how to bring up the topic of CHIPS with either of them. I may have to live in the Chip Closet, munching in the privacy of my own home. And I won't feel guilty about it!
Monday, May 24, 2010
Victoria Day
The weather is already spectacular, and the Crazy Polish Neighbors have just packed up the car and left for the day.
This very well could be the Perfect Holiday Monday.
This very well could be the Perfect Holiday Monday.
Friday, May 21, 2010
JAW Fan's Doritos Report
After last month’s Late Night Cheeseburger Doritos success story, obviously I was eager to sample their other new flavour Tacos at Midnight. As special border-crossing agent X (aka Mommy) was going to Plattsburgh for the day, I immediately insisted she bring home a bag of these Taco Triangles, regardless of how many 300-pound Walmart-shopping sad-excuse-for-a-human beings she had to push out of the way.
Although I intended to open them only next week, I could not resist the voice that called out to me from behind the cupboard door. Within an hour of having them in my house, I had ripped into the bag and was preparing myself for an explosion of deliciousness. How disappointed I was! Although they were original in taste…sadly, they lacked oomph. They tasted more like Taco Spice Mix than an actual Taco. I actually only ate one small bowl full and then put the bag away (granted I wasn’t particularly hungry, but when has that really ever stopped anyone from going on a binge) These highly anticipated treats left me feeling all flaccid and dangly. On the wang-o-meter these Mexican-inspired duds rate a muy pequeño y muy triste 4 inches.
On the positive side, however, Mommy…I mean, special border-crossing agent X…also brought back a giant bag of Late-Night Cheeseburger Doritos…so not to worry, my wang reading will soon be back where it should be.
Although I intended to open them only next week, I could not resist the voice that called out to me from behind the cupboard door. Within an hour of having them in my house, I had ripped into the bag and was preparing myself for an explosion of deliciousness. How disappointed I was! Although they were original in taste…sadly, they lacked oomph. They tasted more like Taco Spice Mix than an actual Taco. I actually only ate one small bowl full and then put the bag away (granted I wasn’t particularly hungry, but when has that really ever stopped anyone from going on a binge) These highly anticipated treats left me feeling all flaccid and dangly. On the wang-o-meter these Mexican-inspired duds rate a muy pequeño y muy triste 4 inches.
On the positive side, however, Mommy…I mean, special border-crossing agent X…also brought back a giant bag of Late-Night Cheeseburger Doritos…so not to worry, my wang reading will soon be back where it should be.
Lazy arse Friday
My boss booked the day off, and the most urgent assignment I had to complete, I did yesterday.
So....I hope there's lots to blog about today, or this is gonna be the longest day evah!
So....I hope there's lots to blog about today, or this is gonna be the longest day evah!
Thursday, May 20, 2010
A small rant
Used to be when I bought my tomato plants for summer plantin', I would get 12 in a box. Then it went to 11.
Last couple of years, it's been 9 to a box.
This year? 6.
The world's going to hell.
Last couple of years, it's been 9 to a box.
This year? 6.
The world's going to hell.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
S h a v e d P u s s y C a t
I took Miss Hitler in for her bum shaving. She is now fresh as a Spring daisy.
Once again, I was astounded to hear the groomer describe her as "wonderful", "so playful", "a sweetheart" and "a delight". I keep repeating "that's great!" but I was thinking "WHO are you talking about???"
I guess it is better than having a normally pleasant cat misbehave in public, but it's so weird.
Once again, I was astounded to hear the groomer describe her as "wonderful", "so playful", "a sweetheart" and "a delight". I keep repeating "that's great!" but I was thinking "WHO are you talking about???"
I guess it is better than having a normally pleasant cat misbehave in public, but it's so weird.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Family Feud (Underground Edition)
I have another neighbour problem. And this one is not temporary.
We have a family plot in the cemetery in my hometown (not V’Field, but D’Ville). I bought this plot (real cheap!) and my parents are buried there. It is in the same cemetery where my mother’s parents and her sister are buried. I too will eventually be going in the same plot. What can I say? I like to plan ahead. I’m a planner!
Anyway, in family squabble news, there’s an uncle (husband of one my mother’s sisters) whom basically the whole family cannot stand. And this summer that branch of the family decided to also buy a plot in the same cemetery. Not just the same cemetery, but they are in OUR row. Just a few plots down from us. I am incensed. (Is that a joke? Not sure.)
I do believe I heard my father calling from beyond the grave. I recognized his voice. He said: I don’t want to spend eternity next to that goddamned sonofabitch Edgar. (He was not fond of my aunt’s husband.)
And it’s not only my aunt and uncle who are going in that plot, but their kids including their son, the cousin that my sister and I really cannot stand. He’s a c.c. of his father, and we loathe him to the same degree. When I told sis that the cousin was also going to be in OUR row, she howled: NOT HIM TOO!!!
So now I’d like to get a wheelbarrow and haul our headstone over to another row with a better class of neighbour. I mean, how dare they? Eternity next to that sonofabitch Edgar. Is there no peace to rest in? I’ll be glad I’m dead so I won't have to think about it anymore.
We have a family plot in the cemetery in my hometown (not V’Field, but D’Ville). I bought this plot (real cheap!) and my parents are buried there. It is in the same cemetery where my mother’s parents and her sister are buried. I too will eventually be going in the same plot. What can I say? I like to plan ahead. I’m a planner!
Anyway, in family squabble news, there’s an uncle (husband of one my mother’s sisters) whom basically the whole family cannot stand. And this summer that branch of the family decided to also buy a plot in the same cemetery. Not just the same cemetery, but they are in OUR row. Just a few plots down from us. I am incensed. (Is that a joke? Not sure.)
I do believe I heard my father calling from beyond the grave. I recognized his voice. He said: I don’t want to spend eternity next to that goddamned sonofabitch Edgar. (He was not fond of my aunt’s husband.)
And it’s not only my aunt and uncle who are going in that plot, but their kids including their son, the cousin that my sister and I really cannot stand. He’s a c.c. of his father, and we loathe him to the same degree. When I told sis that the cousin was also going to be in OUR row, she howled: NOT HIM TOO!!!
