In Football News

(Enjoy that title, you probably won't see it again.)

Am I the only one who hates the Perfect Patriots and wants to see them lose in a totally humiliating fashion at some point in the play-offs? I can't be alone, can I?

Go Indy. Go Manning.

Old Resolutions

I’ve been reviewing my Resolutions from last year, which were:

1. Gain 20 pounds.
2. Start smoking. Work my way up to a pack a day.
3. Stop walking; drive more.
4. Get off the treadmill and onto the couch more often.
5. Read fewer books; watch more reality t.v.
6. Watch porn.
7. Spend money frivolously
8. Spend more than I earn.
9. Embrace Cheney.
10. Kick the cat.

I’m afraid I’ve failed quite miserably in my attempt to reach these objectives, although I have made a few strides on No. 7. And anyone who knows me as Miss Frugal will appreciate that working on No. 7 is quite an intimidating task for me. For example, over Xmas, I took the train to Toronto and paid full fare for a First Class ticket. I’d never done that before, but I thought screw the proles, I’m not lining up, I’m going in a comfy seat, with a full hot meal, and free booze. It was worth it.

I’m nowhere near No. 8.

I love Statistics!

And I especially love the statistics that the Globe & Mail reports on. Today's topic, most appropriate on nearly New Year's Eve, is k-i-s-s-i-n-g.

Reports the Globe: "A study determined that men like their kisses wetter and with more tongue: To be precise, 33 per cent wetter and with 11 per cent more tongue, on average, than women do."

11 per cent more tongue. Not 10, not 15. 11 per cent.

What does THAT mean? 11 per cent more movement? 11 per cent wider tongue? 11 per cent longer tongue? 11 per cent probing-er? What the heck is 11 per cent more tongue?

That's so weird, I can't stop laughing.

I'm ignoring the 33 per cent wetter stat. Cause that's a full third more slobbering. Ew. You guys!

2008...on the horizon

Anybody got any ideas for New Year's Resolutions? I'm practically perfect, so I don't know what to improve. There must be something...

But, seriously, other than trying to be healthy, I need to make a list. Which I can completely forget about by around January 5.

It's a Sunny Sunday

I mention this only because I cannot remember the last time we saw the sun for more than 10 minutes.

(I'm sure it's beautifully sunny and high 20s in Melbourne. Don't bother saying it.)

(And it's probably minus 20 and dark in Edmonton. Don't bother with that either.)

Bumpety, bumpety, bump

I done bin bumped. My surgery has been postponed. Some kind of emergency over the weekend is apparently going to be taking up the OR and this means no surgeries on Monday. I have no idea what this is all about.

All that build-up and pffft. Easy come, easy go.

Dr. McDreamy's secretary assured me my operation would take place in January, but now I have to wait until Thursday to find out when it will be scheduled. This sucks.

Well, that's over....Next! Suivant!

My sister told me she went by the Dollar Store yesterday, and they had taken away all the Xmas merchandise and put up all the Valentine's Day merchandise.

Still waiting for There Will be Blood

I read this in the NY Times about Daniel Day-Lewis's performance. I cannot wait to see this. It appears he's playing it even bigger than in Gangs of New York, and he was huge in that one.

"Mr. Day-Lewis’s outsize performance, with its footnote references to John Huston and strange, contorted Kabuki-like grimaces, occasionally breaks the skin of the film’s surface like a dangerous undertow. The actor seems to have invaded Plainview’s every atom, filling an otherwise empty vessel with so much rage and purpose you wait for him to blow. It’s a thrilling performance, among the greatest I’ve seen, purposefully alienating and brilliantly located at the juncture between cinematic realism and theatrical spectacle. "

Yum.

My last day

It's my last day at work for...I dunno... two weeks, six weeks? Feels a bit surreal.

It will be really weird if the surgery turns out to be a traditional incision job and I'm at home for six weeks. Let's hope that is not the case. Not that I wouldn't love to be off work for a good part of the winter, but I don't want the pain, immobility and incapacitation that would come with a long recovery. Just two weeks following a quickie laparoscopy will be A-okay with me. I'm looking forward to the pain killers. I wanna press the button on that morphine drip. heh heh.

