Celebrity Death News

Peter O'Toole has died.
Everyone will talk about Lawrence of Arabia, but really The Stunt Man is his best movie.

Local Celebrity Death News

Oh no.
Maurice Mad Dog Vachon has died. He was 84.
Part of my childhood is gone!

RIP Mr. D.

I said good-bye today to the friendliest, sweetest cat in the world.
We spent one month short of 9 happy years together. He was the bestest! I will miss him.

Montreal Election News

There really isn't anything much to say about our municipal elections, so...wait, holy crap!...there's a transsexual hooker running for City Council.

Take that, Ciccolina. We can run with the best of the sex trade.

So...where have I been for the last 2 weeks? you may ask...or not.

Twelve days ago (but it feels like 100) I took my No. 1 cat, Mr. D., to the vet as I had noticed an alarming weight loss.  The vet took one look at him, pulled back his fur to expose his skin, showed me inside of his ears: everything was bright yellow. Advanced jaundice. "He needs immediate hospitalization," she said.

And so began 12 days of expen$ive madne$$ and feline nursing. We rushed off to the animal ho$pital in Lachine. Where he $tayed for 4 days, and the bill ended up well into 4 figure$. I brought him home last Tuesday with 5 different prescriptions and a feeding tube through his tiny nostril. Last week I syringe fed him through his nose. On Thursday, he looked so terrible, I called my vet and made an appointment to have him take a one-way trip to the giant catnip field in the sky.

But then...over the course of the weekend...he started to eat and drink on his own. He managed to sneeze the feeding tube right out of his tummy and out his nose. On Sunday, the Governor called with a stay of execution.

So on Monday I took him to our scheduled appointment but not for euthanasia, but for a consult. And we came home, both of us, with a new feeding schedule and I hope for a 9th life. However short or long that 9th life might be is unknown, but we are giving it our best shot.

And I am exhausted.

Life is not all bad

Well, I knew there had to be a reason why I stayed home today, right? A few minutes ago, I heard a loud vehicle noise, and looked out to see a fire truck parked in front of my house. Odd, I thought. I have no fire currently burning in my home. 

Shortly thereafter my doorbell rang. I opened the door to find not one, not two, but three firemen on my porch. "Oh my, are you strippers?"  I asked, "Is it my birthday?"  No, it is not even my birthday.

But they weren't strippers. They are real firemen and they were here to check if my smoke detectors were operational. Confession, they weren't. I admitted immediately that they were indeed not operational, as they have a tendency to go off for no reason. (And I am afraid they will go off when I am away and this noise will torture the cats for an extended period of time. So that is why I disconnected them, but there was no way I was going to admit that to the three nice firemen.)

So they checked the smoke detectors and put new batteries in them and reinstalled them for me. What could I say? I know it is for the best. Then they prepared to leave and one said "Do I issue a fine ("une contravention") to this lady ("cette madame")? I said "Oh No" and they all laughed and said it was a joke and firemen don't issue fines.  Well, ha ha, aren't you gentlemen amusing?

Thank you, gammy leg!

Still on the couch

It's Day 4 of immobilization. That is an exaggeration. I am mobile, just not motivated enough to face public transit and a whole day at work without being able to elevate or ice the old gammy leg. So today is a vacation day.

Still have Indian food to finish!  Busy, busy.

My Life as an Invalid

I am now on my third full day of invalidity (invalidness?) Time enough to reflect on the good and bad sides of being stuck at home with a bum leg.

Pros:
1. Guilt-free eating. As Miss Frugal I can never justify ordering in food for myself alone, but when one is incapacitated, the sky's the limit. Pizza on Friday and Indian last night, with plenty of leftovers, meaning more pizza yesterday and tonight and more Indian today and tomorrow.
2. Guilt-free sleeping. When you basically can't move, why get up? Other than to feed the felines and use the facilities, there's no reason to get up before 10. So this has been three nights in a row of 9 or 10 hours sleep. It has been heavenly. The heavenly healing power of rest.
3. Time to read an actual book!