So now I’d like to get a wheelbarrow and haul our headstone over to another row with a better class of neighbour. I mean, how dare they? Eternity next to that sonofabitch Edgar. Is there no peace to rest in? I’ll be glad I’m dead so I won't have to think about it anymore.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Metal update
The bestest thing about a blog is I never know what is going to get comments. It can be quite a surprise, like Dio. Who knew?
Anyway, I listened to Paranoid. And, yes, of course, I know it. It's okay, but doesn't thrill me.
Then I listened to Photograph, and I can honestly say, I don't know that one. Didn't much like it.
I still vote for Man on the Silver Mountain. It has a great hook. Blackmore Rules!
Anyway, I listened to Paranoid. And, yes, of course, I know it. It's okay, but doesn't thrill me.
Then I listened to Photograph, and I can honestly say, I don't know that one. Didn't much like it.
I still vote for Man on the Silver Mountain. It has a great hook. Blackmore Rules!
Doom
A sure sign that the Canadiens are finished for the season: The Crazy Polish Neighbours have a Habs flag on their car.
I cannot tell you how stupid and retarded this is. These people don't watch hockey at all. I know this because on some of the warmer April evenings when the Canadiens were playing, I saw my neighbours sitting in the backyard, doing whatever it is they do. But they've never watched a hockey game in their lives. Idiots.
I cannot tell you how stupid and retarded this is. These people don't watch hockey at all. I know this because on some of the warmer April evenings when the Canadiens were playing, I saw my neighbours sitting in the backyard, doing whatever it is they do. But they've never watched a hockey game in their lives. Idiots.
Like I needed a new reason to hate them. (And, yes, of course, it has already crossed my mind to break the flag off the car. It was my first thought. My second thought was that he could then shove the flag pole up his ass...but now I'm getting carried away...)
Go Forth, and Rock!
Ronnie James Dio died. He ws 67.
Everyone who knows me knows I have no interest in heavy metal at all. But I do love one song. "Man on the Silver Mountain" by Ritchie Blackmore's Rainbow. Dio sang it. I just checked on youtube and it's there (of course) so I will listen to it later at home.
There. There is my one heavy metal confession. I haven't heard that song in decades, but I still love it.
Well, maybe two. There's that Def Leppard song I really like too. But I can't remember what it's called.
The only other time I love metal is when it is related to Jack Black either in School of Rock or anything done by Tenacious D. Raise your goblet of rock!
Everyone who knows me knows I have no interest in heavy metal at all. But I do love one song. "Man on the Silver Mountain" by Ritchie Blackmore's Rainbow. Dio sang it. I just checked on youtube and it's there (of course) so I will listen to it later at home.
There. There is my one heavy metal confession. I haven't heard that song in decades, but I still love it.
Well, maybe two. There's that Def Leppard song I really like too. But I can't remember what it's called.
The only other time I love metal is when it is related to Jack Black either in School of Rock or anything done by Tenacious D. Raise your goblet of rock!
UPDATE: In case this was going to keep anyone from sleeping tonight, I can report that the Def Leppard song I like is, of course, Pour Some Sugar on Me.
Nanuk, the Metal Head
Thursday, May 13, 2010
P.U. No More
I would be amiss if I did not take a moment to blog on the Better Marriage Blanket, the carbon-lined flatuence-absorbing miracle product.
It actually soaks up the smell of prrrrrrt.
This is amazing. But...doesn't that take some of the fun out of marriage. Ladies, no longer complaining about your hubbie's in-bed odors? Won't you feel like something has been lost?
What I love in the interview I read with the inventor (in salon.com) is this assumption that only men pass stinky wind in bed. How naive. How cute.
It actually soaks up the smell of prrrrrrt.
This is amazing. But...doesn't that take some of the fun out of marriage. Ladies, no longer complaining about your hubbie's in-bed odors? Won't you feel like something has been lost?
What I love in the interview I read with the inventor (in salon.com) is this assumption that only men pass stinky wind in bed. How naive. How cute.
The never-ending Hell of Habs fans
One of our IT guys (age 50+) was sitting in the caf wearing his Habs jersey this morning.
And now, one of my colleagues (she is 51) came into my office waving a giant cardboard Habs finger. We're No. 1, we're No. 1.
And now, one of my colleagues (she is 51) came into my office waving a giant cardboard Habs finger. We're No. 1, we're No. 1.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Oh, Enough Already
This city is, apparently, in the grip of some sort of "hockey fever".
This was made clear to me this morning as I looked out the window of the bus and spotted not one, but two, older (i.e. grey haired but maybe only in their 40s or 50 max) men carrying briefcases, clearly on their way to the office, but wearing Canadiens jerseys. And these guys weren't together; they were standing on different corners. Please, guys. You aren't university students. End this foolishness.
One other thing I've learnt since this insanity began: a cop on a horse is really quite intimidating. Horses scare me a bit just because they are always so much bigger in person (in person? in horse?) than I expect. So a uniformed cop on a big horse is really effective in keeping me out of the way.
I'm hoping the city keeps these mounted police on duty during Grand Prix weekend. They can stomp all over obnoxious wealthy Euro trash and that will make me happy.
This was made clear to me this morning as I looked out the window of the bus and spotted not one, but two, older (i.e. grey haired but maybe only in their 40s or 50 max) men carrying briefcases, clearly on their way to the office, but wearing Canadiens jerseys. And these guys weren't together; they were standing on different corners. Please, guys. You aren't university students. End this foolishness.
One other thing I've learnt since this insanity began: a cop on a horse is really quite intimidating. Horses scare me a bit just because they are always so much bigger in person (in person? in horse?) than I expect. So a uniformed cop on a big horse is really effective in keeping me out of the way.
I'm hoping the city keeps these mounted police on duty during Grand Prix weekend. They can stomp all over obnoxious wealthy Euro trash and that will make me happy.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
JAW Fan's Ode to Lena
Gabriel did blow his horn
On the day Lena was born
Upon her death, his lips now sore
For Lena Horne, he blows no more.
On the day Lena was born
Upon her death, his lips now sore
For Lena Horne, he blows no more.
Sunday, May 09, 2010
Hey Moms
Happy Mothers Day to the moms out there.
