On Lunch Buckets

I like the term “lunch bucket”. I like the sound of the words together and I like the working-class, rough image it conjures. If you didn’t understand any English and somebody just whispered the syllables lunch bucket to you, it might even sound romantic.

Came across it this week in the NYT World Cup blog. It was describing the play of a certain Frenchman who shall remain nameless but who has a big, big scar down the side of his face. (Yeah, I can't name people. I’ve turned superstitious all of a sudden. I don’t know why.) The young man in question was said to be “a player who is a cult favorite with French fans for his lunch-bucket style of play.”

Lunch bucket makes me think of Fred Flintstone wearing a hard hat and heading down to the gravel pit.

Lunch bucket is Ralph Kramden and Ed Norton.

Lunch bucket is the guys who work in our printing department down in the basement.

Lunch bucket is cutting your own bangs crooked.

Lunch bucket. That’s me. I’m a lunch bucket gal.

I wondered if this was an American expression or a universal one. Picked up the old Oxford. No entry for lunch bucket. But it does have an entry for lunch box. I quote:

Lunch box. n. 1. a container for a packed meal. 2. humorous a man’s genitals.

Wha? Where have I been? I’ve never heard the term lunch box for a man’s genitals. God know there are so many silly euphemisms out there I could be forgiven for missing this one. Or is this some kind of inside joke among the lexicographers at Oxford? Help me out here, people. Is this a common term? Is this one of those things, yet another in an apparently very long list of things, that the whole world knows about, but not me? How very odd.

I’ve tried it out. I’ve tried saying: “You know that Cannavaro, he’s got quite the lunch box.” Nope. No way. Wrong. Forget it. It just doesn’t work. I can't stop laughing when I say it.

La Fin du Monde (Part Deux)

Ever have a day when you’re feeling rather apocalyptic? I had a dream last night that the world was in anarchy. There was rioting on my street and the entire planet was in flames. After a bit of discussion I’ve narrowed down the possible causes of this dream to either a) the psychological impact of English football hooliganism; or b) a generous dose of Nyquil just before bedtime.

Regardless of the cause, today I can’t shake this eerie feeling that the centre cannot hold and anarchy will be loosed upon the world. Damn you, Yeats, and your catchy memorable quotable quotes!

This, and the fact that I have a yearning to go to Berlin, that most decadent of cities. It’s a Weimar thing, isn’t it? Is it time to party like its 1929? Where’s Kurt Weill when I need him?

Should've Done This Earlier

I forgot to change my name for the duration of the World Cup.
When one is blogging World Cup, one should have a more soccer-ish name.

Your humble blogger,
Ze Nanuk

Ah Oui Baby

Start Ribery = Win Game. Rinse, repeat.

What a goal. The beauty of having one's own blog is that one can brag into the blogosphere about one's ability to spot a great young footballer in one quick glance. I knew he had it in him. C'est le big fun. Or as John Helm might say, I was going mental.

And Zidane's goal was a thing of beauty. It was bittersweet to watch. You wish these guys could stay young forever.

Watching Thierry Henry is an exercise in frustration. I can't stand to see any more of those off-sides. He's killing me.

Adios, crazy Aragones. Go home to your poultry sexer.

John Helm was in fine form, but not in the same league with that manical singing Spanish announcer in the next booth. That guy was out of his mind. My fave Helmism: it was swashbuckling football.

Fan of the game: That French person in the giant furry pink bunny suit. Why wear a bunny costume to a World Cup match? Oh why not. (Gallic shrug.)

Next stop Brazil. My logical brain says the next stop after Brazil is...home, but my emotional French brain says allez les Bleus jusqu'au bout. (Yeah, I'm dreaming.)

Huh ???

Here's a line you don't read every day:

"I have black, Gypsy and Japanese friends, including one whose job is to determine the sex of poultry."

I wish I could say that.

This is actually the Spanish coach, claiming he isn't racist. Whatever. In my opinion the fact that Aragones seems a bit off his head can only help France.

Allez-y Les Bleus!

Gratuitous Azzurri photo

Why? Because they are there.

Penalty Kicks

I just don't get them. How can they be so hard? It has to be nerves. How else can professional players miss the net? And the Swiss, what cheese, they missed three, count 'em, three times. How utterly embarrassing.

Did you see that the coach of the Ukrainian Owen Wilson wanna-be's was crying after winning. A lot of men cry at the World Cup. I love that. More tears, more tears.

So the Azzurri will be playing the Owen Wilsons in the quarter finals. Here's where we get too confident, right? Is this where the Italians are so busy looking ahead to the semi-finals, they get stomped on in the quarter-finals? I just can't relax. I know they have to screw up at some point, I just don't know when it's going to be. I hate this.

Last I heard, Figo was okay for the quarter-finals and Cristiano Ronaldo will be healthy too. This is GOOOOOD.

So again, here I am with 2 out of 3 faves through to the next round. Les Bleus tomorrow? Ah mon Dieu, I am not optimistic. I'm taping the match tomorrow, so I'll just check the blog around 3 to make sure Ribery is starting. If he isn't, all is lost. Thus spake me.

Oh God!

Forget beautiful, this is the cruelest game. On earth. Ever.

Those poor Socceroos. They played so well. They dominated offensively, but wah! the soccer gods were aligned against them today. This is NOT how I wanted to see the Azzurri win. This being said, I thought Buffon was excellent today and I'm not a fan of his. The Italian defense was very good. They had to be. Luca Toni should get together with Ballack and Lampard to form the "we can't score to save our lives" club.

Totti didn't look that thrilled about scoring the winning goal, did he? At first I didn't think the penalty was fair, but then after watching it several times I had to agree that the ref made the correct call. (I'm ducking, as I expect a projectile to be flying in from Melbourne any minute now.)

The commentator (Mrs. Mushrooms, please advise who it was as I did not see his name and did not recognize his voice) was clearly a Cannavaro man, praising him throughout. I too become more and more of a Cannavaro man with each passing match.

Best silly comment: the one about whether del Piero had been butchered by a barber in Dusseldorf.

Afghan Meltdown

There is an awful feeling that everything is lurching downward," said a Western diplomat, speaking on the condition of anonymity. "Nearly five years on, there is no rule of law, no accountability. The Afghans know it is all a charade, and they see us as not only complicit but actively involved. You cannot fight a terror war and build a weak state at the same time, and it was a terrible mistake to think we could." (Washington Post)

The Afghans know it is all a charade.

What was the West thinking? That a country that had been in a civil war for 25 years was going to be easy to fix.