Cons:
1. Pain.
2. Pain.
3. Discomfort.

More Tips from the Poors

Here are other ways to save $$ according to the very helpful article on Savings Tips from Poor People.

2. Go to your local Dollar Store!
3. Check grocery flyers for special deals!
4. Consider public transportation or a bike! (Cars are expensive.)
5. Get a library card!

This article is truly ground-breaking.

Couch Net Surfing

I am on the couch with an ice-pack on my twisted knee, and I expect to be here for the next few days, so, hurray for the universe, there is likely to be a surge in boredom-based blogging. Like I may catch up on a whole year's worth of neglected blogging just for something to do. And there's just so much to complain about, I hardly know where to start...

The obvious place to begin is with our Provincial government's latest foray into blatant, racist foolishness but that will put me in a bad mood, so I am going to skip to something small and silly.  Sympatico has one of their lame articles up today entitled How to Learn Savings Tips from Poor People" (I paraphrase). Anyway Tip No. 1 is....don't buy bottled water. Really? In fact all 10 of their Poor People-inspired tips are things I do everyday. So have I been a closet poor all along? Don't buy bottled water because at $1.50 a bottle, that costs a lot over the course of a year. Who knew? Only the poors, apparently.

Awkward moments in Judeo-Christian relations

Have you ever been somewhere you knew you needed to be, but wanted to get outta there as fast as you possibly could? 

Smoothie's dad died last week, and this afternoon I went to the shiva. I read up on shivas on Wikipedia, but frankly, it didn't help. One thing I had been told was to make sure I removed my shoes. But they had posted a sign on the door saying guests didn't have to remove their shoes. So what was I supposed to do? Shoes on or shoes off? I was already having an anxiety attack in the vestibule. I took off my shoes and went into the living room.

I knew the family were not supposed to greet me. I was to walk over to them, but I didn't know where to go first. To Smoothie's mom? Smoothie? What to do? Everyone was in black, black dresses on all three of the ladies, Smoothie in a black shirt and pants, torn black tie.

His mom was occupied talking to people, so I approached him, Smoothie sitting low on his uncomfortable chair. As I was talking to him, his mother said "Nanuk, take a chair and sit down."  I'd never met any of the Smoothie family before, so how did she know I was me?  I didn't sit right away, because I was feeling so obvious and Catholic!  Eventually, I got around to shaking her hand and again she said "Nanuk, take a chair and sit!"  Mama Smoothie is a force of Nature, I quickly learnt.

Also, when you offer condolences, the family is not supposed to thank you. But Mama Smoothie thanked me and said they were doing the mourning all wrong. Okay, I thought. Older sister Smoothie also thanked me, but sister Smoothie the younger just looked at me in an evil way when I offered my sympathies. I just wanted to run away. Which I did after signing the book of condolences.

I found my way back

I've haven't' blogged in I dunno how long, but jeez Eydie Gorme died, so I had to come on-line to bid her adieu.  Steve is still alive.

RIP Eydie.

The Duchess is in Labour! The Duchess is in Labour!

I still don't care.

Just sayin'

I don't care about the Royal Baby.
I don't care if the Royal Baby is a boy or a girl.
I don't care what day the Royal Baby will be born.
I just don't care.

Happy 4th of July

Ted Nugent announced today that he may run for President in 2016.

Please, Lord, let it be so.

Wango Tango! Wango Tango!

Hot Dog! It's Canada Day

Happy Canada Day to one and all.

Mark Carney begins his first day on the job as the Governor of the Bank of England. What a mistake. He has already given up one day off!  I miss him. Come back to Canada, Mark, and run for the Liberals, and win and become Prime Minister and make everything okay again. Please.

In other Canada Day news. Anyone who has met Smoothie, or in Mushrooms' case, talked to him on the phone, may have detected a scent of Ignatius J. Reilly about him. I often find him very Ignatius like. In a case of life imitating art, today Smoothie is manning a Hot Dog stand down in the Old Port. And he is so excited about the experience. Ever since they announced that the City of Montreal will be permitting street vendors, he has been talking about that as a dream job. Serving people, talking all day long to strangers. Yep, that would be his dream job. Let us hope that today opens the door to a long career of hot dog vending.