Happy Birthday, JAW Fan

(I know he's not actually at the office or near a computer to get the message, but it would not be right to let the day go by without acknowledging this event. )

Today in assassination news

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Pakistan is the biggest, most dangerous hell-hole on earth.

Home again!

I hope everybody had a lovely Christmas.

I returned tonight to find there had been a truly spectacular thaw over the past 3 days. Snowbanks have shrunk considerably. This is grrrreat.

One day late: A belated Happy 50th Birthday to Mr. Shane MacGowan. I, for one, never thought he would live to see 50. What was it Orwell said, at 50 you have the face you deserve? Something like that. Well, I tried to find a decent pic of Shane to post for this big birthday, but frankly he has the face he deserves and it ain't pretty. So I passed on that photo idea.

Merry Christmas to all

I hope Santa is good to everybody.

Overheard on the bus

Woman #1: I'm just back from vacation.
Woman #2: Where did you go?
#1: Las Vegas!
#2: Did you like it?
#1: I had been 20 years ago, but it's changed.
#2: Oh yeah?
#1: It's so commercial now.

Alas, I too miss the days when Vega$ was a cultural mecca.
Where have you gone, Dan Tanna?

5 Years go by so fast

RIP Joe. Still my hero!

Caption this Photo

Sarko: Did ya hear? I'm banging an Italian model!
Benny16: I still have a nattier wardrobe.

NDG = Little Italy

I'm trudging through the snow war zone that is my street this morning, and there's a woman who has backed out of her driveway but is now not moving at all, she's just madly spinning her wheels on the ice and not going anywhere. There's a man walking his dog who is trying to gesture to her that she should attempt to roll forward and then back again.

She rolls down her window and says literally:

"I'ma stucka. Please go arounda."

I had to smile.

Pre-Op

I survived my morning of pre-op junk. The tests were nothing, but the waiting in between tests was endless. gawd.

The worst part of the day was the hour and a half on the bus to get to the hospital. Almost 90 minutes to go 8 or 9 km. Cra-zee.

I'm going to bed now. I'm wiped out.

Awful Story

I guess most people in Canada have heard about the murder of the old man who was delivering Xmas cards to his neighbours. It's the kind of crime that turns my stomach. It appears it was a random attack by some nut job. I think a suspect has already been arrested.

Anyway, I just saw on the local news a picture of the suspect and the title was "Christmas Card Killer".

Christmas Card Killer? That reeks of a bad Ben Affleck movie. Do they really have to give the crime a catchy name? This really bugs me.

It's Keith Richards' Birthday

Happy 175th birthday, Keith.

It's snowing again

Dang
Shoot
Drat.*

*I'm rapidly running out of family-friendly G-rated expletives.

Bringing in the sheaves

The government of Saskatchewan foolishly toyed with the idea of replacing the wheat sheaf as its provincial logo with….I dunno....something else.

People complained, and the govt backed down.

I realize Saskatchewan has oil and other such goodies, but really, abandoning the wheat sheaf? What foolishness!

Saskatchewan = wheat. Always has, always will. At least symbolically. Unless they were planning to replace it with a big logo of Brent Butt....

That settles it: Hands off the wheat sheaf!

New Year's Eve Fun

It appears that 31 December is when I shall be going under the knife. I'm just waiting for confirmation that my pre-op appointment can take place this week, and then we're off to the races.

Will I get bumped? Will the surgeon start his New Year's tippling early? Yikes.

I will get to start 2008 with all my innards tightened up. How delightful.

The Day After

The morning commute turned out to be no problem today because all schools are closed which means tons fewer cars on the road. And a near-empty bus to get to the Metro.

I'm already worrying where we are going to put the snow if we get a couple more storms like this.

OK, so the sky IS falling

It's brutal out there!

It's not the accumulation of snow. It's the stupid drifting. For those unfamiliar with the in's and out's of snow, let me tell you that the weight of drifted snow is so much heavier than that of pretty little snowflakes that fell to Earth by themselves without being pushed by ridiculous wind. Drifted snow is compacted, and a shovelful weights a lot.

I'm grumpy. And still have lots more snow to deal with. wah!

Waiting, waiting

Once again the newscasts and weather forecasts are trying to scare us with a BIG snowstorm warning.

It's gonna be The Storm of the Century! Hey, that's the second one this month.

