I’ve got it. I’m going on the Opus Dei diet, and I'll be writing the Opus Dei Diet (ODD) Book at the same time. This is the royal road to riches for me.
ODD tip No. 1:
“Meals : Numeraries generally practice one small corporal mortification at every meal, such as drinking coffee without milk or sugar, not buttering one's toast, skipping dessert, not taking seconds, etc. For the most part, eating between meals is not practiced.” *
Coffee without milk or sugar? Ouch!
Butterless toast? Ouch, ouch!
No taking seconds? Ouch, ouch, ouch!
No eating between meals? UNCLE!
I can feel the pounds melting away already.
ODD tip No. 2:
“The Heroic Minute : Numeraries are encouraged to jump out of bed and kiss the floor as soon as the door is knocked in the morning.”*
This is basically a religious burpee. I’d suggest 10 in the morning and 10 at night for overall fitness.
ODD tip NO. 3
“Discipline: a cord-like whip which resembles macrame, used on the buttocks or back once a week.”*
There is no indication that this will break up cellulite, but it’s a given, right? How can it not.
*Source: http://www.odan.org/corporal_mortification.htm
4 comments:
get thine self a publisher, ms opie
you may have a weight loss phenom book in the making and just think of the movie tie ins, not to mention the action figures (beds of nails and cats-of-nine-tails sold separately)
This is not for me - butterless toast? Never!
Dear Ms. ODD:
Will tips count if they are modified for living with furry animals instead of other monks? Could I perhaps kiss cat and dog when I arise and when I go to bed, they are rather low to the ground and cat especially hates to be kissed.
Does being thwacked in the head daily count towards mortification if it's a sqeaky, fuzzy squirrel? Perhaps the trail of other fuzzy squeaky toys that make a perky trail from the bed to the kitchen?
Inquiring minds would like to know....
I think I'm gonna need a whole separate chapter for heathens!
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