Monday, July 24, 2006

God's Own Tour de France

Last night I saw the parents of the Tour de France winner, Floyd Landis, interviewed.

First of all, who names their kid Floyd? Unless his father’s name is also Floyd. But I just checked. His father’s name is Paul. So why Floyd? Why? So we go from a “Lance”, which is the quintessential make-out-king name, to “Floyd”. Floyd, who has a bad hip. The Tour de France really lost its sexiness factor this year, eh?

But back to Paul and Arlene, the parents. They taped the race and watched it later because they didn’t want to miss church. Your son is in the frickin’ final day of the Tour de France and you tape it? I can’t speak for God (unlike, apparently, a lot of other people these days) but I’d like to think he’d cut you some slack on this if you stayed home to watch the race live. Maybe?

Third thing, the mother said that the victory was owed to God. Just once, I want to see the parents of the 2nd or 3rd place finisher ask: Why did God give my son the finger? I guess Oscar Pereiro’s parents aren’t religious enough. Heathens.

Here’s a mouth-watering headline:

“Landis' Pennsylvania hometown celebrates religiously”

I dare you to think of a party that sounds less fun.

Whoa, go easy on the sarsaparilla there, Paul.

Apparently Floyd left the Mennonite fold a long time ago, and he’s been pedalling away from it as fast as he can ever since. But they love him anyway. That’s nice.

10 comments:

cityofmushrooms said...

if floyd's family were raelians (sp?) that religious partying might prove fun-ish

Anonymous said...

Say - I seem to remember being on a sasparilla hunt a few years back in Plattsburg on the way back from Lake George with the author of this blog and she didn't think it was an example of what one would drink at a dull party. What has happened to make you so cynical about this lovely first cousin to root beer?

Nanuk of the North, older but no wiser said...

Did we ever find any? I can't remember. Have I ever tasted it? And isn't it sad that I have to ask you to remember my life for me?

I'm not dissing sarsparilla! Maybe I'm just bitter because there has been so little of it in my life. Not that there's anything wrong with root beer.

cityofmushrooms said...

I love doris day as calamity jane slapping her hand on the bar in the old west and ordering a sarspallia then breaking into song

those were the days

Anonymous said...

In fact, sarsparilla tastes like weaker root beer. You bought some and weren't overly impressed. I do also remember on that trip (or maybe it was another trip to the ponies) getting a bottle of root beer schnapps. It's not nearly as good in reality (or a glass) as it sounds in theory.

Nanuk of the North, older but no wiser said...

Ok, so sarsaparilla: not strong enough for me, but good enough for a Mennonite in full party mode?

And for Doris Day.

Understood.

Anonymous said...

How did we get from Floyd to sarsparilla? (shakes head).
The story is that Floyd fled to San Diego years ago.......wouldn't you? Not only did they not like the bike riding, but the outfits were a problem too (can't imagine why......)

Anyway, enough of Floyd - check out 2nd place - Oscar from Spain - seriously cute, even if his family didn't pray enough for him to win!!!!!

Nanuk of the North, older but no wiser said...

But what purpose do good looks serve when God frowns upon you?
Let us weep for Oscar the sinner.

Anonymous said...

I read an article today about Floyd's team swapping a team jersey for a 6 pack from one of the spectators on the way up the Alps a couple of days ago - apparently its Floyd's fav drink.

Nanuk of the North, older but no wiser said...

Gasp.
I'm on my knees praying for his soul right now!