Next Tuesday I plan to start the South Beach Diet. Why? Well, other than the obvious (I’m fat), I got the book for $2 at the book sale last week and thought, why not?
Why next Tuesday? Because I have a pig-out scheduled for tomorrow night, then I’m off to the Holy City on Saturday for my sis’s birthday on Sunday. (Hello, Dairy Queen Ice Cream Cake.) I shall return on Monday to commence the diet on Tuesday.
I’ll be seeing the doctor on Thursday, where I’ll be able to say to him that I’ve been on a diet for 48 hours, can’t you tell?
Why are you getting a one-week warning about this? It provides ample time to find other blogs to read because I’m going to be a very crabby crab, a chipless crab, a pastaless crab, a carbless crab, while doing this, and it won’t be pretty. I might even write nasty things.
I’m giving it a 3-week try. It appears to work because I've lost a pound this week just thinking about starting it. That's pretty impressive.
Alas, if it doesn’t work, I’ll just find a homeless Japanese woman to come live in my closet and eat all my food while I’m out.
6 comments:
send the closet girl to chez moi
I'll tell her to check the freezer for home-made burritos.
May I suggest the stress diet:
In the morning, before going to work, leave your windows open and front door unlocked. Worrying will help to shed those ugly pounds...To keep worrying fresh, alternate with leaving the stove on, or the water running, etc. Before you know it, stress will have you looking svelte and gorgeous...and should for some reason something terrible happens, such as fire, flood, or theft...well, you won't really care that you're overweight, you'll have more important pressing matters to worry about...(which in itself, will help you to lose weight!)...it's win-win all the way.
JAW fan
let's get something straight - DQ is not ice cream...it's ice milk so don't be so hard on yourself. Even WW is pro DQ if you're going to indulge. Now I know this is a crazy thought, but maybe some of us who need to shed a few pounds (okay that would be me and not Mr. Anon.) could join you in the diet albeit not for the whole 3 weeks. 3 days would work for me...
N. =)
Ack. You've turned into my mother. She used to go on ad nauseum about how DQ was NOT ice cream. This was very bad in her opinion.
We were just talking about it last weekend because we learned that my bro-in-law's brother worked at DQ 30-odd years ago, dipping Buster Bars and Dilly Bars. In those days, the Bars were hand-dipped every morning, and they used real ice cream! Ah, the good old days.
...so, DQ doesn't make you fat. Now all you have to worry about is getting cancer from all the chemical crap they put into making that ice cream...er, milk!...and don't try to tell me it's healthy stuff. It has all the real taste of one of those delicious frozen cookie bars you buy at the grocery store in boxes of 6...mmm, I love how that cookie exterior stays soft even in the freezer.
JAW fan
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