On the late news last night they said if you have anything to do this weekend, make sure you do it on Saturday because you won't want to go out on Sunday. Yeah, right. Let's see what happens. Of course, as I am not only Miss Frugal, but also Miss Cautious, I did all my errands today so I can indeed huddle down tomorrow if need be. But one part of my brain is very skeptical.

If we do get 30+ cm of snow tomorrow, one thing is for sure, two Mondays ago we all made it into the office only to be told we could go home. So how many people who work in my building are going to exert themselves to make it to the office bright and early this Monday? Not effing many. And cetainly not me.

Richard III

Whilst flipping last night, I came across Richard III with Ian McKellen. This is the version set in a 1930s fascist state.

Any production of Richard III lives or dies based on the performance of the actor playing R3 since he carries the whole darn thing. McKellen is really a rotter in this, so the movie works. Man, is he nasty.

There’s a great scene where he has had one of his (many) alleged disloyal charges murdered, and a flunkie brings him 8 x 10 photos of the hanged victim. R3 throws a jazzy record on the phonograph and then stretches out on a couch and laughs as he looks at the photos. He is eeeev-illlllll.

I had planned to go to bed early, but I had to stay up to see how they managed to get in the “a horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse” line into a 1930s setting. R3 is riding in a jeep. His driver gets shot, and then the soldier who is riding in the back, manning the machine gun, gets shot by R3!! He doesn’t trust anybody. Then the jeep’s wheels get jammed so R3 is just sitting there unable to move and he delivers the line. It worked pretty well because in an earlier scene showing the preparation for war, they showed some soldiers leading horses. Not bad.

One of the supporting lords was played by the actor who played Percy on Blackadder. I kept thinking "it's Percy!" and expecting him to do something goofy, but he didn't.

In the news

I was just about to post about Canada's nuclear reactor crisis which the entire world is ignoring, but then I saw this headline:

Liza Minnelli Collapses on Stage in Sweden

Knowing my readership (all 8 of you) I think I better keep everyone up to date on the Liza collapse and forget about the Chalk River reactor's failing pumps which may lead to our very own Chernobyl.

Therefore without further ado: "Veteran entertainer Liza Minnelli collapsed on stage a few songs into a performance in Sweden's second city and was taken to hospital before being discharged on Thursday, " (Washington Post) So, she's okay.

I know certain people around here (well, one person) who in his final moments when the radiation is reducing us all to goo like that guy in Raiders of the Lost Ark, will be asking with his final breath: "But is Liza okay? Will she take the stage again? gassssppp." The answer will be yes. He can die happy. We can all die happy. Life is a cabaret.

Zzzzzz

Anyone ever have to deal with a snoring cat?

The Big Red One is driving me crazy. I'm suffering from lost sleep because he's taken to lying at the foot of the bed and sawing logs like there's no tomorrow. How can a 5 kg animal make that much noise?

He's become a miniature version of my father. (No, he didn't sleep at the foot of a bed.)

Last night, at 3:12 a.m. I finally had to nudge him awake because I was miserable, and then I had to endure 5 minutes of mewling and complaining because I'd disturbed his beauty rest.

Over the weekend I was quietly reading the paper on the couch and TBRO was across the room snoozing and suddenly I thought the sidewalk plow was coming down the street, but no, it was him, snoring in the depths of his feline dreams.

This is nuts.

We are Ogres!

Apparently just about everyone at the UN Climate Change conference in Bali hates Canada.

Since Steve came to power we’ve had to adjust to our new role as bad guys. It’s so unlike us. It feels weird. Is this what being an American feels like?

Environment Minister Baird is such a bull dog. I vote him “Cabinet member mostly likely to one day punch someone’s lights out”. Mark my words.

Funny typo of the day

There’s an Italian guy at work who thinks he is god’s gift to womankind. The way he struts around is both irritating and hilarious to me. This morning I had to get his confirmation on something, so I e-mailed to ask that he indicate his approval.

His response: I looks good to me.

Yeah, I know that, but what about my question?

Lord Black Behind Bars

I've finally figured out who Conrad in jail is reminding me of: Sideshow Bob.

Mo

It's been a while since we've seen Mo Gaddafi on the world stage. Leave it to Sarko to invite Monsieur Mo and his bedouin tent to Paris.