My wish is that you get an ENTIRE day without your kids making you mental. Perhaps this is too much to wish for.
And, if you are a Montreal Mom, enjoy the snow! (Muffled screams into the nearest pillow.)
My wish is that you get an ENTIRE day without your kids making you mental. Perhaps this is too much to wish for.
And, if you are a Montreal Mom, enjoy the snow! (Muffled screams into the nearest pillow.)
Friday, May 07, 2010
Mmmm Fibre
I am at this moment enjoying the Fibre 1 bar I got in my Publi Sac this week. It is oats and chocolate flavour, and it is pretty darn tasty.
I may buy these.
See! Freebies do work. It's old-fashioned marketing, but it gets the job done.
I may buy these.
See! Freebies do work. It's old-fashioned marketing, but it gets the job done.
RoMaBo - I've been dumped! (or maybe not)
Well, that was quick. Fancy Feast emailed me last night and said he suspected I had "a plan of action".
If you have any idea what that means, please enlighten me.
I asked him to clarify and never heard from him again.
And they say women are difficult.
Not one to let that get me down, I immediately emailed the purring Persian and said: Whatcha doing this weekend?
Update. It appears Fancy Feast suffered some kind of homework-related meltdown last night, but seems to be recovering (and is back in communication) this morning. The fun is endless.
If you have any idea what that means, please enlighten me.
I asked him to clarify and never heard from him again.
And they say women are difficult.
Not one to let that get me down, I immediately emailed the purring Persian and said: Whatcha doing this weekend?
Update. It appears Fancy Feast suffered some kind of homework-related meltdown last night, but seems to be recovering (and is back in communication) this morning. The fun is endless.
Thursday, May 06, 2010
RoMaBo - University Edition
I spoke to Fancy Feast last night about our alleged date for tomorrow night.
He is in full panic mode, not about the date, but about homework. He was laid off last year and decided to go to university for a career switch. And university started this week. And now he has realized that university = lots of homework. Especially in the short 6-week spring term (as opposed to the normal 12-week fall or winter term). This ain’t high school, pal.
So he’s totally freaking out. He’s trying to figure out how to get the homework done and leave time for the date which he claims he’s been looking forward to all week. Anyone want to place a bet on whether I’ll spend the weekend twiddling my thumbs?
Well, there’s always decluttering to be done. No time to waste!
He is in full panic mode, not about the date, but about homework. He was laid off last year and decided to go to university for a career switch. And university started this week. And now he has realized that university = lots of homework. Especially in the short 6-week spring term (as opposed to the normal 12-week fall or winter term). This ain’t high school, pal.
So he’s totally freaking out. He’s trying to figure out how to get the homework done and leave time for the date which he claims he’s been looking forward to all week. Anyone want to place a bet on whether I’ll spend the weekend twiddling my thumbs?
Well, there’s always decluttering to be done. No time to waste!
Wednesday, May 05, 2010
Yay! Whee!
I got a free Fibre 1 bar in my Publi Sac this week.
This is the kind of thing I get a little too excited about.
Publi Sac freebie = Halloween for adults.
This is the kind of thing I get a little too excited about.
Publi Sac freebie = Halloween for adults.
Celeb Death Comment
Yes, Redgraves are dropping like flies.
I read a bit about Lynn Redgrave's career; all the obits mention Georgie Girl ("Hey there! Georgie girl! there's another Georgie deep inside." So catchy that tune from my childhood. Never saw the movie, though).
But what I remember best is that she was the first "respectable" celeb I remember advertising diet stuff on television. I can't remember if it was Weight Watchers (I'm pretty sure it was) but as a kid I thought that as a respected actress she should not be on t.v. doing commercials. Even at the time, I thought she must need the money.
I read a bit about Lynn Redgrave's career; all the obits mention Georgie Girl ("Hey there! Georgie girl! there's another Georgie deep inside." So catchy that tune from my childhood. Never saw the movie, though).
But what I remember best is that she was the first "respectable" celeb I remember advertising diet stuff on television. I can't remember if it was Weight Watchers (I'm pretty sure it was) but as a kid I thought that as a respected actress she should not be on t.v. doing commercials. Even at the time, I thought she must need the money.
Tuesday, May 04, 2010
Spring has Sprung
Remember how my back yard looked last week? Well, this is how it looked on Sunday. The grass is so greeeeen.
Gussie Bear approves!
Even I am not this deranged
A guy in Germany married his cat.
Far be it from me to call anyone a loser, but seriously...dude. You're a loser.
Far be it from me to call anyone a loser, but seriously...dude. You're a loser.
Sunday, May 02, 2010
O NaPoMo, I weep for thee
How can NaPoMo be over already? The month flew by so quickly, alas. The Poet Laureate of this blog says he needs inspirational posts to fire his imagination. But life is dullsville, no? Where's the poetry in life, I ask you? Where?
(Why am I ranting and striking my bosom in Shakespearen fashion this morning. I dunno. Maybe I'll be better after a coffee.)
In other news, Fancy Feast date success. We ended up meeting at the McD's in St. Henri, of all the godforsaken places. It was a mid-point for us. Had a good time. Surprisingly. The reward for low, low expectations, I guess. I think Fancy Feast may be JAW Fan's kind of man. He's on the chunky side, and nothing sets him off like people who behave badly on public transit. Need I say more.
(Why am I ranting and striking my bosom in Shakespearen fashion this morning. I dunno. Maybe I'll be better after a coffee.)