Tony Soprano

I don't know what to say, except he was younger than us.  He probably had a very unhealthy lifestyle. But it still seems so wrong and unfair to drop dead at 51.

Smoking on Mad Men

Betty has always been completely alien to me as a mother. But last night for the first time in 6 seasons, Betty did something my own mother once did. She offered her teen-aged daughter a cigarette, saying she would rather have her smoking in front of her than behind her back.

Sally accepted the smoke; I did not.

Now I wonder if my mother would have been happy to have someone to smoke with. Never thought of it that way before...  my mom, my smoking buddy? Did my sister and I both let our mother down by never taking up smoking?  My mom smoked for only a couple more years after that, so maybe she gave it up because she didn't have a daughter to smoke with.

We are an embarrassment

Last year, our dodo of a mayor resigned. So we got an Interim mayor. This morning the Interim mayor was arrested.

Is there a brown paper bag big enough to cover the whole island?

The Man of My Dreams

Rupert Murdoch has filed for divorce from his 44-year-old wifey.

Finally. My chance to get my paws on that 82-year-old BILLIONAIRE hunk.

Mad Men Question

How many years of therapy is Sally Draper going to need?
Correction: How many decades of therapy...?

I'm still alive

I have not ceased to exist.  Work is super busy. And this is the suckiest Spring we have had in years. Bleh!!

In CPN News

Spying over the fence for the past couple days, I have noted that the CPN is not going to work and spends the whole day (outdoors, of course) in his pyjamas and a robe. While this type of behaviour could indicate that he has entered the Hefner Zone, I do not believe this to be the case.

Yesterday, while CPN Wife and CPN Daughter ate a normal supper, CPN himself dined on toast and soup. So clearly, he has recently undergone surgery of some kind.

In the immortal words of Basil Fawlty:  Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

Friday Update

1. Happy 72nd Birthday to Bob.

2. My employer will not be moving to the Middle East. Official announcement came this morning from our dear friend, the Minister Buffoon of Foreign Affairs of Canada.

3. Third item, Happy High School Graduation to Miss Mushrooms Jr.  All growed up.

Battle of the Network Starz

Have you ever met anyone who has been on a reality show? Up until last night, I would have had to answer No to this question.

But last night my sister's contractor, the guy who re-did her kitchen and bathroom, was a contestant on a show on Discovery where people race their old jalopy bazoos around an obstacle course. The winner gets a refinishing job on his bazoo while the losers get their cars impaled on a big thing called the "Spike of Shame" (which has nothing to do with Sean Connery's wang, which I still have not seen a full frontal picture of...but I digress).  I met this contractor last summer and if ever there was a contractor who deserved his own reality show, it is him. He is a "character" of epic proportions. Mike Holmes is a dullard compared to this fellow. No wonder his wife sent his name in to audition for TV. Some people were born to be on TV. He didn't win, though, and his beloved van was impaled on the Spike of Shame.

This is the second person my sister knows to appear on a reality show in the past year. Earlier, the daughter of a colleague was in a episode of a program where young women who have poor money sense (and generally no common sense) get read the riot act and put on a budget by the loud-mouthed Gail V.O., she of the undeterminable accent. (Actually, it's Jamaican, but you never expect to hear a Jamaican accent from a white person, do you? Admit it, you don't.) That young woman got $5000 for her public humiliation. Is that a fair bargain? I dunno. But in my mind, anyone who belongs to an on-line shoe club and gets new shoes mailed to her on a regular basis, deserves public humiliation.

My sister's new career: Hanger on to the D listers.

In Hockey News

It is extremely rare that, alone in my living room, I shout Yessss during a sports event.  But when Boston scored that 4th goal last night, I was, like, Yessss Yessss.  If cats could manage a hi-five, I would've had them all doing it.

Sweet.

Truth is, I don't hate the Leafs at all. I have no problem with any of the players, and I think Reimer is very, very good. I just want to see Cherry and all those morons at the CBC be bitterly disappointed. Ah! That was so good.

