"(AP) -- A man who once weighed well over half a ton left his house for the first time in five years Wednesday -- wheeled outside on his bed to greet neighbors and see a mariachi band."
(Because, you know, when you've been stuck in the house for 5 years, the first thing you want to do is hear a mariachi band. What? They couldn't hire a band to go inside his house and play him a tune? Not one lousy, stinking mariachi band in all of Mexico would go into the big guy's house and play him a little ditty. Shame on those selfish mariachis!)
"The sky is beautiful and blue, and what I want is to enjoy the sun," said Manuel Uribe, who had once been certified by doctors as weighing 1,235 pounds. Though still unable to leave his bed, Uribe has lost 395 pounds since he began a high-protein diet a year ago. He now weighs about 840 pounds.
To celebrate the milestone, six people pushed Uribe's wheel-equipped iron bed out to the street as a mariachi band played and a crowd gathered. Then, a forklift lifted him onto a truck and the 41-year-old rode through the streets of San Nicolas de los Garza.
(At a mere 840, he still needed a forklift? The morbidly obese of today don't have any get-up-and-go. That's what's wrong with young people today.)
(And what exactly is being celebrated here? Yay! A fat guy left his house! Yay! Some people will use any reason for a party. Prediction: within a week, someone will see the image of the Virgin Mary in his folds, and people will come from all around to gaze in wonderment.)
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