In other news, Fancy Feast date success. We ended up meeting at the McD's in St. Henri, of all the godforsaken places. It was a mid-point for us. Had a good time. Surprisingly. The reward for low, low expectations, I guess. I think Fancy Feast may be JAW Fan's kind of man. He's on the chunky side, and nothing sets him off like people who behave badly on public transit. Need I say more.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Wisconsin-based Chip Review
Who would have thought that my business trip to Madison Wisconsin would result in a major potato chip discovery. The town itself was surprisingly hip, with plenty of interesting things to do (fun stores, huge variety of restaurants, arts and culture, etc)...but the highlight was the bag of chips I spotted in the convenience store. There on the racks was a flavour of Doritos that leaped out at me like some demented girl in a giant birthday cake at a lodge convention...Late Night All Nighter Cheeseburger...Certainly, the taste could not live up to its name!...Wrong!...These beef flavour-enhanced cheese snacks did in fact taste like a cheeseburger. I was so thrown back that my underwear nearly flew off. But were they yum worthy, you ask? Yes, indeedy, they were!!! So much that I rushed back on my last night to procure what turned out to be the last one on the shelf. I only wished I had a bag of the Lay's French Fries and Gravy chips I had reviewed nearly two years ago with me...then it would have been the perfect fast-food meal treat. On the wang-o-meter these quarter-pounder triangles of fun rate a deep-delving and (w)ow-inducing 9.5 inches...meatier than Jimmy Walker and complimented with the perfect Velvet Painting of Elvis-like cheesiness. Mr. Doritos, please, feel free to slip that recipe of yours into my boudoir, where I would be more than happy to mmm-mmm-mmm all over you.
Bzzz
Work, work,work. Nanuk is a busy bee.
All work and no play makes Nanuk a dull bee.
But it's Date Night with the Cat Man, Attempt No. 3! Will this never end? It's turning into a toothache. Let's just get it over with.
All work and no play makes Nanuk a dull bee.
But it's Date Night with the Cat Man, Attempt No. 3! Will this never end? It's turning into a toothache. Let's just get it over with.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
It's Springtime in Montreal (for Hitler?)
Most of the snow is gone tonight, but this is what it looked like when I got up this morning.
RoMaBo - Still No Date with the Cat Man
Another evening, another failed date attempt. Somebody (not me) took a nap and didn't wake up until 8:00 p.m. Then somebody (not me) realized the weather was absolutely awful and couldn't ride his bike to meet me. Public transit would cause further delay. So somebody (me) said: Forget this, this is never going to work.
So date day is now rescheduled to Saturday when Cat Man says we will have "all day to play". Oh god. This could be interesting.
So Cat Man emails me his phone number and says "Why don't you call me? But not right now because I'm going out to the dep to buy snacks". Maybe he's not all bad. It was agreed I'll call him tonight. Perhaps he is a Doritos man...an eccentric Doritos man.
So date day is now rescheduled to Saturday when Cat Man says we will have "all day to play". Oh god. This could be interesting.
So Cat Man emails me his phone number and says "Why don't you call me? But not right now because I'm going out to the dep to buy snacks". Maybe he's not all bad. It was agreed I'll call him tonight. Perhaps he is a Doritos man...an eccentric Doritos man.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Effin' Weather
I don't know what time JAW Fan is supposed to be flying off to beautiful Madison, Wisconsin.
I hope, for his colleague's sake, he is a calm flyer. I do picture him however grabbing onto some poor person's elbow screaming "Look at the weather, we're all going to diiiiie".
I hope, for his colleague's sake, he is a calm flyer. I do picture him however grabbing onto some poor person's elbow screaming "Look at the weather, we're all going to diiiiie".
The Playoffs
You just never know with hockey, do you? You just never know.
Winter's back with a vengeance this morning. Eff. At least the snow is melting on contact, but man, this is unpleasant.
You knew this was going to happen because yesterday the roofers started reshingling my roof. They got one whole side finished, so there's no risk of leaking today, but nothing brings back winter like construction on my house. I'm guessing the guys will be back by Thursday. She said hopefully.
Winter's back with a vengeance this morning. Eff. At least the snow is melting on contact, but man, this is unpleasant.
You knew this was going to happen because yesterday the roofers started reshingling my roof. They got one whole side finished, so there's no risk of leaking today, but nothing brings back winter like construction on my house. I'm guessing the guys will be back by Thursday. She said hopefully.
Monday, April 26, 2010
RoMaBo - Purridise Postponed
Home renovation mishaps prevented Cat Man from keeping our date. My main concern is that no spackle landed on his cat. And none did.
Date postponed for 24 hours.
Date postponed for 24 hours.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
RoMaBo - Meow Edition
It appears I am meeting a new man tomorrow evening. He has already sent me numerous pictures of his cat. She is a cutie, and he is obviously very fond of her. (I also received one picture of him.)
Crazy Cat Lady meets Crazy Cat Man? Can this be? Is this the recipe for romantic bliss?
I sent him three pictures of my crew as well. I have now learned that the keyboard shortcut for a cat is ^_^
He's a computer guy, as well as a CCM, apparently.
Crazy Cat Lady meets Crazy Cat Man? Can this be? Is this the recipe for romantic bliss?
I sent him three pictures of my crew as well. I have now learned that the keyboard shortcut for a cat is ^_^
He's a computer guy, as well as a CCM, apparently.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Friday, April 23, 2010
Charlie Don't Surf
Nothing says "American beach" like....military choppers! Right over your head! My god they were flying low.
I was in the water one of the times they flew over and 1) I wanted to wave in a friendly way while 2) thinking that I had seen Apocalypse Now too many times and just assumed they were going to start shooting at the water.
And, no, these were not Coast Guard copters. The Coast Guard copter was a friendly red-and-white job that hovered passed a couple of times a day. These were black Black Hawk-type nasties. You can hear the roar from miles away. The kind that would make you poo your pants if you thought they were actually after you.
I was in the water one of the times they flew over and 1) I wanted to wave in a friendly way while 2) thinking that I had seen Apocalypse Now too many times and just assumed they were going to start shooting at the water.
And, no, these were not Coast Guard copters. The Coast Guard copter was a friendly red-and-white job that hovered passed a couple of times a day. These were black Black Hawk-type nasties. You can hear the roar from miles away. The kind that would make you poo your pants if you thought they were actually after you.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Open Comments
Mr. D. says: Go on vacation already, human. We want the bathroom to ourselves.
The forecast for the Tampa area: rain tomorrow; scattered thundershowers for the next few days. Effin".
Consider this the vacation post. Leave as many comments, poems, etc., as your lil hearts desire. Back on Friday...
Friday, April 16, 2010
RoMaBo Oddity, No. 3: Brave New World
An email received this morning from Mr. North Carolina included this bit of info: “I get turned on by that librarian look with glasses.”