Astronaut Yawn

Am I the only person totally bored by Chris Hadfield and all his tweeting and guitar playing from space?  I'll be glad when he lands back on earth and we don't have to see him on the news anymore.

I'm a nerd, but I'm not a science nerd. Actually, I am science idiot. I know nothing. And I'm good with that.

Neighbourhood watch

Despite myself, I keep looking for updates on that awful Cleveland kidnapping story. You just don't know what your neighbour could be up to. Well, actually in my case,  I do, because I can't avoid noting everything my crazy CPNs are doing since they do everything outside. It's Spring, bring out the ironing board!

But I digress.

I love the guy that helped rescue the women. I want him as my neighbour, eating his McDonald's. He is cool. He had dramatic flare, knows how to tell a story. He can sit on my porch and listen to salsa music all he wants. I would feel very safe.

Endless Summer

We can all relax because Summer has truly arrived. The Polish ironing board is now being used outside.

The End of an Era

The big day has finally arrived.
The day that Knuckles G. bids good-bye, adieu, auf wiedersehen, sayonara, to the land of cheese and peanut butter.
Will he be back in 2 weeks, 3, 2 months?
Stay tuned.
For let us never forget the words of Michael Corleone:  "Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in."
Happy 14th months vacation!!

In medical news

Yesterday, I visited by GP for my annual check-up, which I hadn't had in two years. ha ha.

As he was putting the cuff on my arm to check my blood pressure, he said "So are you guys moving to the Middle East? How does the voting work? Don't the Americans want you to stay?" I started answering but I knew I was getting agitated, so I said asked him why did you ask me about this when you are taking my blood pressure? I can feel my blood pressure going up!  He laughed and said I was right, it was stupid of him to raise the issue while taking my BP.

My BP turned out to be higher than usual, but he said he would take the circumstances into consideration. It's still in the normal range, Middle East or no Middle East.

NaPoMo comes to a close

How quickly the month of April has flown.

I don't have any poem to end the month, unfortunately. But I do have some news.

Guess who is going to be a daddy?  FANCY FEAST!

I learned this yesterday, and it has taken me 24 hours to recover from the news. The baby is due in November, and I estimate that by December he/she will already be more mature than Dad.

Work News

All the excitement happens in my absence.  Last week while I was away, a serious offer was put forward by a country in the Middle East to move our offices over there.

Call me Ms. Knuckles because I may be starting to talk about a package in the next few months.

There has to be a vote, and if it passes, the move would occur in 2016 only. Fortunately for moi, I will be 55 and eligible for early retirement in 2016, albeit on a very reduced pension. But who gives a shit? I'm not moving to the desert! The cats would be uncomfortable!

The new host country would be one of those incredibly wealthy oil states and their offer is very tempting for the organization. (Translation: $$$$$$$$$$$$ for everybody at the top.) But for peons like me, no real advantages. And you have to live in the freakin' desert. It's 50 C for six months of the year. And I don't like A/C!

Home again

I am back and I have brought the summer with me.
You're welcome.

Only 3 days left in NaPoMo.

This is a long countdown

All packed and ready to go.
If I can get technology on my side
I shall blog from the sunny south.
If not, no.
Oh well.
Back next Friday...

Countdown

Departure is tomorrow, but I am already
on vay cay
today.
Hooray.

Today's Poll

Justin Trudeau:

a) able politician; or
b) pretty boy lunkhead (with fabulous hair)?

Boston

Who attacks a marathon? Fat loser terrorists!!  "We're going to get you skinnies!"

(Let me take this opportunity to say I had nothing to do with it.)

Goldfinger

The markets are crashing today because everyone who has gold (i.e. not me) decided to sell it.

Somebody explain the "market" to me again. Gold has for all of human history been great. Wonderful. Desirable. Humans love, want, hoard, etc. gold. But not today.

Today, gold is that thing that you accidentally put your hand in. "OOOH, yuck, icky, icky gold. Get it off, get it off."

