On the Premiership and Passing for English

The other night I was telling an English friend of mine that I had picked my team for the new season of the English Premiership, and that I had picked Chelsea. Not because they are the reigning champs, but because they had the most players whose names I recognized. And until I decide on a team I might like for other reasons, I was picking Chelsea.

My friend looked at me with the greatest of disappointment. She shook her head sadly and made me feel like I had let her down completely. How could I pick a winner, she asked. How could I pick a London team?

She supports Fulham because her mother was from that area, and she said I too should support a little team like Fulham. But, I argued weakly, I’ve already picked Chelsea. For some reason, I feel I can’t go back on my choice so quickly. I saw myself dropping in her esteem before my very eyes. It was chilling. Well, she said, at least you didn’t pick Arsenal. Um, I confessed that Arsenal were my No. 2 choice. She was appalled. At least we both agreed that it was proper to hate Man U.

Then she suggested that I select whatever team was closest to where my ancestors came from. When I told her I don’t have any British ancestors, she was shocked. Do you mean to say, she asked, that you are one of those pure wool Quebecois. I admitted I was, albeit with a detour through English Canada. I confessed I was supporting Marseille in the French league even though I am 99% sure I have no ancestors from Marseille, either. She decided, given this news, that I was free to pick any English team I wanted. So that was settled.

Later that same evening, at a party, we were talking to a guy who was telling us a story about the guy he works with. And he introduced the guy as such "He’s a real Frenchman, a real pepper, a real Pepsi". My friend stared at me, saucer-eyed, clearly expecting me to launch myself at this bozo’s throat, but I just smiled and nodded. I’m never going to see this person again, so why bother.

Incidentally, I saw that Fulham got the royal shite kicked out of them by Man U today. Oh, that hurts. And I don't even support Fulham. ..yet. On a positive note, Chelsea also won its opener. yay.