Thursday, August 02, 2007

Raccoon Terror Alert

Quebec has been invaded by rabid raccoons. They crossed the border from the US and are moving towards Montreal. This is not a joke.

(The Americans sent us the crazed raccoons, but they’ve kept Conrad Black. All is not so bad.)

Anyway, the government has assembled a huge team of raccoon hunters and trappers. They trap the raccoons, test them for rabies, destroy the rabid ones, inoculate the non-rabid ones, tag them and release them back into the woods. It is hoped they will contain the epidemic before it reaches the island of Montreal.

Thank god we’re on an island. Always helps to stall the invaders. (Oh really, say the Iroquois.)

I wish I was on the raccoon squad. If I was on the squad I’d like to think I’d be calmly trapping raccoons and not running around in circles, waving my hands in the air, screaming IT’S A RACCOON, IT’S A RACCOON.

The raccoon squad have really cool jackets with “Operation Raton Laveur” written across the back. I saw them on the news. I like the fact that when the govt was assembling this team, someone said “We’ll have to have special jackets.” And it was agreed.

I want one of those jackets.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

If the ORL can capture and eliminate rabid raccoons, I think we should also have a Syphillis Squad to help make casual sex safe again.

Find the infected, herd them up, and send them to Devil's Island.

Should I write to Parliament or do you want to handle this one?

JAW fan

cityofmushrooms said...

I was going to comment that there is much waving hands in the air and running in circles today but I got side tracked by the syphillis squad above

Nanuk of the North, older but no wiser said...

Was Linc Hayes on The Syphillis Squad?

cityofmushrooms said...

as in "one black, one white, one blond"?

Anonymous said...

Wouldn't you be running around screaming "It's a Rabid Racoon?"