Just because people are illiterate doesn’t mean they are stupid.

The Americans got their revenge for 9/11 by bombing the hell out of the place. And once they got that out of their systems, they went on to other, even greater, more exciting adventures, leaving NATO to clean up, and we seem to be doing a really crappy job of that.

Did it not become obvious within months, or even weeks, that this was not a culture like ours and that you couldn’t transform this country into anything resembling a Western democracy. And why would you? Why exactly do we feel we need to transform Afghanistan?

When the national sport is batting around a headless goat, well, that should’ve been our first clue.

And now the West’s best boy, Karzai, is yipping and snarling at us. We know that he is all we’ve got, but I’m sure Washington is starting to groom someone less troublesome now. After all, there is a pipeline to be built and maintained. If Karzai, the oil company favorite, is going to start making "demands" of us, he can no longer be relied on to keep the faith. He has to be replaced by someone more interested in commerce and less interested in Afghanistan. The nerve of Karzai to talk back. He had been so obedient for so long. I guess he needed five years too, to see us as we are.

OUCH! Head Butt!

When will they ever learn? When Figo says "Gimme your lunch money", you give him your lunch money. He's a nasty, nasty man. (See photographic evidence below.)

So, whaddaya call a match like that? Lively? Spunky? Scrappy? Dirty? Disgusting? Vile?
I call it: A Win for Portugal! On to the quarter finals. yay.

Problem is, with Art Deco out for sure and Cristiano Ronaldo (was he crying? that was so sweet and sad) probably out, I am forced to ponder the unthinkable: England could win.

Speaking of England, how can a team be this lame and keep winning? I'm baffled. I think if you look up "hapless" in an up-to-date Oxford dictionary, you'll see Frank Lampard's picture. yuk yuk.

Now I'm not up to speed on the wives and girlfriends (WAGs) situation, but who is Rooney dating that she can buy him a car that costs 170,000 pounds? She either has to be:
a) royalty (unlikely);
b) a super model (more likely); or
c) buying Wayne presents with his own money (I think we have a winner!)

Saturday Soccer

So Long, Sweden.

Germany look good. Scary good. Master race good. If they play all their matches like they played the first half of today's game, they are unbeatable. Except for poor Ballack, who apparently can't buy a goal for love or money. How many tries did he get? That was crazy.

Adios, Mexico.

Too bad. I really liked them. But Rodriguez's winning goal was fantastic. I'll miss the Mexican coach and his strange ties. I'll miss the unique way the Mexicans salute at chest level during the national anthem.

Prediction: Germany will win the Cup.

In commentator news: I love John Helm. I would love to be sitting next to him at a dinner party. Maybe he would say things like "What a disappointing soup". In my dreams.

Why I should be coaching France

Start Ribery = Win Game = Go through to next round.

(Okay, so he missed two golden opportunities, and I had to scream at him a few times, but they still won. And he was exciting to watch.)

But now what happens in the next game? Zizou or Ribery? The past or the future?
Decisions, decisions.

Tabloid Time!

When I started this blog there were a few celebrities I swore I would never mention*, but circumstances and celebrity gossip sometime leave me no choice.

Former Canadiens goaltender, and all-around Montreal golden boy, Jose Theodore, caught snogging (as they say in tabloidese) with (I wince as I type this) the execrable Paris Hilton. And him with a wife and a three-month old daughter at home. Has she really tossed him out on his ear? For good? If so, I’m sure it’s not over here-today gone-tomorrow Paris; she’s probably just sick his shenanigans.

You’d think with Madonna in Canada he’d be pecking a little higher up the celebrity food chain. (Oh, I forgot, she’s old.)

Considering Jose's father and brothers were all charged with money-laundering and other such naughtiness (I think they got off without prison time, but I might be wrong) and his wife’s father, who has always been one of his media advisors, is in jail on child molestation charges, with a third set of charges coming down the pipeline, well, where is Jose supposed to go for guidance, eh? Burning question: Will this stress make Jose’s hair fall out or will his Rogaine hold steady?

*Crazy couch-hopping Scientologist, for one.

La Fin du Monde est a Quinze Heures (Local Time)

I'm very depressed about France's chances of going through to the next round, but I can't strike a proper tone of utter doom that even comes close to that of the Guardian, so I'll just quote their first paragraph. It's the end of the world as Les Bleus know it.

"The twilight of the gods was never supposed to be this traumatic. Les Bleus, a squad racked by frustration and pursued by fury, teeter on the brink of utter humiliation this evening with a sense of sadness simmering amid the under-achievement. The world is witnessing the slow death of a golden generation. It is the lack of dignity at their grotesque descent into ignominy which is most unnerving of all."

2 out of 3 are through

OK, so far so good.
Portugal and Italy are in, only France is left of MY teams.
Not to forget my Five Dollar Swedes, but my heart isn't in it, as far as they are concerned.

Soccer is cruel. I can't believe the Azzurri are facing the Socceroos. Don't hate me, susie, but I gotta keep supporting the Italians. They have the best eyebrows! Come on. But the Aussies have that wholesome Ralph Lauren ad thing happening. Hmmm. It's too much of a good thing.

I like the Brazilians a lot, but wow if Ghana won that would be the upset of the Century. (Yeah, the Century is young, but I stand by that statement.) That would be neat.

I'm glad Ronaldo got his fat ass moving. It's about time.

Any takers?

I'm thinking of forming a Hamid Karzai Death Pool.

He said: "It is not acceptable for us that in all this fighting, Afghans are dying. In the last three to four weeks, 500 to 600 Afghans were killed. [Even] if they are Taliban, they are sons of this land".

Hey, Taliban are Afghans, too, folks. I'm sure Bush & Co don't want to hear that. A little less protection for President Karzai perhaps? Just so he doesn't forget who's in charge.

And new threats from Zawahiri? It's coming from all directions. If Karzai doesn't keep his mouth shut, he's sunk. Who does he think he is, the leader of a sovereign nation?

I'm getting tired of this

Nobody warned me trying to blog the World Cup would get exhausting. There are officially too many matches taking place this week. I can’t keep up. Therefore short and sweet comments on some matches only.

Portugal 2 – Mexico 1

If Portugal’s B-squad (plus Luis) looks this good, I’m feeling very confident for them. Onward!

But La Volpe wins my coolest coach contest. He so cool.

Argentina 0 – Crazy Dutchmen 0

My first glimpse of the very bushy haired Argentinians. Only saw the few last minutes of this non-match, everybody was resting I guess.