Anyway, my point is: What's with the facial hair, Mo? I think he's going for a Pirates of the Caribbean look. Mo says, hey, it works for the young Johnny Depp, why not for me?



Meanwhile Sarko's thinkin' "Any babes in here? Ou sont les babes?"

My Stairway to Heaven Theory

My theory is that Stairway to Heaven has a ten-year shelf life. That is to say that from the first time one hears StH one has ten years of enjoyment before suddenly ODing on the song and not being able to listen to it anymore.

Most people in my age group would've heard StH for the first time as teenagers, let us say, at age 15 just to make it easy. I'll use myself as an example. I heard the song and I loved it. Thought it was great.

And then for years and years, I kept hearing it. Still liking it, but then suddenly at or around age 25 I got sick of it. I couldn't stand it anymore. And I have now spent 21 years being sick of the song but still being unable to escape it.

You can't escape it, you know. It's playing in every gas station, depanneur, drug store you go into. If there's a radio on, within a few minutes you'll be hearing Stairway to Heaven. And hating it.

"And she's buy-uy-ing a stairway..."

Last night on The National, my girl Adrienne Arsenault was reporting from the Led Zeppelin concert. Considering how she is usually in a flak jacket somewhere in the Middle East, it was kinda fun to see her there. She looked oddly amused.

Signing off, she mentioned that Zep songs would soon be available as ring tones. So, she said “you can hear Stairway to Heaven every time the phone rings.” I looked at the cats and said: “Why would I want that???” and then we cut back to Peter Mansbridge who said: “And why wouldn’t we?”

Thus I find myself at odds with Peter Mansbridge.

Surgery Update

When I met the surgeons last month, I was hoping to have the older guy do my surgery because I thought the younger one was too young. And too good-looking. I had fears of having young McDreamy because I assume if he’s a young good-looking surgeon then he is a hotshot who is full of himself, and I don’t want him.

I called the hospital this morning trying to track down the date of my surgery, and, yep, I’m getting McDreamy. How annoying. He did ask a couple of good questions during the initial consult, so maybe I’m worried for nothing, but this still makes me nervous.

I don’t even watch Grey’s Anatomy but I can still picture this hotshot (he’s Italian for god’s sake) flirting with nurses and ignoring me, THE PATIENT.

I don’t know the date because apparently McDreamy schedules all his surgeries and never tells his secretary anything. She is totally exasperated with him, and said she would call me back. She hasn’t. This does not bode well.

Another Republican Idiot

Last night I saw a commercial by Rudy Giuliani. I'd heard about it but it was the first time I'd seen it.

In it, Rudy talks about how the US hostages in Iran were released exactly at the moment that Ronald Reagan was being sworn in as Prez of the USA.

and....

well....

what does any of that have to do with Rudy? Nothing. Try to hang onto to the coattails of a dead President? Effing pathetic.

Remind everyone of dead Ronnie being sworn in 27 years ago = Vote for Rudy!

What? What an idiot. Is this guy for real?

Heh heh

I see that The Globe & Mail refers to Conrad Black as a "fraudster" this morning.

That made me giggle.

Update: 6 to 8 years for old Conrad. wow. I didn't think such a high-falutin' bigwig would actually do time. True, he is a foreigner in the USA, so who cares about him down there, eh? And as a foreigner, he doesn't have the privilege of going to a cushy prison, he has to go to a real prison. What will Barbara do? How will she maintain her lifestyle?

Chip News

JAW Fan reporting:

Yesterday, I had the privilege of sampling two of the new President's Choice Asian-themed potato chips: General Tao flavour and Szechwan flavour. Were they Chinatown in a bag? No, they were not. But what a pretty bag they were...a nice rich silver colour with a dragon emblem. Probably the most beautiful chip bag I have yet to see. However, their spiel on the back (something along the lines of not needing chopsticks to enjoy Chinese food) was rather lame. But then, one does not purchase potato chips for literary reasons.

In any case, for anyone who might fear that these flavours would not translate well into a potato chip, fear not...as these chips are about as Asian as Don Rickles in silk pants*. Does this mean that they were an unpleasant chip experience? Of course, not. The General Tao ones should really have been called "Hint-o'-Barbecue" It was not an intrusive taste whatsoever. In fact, one could have been snacking on them all evening without ever realizing the supposed-Chinese inspiration behind them. And had someone informed unaware eaters that these were General Tao, spit takes might have ensued.