Hell, I'll take your gold. Go ahead, make my hands dirty. I can handle it.

5 days to go

Counting down to my vacation.
Looking forward to Friday.
There will be sun.
There will be guns.
In the good ole USA.

Another Celeb Obit

Jonathan Winters died. He was 87.

All together now: He was still alive???

I loved watching him when I was a kid. I thought he was so funny.

Buzzzzzzz

The woman who designed the Doomsday Clock has died. She was 96.

There's a "time's up" joke in there somewhere.

I guess we should all be grateful that her clock outlived her.

An Organization for your Organ

Group I did not know existed before yesterday: The Canadian Foreskin Awareness Project.

Thank you, Oprah. Without you, the CFAP would not be on every news site in Canada this week.  And the jokes are endless.  I could say the jokes just keep on coming, but that might be misinterpreted.

Spring has Sprung

This post will not rhyme.
The forecast is for 15 to 20 cm of snow on Friday.
This had better be one of those Weather Network scare tactics that never materializes.
I am depressed.
On the bright side, 9 days until departure for Florida!!

North and South

The situation on the Korean Peninsula is inching close to a thermonuclear war due to the evermore undisguised hostile actions of the United States and the South Korean puppet warmongers and their moves for a war against the North, said a statement by the North Korean Asia-Pacific Peace Committee. (CBC)

Lil Kim was a nut job, missing a screw.
When he died, all his countrymen wept on cue.

If they didn't weep and wail.
They'd be dead or tossed in jail.

Kim Jr is now in place of his dad.
And things are looking mucho bad.

He wants to go nuclear.
How very pec-u-liar. (bis)

He knows how to keep himself in the news
By filling his late daddy's platform shoes.

What a Day! Obit Threesome!

The Celebrity Death News just keeps on coming!

Next up (or down):  The Man They Call Reveen is now the man we can call...deceased.

It is worth a look at his website, just for a glance at his great, great hair. He lived and died in Vegas. What more can I say?

www.reveen.com

Adios Annette

One of my many, many regrets in life is that when I die my obituary in the New York Times will not refer to me as "Beloved Mouseketeer".

Now...take it away, Knuckles:

"Today I shed a little tear
Because Annette's no longer here.
So, let's all give a great big cheer
For this amazing Mouseketeer".

Maggie's Farm

Margaret Thatcher bought the farm
In her time, she did much harm.

April 8 will be the date
For all lefties to celebrate.

Nine years ago we lost Reagan, her crony
So why are we still stuck with Mulroney?

Kill! Kill!

I know I may come across as a right-wing nut job, but I don't care: What is wrong with this country when killing your kids gets you a slap on the wrist and little else??? This is infuriating. I thought it was just Quebec's legal system that is nuts, but now I see that Alberta is just as crazy.

Is there any other country in the Western World that thinks, "oh, you killed your children. That's terrible. Go to a hospital for a year or two, and then you are free to go." Enough with this shit.

Hmm. I wonder if I could adopt my Polish neighbour? heh heh heh.

Screw the West Wind

O wind, I hate your guts.
You hurt my ears
Freeze my face
And make my eyes water.

This does not rhyme.
I do not care.
I want the wind to go away.
Be gone with you, O wind.

Shelley was wrong.
You are nothing to write home about.

Back to work ode

Be it NaPoMo this day

We must still earn our daily pay

But 4 days off at home

Makes me at the office groan

I am staring at my screen

Writing rhymes, but not obscene

I would be at my best

If I had 4 more days to rest

And my grim face would turn to chuckles

Had I a package just like Knuckles.

Welcome to NaPoMo, our Rite of Spring

Oddly enough, I am not starting the month with a poem, but with a Blast from the Past.

Yesterday, I got a call from the One and Only...Kumar.  Has long has it been, eh? I have no idea. Anyway, he was in town with some cousins, staying with his uncle and aunt. Turns out his aunt has developed hoarding tendencies...but that is a whole other story for another time, I suppose.

So, what was new over the past year and a half or so?
Well, he got married.
And then he got divorced.
These people...from these countries...I swear.