I don’t think I can stand the tension of today’s matches.

The Man throws a curve ball

The theme of Bob's radio show this week is: Weddings.

Whaaa? I'm astounded.

I'm also 3 shows behind because silly World Cup leaves no time for other listening or viewing activities.

Update on the young Owen

You know, I am not a doctor, nor do I play one on t.v., but when I saw Owen’s leg go falooey yesterday, I immediately knew there was cruciate ligament damage. How did I know this?

Well I had a cat, the dear departed Miss P, fondly remembered by me, unmissed by everyone else, as she did not have the sweetest disposition in the world. But I loved her dearly. Anyway. She suffered cruciate ligament damage and had major surgery at the tender age of two. I came home one day and she was sitting there with her hind right leg just…hanging. It was alarming. So I knows it when I sees it. We are not so different, we humans and felines.

I hope that young Owen will not end up splay-footed like Miss P. Splay-footedness gives one a certain limpy charm, but it’s not a good thing for a professional athlete.

Gruesome

I didn't stay on CNN for very long last night. I just flipped by it a few times. But it gave the impression that they were totally getting off on the mutilated soldiers story. I may be mistaken but I think they had family members already on talking about it. I hope I'm wrong.

Mutilation as the flavour du jour is so sad and says so much about news these days. Don't people see the difference between a real war and an episode of CSI?

Yesterday's Action

England 2 - Sweden 2

That was a pretty exciting game. Starting with Michael Owen's errant knee. Yowcha. I think he's out for good. As goes Joe Cole, goes England. As long as Cole was motoring down the line, England looked unstoppable. Once Cole slowed down, England was so-so. I don't know how far they will go.

My $5 Swedes soldier on. But facing Germany? What did I say yesterday? Yep, I still pity any team that has to face the Germans. Farewell my fiver.

Paraguay 2 - T'n'T 0

Mixed feelings. Glad that Paraguay won one game, sorry that T'n'T didn't. They can be proud just the same.

Today: ooh the Portuguese are back. But they are against the likable Mexicans. I like those Mexicans, but my heart says Go Luis.

Question for my American friends

You know I hate to bring up that imbecile of a President of yours, but...the news today appears to be that those poor ambushed US soldiers were tortured to death. Given Abu Ghraib, which most of us have pretty well forgotten now, but not the rest of the world, and given the festering sore that we call Guantanamo Bay, how is Bush going to play this? Will he really have enough chutzpah to claim that this kind of despicable action is savage and totally foreign to American values? We all KNOW it is foreign to American values, but it doesn't seem foreign to Bush Administration values. So how's he going to reach for the moral high ground, when he doesn't have any left?

I still have not gotten over the US general last week who said that the 3 suicides at Gitmo were an aggressive act of asymetrical warfare. That is beyond Orwellian. Did he ever explain how any American or coalition soldier or civilian was in any way threatened by these suicides? I'm sick of this.

One last Bush thing. I saw an article where Bush was quoted using words like "cat" and "dude" to describe Al Zarqawi among others. White House = Frat House. You guys really have to get rid of this clown.

In the meantime...

Let us all enjoy some frolicking Aussies.

Today in Cup News

Germany 3 - Ecuador 0

I saw a wee bit of the Germany match. They look real good. Real good. I feel sorry for everybody who has to go up against these guys.

Poland 2 - Costa Rica 1

Go home, all of you. I was watching the end of this match live, standing behind a Costa Rican guy who thought he was alone. Suddenly he let out this long string of swearing. In English! My virgin ears! Now why he chose to swear in English, when I'm sure he knows loads of really good Spanish swears is unclear to me. But he suddenly realized he wasn't alone and apologized profusely. Endlessly.
I explained that it was no problem at all. I totally understood how emotional people get at the World Cup. (I should've directed him here.) He tried explaining: "But it's my country and they are so terrible. I am so disappointed." etc etc. Again I told him to forget it. He left at the start of stoppage time and was still apologizing. I told him again to forget-about-it. I suspect I'll see him in the elevator later today and he'll apologize all over again. Poor guy.

So that's it for today. I am hoping to not find out the result of the England - Sweden match until I get home and watch the tape. Wish me luck. So no more blogging or hanging around the Internet til evening.

Die you English dogs! Go Sverige!

Oh No! It's Grand Prix Week

The Eurotrash are coming!
The Eurotrash are coming!

Sniff, sniff

Sorry to see that the Oilers could not go all the way.
The Hurricanes really shut the Oilers down. Oh well.
When you can't score on a 5 on 3, you know you're in real trouble.
Congratulations Carolina!

More World Cup musings

Ronaldo is the Elvis of the World Cup. Except nobody seems to prefer fat old Ronaldo, whereas as fat old Vegas Elvis still had his share of fans. Maybe the Japanese Prime Minister likes Ronaldo.

“Barty” Crouch pulled on the T’n’T player’s dreadlocks while scoring his goal? Now that is rude.

Harry Kewell is under investigation for bad language. An Australian player in trouble for swearing? I can’t believe it.

As angry as I am at Les Bleus, they DID get screwed out of a second goal. The Korean goal keeper’s hand was clearly behind the line when he caught the ball and pushed it back out. Rip-off.

Suisse 2 – Togo 0

So the undeserving French aren’t officially out of it yet. If they can beat Togo (a BIG IF since they can’t apparently beat anybody even if their stinkin' lives depend on it) and somebody wins the Suisse v. Korea game, then France are okay. If Suisse v. Singing Korea tie, then I dunno. Goal differential something or other comes into play. Whatever.

Just start Ribery. Vive la cicatrice.

I can’t even begin to figure out how the Azzurri get in or go home. I hate this Group of D****. I’m still crying too many bitter tears to contemplate the whole messy matter.

The L Word

These quotes are from an article in today's NY Times about losing at the World Cup. The Dutch seem to take losing particularly hard. Dare I say, almost comically so.

In 1950, Brazil, the host and favorite, lost in the final to Uruguay. The author Alex Bellos, in his book "Futebol: Soccer, the Brazilian Way," writes that the goalkeeper, Barbosa, "became the personification of the national tragedy." He died 50 years later, apparently unforgiven by his countrymen.

"Brazilians, to generalize awfully, are emotionally bipolar," Mr. Bellos said. "Everything is either the best in the world or the worst in the world. They have a superiority complex in terms of football, yet the flipside is a developing nation's crushing insecurity complex. When they win they forget their problems. They are the happy, party-loving. When they lose it reinforces a sense that they are useless and predestined towards failure — not just in football but in everything."