As for the Szechwan chips, they were tangier and far more pleasant to the ol' tastebud. They had a nice zip and zing to them. I could best descibe them as All Dressed Light. Personally, I find All Dressed chips can be a little overpowering, but these Szechwan ones brought the flavour down a notch, making it a truly enjoyable party snack.

Overall, they would both score well on the wang-o-meter, the Szechwan, however, would probably rate an inch bigger, making him this weekend's winner in the chip locker room.


*Editor's note: Wha?

Romney

I just read Chris's latest column on Mitt Romney: "Mitt Romney made his religion speech during Hanukkah because he's the only candidate oily enough to burn for eight days."

I think that is one of the funniest things he's ever written.

Romney's such a creep.

Good Snow Removal News for a Change

When I got home tonight the city had cleared the other side of the street. They always do the east side first, and us on the west side a day or two later. I don't know what this injustice exists. It just does, and we must live with it.

I had not cleared my driveway all week because I didn't need the car. But when I got home tonight, for reasons unknown, the city guys had cleared my driveway! Really. It was so strange and unexpectedly delightful.

I was outside with my Pogues-lovin', whiskey-swillin' neighbour and I said I should've bought a lottery ticket for tonight because this is my lucky day. And he said, no, this was obviously the ONLY lucky thing that was going to happen today, so a lottery ticket would've been a waste of money. I love an optimist. Sometimes he makes me look sunny by comparison.

We suspected that the city workers might've mistakenly thought that they had blocked my entrance with their equipment and pushed the snow in front of my driveway, which is why they then pushed it out. They didn't but who cares? All's well that end's well, as the bard once said, but not about snow clearing.

It's snowing again

Grumble
Phooey
etc
etc
etc

Obsession of the week

It's prairie dog!!!

A Canadian Winter Scene

Many of you know that I have an ongoing hate-hate relationship with a particular next-door neighbour of mine based on the fact that a) he shovels his snow onto my property and b) he is the biggest asshole in the history of the universe.

It has often been suggested (particularly by JAW Fan, who would do it in a flash if he lived here) that I simply shovel all the snow back onto the property of Mr. Biggest Asshole. I have not done so, and the story below will explain why. This is exactly the kind of confrontation I wish to avoid, and I know perfectly well that if we started this battle, I would end up in handcuffs.

Premeditated murder by swinging a shovel. Murder One. No regrets, no remorse. Murder with a song in my heart.

In this story, replace the words “snowblower” with “shovel”, “43-year-old man” with “46-year-old woman” and “72-year-old woman” with “the biggest asshole in the history of the universe”.

LEVIS, Que. -- A snowblower duel between two neighbours was decided with the click of handcuffs after punches were thrown and one man tried to choke an elderly woman.

Levis police said it all started in a swirl of snow Monday night as the elderly woman cleared snow from her front walk but blew the snow onto a neighbour's entrance.

Her 43-year-old neighbour saw that and got out his snowblower to send the fluffy white flakes whirling right back.

"Then the 72-year-old woman grabbed her snowblower again and blew it onto her neighbour," said Alain Gelly, a Levis police spokesman. "The man again blew the snow back. Both of them were blowing snow on each other. It was a real battle of the blowers."

The tempest lasted about 10 minutes until both combatants faced each other in the street, their engines roaring.

"That's when the 43-year-old man got angry and started insulting the 72-year-old woman before grabbing her by the throat and pushing her to the ground," Gelly said.

The woman's 70-year-old husband saw what was happening from the window of his house and ran out to intervene. But he got punched several times before he could say much.

A neighbour saw the commotion and called police.

The 43-year-old man was arrested. He will likely be charged with assault. (Edmonton Sun)

P.S. I just noticed that the cop's name is Gelly. Cool name. I'll bet everyone on the force calls him GellyBaby.

Finally

I left the house 15 minutes earlier than usual this a.m., but I made it to work on time.

It's a miracle!

Again, I've been remiss

What with the snowstorm and the Scottish man and a bunch of other stuff, I've not being paying full attention to the news. Thus I am tardy in posting regarding the death last week of the lead singer of Quiet Riot.

