In the news

I'm bugged by the story of Prince Harry having to leave A'stan early because his cover was blown.

Why'd they have to do this? The guy was 10 weeks into a 14-week tour of duty. Let him finish, then let the press have a field day writing about him. Why can't people keep their mouths shut?

Doesn't seem fair to him.

February

Meanwhile on the other side of the planet...

This photo comes courtesy of susieq. This is Manly Beach in Sydney. A photo taken a few days ago. Life is tough down there in the winter.

Leap Year

I'm too sexy for my shirt
Too sexy for my shirt
Too sexy it hurts.

Why, you ask, am I quoting this? Because Newsworld this morning was listing the most popular songs on February 29 over the past 20-odd years. And this is from 1992. A classic.

My mother always said that Leap Day was the only day (THE ONLY DAY, she stressed) when a woman could propose marriage to a man.

And here I am without Clooney's phone number.

That's It! I'm Fed Up

The wind chill is minus 24 right now.

I've run out of words to complain about it. *&*^%$(*(&!

We got 12 cm of snow in the past 2 days, and last night I did not even bother finishing shovelling it because I got too fed up with the damn cold. I just thought, screw this, and went inside. Leaving half the driveway in snow.

I just can't stand it anymore.

To quote Tetes A Claques, I wish I was born in Hawaii where the Hawaiians are.

A timely reminder

I got an e-mail from Ticketmaster this morning, reminding me that Bruce Springsteen is coming up on Sunday night.

That's helpful because with my failing memory I could've been sitting on the couch on Sunday watching 60 Minutes and thinking "Isn't there somewhere I'm supposed to be?".

Birthday News

Tonight, around 9:00. My sister calls.

She: Did you see Time magazine?
Me: I just walked in the door, and I just saw it. George Clooney's on the cover.
She: Yeah. He's the same age as you.
Me: I know.
She: I'm not saying this just because I'm your sister, but you look A LOT younger than George Clooney.
Me: Thank you. Thank you very much.

Not such a bad B-Day after all, I guess.

47, and no wiser

TA DA DA DA DA DA, DA DA
I say it's my birthday
TA DA DA DA DA DA, DA DA
It's my birthday too—yeah
TA DA DA DA DA DA, DA DA
I say it's my birthday
TA DA DA DA DA DA, DA DA
I'm gonna have a good time (how? I’m at work)
TA DA DA DA DA DA, DA DA
I'm glad it's my birthday (this part not true)
TA DA DA DA DA DA, DA DA
Happy birthday to me.

And it's snowing! what a surprise!

Oscar, Part 2

What the frig was up with John Travolta's hair?

Oscar Nite

I did not win the Oscar pool. This is not news, as I think I’ve won once in 8 years. Sigh.

The couple from Once were really sweet, just like their movie.

I was glad DDL won. I loved the contrast between his yelling in the featured clip and his gentle speech. It was nice that he acknowledged the boy who played his son. I figure the kid was really good, and if he can hold his own against DDL then congratulations to him. Of course, everything about DDL was overshadowed by his wife’s awful dress. I’m not a big Oscar Gown Critic, but … ooh what was that?

Now let’s talk about Javier Bardem. I don’t think he’s great shakes, looks-wise, but last night is what stylists get paid big bucks to do. He looked sensational. Wow. And he brought his mom. Aw!

Distortion

I'm listening to the new Magnetic Fields record right now.

I have to say I like it quite a bit because it sounds like the rest of their stuff.

Just feels like I'm listening to it whilst hiding deep within thick shrubbery.

Strummer on Smoking

Joe believed that all the great literature of the 20th Century was produced by smokers. Therefore non-smokers had no right to enjoy the fruits of the smokers' labours if they were anti-smoking.

Input: nicotine
Output: literature

Punk Rock Warlord

I saw the Joe Strummer documentary. If you aren’t a fan, don’t bother. If you are a fan, what a treat. A treasure trove of riches.