The Dutch are not known for public displays of emotion, but Holland's loss to West Germany in the 1974 World Cup Final is "burned into the Dutch psyche in the way that Dallas, 22 November, 1963 haunts America," David Winner writes in "Brilliant Orange: The Neurotic Genius of Dutch Football." There was open weeping. Mr. Winner cites a study of that loss that concluded, "The defeat of 1974 is the biggest trauma that happened to Holland in the 20th century apart from the floods of 1953 and World War II." He quotes a Dutch psychoanalyst: "There is still a deep, unresolved trauma about 1974. It's a very living pain, like an unpunished crime."

The Italians, who like the Dutch have had a series of improbable last-minute implosions, turn not so much operatic, as per stereotype, but somewhat paranoic, according to the new book "Calcio: A History of Italian Football" by John Foot. The referees punished Italy to favor the host South Korea — that was the chorus heard from Palermo to Milan in 2002. In 2004, the Danes colluded with those evil Swedes and played to a deliberate 2-2 draw that ousted the Italians, the dark thinking went.

The English, says the novelist Nick Hornby, " would rather pin blame on an individual on their own team, either a manager or player (David Beckham in 1998 for committing a silly foul in front of the referee; the goalie David Seaman in 2002 for misjudging Ronaldinho's blooping shot — or was that a pass?). But Mr. Hornby said, "It's been so long since England have won anything in soccer that it feels as though real contenders come from a parallel universe England can't seem to break their way in to."

Happy Fathers Day

If you've still got a dad, give the old guy a hug.
If you don't, give him a hug in your mind.
He'll still appreciate it.

Les Maudits Francais

Les Bleus 1 - Republic of Korea 1

Quelle deception. C’est épouvantable. Je suis découragée. Ecoeurée. Vous ne méritez pas d’avancer a la prochaine etape. So there.

Zizou! That’s no way to end a career.
Barthez! You are hopeless
Henry. I don’t know about you. Slow down and stay on side, man!

And why the hell is Ribery not starting? Why is he a sub? He’s the only one who apparently gives a damn about winning, or even trying! Start Ribery, for heaven's sake. Do I have to go over there and coach this stupid team myself? Argh! Shame on you people. Toute la maudite gang.

Also, I don’t think I can watch another Korea match. All that endless singing. It gave me a headache. Just shut up for 10 minutes you insane Koreans. Enough.


Brasil 2 - Socceroos 0

Good first half for the Aussies, but when the Brazilians woke up they really woke up, didn’t they?

That being said, I am underwhelmed by Ronaldinho. I expected he would make me go Oooh and Aaah, but he didn't. I liked the play of Mr. Poo much more. And Roberto Carlos remains my fave Brazilian. He works hard....unlike some Frenchmen I could name.....pffft. Je suis tres p.o.'ed.

Ooops

I am sorry that I ever doubted you, Edmonton Oilers. Please accept my heartfelt apologies.

Like many others, I promptly dismiss a team when they are down 0 - 2. I won't do that anymore. Frankly I can't believe the series is headed to a seventh game. That is amazing.

GO OILERS!

Japan 0 - Croatia 0

Too bad for Japan. I really wanted them to win. Now they have to play Brazil in the third game, so they are out. At least I got a chance to see them.

I'm gaining more and more respect for the penalty kick thing. Now I've seen three, two of which were stopped. And yet it looks so easy to score. Go Kawaguchi. What a fun goal keeper. He's the kind of guy who makes it exciting by making a great save or equally by doing nothing. When that errant ball took that weird bounce over his foot, with nobody around, my heart went into my throat. What was that?

Those Effin' Stupid Azzurris

What can I say about them? They drive me crazy. Stereotypes exist for a reason, right? So that means the Italians have to run around being hot-headed nuts who can't control their tempers?

I don't know what was more offensive. That terrible elbowing, or the "who me?" innocence of De Rossi when he got caught? Bench that jerk. His World Cup should be over.

And the Americans get to be proud of their performance and how well they played? When their goal came from some dumb Azzurri putting into his own net? Way to go, USA!

Italy should've won that match. I'm appalled.

On the positive front, I have a winner in the Best Eyebrow Contest. (I'll bet you didn't know I was even holding a Best Eyebrow Contest.) My winner: Fabio Cannavaro.



Now those are fabulous brows.

Saturday World Cup

Ghana 2 - Czech Republic 0

WOW. That may very well be the most exciting match I’ve ever seen. Why isn’t every game like this? Back and forth and back and forth. I was shrieking. What fun. And in a perfect ending, the underdogs win. That was great.

And this is the match I was least interested in today. Who knew it would turn out to be so fun?

Fan of the game has to be that guy in full Ghanian colours body paint with the urn on his head. Crazy.

Portugal 2 - Iran 0

Yippee. The Portuguese are into the next round. And Figo is playing so well. This is what I dreamed of in my weeks of World Cup anticipation. We will see his battle-scarred face in the next round. A boot in the face has really got to hurt.

I really like this "Art" Deco guy too. And Pauleta and even young punk Cristiano Ronaldo. Seems there will be reasons for me to keep supporting Portugal after Luis is retired.

After Ronaldo’s goal on the penalty kick, I was thinking of commenting that penalty kicks are dumb because nobody ever misses them. Then I saw the Ghana miss, so now I can’t say that, can I? I’m learning.

Must go prepare for the Azzurri. I won't have the time to comment until tomorrow, tho.

More World Cup

Argentina 6 (count ‘em 6!) – Pathetic Serbs 0

Those Argentinians are madmen! Are they stoppable? Should the rest of the world be very, very afraid? Meanwhile, over in Montenegro, they are saying: Don't blame us. We aren't with those guys anymore.

Netherlands 2 – Cote d’Ivoire 1

This is too bad. Cote d’Ivoire had a strong team but they got smashed up in this particular Group o’ Death called Group C. Too bad they didn’t land in a Group with lame-o top-tier teams like England and Sweden. That’s the unfortunate luck of the draw.

Lastly, I love the Mexican fans. They make the Dutch look normal.

Yesterday's World Cup Goings-on

I’m lagging behind in World Cup news.

Poopy England 2 – T’N’T 0

What a shame for Trinidad. They outplayed Poopy England and still lost. Oh, and Rooney played. Big effing deal. The more this thing goes on, and the more Poopy England wins despite putting in sub-par performances, the more anti-English I will become. Somebody needs to put those boys in their place. Only young Michael Owen escapes my wrath, because, well, he’s good looking. So there. My blog, my rules.