He went back for a visit to the A**hole of the World country of his birth, with his parents. While there he agreed to marry a local woman. And he did. Then he came back to Toronto* and started the paperwork for her sponsorship, visa, etc. Then her family started asking him and his parents for a lot of financial compensation. After all, he's a "rich Canadian". He said, in typical Kumar-ese, "what is this shit and blah, blah, blah?" So they flew back to the A**hole of the World, filed divorce papers, paid off her family with some "alimony" and came home.

I said: "I can't believe you didn't tell me you got married!"
K: "But now I'm divorced."
Me: "You should have let me know."
K: "I'm divorced for 5 months now!"
Me: [head shake] [eye roll]

*I said "So what do you think of your Mayor these days?" (He was initially a big fan of Mayor Ford and his family values.)  Kumar: "He is a drunkard and should be ashamed of himself".

Drunkard is a great word.

Happy Easter to All

Yes, it is Easter Sunday, and more importantly, it is

The Eve of NaPoMo

Tis the eve of NaPoMo
and all thru the house
not a cat is stirring
since we don't have a mouse.

The dictionary is open,
and waiting for us
to consult it and our
Roget's Thesaurus.

This poem is clean.
It is G-rated
But soon NaPoMo will
be celebrated.

And then all the poems
the short and the long
Will be filled with such words
as doodle, wienie and dong.

Hockey Night in Montreal West

Hooray for the team of Anonymous Ro.
They won the Big Game with 4 seconds to go.

The night was not so ordinary.
I thought his dad would have a coronary.

But the star of the night, I gotta tell ya
Was the Muslim mom with her vuvuzela.

The Countdown Commenceth

One week to go
Until NaPoMo.

It's like pulling teeth

Coaxing Spring to arrive...hurry up!

 

Pre-NaPoMo Celebrity-Death Combo

A poem from Knuckles, in anticipation of NaPoMo, just 10 days away, and to mark the death of Harry Reems.

"Dead is porn star Harry Reems,
at the age of 65.
His long shlong gone forever more,
but the memory stays alive.
The man literally was a fucker,
and did it oh so fine.
And had he toughed it just four more years,
he would've died at 69."

A first!

On this first day of Spring (HA HA HA!) I got on the bus, which was crowded and quite slow due to the massive snowbanks everywhere. I got a seat at the back of the bus.

There was a guy, middle-aged, white, balding, eating a banana. Eating a banana like he is in his own kitchen and not on public transit. Then he took out a breakfast bar and ate that. Then he took out a second breakfast bar and ate that.

At this point, the bus was quite crowded, with guys standing, so my view of Mr. Breakfast was partially blocked. Thank god for that because suddenly I hear a buzzing noise, a quiet but distinct buzz. Yes, he had pulled out his electric razor and was shaving on the bus. A young girl sitting next to him looked over and then bured her face in her book (Black Boy by Richard Wright, I noted).  Two Asian women sitting up from him turned around and looked. He was oblivious. A mother and daughter sitting across looked appalled but then started laughing to each other.

I noticed he wore a wedding band. Imagine being married to this guy. Being married to the guy who shaves on the city bus. There's only one valid reason for shaving in public: you are homeless. This guy clearly was not homeless, just a clueless boor.

New Pope

EVERYBODY TANGO!!

R U Ready to Conclaaaaaaaaave?

I crave the 'clave.

Let's get this party started!

Pope Me, Baby!

The Papal Conclave starts on March 12. This leads to one burning question: What are the appropriate snacks to serve at a Conclave Party?

Unrelated to anything Papal: At lunch time I saw a man literally walk into a tree. On University. He was walking with his head turned to the street watching traffic for some unknown reason and then BONK into a narrow tree. He stopped, rubbed his nose, adjusted his glasses and kept walking. It was almost like this wasn't the first time this had happened to him...  A man walking alone ahead of me turned around, smiling, to see if I had seen it too, but I was too surprised to smile. My brain was still processing the fact that The Benny Hill Show is real, not fiction.