Let us pause a moment now to remember Big 80's Hair.

Amen.

Oprah continues her miracles

The Scottish man is home from the hospital and his Scottish mommy is taking care of him. He even e-mailed the office with a medical update, so apparently his brain is functioning normally.

Hail Oprah.

That's it! I'm moving to some warm place

Florida? Venezuela? Hong Kong? I don't care.

For the second day, I had to abandon the bus and walk to the Metro because of effing gridlock. I was over an hour late for work again. This is insane. Why do all the surburbs get decent snow-clearing and the city of Montreal does not? I'm soooo angry.

Maybe I just need to move to Cote St. Luc. It's only two blocks away and the roads there are pristine.

Hell's Freezing Over

Never thought I’d say this but there’s a Republican candidate I actually like.

Yes, he doesn’t believe in evolution and therefore has to be a loon, but Mike Huckabee is really likeable. I can’t hate the guy. He seems smart and articulate. He’s the only fundamentalist Christian I’ve ever seen on t.v. who doesn’t appear to be totally hostile to the rest of the world. He’s not full of hate like the rest of them. Oh, and Huckabee's a cool name.

What really did it for me is last night on Anderson’s show, they talked about how much Huckabee idolizes Keith Richards. This from a man who doesn’t drink alcohol. Keith! Uniter of all! Let us all join together under the banner of Keith.

Of course, Huckabee is a Baptist minister from the South, so this inevitably means the creepy sex scandal is just around the corner. Too bad.

Post-Storm Day One

Apparently our offices are staying open today, although it's still snowing and I think they should send us home.

Took me an hour and 45 minutes to get to work this a.m.; double the usual time. NDG is the worst neighbourhood in town after a storm. Too many uncleared major arteries = headaches. I got off the bus and walked the last mile to the Metro, passing 4 other buses along the way....and I'm a slow walker!

Silliness.

Another thing I love about winter? Comments from susie about how hot it is in Australia. Oh yeah, I love being reminded of that. grrrr.

Shovelling, Part One of Infinite

I did a quick 10 minutes of snow shovelling before going to work.

I now just completed another 30 minutes. I'm only doing the path. I'm crossing my fingers and hoping that my kindly handsome neighbour will come around with the snowblower later to do the drive. He better. Or no more Irish whiskey for him. (That's my standard bribe.)

Snow's accumulating and drifting pretty quickly out there. I'm going to have to do the roof next. This is really crappy.

My Stupid Employer

We're having a pretty big snowstorm at the moment. But not the worst in history by a long, long shot.

So I get to work at 8:50, that's about 20 minutes late. Not bad, considering road conditions. At 9:00 a.m. we receive an e-mail from the Big Boss announcing that our offices are closed, due to the weather conditions.

We're all fucking here already!!

The whole point of a snow day is that your turn on the radio, hear that your offices are closed and joyfully go back to bed. That's how it's supposed to work. Idiots.

So I've done a bit of on-line Xmas shopping, a couple of e-mails and a bit of blogging and now I'm heading back home to shovel.

Line of the Day

Ian McEwan on Norman Mailer: Boxing and writing were wonderfully confused in his mind.

A Movie Moment

I came across one of my favourite movie moments tonight. I was flipping past A&E and Goodfellas was on.

It was the scene where Deniro, Pesci and Liotta are visiting Pesci's mother, when they've got Frank Vincent's body in the trunk of the car. Mother Scorsese is showing her latest painting to the fellas. It's a painting of a guy in a canoe with two dogs. Joe Pesci describes it. He says: "I like dis one. One dog goes dis way. One dog goes dat way...and this guy he says 'hey whattdaya want from me.'"

Then they all start laughing about the guy they killed.

I had to watch the whole movie.

One Final Leap

I saw today on page A25 of The Gazette that Evel Knievel died. Wait a sec. When I was a teenager, he seemed to be ubiquitous. You couldn't go a week without hearing about another stunt, or planned stunt, by Evel Knievel.

And now his death is relegated to page 25?

It's not just me, right? Is it because I had male cousins who were obsessed with him? Is this why I think this should be much bigger news? I thought he was a much bigger star in American popular culture than it appears. He was Evel Knievel, dude!

Oh well.