Sverige 1 – Paraguay 0

Yay Sweden! My $5 hopes are revived. But what a lak-lusta team. Bor-ing. Next Tuesday, Sweden plays England. Kill, kill, kill.

AUGUST 29

Mark your calendars. I’m a-markin’ mine. That’s the release date of Bob’s new record. I’m beside myself. Wheeee. It’ll be called Modern Times.

This is the first new record in 5 years. I hope the release doesn’t coincide with a massive terrorist attack of world-changing proportions. That can’t happen twice, can it? If it does, I will have no choice but to suspect that Osama is strongly anti-Dylan.

Happy Bloomsday to all

"Stately plump Buck Mulligan..."

One hundred and two years ago today, Jimmy latched onto Miss Nora Barnacle and never let her go. The rest is literary history.

On Bloomsday, all gentlemen should:
1. stroll
2. carry lemon soap in their pocket
3. eat gorgonzola
4. buy a racy book for the missus.

I'd quote more from Ulysses but I fear litigious grandson Stephen "James" Joyce would be on my ass in a split second. (See newyorker.com)

Regarding Group B

I quote the NYT blogger:
"You’ve heard of the Group of Death? Between these two teams [Sweden and Paraguay], England and Trinidad, this is the Group of Slow Death. At least Trinidad are likable..."

Ecuador Update

An explanation of the Spiderman mask:
"The spiderman mask was for one of Kaviedes´team-mates, Otolino Tenorio, who died in a tragic car crash a few month ago. He was also considered one of the Ecuadorian football prodigies and used to celebrate his goals by donning a spiderman mask. "

Next question: Why is there a Canadian flag at the Ecuador - Costa Rica game? It may be our only presence at the whole tournament.

Meet the New Bad Guy, Same as the Old Bad Guy

So this is Abu Ayyub al Masri. Subbing for Zarqawi who is out with a permanent injury.

I'm not trembling yet. The Bush administration better tell me something really, really scary about him. Frankly, Cheney is a hundred times scarier looking than this dude.

Ecuador 3 (3!) - Costa Rica 0

They must be going completely mental in Quito right now. How great for Ecuador.

This is the highlight I have to see (quoting the NY Times here):

"He scores then pulls out a yellow Spider-man mask (from his pants?) to celebrate. The Amazing Kaviedes!"

Wha???

Al was within groping distance...

...if I had really long arms.

MONT-TREMBLANT, QUE. — Al Gore heard yesterday from current and former Liberal MPs about the direction the Harper government is taking on the issue of climate change.

The former U.S. vice-president, who is on a campaign to address the climate-change crisis, was in this Laurentian resort town to speak at Canada 2020, a conference to look at progressive approaches to public policy.

I haven't forgotten about hockey

Go Oilers!
That was a tremendously exciting finish to last night’s game. I really thought they were sunk when they took that penalty. What kind of ref gives a penalty for ANYTHING in O.T. in the potentially Cup-winning game? I was appalled. But then that lovely Italian fellow made everything sweet with a short-handed goal. Thrilling!

Half-Time Chat about Germans

I always like hearing about the German player, Frings, because he reminds me of when you could go to Harvey’s and get an order of half fries and half onion rings. They were also called Frings. Mmmm, Frings.

Harvey’s fries used to be so good when they made them fresh. Then they switched to frozen fries and I stopped caring. I remember reading a comment from the President or CEO of Harvey’s saying that customers wouldn’t mind because their frozen fries were as good as their fresh. What an idiot. They are not even close. I’ve been back to Harvey’s plenty of times over the years but it just ain’t the same.

Schweinsteiger means “pig climber”. I don’t have any childhood anecdote to go with this fact, although in university I knew a guy whose German last name translated into “mouse head”. He thought he had a stupid name. I can’t blame him.

Wednesday World Cup Update

Espana 4 – Ukraine 0

??? Wha happened to Ukraine? The only good thing about this is that everyone can stop trashing the USA as the worst team in the tournament and turn their scathing criticism over to the Ukrainians now. I know the USA is more fun to hate, internationally speaking, but fair is fair. Time to hammer Ukraine. Does this mean Spain are really, really good?

Tunisia 2 – Evil Saudis 2

Yeah. I’m no fan of the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia, but I guess I shouldn’t take it out on their soccer team. Whatever. Who knew this would turn into a barn-burner? Tunisia tied the game in the 92nd minute? Wow, since when does anything happen in stoppage time? Totally exciting.

Germany v Poland is on right now.
I don’t care for Germany, but I like Poland even less. (What’s today? Bigot Wednesday? I hate everybody today.) Go Germany, kill Poland!

I’ll be reading along with live blogging over at the NY Times. This is addictive and such a total time-waster at work…shame on me.

UPDATE: Adios Polski. heh heh heh.

You Gotta Love the Japanese

“George W. Bush will become the first sitting president to visit the King's Memphis home when he and Laura escort Japanese Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi there June 30.

The 64-year-old PM is well known as the most serious Elvis disciple of today's world leaders.”

It's not just me, right? This is weird.

Warming Up with Al

I saw Al Gore’s movie last night. I don’t really understand the concept of global warming so, for me, it was informative. The friend I saw it with is a Chemistry Ph.D. so she was rather ho-hum about it, but she is hardly the real target audience. I need science dumbed down for me as much as possible, so I can follow everything. It’s scary, this global warming.

My scepticism about global warming was always based on the idea that the planet has always had warming and cooling periods, so how do we know we aren’t just at the cusp of the next ice age, no fault of our own. Al answered my question with one of his little charts. OK, it’s not like other eras. Things are changing fast, super fast. OK, I’m scared now. OK, there’s little point is saving for retirement. I’m buying a rubber raft and loads of tinned food. And a good can opener.

There’s an animated sequence of a lonely polar bear swimming and swimming and unable to find any ice to land on. It reminded me of the bears in Coke commercials. They should’ve used a different style of animation ‘ cause my thought was, when he finds a Coke he will be happy at last.

Quite a bit of the movie seems like a campaign film for Gore, but overall the movie made me hope he does not go back into politics because I think he can do a lot more good for the world if he keeps doing this instead.

I had a bit of a problem with the solutions and action we are supposed to take to help stop global warming. After watching these terrifying images of rising seas, and flooding in Manhattan, and Europe in a new ice age, I really found it hard to believe that I can make things better by buying long-life light bulbs or driving a hybrid car. The problem seems way too big for this kind of solution. But I am a pessimist.