This is the same thing that turns on my Tall, Hot Teacher friend.
And I say: it’s about freakin’ time!!
It’s about time that quiet, little librarians (or editors) get their day in the sun. Where have these guys been? This must be the start of a great new era. Finally, the men of the world will stop lusting over bleached-blonde, fake-boobed porn starlets and come out of the closet, declaring their unbridled lust for the shy, bespectacled frumps of the world.
Onward, sez I.
This is the same thing that turns on my Tall, Hot Teacher friend.
And I say: it’s about freakin’ time!!
It’s about time that quiet, little librarians (or editors) get their day in the sun. Where have these guys been? This must be the start of a great new era. Finally, the men of the world will stop lusting over bleached-blonde, fake-boobed porn starlets and come out of the closet, declaring their unbridled lust for the shy, bespectacled frumps of the world.
Onward, sez I.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Odds'n'ends
Larry King is getting his 8th divorce. Good lord. He is accused of cheating. This raises so many questions. The thought that there are 8 women on the planet who could've tolerated being married to hideous, moronic Larry, is already mind-boggling. But that he's having affairs. Larry King? Face it, Larry ain't no Tiger. I shudder.
Second point of the today. Pro-obesity websites. I haven't read the article in today's G&M, but I'm intrigued by the idea of being a gainer. Gaining weight on a website for people's entertainment. Who am I kidding? It's just a reason to gorge on chips. Still....it's tempting. I guess deep down I want to wear a muumuu. Like Homer.
Third, hockey!! I can't believe Ottawa won last night. For a change I don't want them to win. I want to see more of Sidney. Am looking forward to watching Montreal die a quick, painless death. In 4.
Fourth, I didn't hear from Mr. North Carolina yesterday. I'm disappointed. Don't tell me I've been dumped already!
Second point of the today. Pro-obesity websites. I haven't read the article in today's G&M, but I'm intrigued by the idea of being a gainer. Gaining weight on a website for people's entertainment. Who am I kidding? It's just a reason to gorge on chips. Still....it's tempting. I guess deep down I want to wear a muumuu. Like Homer.
Third, hockey!! I can't believe Ottawa won last night. For a change I don't want them to win. I want to see more of Sidney. Am looking forward to watching Montreal die a quick, painless death. In 4.
Fourth, I didn't hear from Mr. North Carolina yesterday. I'm disappointed. Don't tell me I've been dumped already!
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
RoMaBo Oddity, No. 2 in a series(?)
At 10:00 last night I received an email from Mr. Romance, allegedly in North Carolina, telling me how he had to sit through a boring, boring business dinner with some nerds, but spent all this time tuned out and thinking of me.
This could get good. Question is: how long to drag this fantasy out?
This could get good. Question is: how long to drag this fantasy out?
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Did I miss a Happy B-Day, jr edition?
Is it Little Anonymi No. 2's birthday today? Have I missed it? Don't tell me it was last week. I just associate him with "Lucky 13". Matches his lucky personality...
Regardless Happy Birthday, Little Terror.
Regardless Happy Birthday, Little Terror.
Romantic Male Box Oddity
On the weekend, I exchanged a couple of messages with a man who, for whatever reason, seems in love my writing style.
(He should meet JAW Fan!)
Through the power of all my magical (?) words, he is enamoured. I think we have exchanged 3 or 4 emails. Anyway, I just got an email from him with an invitation to go to North Carolina this week. He is going to play golf and wants me to come along for the trip. Makes me wish I was some kind of grifter con-woman. Room Service! Champagne!
Who does this kind of thing? I guess he must be pretty sure I'll say no. We haven't even exchanged photos. What if I turned out to be JAW Fan in a muumuu (and a towel on my head). What are men thinking? (Rhetorical question: I know he's thinking hanky panky in North Carolina.) How daring.
(He should meet JAW Fan!)
Through the power of all my magical (?) words, he is enamoured. I think we have exchanged 3 or 4 emails. Anyway, I just got an email from him with an invitation to go to North Carolina this week. He is going to play golf and wants me to come along for the trip. Makes me wish I was some kind of grifter con-woman. Room Service! Champagne!
Who does this kind of thing? I guess he must be pretty sure I'll say no. We haven't even exchanged photos. What if I turned out to be JAW Fan in a muumuu (and a towel on my head). What are men thinking? (Rhetorical question: I know he's thinking hanky panky in North Carolina.) How daring.
Monday, April 12, 2010
Help wanted: Temporary blogger
This time next week I should be sitting on a nice beach soaking up the Floridian sun.
Yes, I shall be absent right smack-dab in the middle of NaPoMo. How will we survive?
A guest blogger is more than welcome, if only to set up new posts so JAW Fan can fill the comment box with his inspired verse. This does not in any way limit the guest blogger's right to...blog...about whatever he/she desires.
Apply within.
Salary: Are you kidding?
Yes, I shall be absent right smack-dab in the middle of NaPoMo. How will we survive?
A guest blogger is more than welcome, if only to set up new posts so JAW Fan can fill the comment box with his inspired verse. This does not in any way limit the guest blogger's right to...blog...about whatever he/she desires.
Apply within.
Salary: Are you kidding?
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Nanuk's Weekend Sports Desk
Like the rest of the house, the sports desk is cluttered.
First The Masters. When I watched Mickelson kissing his cancer wife, I could not help but wonder what the scene would've been had Tiger won. In my perfect world, all 15 of his mistresses would've lined the path to the clubhouse, and he would've stopped to roughly smooch each one. Tiger was disappointed not to have won, but I'm sure the kindly Southern gentlemen of Augusta will supply him with plenty of comfort women. It's in his contract.
In baseball news. The Cardinals are on t.v. which means a look at Albert Pujols and his "tremendous rump". Yup, it's pretty tremendous alright. But the oddity here is that the Brewers have an outfielder named Corey Hart. And Corey Hart just let an easy fly ball bounce off his glove into the stands for a double. It's a night game and Corey is not wearing his sunglasses. Need I say more.
