Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Celebrity Gossip Round-Up

What’s wrong with men?

Why would anyone cheat on that lovely Reese Witherspoon? She’s so cute and adorable*. I really liked her in Walk the Line. I hope she gets quickly over her scummy soon-to-be ex-husband and waltzes straight into the arms of that ruggedly handsome Joachin Phoenix. They made a nice on-screen couple, so why not?

As for the cheating scum of a husband, he goes straight into the Hugh Grant Memorial Hall of Infamy, for cheating men who don’t know how good they’ve got it. Long may he rot there. Perhaps he can share a cubicle with Brad Pitt.

But I wasn’t really too surprised about Reese’s ex-scum because I remember several years ago, before Paris Hilton was the media fixation of the past couple of years (Aside: is it my imagination or are her 15 minutes finished? We seem to hear a lot less about her now than last year. I ask hopefully), anyway, I read in an article about the Hilton sisters how they were regularly pursued by various men and two names stood out for me: Ryan (Boo Hiss Scum!) Philippe (“But isn’t he married to that nice Reese Witherspoon?” I wondered at the time) and Salman Rushdie. You see, I couldn’t focus much on Philippe because I was too busy being grossed out by the mental image of Salman Rushdie lustily draping himself over teenage girls. It still makes me shudder.

*If anyone is planning to leave a comment here claiming she is not cute and adorable, don’t bother. She is. End of discussion.

10 comments:

cityofmushrooms said...

reese can (as june carter cash) sing "jackson" to the scummy ex

"they'll laugh at you in jackson and I'll be dancing on a pony keg. they'll lead you round town like a scalded hound with your tail tucked between your legs. yeah, go to jackson, you big talking man."

(now it's in my head)

gsdgsd13 said...

I'm drunk, and thus this is perhaps NOT HELPFUL, but I will volunteer myself here to take care of Reesey. I'll treat her right.

Anonymous said...

There are way to many unpleasant images in this post and the responses. Salman is the worst.

Yeah, she was good in Walk the Line.

What else can you expect of men? What can you do with a species that won't use its brain for thinking but another part of the anatomy instead? They're so predictable! (do I sound bitter and twisted? I am!)

cityofmushrooms said...

As a man fan, I note that cbc's "Ideas" has a 2-part series on the penis and male sexuality in general called (wait for it) "Phallus in wonderland". Last night was all about ancient Greeks and Romans. The second part (Nov. 21) will be on medieval men. Gotta love the cbc.

www.cbc.ca/ideas/

Nanuk of the North, older but no wiser said...

Our tax dollars hard at work.
Bravo.
This wouldn't be hosted by Ian Handsomemanthing, would it?

cityofmushrooms said...

it's radio so it was just plain ol' paul kennedy and 2 women who ooohed and ahhed over greek statues w/big boners

Anonymous said...

Wow, I hadn't heard about this...
CAN ANYONE STAY TOGETHER ANYMORE??!!

Nanuk of the North, older but no wiser said...

I guess Michaelangelo's David and his wee willie winkie wouldn't get any oohs and aahs. Poor David.

Anonymous said...

Here's my problem- if Reese Witherspoon can't keep a man, what chance do the rest of us have?

Nanuk of the North, older but no wiser said...

Was Reese's ex worth keeping? I think not.