I didn’t feel better today when I saw that Stephen Hawking thinks we’ll have to go live on Mars. Wah! But I don’t wanna live on Mars. I gotta get me some long-life light bulbs.

Miscellaneous World Cup and Other News

No time for blogging yesterday*. This is terrible. What odds and ends do I have today?

I realized I’ve been so busy with other things I haven’t even listened to Bob’s radio show from last week! And it’s about jail. Prisons songs are generally great songs, so I’m assuming he has some gems there. This week’s subject is fathers. Hmmm. Bob will probably talk about his grandchildren.

Korea 2 – Togo 1
When I was a kid, Togo was my favourite country name. I thought a place with such a cool-sounding name must be nice. I’ll probably never find out, though. I guess 2-1 is a pretty respectable score, considering all the turmoil on the team. Do they have a coach? Are they coachless? Are the players being paid? What a mess.

France 0 – Suisse 0
Apparently this was an interesting first half followed by a crappy second half. I fear Les Bleus ain’t going nowhere in this tournament. Hope I am wrong.

Brazil 1 – Croatia 0
I was expecting more from Brazil. What’s wrong with fat Ronaldo? One of the Croatian players said: “I would love to see the statistics of how far he ran. I think he made three or four sprints of 10 metres or so.” God, I can run more than that. Hey I’m fitter than Ronaldo! Neat!

Who decides to go by the name of “Kaka”? Am I wrong, or is this not a universal term for, you know, poo? Why do I think young boys (and not so young ones) must really love this name and say it as often as possible?

The police had to gently break-up the street party on St-Laurent yesterday after the Brazilian victory. One win and already people were dancing and doing hand-stands in the middle of the street. I suspect things are just gonna get wilder and wilder. Nice thing was, a lot of Croatians seemed to be having fun too. Now that is the right attitude. Who can resist partying with Brazilians.

*Yes, I'm doing this on office time.

World Cup Round-Up

Azzurris 2 - Ghana 0

Good game. I was impressed by the Ghanian goal keeper. Very exciting.

If an Italian soccer god cuts his soccer god hair, is he still a soccer god? Totti is and will always be Totti. He still looks manly great. Del Piero, why? Yeah, he's still superb looking, but I dunno, I gotta get used to this.

Italian I liked today: Luca Toni. The emotion! The crossbar!

Don't like the Italian uniforms. They look like they've got built-in armpit sweat stains. Yuck.

Czechs 3 - USA 0

My $5 bill is out the window. It has sported wings and flys, flys away.


Australia 3 - Japan 1

What a comeback! Congratulations socceroos. How exciting! I wish I had seen it.

You know, the working life is a pain. I don't get to see any of the weekday games live! Phooey.

Tomorrow....old Frenchmen take the field....this could be painful.

Portugal 1 (only 1) - Angola 0

Yikes.
In the first five minutes, I thought this was going to be a blow-out. Did you see Figo's run leading to the goal? My heart was all a-twitter. So exciting.

But after that, well, can we say lak-lusta?

You gotta do better, boys.

I can't believe Figo wears an undershirt under his jersey. What a rip-off. I am unsatisfied.

UPDATE: Had to add a graphic. Hot off the press.

Mexico 3 - Iran 1

I want a giant sombrero!

A couple of those Iranian players have unIslamic facial hair.

The best fan award goes to the guy in the silver Mexican wrestler mask and the sunglasses. I laughed out loud.

I love the Mexican coach. He looks like the kinda guy who chain smokes a pack of cigarettes while worrying about landing the big sales account. Gotta close the deal!

When Iran tied the score, I thought it was going to stay that way. But those Mexicans!

The Mexicans are fun. They have won a place in my heart. They may, just may, become my team once beautiful Italy is out...

Yikes, a close one

No, I don't mean Netherlands 1 - S and M 0

I mean that for some reason my DSL wasn't working earlier this a.m. and I couldn't get onto the Internet. And today of all days! With Mexico vs Iran (SWARTHY ALERT) and then, drum roll, Portugal! It's Figo day! I've been waiting, oh, a while for this.

Sverige 0 - T'n'T 0

Hey, you’ve got peanut butter in my chocolate!
You’ve got chocolate in my peanut butter!
There’s a white guy on the Trinidadian team!
And a black guy on the Swedish team!

A draw? That’s the best Sweden could do? I’ve got 5 bucks on them.
This is why I don’t trust blondes. Harumph.

Note: I did not see the Argentina - Cote d'Ivoire game at all. Yep, I missed the Argentines! If any Guest Bloggers want to e-mail me, feel free. I'll be happy to post your official game report...

England 1 - Paraguay 0

Observations:

Red shoes are a big no-no. Surrender, Dorothy!

The referee got time off from his regular job, counting things on Sesame Street, to work this game. "I am The Count, I love to count."

The Paraguayans are a group of land-locked lovelies. Goal keeper, Bobadilla, gets a big thumbs up from this end.

I missed the first half. The England goal came from a Paraguay player putting it into his own goal? That shouldn’t even count. How lame. England better celebrate now ‘cause it ain’t gonna last.

World Cup news

We have a World Cup pool at work. Very simple. We are 16. Everyone randomly gets two teams. If one of your teams wins the Cup, you win the pot: $80.

My teams? Sweden and USA!

USA! USA! (I have to get used to this.)

UPDATE: Ten minutes after selection, people are trying to unload their teams already. Someone's offering to "sell Italy" for $10. I'm stickin' with my teams. Go Sweden.

Quote of the Day

People can't wait - they're gathered around

On World Cup Eve...

...one final sweaty Figo for good luck. Are futbol fans too excited to sleep?

One down, several thousand to go

"Oil fell below $70 a barrel after U.S. aircraft killed al Qaeda's Iraq leader Abu Musab al-Zarqawi ..."

So HE was responsible for high gas prices? Well, then, happy motoring to one and all.

I think I've seen three different photos of al-Z's dead body. I don't want to use the word "overkill" for that would be in bad taste (heh) but enough already. I believe you. He dead.

Let's Keep Our Heads, People

Watched the news a lot last night. Everyone has to calm down, I think. I suspect this terrorism plot may turn out to be a vague sort of plan that never really had the slightest chance of being executed successfully. Instead of Canada’s Al Qaeda these guys will turn out to be Canada’s Guy Fawkes.

The big news is Stephen Harper has a sense of humour. I’m stunned. He said he would only worry about beheading if the talk of it came from members of his caucus. Ha ha.