First The Masters. When I watched Mickelson kissing his cancer wife, I could not help but wonder what the scene would've been had Tiger won. In my perfect world, all 15 of his mistresses would've lined the path to the clubhouse, and he would've stopped to roughly smooch each one. Tiger was disappointed not to have won, but I'm sure the kindly Southern gentlemen of Augusta will supply him with plenty of comfort women. It's in his contract.
In baseball news. The Cardinals are on t.v. which means a look at Albert Pujols and his "tremendous rump". Yup, it's pretty tremendous alright. But the oddity here is that the Brewers have an outfielder named Corey Hart. And Corey Hart just let an easy fly ball bounce off his glove into the stands for a double. It's a night game and Corey is not wearing his sunglasses. Need I say more.
Too many celebs dying in rapid succession
I can't keep up. In the past week or so: Robert Culp and Malcom McLaren.
Last week, I got hell from JAW Fan for not reporting of the death of ancient John Forsyth of Dynasty (and Charlie's Angels) fame. I figured I didn't need to report on people who were on shows I didn't care about. How silly of me.
So I won't make the same mistake twice in a row. I never watched Designing Women, but JAW Fan will be upset if I don't mention that Dixie Carter died.
And a whole bunch of important Polish people died, and darn it! not one of them was my Crazy Neighbour!! The weirdest moment in all this is Pooty Poot Putin "assuring" everyone that he PERSONALLY will oversee the investigation of the crash. Well, we all know what that means. Nobody will ever know what happened. Friggin' Putin.
Last week, I got hell from JAW Fan for not reporting of the death of ancient John Forsyth of Dynasty (and Charlie's Angels) fame. I figured I didn't need to report on people who were on shows I didn't care about. How silly of me.
So I won't make the same mistake twice in a row. I never watched Designing Women, but JAW Fan will be upset if I don't mention that Dixie Carter died.
And a whole bunch of important Polish people died, and darn it! not one of them was my Crazy Neighbour!! The weirdest moment in all this is Pooty Poot Putin "assuring" everyone that he PERSONALLY will oversee the investigation of the crash. Well, we all know what that means. Nobody will ever know what happened. Friggin' Putin.
Friday, April 09, 2010
"It serves him well"
I did not have to search long to find my important news feature of the day. It comes courtesy of slate.com and is called:
What Can You Learn from Staring at a Baseball Player's Butt?
My first thought was (of course): I'm supposed to be learning something???
quote
A lot of baseball players tend to have big asses". And while this "tends to be a pitcher thing," the boffo backsides aren't entirely confined to the mound. "Albert Pujols has a tremendous rump, and it serves him well,"
unquote
This reminds me that on Sunday evening, while lying deathly ill on my sister's couch, it was disappointing to watch Josh Beckett get off to such a lousy start this season. But he looked good. I would not classify his rump as tremendous, but it serves him well. I know he is pitching again tomorrow, but I don't know if it will be on t.v. locally. I may not get the opportunity to assess him.
What Can You Learn from Staring at a Baseball Player's Butt?
My first thought was (of course): I'm supposed to be learning something???
quote
A lot of baseball players tend to have big asses". And while this "tends to be a pitcher thing," the boffo backsides aren't entirely confined to the mound. "Albert Pujols has a tremendous rump, and it serves him well,"
unquote
This reminds me that on Sunday evening, while lying deathly ill on my sister's couch, it was disappointing to watch Josh Beckett get off to such a lousy start this season. But he looked good. I would not classify his rump as tremendous, but it serves him well. I know he is pitching again tomorrow, but I don't know if it will be on t.v. locally. I may not get the opportunity to assess him.
Non-rhymin' Friday poem
(Wallace Stevens has nothing on me.)
Today is super casual day
As there are only two of us
To hold the fort
Some are on training
Others off sick
So I wore my jeans
And I can relax
This poem doesn’t rhyme
But I don’t care as I am
Super casual
Just hope I don’t get called
Up to the office of the
President
Because then I’ll be an
Embarrassed slob.
Today is super casual day
As there are only two of us
To hold the fort
Some are on training
Others off sick
So I wore my jeans
And I can relax
This poem doesn’t rhyme
But I don’t care as I am
Super casual
Just hope I don’t get called
Up to the office of the
President
Because then I’ll be an
Embarrassed slob.
Thursday, April 08, 2010
JAW Fan's Ode to Pag
There's something I've been dying to know,
Whatever happened to Pagliaro?
Is it possible...do I fear?
Is he out of a career?
There was a time he was so hot
Especially with "What the Hell I Got"
Even with "Some Sing, Some Dance"
He had the fire in his pants.
But nowadays he's never seen
Has be become a true has-been?
Is there any way he can revive
And return the spirit of '75?
You know...the kind of thing...
The days when CKGM was king,
Where no matter where you did go
People asked "How's your oiseau?"
To those who did not grow up in Quebec
I know you're saying "What the heck?"
You had to live here for you to know
Just who the hell is Pagliaro
Releasing the pressure
Our resident poet (sorry, Ms Mushrooms, it's not you, but I'm sure you understand) tells me he is bursting with words. His word cup overfloweth, and he needs to jot down some rhymes. I don't have much to report on, but here's an item.
I read recently about a new trend that is catching on: nude yoga. It will come as a surprise to absolutely nobody that this past-time seems particularly in vogue in the gay community. I guess when you are able to lift your leg and place it behind your head, you are a) very flexible b) exposing your dangly bits to the whole class and thus c) very popular.
Apparently even in non-gay, mixed classes the men outnumber the women 2 to 1. Think about that, ladies. How many men of your acquaintance would you want to see in the buff in downward dog pose? .....? Oh so few.
Also, and maybe it's just me, but wouldn't nude yoga encourage more gas passing? I mean, there's nothing to block it. I'd just roll into a ball and toot.
I read recently about a new trend that is catching on: nude yoga. It will come as a surprise to absolutely nobody that this past-time seems particularly in vogue in the gay community. I guess when you are able to lift your leg and place it behind your head, you are a) very flexible b) exposing your dangly bits to the whole class and thus c) very popular.
Apparently even in non-gay, mixed classes the men outnumber the women 2 to 1. Think about that, ladies. How many men of your acquaintance would you want to see in the buff in downward dog pose? .....? Oh so few.