Naughty, naughty

Smoothie and his girlfriend (of 8 months) have planned their first weekend getaway, to the Nation's Capital, in 2 weeks. Both Smoothie and gf still live at home (both are 27). When she told her father they were going away for a weekend, her father asked if they would have separate beds and then he said "there better not be any hanky-panky". 

Perhaps he is not aware that there has been excessive hanky pankying going on for the past 8 months.

Hanky panky. It's the word of the day. I had not heard that expression in years, and I suspect Smoothie had never heard it at all before yesterday.

My baby does the hanky panky. Now that song is in my head.

In other news: Our New Boss arrives today. Will he be a non-entity? or will reports of his antics make him a regular item of interest on the blog. If so, he will need a nickname. Stay tuned...

Happy Birthday to Me

Everyone should have the day off because it is MY birthday. But even I am at work. Sob!

When I turned 49, I declared that I was on a "Fit for 50" plan. Well, given the outstanding success of that initiative over the past 3 years, I now declare that starting today I am on a "Fit for 53" campaign. Wish me luck.

B-Day Wishes, Day 2

Happy Birthday to Mrs. Anon.  If I am not mistaken, you are a mere 45 today. Ha! Youth!

I hope all your boys are treating you well on this grand day.

B-Day Wishes, Day 1

This is a double birthday week on the blog. First up...

Happy Birthday to Ms Mushrooms. Are you recovering from the Indian food feast you were set to enjoy last night? I hope Mr Mushrooms and the young Mushrooms are being good to you today.

Enjoy it all. We are not getting any younger!

Astral Ball of Confusion

I thought today was the day the Earth would be attacked by a giant asteroid. But it turned out that today is the day when the Earth was attacked by a giant meteor. 

I am confused. From the Guardian's website:

 ...the Russian deputy prime minister said neither Moscow nor Washington had the power to shoot such objects down as they approached. "At the moment, neither we nor the Americans have such technologies" to shoot down meteors or asteroids, he said, according to the Interfax news agency.

Isn't this what we have Superheroes for? Where are Superman, Batman, Iron Man, The Hulk?  Whoever? You guys have totally disappointed me.

V Day

Happy Valentine's Day to one and all.

Work has been so busy. No time to blog, barely any time to email. Moi? No time to blog or email? How is this possible?

Vacating the Vatican

So the Pope threw in the Papal Towel today.  I betcha didn't know there even was a Papal Towel. (I made it up.)  He said, in Latin, I'm outta here. I'm going to Disney World, etc.

Let this be a lesson to every old worker everywhere who is hanging on to his/her job, thinking that they can't possibly retire because "what will the place do without me? I am the glue that holds this place together".  Retire. Leave. Now. Vamoose with ya.

If the Pope can call it quits, so can you. The world will not end.  Let the Papal Succession stakes begin!  If ever there was an event that called for a NaPoMo poem this is it. Sadly, we are forced to do without. Amen.

It's that time of year again...again!

Happy Birthday to Mr. Anon.  52 years young today.

I don't know what else to add. I hate getting older! wah!

What Can I Say?

Jim Nabors got married. To another man.

My first instinct was to write "Golly" or "Surprise, surprise, surprise" but since that appears to have been the first instinct of everyone else on the Internet, I won't.

I was not actually sure if Jim Nabors was still alive or not, so maybe I can say surprise, surprise, surprise about that.  Congratulations to the happy couple.

My Kingdom for a Snorkel

Today I got on the bus on University and LaGauchetiere at 4:50, as usual. The bus went up University to Rene-Levesque where more people got on, as usual. We continued up University, as usual. When we got to St. Catherine we were suddenly in the middle of AN IRWIN ALLEN PRODUCTION.

Water. Everywhere. The bus stuck on ice in the middle of University. Spinning tires. Bus fishtailing. Not advancing. Freezing water all around the bus. We made it to the corner of deMaisonneuve but couldn't make the turn because there was too much ice. All the passengers went to the back of the bus to make some weight at the back. After about 20 attempts we got around the corner. We all clapped, foolishly thinking our ordeal was over....