Do they need to increase security on Parliament Hill? I don’t know. But I do know that I can remember going up in the Peace Tower as a kid and looking at the book of remembrance, and I’d hate to see the whole place clamped down with barricades all around.

And don’t call this Canada’s 9/11. There wasn’t any attack. A wake-up call? Certainly. But last night I heard someone on American news, maybe it was Jeanne Meserve on CNN, ask: what can be done to prevent these sorts of attacks? Well, um, correct me if I am wrong and Parliament was indeed blown up while I was in the bathroom powdering my nose, but wasn’t the attack prevented? Didn’t the security people do what needed to be done to “prevent” these attacks. That’s why this is not 9/11. Nothing happened. Nobody died.

Later, on CBC, Mark Kelley had a report from the Netherlands where he referred to the murder of Theo van Gogh as the “Dutch 9/11”. Sigh. Once again, a wake-up call? A turning point? Yes. But it was not the equivalent of 9/11. It was a one-on-one murder.

Overall the report from the Netherlands was pretty alarming. Alarming to see the hipster Dutch turned so scared and intolerant. Even the most tolerant of people have their breaking point and the Dutch seem to have reached theirs. I don’t know what lesson is to be learned from them. Wiser heads than mine will have to look at this situation.

Maybe I don't know anything about Canada, but I don't see the neighbourhoods of Mississauga looking much like the ghetto-ized areas of Britain and Holland that many European Muslims seem to live in. Other than being frustrated by the long line-ups at the Tim Horton's drive-thru, and just generally being disgusted with suburbia, I don't see the alienation. If your Islamic Centre is in a strip mall next to Subway, how much can you really cut yourself off from your neighbours?

Beware the Headless Harper

"He said Mr. Chand and several others in the group were also accused in the synopsis of wanting to behead the Canadian prime minister, Stephen Harper. "

My question: Why? As gruesome as this is, I want to know what it would serve. Would world leaders everywhere tremble and submit to Islamists' demands? Oooh, I don't want to be headless like Stephen Harper. This is insane.

I'll bet Paul Martin is enjoying wearing his head on his shoulders these days. Meanwhile Ignatieff looks in the mirror and decides, you know, he kinda likes his head and would like to keep it. Maybe this Prime Minister biz is not for him.

What about stinky cologne?

You know, there’s good and bad in everything. Look at this list of banned activities in certain parts of Baghdad. I can’t argue with the last two items:

“…enforcing the hijab for women and a ban on shorts for men are consistent in most districts of western Baghdad. In other areas, women are not allowed to drive, to go out without a chaperone, and to use cell phones in public; men are not allowed to dress in jeans, shave their beards, wear goatees, put styling hair gel, or to wear necklaces;… "

I take it speedos are a no-no at the Baghdad municipal beach?

Three Short Days to Go

Time to salute the Frenchmen. Yeah, they're arrogant, they're French. So what. Go ahead, like them anyway.

We Are Really Gross

From today's Washington Post:

"You'd be nothing without the trillions of microbial minions toiling in your large intestine, performing crucial physiological functions that your highfalutin human cells wouldn't have a clue how to do.
.....
In fact, it's time to stop thinking of yourself as a single living thing at all, say the scientists behind the new work. Better to see yourself as a "super-organism," they say: a hybrid creature consisting of about 10 percent human cells and 90 percent bacterial cells."

As a homework assignment, I've decided that the next time I see George Clooney on t.v. I'm going to think of him as "90 percent bacterial cells" and see if this changes his desirability.

Magnetic Jingles

This afternoon I saw an Ivory commercial that used the music of Boa Constrictor. No lyrics, just the music. Considering the lyrics of Boa Constrictor I can see why they just used the music.

Then tonight I saw a commercial for dog food that used the music to I Think I Need a New Heart. No lyrics. That's two in one day.

When did Magnetic Fields become the go-to band for t.v. jingles? Weird. They do have very catchy tunes, but I don't think of them as "commercial" or "commercials". ha ha.

And, yes, I am aware that I stole one of their titles for this blog. I should add music and steal the tune, too.

Terrorism, Canadian Style

Word is a mosque in Toronto was vandalized. All the windows smashed last night. Great. All the geniuses come out at a time like this.

Courtesy of Rattansifan

Here's a picture of the store in New York where we suspect Peter Bergen buys his clothes. I think it was called "The Nothing Matches" store.



We kid Peter. We really do.

In Terrorism News

I watched the RCMP/CSIS news conference on the arrests in Toronto. They sure seemed very proud of the fact that they can cooperate with each other. I guess it is a big deal when these various agencies can set aside their egos to work towards a common goal.

17 arrests, including 5 teenagers. That's a pretty big cell. Our very own home-grown Al Qaeda wanna-be's. It will be very interesting to learn who these guys are and how long they've been plotting this.

I wonder how long it will be before they catch a cell in Montreal. I continue to be convinced this city is crawling with Al Qaeda sleepers. It's an ideal environment for them. So laissez-faire, they can do what they want. And French-speaking Middle Easterners are a dime a dozen here, nobody notices them.

The only thing that could make this story better would be analysis by Peter Bergen, sporting his striped suit, checked shirt, funky glasses and messed-up hair. I wish.

Bush Divorce Update

I'm stickin' with this story. I saw the headline in The Globe this morning. They're heading for divorce court.

Now this is the headline in The Globe tabloid, not the Globe & Mail. I don't normally use the tabloids as my news source, but desperate times call for desperate measures. I so want to believe there's a sex scandal just waiting to emerge. Oh please. Please.

Quote of the Day

One more cup of coffee for the road,
One more cup of coffee 'fore I go
To the valley below.


Note: Bob's latest show is now available on the whitemanstew site. The theme is COFFEE. So come on you coffee addicts out there (you know who you are) give it a listen. He opens the show with the Ink Spots, for heaven's sake, you can't do better than that. And the second tune is about having a coffee and a cigarette. That's almost illegal!

Oh wow, the third song is by Sinatra. I'm in heaven. I have to keep listening ...

Friday wishful thinking

There’s an Internet rumour that Laura Bush has moved out of the White House because she is fed up with W’s affair with Condi.

Oh, please, let this be true. Pretty pleeeeease.

This is the only way to save the US from this dangerous, clueless leader. Americans are so apathetic that they won’t demand the removal of this man despite Iraq, Katrina, and everything else, but a sex scandal? That would do it. The base would finally be gone, and that would be it. The end of the Bush administration.

W could abdicate like Edward VIII and he and Condi Wallis Simpson Rice could move to their love shack in Texas, hook up their Ipods, clear brush together and never be heard from again.