Also, and maybe it's just me, but wouldn't nude yoga encourage more gas passing? I mean, there's nothing to block it. I'd just roll into a ball and toot.
Tuesday, April 06, 2010
By jove! ack ack...thud
My least favourite human Blacque Jacques Parizeau is in hospital. Wha happened? Did his waistcoat cut off his breathing? Did he suffocate on errant mustache hairs? Who knows? Oh, the G&M says he's suffering from exhaustion. Not surprising, being a racist a--hole and a thorn in the side of his own party is tiring work.
In the irony department, he is being treated at the Jewish General. Aha. Now, if the good folk at the Jewish are treating him to the best of their abilities, and I have no doubt whatsoever that they are, they are better people than I. (me?) I'd let the windbag suffer.
But that's just me. (I?)
In the irony department, he is being treated at the Jewish General. Aha. Now, if the good folk at the Jewish are treating him to the best of their abilities, and I have no doubt whatsoever that they are, they are better people than I. (me?) I'd let the windbag suffer.
But that's just me. (I?)
Nanuk of the Dead
What a lousy Easter weekend. I have been sick since Friday night. I still managed to get to the Holy City, but I was dull company indeed as I spent half of my time there in bed, and the rest of the time up sneezing, coughing, wiping my eyes and nose and just generally being a sick person.
So I am still home sick today. I had not had a cold all winter, my last one was in Sept. So, of course, the holiday weekend was the ideal time to go down for the count.
And, right now, I am cleaning up cat barf. Life is glamourous. I'm going back to bed soon.
So I am still home sick today. I had not had a cold all winter, my last one was in Sept. So, of course, the holiday weekend was the ideal time to go down for the count.
And, right now, I am cleaning up cat barf. Life is glamourous. I'm going back to bed soon.
Friday, April 02, 2010
Weather to melt your chocolate bunnies
It's freaky hot. I'm loving it.
Happy Easter!
We shall return to our regularly scheduled programming on Tuesday, when NaPoMo starts in earnest. whoo hoo.
Happy Easter!
We shall return to our regularly scheduled programming on Tuesday, when NaPoMo starts in earnest. whoo hoo.
Thursday, April 01, 2010
Protesters Protesting
At lunch time, I had to go to The Bay, and there were a gazillion students protesting along St. Cate Street. A gazillion.
They announced an increase in tuition fees in this week's provincial budget, so that's why the students were out in very impressive numbers.
Most of the students carried similar signs, saying things like "Education is a right" and "Don't unfreeze rates" etc. But after I'd walked a couple of blocks, I saw this one young girl with black hair and her sign said "Bob Dylan is God".
She wins.
They announced an increase in tuition fees in this week's provincial budget, so that's why the students were out in very impressive numbers.
Most of the students carried similar signs, saying things like "Education is a right" and "Don't unfreeze rates" etc. But after I'd walked a couple of blocks, I saw this one young girl with black hair and her sign said "Bob Dylan is God".
She wins.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Rip Torn pleads not guilty
"The actor defends himself, claiming he was too drunk to tell breaking into a bank from arriving at his home. "
Funny. That is the same defense I used when I was accused of breaking into the Provi-Soir at 3:00 a.m. and rolling around in the Doritos aisle.
It could happen.
Funny. That is the same defense I used when I was accused of breaking into the Provi-Soir at 3:00 a.m. and rolling around in the Doritos aisle.
It could happen.
Monday, March 29, 2010
An idea whose time has come...Bravo
Ian McEwan "invents" chip porn*. How long have I waited? At last! At last!
From his new novel:
(According to Slate.com, the protagonist is a liar, adulterer, thief, bad citizen, bad father, and to top things off, a compulsive eater of salt-and-vinegar potato chips.)
"The trick," he explains, "was to set the fragment on the centre of the tongue and, after a moment's spreading sensation, push the potato up hard to shatter against the roof of the mouth. His theory was that the rigid irregular surface caused tiny abrasions in the soft flesh into which salt and chemicals poured, creating a mild and distinctive pleasure-pain."
I'm a-tingle!
*or he has been reading JAW Fan's wang-o-meter chip reviews? Can we sue?
From his new novel:
(According to Slate.com, the protagonist is a liar, adulterer, thief, bad citizen, bad father, and to top things off, a compulsive eater of salt-and-vinegar potato chips.)
"The trick," he explains, "was to set the fragment on the centre of the tongue and, after a moment's spreading sensation, push the potato up hard to shatter against the roof of the mouth. His theory was that the rigid irregular surface caused tiny abrasions in the soft flesh into which salt and chemicals poured, creating a mild and distinctive pleasure-pain."
I'm a-tingle!
*or he has been reading JAW Fan's wang-o-meter chip reviews? Can we sue?
In the dating world...
Remember that Monty Python sketch where the woman answers the door in her negligee and the milkman gets lured upstairs only to find lots of other milkmen, some of whom are very old.
The purring Persian came over yesterday. I wore jeans and a sweater, not a negligee. Don't even go there! Anyway, he says: I left your address with my room-mate, if I don't come home tonight, I told him to call 911 and give the police your address." (He said this laughingly, of course.) So I said I could take him upstairs and he could see the bodies of all the other young men who had been lured here. And he said: "And you could have a long knife".
Over-active imagination, that young man.
No negligee, no knife. That's me.
The purring Persian came over yesterday. I wore jeans and a sweater, not a negligee. Don't even go there! Anyway, he says: I left your address with my room-mate, if I don't come home tonight, I told him to call 911 and give the police your address." (He said this laughingly, of course.) So I said I could take him upstairs and he could see the bodies of all the other young men who had been lured here. And he said: "And you could have a long knife".
Over-active imagination, that young man.
No negligee, no knife. That's me.
The Means of Production
I feel like a little cog in the big machine of capitalism today. So much work. Except, of course, that I work in the civil service, so technically I'm not a labourer in the capitalism system. Or am I?
I dunno. This is just one of the many panicked thoughts I am having as I face the piles of work on my desk, and ponder the even bigger piles that will accumulate over the summer.
We got the list of what needs to be done from now to October, and it is a doozy. Whimper. How will I even be able to take days off to watch The World Cup? I dunno. Maybe I'll have to limit it to the days when the Italians are playing.
