Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Family Feud (Underground Edition)

I have another neighbour problem. And this one is not temporary.

We have a family plot in the cemetery in my hometown (not V’Field, but D’Ville). I bought this plot (real cheap!) and my parents are buried there. It is in the same cemetery where my mother’s parents and her sister are buried. I too will eventually be going in the same plot. What can I say? I like to plan ahead. I’m a planner!

Anyway, in family squabble news, there’s an uncle (husband of one my mother’s sisters) whom basically the whole family cannot stand. And this summer that branch of the family decided to also buy a plot in the same cemetery. Not just the same cemetery, but they are in OUR row. Just a few plots down from us. I am incensed. (Is that a joke? Not sure.)

I do believe I heard my father calling from beyond the grave. I recognized his voice. He said: I don’t want to spend eternity next to that goddamned sonofabitch Edgar. (He was not fond of my aunt’s husband.)

And it’s not only my aunt and uncle who are going in that plot, but their kids including their son, the cousin that my sister and I really cannot stand. He’s a c.c. of his father, and we loathe him to the same degree. When I told sis that the cousin was also going to be in OUR row, she howled: NOT HIM TOO!!!

So now I’d like to get a wheelbarrow and haul our headstone over to another row with a better class of neighbour. I mean, how dare they? Eternity next to that sonofabitch Edgar. Is there no peace to rest in? I’ll be glad I’m dead so I won't have to think about it anymore.

7 comments:

cityofmushrooms said...

My grandmother, age 90, wants to be buried beside her parents rather than her husband (in a different part of the little greek orthodox cemetery in lachine) because if she's beside my grandfather--she'll be right up against the fence and almost in the catholic section (horrors: apparently)

Anonymous said...

Two things:

1) as long as these neighbours don't have blankets and sheets draped over the headstone or are surrounded by an assortment of condiments and alcohol bottles, and that the remaining family members don't come shovel the snow onto your grave area (since snow does belong to everyone)

2)I will be more than happy to just be shoved into a garbage bag and placed on the curb on garbage night. None of these overblown ridiculous funeral costs for me.

JAW fan

Susieq said...

Well, as an athiest, I ask, does it really matter? Will any of you be in a position to care?

Anonymous said...

I'm sure your dad has already told St. Peter not to let them in. You'll be fine.

Nanuk of the North, the Mastermind behind [blank] said...

Susie, even as an athiest, you have to understand the family dynamic. Why is it that the most irritating relative always finds a way to be even more irritating? They do it on purpose, I'm convinced.

Susieq said...

I know, I know - families! You know the saying - you can choose your friends, but not your family! But, you can choose where you get buried!

Nanuk of the North, the Mastermind behind [blank] said...

Exactly. We were there first!