...but it wasn't.  We got stuck again at deMais and Metcalfe. Spinning tires, flood waters all around.  I was afraid I would have to swim like Shelly. Firemen had to guide the bus in reverse back to McGill College so we could turn. It was surreal.

I got home in just over 2 hours. I wondered if Mr. Anon was trapped in his office.

Please release me, let me go (Part XXXII)

Guess who got offered an extension yesterday? 

Mark Carney? No.
Prince Harry? No.
Knuckles Girlyskirt? YES.

He's never going to get to enjoy that 14-month package, is he? Mr. KG gets to savour his 3 weeks of Mexican chips and then return to the land of peanut butter and cheese until the end of March.  Fortunately for us, that leaves him available in April to contribute to NaPoMo on a daily basis. Poetry Rules!

The 2013 birthday parade begins

Happy 52nd B-day to Mr. Mushrooms. Who ignores his birthday. Though I hear his better half is going to bake him a cake, so there is some acknowledgement of the grand day.

How did we get to be 52? When did this happen?

(Aside: It's friggin' cold everywhere today. I'm trying not to dwell on it. )

The Return of the Romantic Male Box

It being a New Year, I have returned to the scene of nefarious activities, i.e. Internet dating.

Last week, I came in contact with a guy who is a bit wacky but seems fun. Chatting on the phone before meeting in person, he said he noted that I had nice teeth which meant I am not a smoker. I confirmed that I am indeed not a smoker, and thought okaaay.  We met on Saturday and one of the first things he asked was "Are your teeth real?"  I paused, laughed and said "Yes, are yours?" He said yes, which is obvious because one has a big chip in it.  Other than this teeth fetish, he seems "normal".  In fact, on first meeting, before the teeth thing, he said to me "Hey, you are normal!" That is the world of the Internet for ya, the pleasant surprise that the person you are meeting is in fact normal and not a raving loon.

Now if I can figure out what the teeth thing is about... If he hangs around I will need a nickname for him, based on his real name, which in Clash fan "code" indicates he "can't fail".

Obit News

Dear Abby died.

All together now "I can't believe she was still alive"  or "Didn't she die 30 years ago?"  Take your pick.

Yesterday, Conrad Bain died and I resisted writing: Whatchu talkin' 'bout? (OK, now I just gave in.)

Say What?

The Internet is abuzz about Jodie Foster's Golden Globes speech.  I say What?  I couldn't follow what she was babbling about. She was incoherent. Maybe DeNiro helped her write her speech, as it reminded me of a number of weird speeches he has made over the years.

More likely, she is just hanging around with Crazy Eyes Gibson too much.  And, ok I know it is not their fault, but her kids are really, really creepy looking.

In other GG news, I was happy to see Argo win. I thoroughly enjoyed that movie.

And a final note. Here is my advice to any producer of an awards show. Use Robert Downey Jr. for EVERYTHING. Make him host, make him give out every award, make him do it all. Nobody will be bored.

In TOTALLY unrelated news. This item caught my eye yesterday. From the CBC:

A 55-year-old man is dead after his snowmobile passed under a moose. The man suffered critical head injuries after his snowmobile passed under the large animal while it ran across the path.
The snowmobile was barely damaged in the incident. The moose ran off and investigators have not been able to locate it.

Under a moose?

How's it going, Down Under?

There was a lot on the news last night about the wildfires in Australia, and the extreme heat.

Susie, if you are reading, can you let us know how things are in Melbourne? Hope you are ok.

Ice storm

As we are "celebrating" the 15th anniversary of the ice storm this month, I have been trying to remember some of the things that happened.

1. Chalet BBQ: the source of hot meals!
2. Knuckles' emergency buckets of water.
3. The Bedards!

I'm sure other things will come to me.

Happy New Year!

I think there is something seriously wrong with a person whose first thought, on waking on new year's morning, is "when are my municipal taxes due? February 1 or March 1?" And I'm not talking about Knuckles here, although I'm certain he too could awaken to such a thought.

Answer is: March 1. Phew!