So, as usual, instead of dealing with this problem, I'm in full do-nothing panic mode this morning. Trying to think straight. And browsing the Internet instead.
I dunno. This is just one of the many panicked thoughts I am having as I face the piles of work on my desk, and ponder the even bigger piles that will accumulate over the summer.
We got the list of what needs to be done from now to October, and it is a doozy. Whimper. How will I even be able to take days off to watch The World Cup? I dunno. Maybe I'll have to limit it to the days when the Italians are playing.
So, as usual, instead of dealing with this problem, I'm in full do-nothing panic mode this morning. Trying to think straight. And browsing the Internet instead.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Unpleasant experience first thing in the morning
I was walking to the bus stop at 8:00, when a guy drove by with his window rolled down, which was weird enough considering how freezing cold the wind is today.
Out his window he yells at me "Get back home now. Your child is dead."
I just shrugged and kept walking. But then it started weighing on my mind, how awful a thing that is to say to somebody. I know if I was a parent, I would've been freaked out enough to stop, turn around and go home to check. What a sicko.
Of course, as a non-parent, my first thought was that Blackie the Cat had been run over by a car. And he's not even my child.
But, really, what a disturbing thing to yell at a stranger. What gives with that?
Out his window he yells at me "Get back home now. Your child is dead."
I just shrugged and kept walking. But then it started weighing on my mind, how awful a thing that is to say to somebody. I know if I was a parent, I would've been freaked out enough to stop, turn around and go home to check. What a sicko.
Of course, as a non-parent, my first thought was that Blackie the Cat had been run over by a car. And he's not even my child.
But, really, what a disturbing thing to yell at a stranger. What gives with that?
Thursday, March 25, 2010
In weather news
Temperature is currently PLUS 11 degrees. The forecast for tomorrow morning is MINUS 13.
I believe that the meteorological term for this sudden change in conditions is "crazy-assed".
Am not looking forward to it. It's almost enough to make one stay home on a Friday....
I believe that the meteorological term for this sudden change in conditions is "crazy-assed".
Am not looking forward to it. It's almost enough to make one stay home on a Friday....
Romantic Male Box - Update
Haven't updated the ole male box lately, so for anyone keeping score, here is the current situation.
1. The Tall One (better known to some as the Hot Teacher) remains comfortably ensconced in First Place. Good man.
2. The Purring Persian remains in the picture.
3. The Altar Boy = Dead to me.
4. The guy who has no nickname but likes my voice on the phone who was supposed to call me last night to make plans but did not = semi dead to me.
Kumar does not get a number on the list. He is simply a fact of life. Kumar the numberless.
1. The Tall One (better known to some as the Hot Teacher) remains comfortably ensconced in First Place. Good man.
2. The Purring Persian remains in the picture.
3. The Altar Boy = Dead to me.
4. The guy who has no nickname but likes my voice on the phone who was supposed to call me last night to make plans but did not = semi dead to me.
Kumar does not get a number on the list. He is simply a fact of life. Kumar the numberless.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Eff
So, when my dream boyfriend Barack stepped up to the microphone to announce the signing of the Big Health Care Bill, Joe Biden hugged him and said "This is a Big Fuckin' Deal". And everyone heard it.
This makes me love Joe. Joe fuckin' rocks.
What would've been better is if Barack had answered "Fuckin' right it is, man". But he didn't. Well, maybe, he did, later, when the microphones were off and he and Joe were just knocking back a few beers (in my fantasy White House).
In other news: 8 Days til NaPoMo. Gentleman, start your engine.
This makes me love Joe. Joe fuckin' rocks.
What would've been better is if Barack had answered "Fuckin' right it is, man". But he didn't. Well, maybe, he did, later, when the microphones were off and he and Joe were just knocking back a few beers (in my fantasy White House).
In other news: 8 Days til NaPoMo. Gentleman, start your engine.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
There's a First Time for Everything
I went to see Crazy Heart tonight, about 2/3 of the way through the movie, the fire alam went off and we had to evacuate the building.
This has never happened to me before, and I have been to a lot of movies. (Cue: Mr. Anonymous who will remind me of our evacuation of a cinema back in 1981...)
So I had to read a plot synopsis to find out what happened in the end.
Jeff Bridges was amazingly good, relaxed, cool, while being a gigantic loser at the same time.
I had one huge issue with the plot. Why would beautiful, YOUNG, vibrant Maggie Gyllenhaal fall INSTANTLY in love with stinky, drunk, chain-smoking OLD Jeff Bridges. It made no sense whatsoever. He was disgusting and you just know he smelled bad. Chain-smoking alcoholics who throw up on themselves smell bad. That is reality. They probably also pee their pants.
When am I going to see a movie where a boozy old chain-smoking floosie has a handsome young stud with a heart of gold fall madly in love with her at first sight? Uh...never, that's when.
This has never happened to me before, and I have been to a lot of movies. (Cue: Mr. Anonymous who will remind me of our evacuation of a cinema back in 1981...)
So I had to read a plot synopsis to find out what happened in the end.
Jeff Bridges was amazingly good, relaxed, cool, while being a gigantic loser at the same time.
I had one huge issue with the plot. Why would beautiful, YOUNG, vibrant Maggie Gyllenhaal fall INSTANTLY in love with stinky, drunk, chain-smoking OLD Jeff Bridges. It made no sense whatsoever. He was disgusting and you just know he smelled bad. Chain-smoking alcoholics who throw up on themselves smell bad. That is reality. They probably also pee their pants.
When am I going to see a movie where a boozy old chain-smoking floosie has a handsome young stud with a heart of gold fall madly in love with her at first sight? Uh...never, that's when.
Friday, March 19, 2010
Black Cat 2
It turns out Blackie the cat's real name is Gussie.
So when I saw him on my window ledge this morning, what do you think I said:
Good morning, GUSSIE BEAR!*
*This will be understood by very, very few people. But that's okay.
So when I saw him on my window ledge this morning, what do you think I said:
Good morning, GUSSIE BEAR!*
*This will be understood by very, very few people. But that's okay.
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