I can dream.

Here a massacre, there a massacre,

soon you're talking real trouble.

May I quote myself from yesterday re Haditha?
"This can’t be the only incident of this kind." Boy, is it not fun to be right.

Now the massacres are springing up like mushrooms
(no offense to the family of mushrooms)

Bring back Saddam, Bring back Saddam.

Quote of the Day

Raspberry, strawberry, lemon and lime
What do I care?
Blueberry, apple, cherry, pumpkin and plum
Call me for dinner, honey, I'll be there

Apples = Evil

Not in the Garden-of-Eden sense.

How many diet books have I read that say if you get hungry at mid-afternoon, keep an apple on hand to fill the gap. Hogwash.

What happens to me is, if I am hungry and I eat an apple, it makes me even hungrier than before. How can that be? Where’s the science at here?

They can send a man to the moon but they can’t design an apple that doesn’t make me ravenous. Scientists are stupid.

On a lighter note...

So there's a new Batwoman comic.
And this new Batwoman is a lesbian.
She looks like this...



You call this a lesbian? Where's her flannel shirt?

(Ha ha. Feel free to use the Comments box to complain.)

And another thing!

Since I’m in the mood to rant, I might as well continue…

This whole Iran negotiation thing is a joke. Iran is NOT now, NOT ever going to stop its progress towards developing nuclear weapons. Why would it?

The US wants the UN to guarantee that if Iran does not obey, sanctions will be imposed. And who gets hurt by sanctions. Not Ahmadinebeigejacket, who will be busy attending the World Cup. No, it will be ordinary Iranians. These are the same ordinary Iranians who live their lives just like we do, who like the West and would like better relations with the West. So let’s punish them! Maybe we can starve them! What a brilliant plan!

Wake up. Iranians aren’t going to rise up and fight against their own government while they are being punished by the West. If anything, they’ll stand with their own government under these circumstances. People have their pride. They will say to themselves: “Yeah, Ahmadinejad’s a crazy bastard, but he’s OUR crazy bastard.. So pffft to you, America.”

For Iran to give up the nuclear hunt, the country would have to say to the world that yes, they understand that nuclear weapons are only for “good” countries, and they are a “bad” country, therefore they shouldn’t have weapons. How likely is that? What people in their right minds would ever view themselves like that. None. I assume they are going to bear down and fight this out, and I don’t blame them at all.

If my neighbours were Pakistan, Russia, India and Israel, all armed to the teeth, I’d be building myself a nice little bomb, too.

UPDATE: from cnn.com: Iran has rejected a U.S. proposal to join multilateral talks as offering no "new and rational solution" to Iran's nuclear case, according to Iran's state-run news agency.
I'm shocked...shocked! Was there ever a plan more designed to fail?

And the hits just keep on coming

Here’s another story, from yesterday:

“US troops shot to death two women civilians. One of the two was a pregnant mother trying to get to the hospital. They did not slow down, or at least not sufficiently, on approaching a checkpoint in al-Mutasim near Samarra.” (from juancole.com)

Problem is, we over here (myself included) will forget about this in a matter of minutes, hours, or days, but the Iraqis won’t. Nor should they. Nor should we, but we will. We’re like that.

And we wonder why this adventure is in the toilet? The city of Basra is now in a month-long state of emergency. And that’s one of the GOOD places to be. I’d suggest everything is unravelling, but I don’t think it was ever ravelled (?) in the first place.

Haditha

I subscribe to Time magazine, but I also like to make fun of it, particularly around Easter when every year without fail, they put out their usual Jesus and Mary-related cover stories. It always makes me laugh. If it’s April it must be time to talk about Jesus.

This being said, last March, I read the initial report on the “alleged” Haditha massacre, and I thought, yikes, why is this not a bigger story?

Now I’m very grateful to Time for reporting this story and for their reporters to have kept digging at it even when the military tried to cover it up and steer them away. What if they hadn’t kept going? What if they’d dropped it? This is what journalists are supposed to be doing, so why does it not happen more often?

This can’t be the only incident of this kind. It now seems clear that, like Abu Ghraib, the military covers these things up as long as no journalists get word of them. But the Iraqi people know about them. So is it not obvious that “winning hearts and minds” is impossible if US troops slaughter civilians and the administration does nothing about it if the media do not catch wind of it?

As usual, I’m feeling very ambiguous about this story. What to do? You can’t train soldiers to be nice. That’s not their job. They have to be tough or else they will die. All that testosterone. And they have to work as teams and put their lives in each other’s hands. Occasionally, in the heat of things, someone’s going to lose it and go mental. Maybe a whole group of them will go mental with rage. Yes, they have to be relieved of duty and punished. These are war crimes. But at the same time, don’t we all have to get used to the idea that these things are bound to happen. The majority, the vast, vast majority, of troops will see their buddies blown up and will not react by going on a killing rampage. But a small number will. What to do?

Now the military says all troops will have to take “values” training. What a lame gesture. This is a case of having to be seen to be doing something, anything. Do they really believe the troops don’t know right from wrong. Of course they do. They don’t need values training. They need leadership. Leaders who will stop them from losing their minds in a war zone. I’m sure the majority of the leaders in the field are exactly that kind of person, but they need each and every one of them to be like that, at all times. A soldier who is beside himself with rage isn’t going to consult the values manual to see how to deal with his anger, but he will listen to his commander.

They will never learn

I'm shaking my head. Those crooked Liberals. They kill me. Just because something isn’t illegal doesn’t make it acceptable. I’m talking about Joe Volpe and the leadership campaign contributions of $5,400 each from a couple of 11-year-olds. The Globe says that the law “prohibits individuals from donating money on behalf of someone else”. So are we supposed to believe that these 11-year-old twins (and their 14-year-old brother) each had 5 grand burning a hole in their pocket and said: “Let’s give our money to Joe Volpe’s campaign!” And now the Liberal Party says there’s no reason to investigate this.

The “donors” are the kids of drug company execs. That doesn’t smell suspicious at all.

Harper must be laughing his head off. He can taste the majority government in his future.

If the Liberals don’t see the problem here, they deserve to stay in the political wilderness until they’ve cleaned up their act.

UPDATE: Volpe's going to return the contributions from the minors. That's one small step. Of course, this is only happening because they got caught but still, things are sinking into those arrogant Liberal skulls. Said Joe's spokesman: “There were no laws broken here. Everything was in favour but it was perception and it was better to return them.” Perception. You got it, baby.