Heck's Kitchen

I produced my first batch of home-made tomato sauce tonight. (Susie, feel free to skip this entire post, you tomato hater, but be warned that you may lose out on important vodka-related information.)

Auntie Nanuk's Olde-Fashioned Tomato Sauce

1 garlic clove
Olive oil
An armful of home-grown tomatoes
(Note: The total yield of the batch of sauce will be determined by the length of your forearm.)
(Note 2: Try to avoid sticking a tomato in your armpit if you intend to serve this to guests.)
Too many onions (but they were on sale!)
Just enough green peppers
(Note 3: Red peppers are preferable as they are sweeter, but they were $4/pound and if you think I'm paying THAT, you're crazy. Green peppers were 99 cents/pound.)
4 or 5 leaves off the herb plant by the side of the house
(Note 4: I don't know what it is, but it seems Italian, and it smelt good when it was warming up)
Salt'n'pepa

1. Heat the oil in a heavy pan. The pan should be large and heavy enough to make you think about going back to the gym and doing some tricep work. Toss in garlic, reasonably-priced peppers and onions.

2. Blanch the tomatoes. This can be done by dipping them in boiling water for several seconds, or by telling them you have caught them on tape bilking the company out of millions and you're not afraid to go to the Daily News with the incriminating photos.

3. Chop up those dishonest tomatoes and throw them in the pan.

4. Worry about the fact that this concoction looks more like soup than sauce. Half-convince yourself you've forgotten something. Thumb through a recipe book.

5. Read this helpful hint: "Need more flavor? Add wine, vodka, salt, sugar, ground-up nuts, hot peppers, roasted vegetables or herbs."

6. Go: HUH? VODKA?

7. Grab the bottle of Absolut Citron and add as much as you feel safe with. I was suddenly struck with the image of a flambe and added only a modest amount. No blue flames here.

8. Answer e-mails and read other people's blogs while occasionally stirring the sauce.

Tonight's verdict: Not bad. But it should be a bit sweeter.
Solution: More Absolut Citron next time.