Weird thing is none of the people talking about Joe are identified. Is the movie assuming we’re just going to know Joe Ely or Tymon Dogg or Don Letts when we see them? That was strange to me.

It’s loaded with stuff I’d never seen before. Like Joe at age 5. He already had that face. Tons of photos of his squatting days, even before the 101ers.

I enjoyed Topper in this. Joe seems to have spent his time antagonizing Topper. He really wasn’t nice to him at all. And yet Topper seems to have come through it all looking good and seeming happy and not bitter.

Bernie Rhodes comes off as an asshole. No surprise there, I guess. Mick Jones seems a bit goofy.

One terrific thing is that there is a ton of non-Clash music in the movie, all stuff that Joe played on his radio show. It all sounds great. Of the Clash songs that get thrown in all over, I thought the best sounding was Magnificent 7. It sounded fantastic.

I felt really sad at the end of the movie. It felt like I was reliving the news of his death all over again. Is it weird to miss someone I never met? Maybe. Maybe not. But, boy, do I miss Joe.

DRAINAGE!!

It’s all about the drainage.

I finally saw There Will Be Blood last night. Loved it.

Some people think 2 ½ hours is too long. Not me. I loved every minute of it. The BIG performance by DDL was exactly what I wanted from him and I got it. He’s on screen almost every second and he’s always enthralling.

I thought Plainview was a great character. I believe Plainview is supposed to be a villain, but I thought he was terrific. He was so honest. When a man says he hates other people, what else do you need to know?

Should I be worried that I was rooting for the unapologetic misanthrope all the way?

Sure, he could be extreme. For example, if you suspect someone of having been dishonest with you, you should fire him, not kill him. But that’s just me. And I wouldn’t make an interesting character in a movie.

In the end, he loses it. But he knows he’s lost it. And I think the movie has one of the best last lines ever: “I’m finished”.

News Story of the Day

The recent earthquake that was felt across Israel was the result of the "homosexual activity practiced in the country", Knesset Member Shlomo Benizri said Wednesday. (ynet.news)

I've long suspected that when too many people are dancing to I Will Survive at the same time, something bad could occur. I was right.

Stop that disco dancing, you gays!

Jon and Larry and the Lunar Eclipse

Jon Stewart was on Larry King’s show last night.

At each commercial break, I would scoot up to my upstairs window to watch the unfolding of the eclipse. It was neat-o.

Stewart's best line: Barack Obama cured my leprosy.

I loved that he managed to trash Larry’s show while on Larry’s show. The “King Cam” was his target, and when Larry mentioned that the term “King Cam” actually came from “King Camera”, I was amazed at the self-restraint on Stewart’s part to not slap the old fool in the face. Larry, King of the obvious.

Also, when sitting face to face with Larry King, Stewart, who is a good looking 45, really cannot seriously describe HIMSELF as decrepit. Really. He’s sitting across from decrepitude in its fullest natural habitat, and he calls himself decrepit? Really?

Lunar Eclipse

The sky is going to be clear and we should see some top-notch eclipsing tonight.

10:00 p.m. Eastern.

The folks on the Weather Station were so thrilled about this. I didn’t listen to CBC, but I can imagine how excited Bob McDonald must be. This is the kind of thing he wets his pants about. Go Bob!

The next lunar eclipse is in December 2010, so if I fall asleep and miss it, well, better luck next time to me.

Happy Birthday to somebody out there

I don't actually know anyone whose birthday is today, but I feel like we're on a streak here.

I, Ignatius

Fans of Confederacy of Dunces will recall how our hero Ignatius J. Reilly is always going on about his valve.

Yesterday, Dr. McD told me how my valve had been very distended and twisted, and he had had to reconstruct it.

"Your valve was in really bad shape," he said.

I've never felt more like Ignatius. Except I still can't eat a savoury hot dog.

Adios, Fidel

So I go back to work, and Fidel resigns.

Perhaps, like me, he realized that staying home is a hell of a lot more fun than shlepping to the office every day.

My first day back started with my boss handing me an URGENT task before I had my coat off. Welcome back! I finished it by 10:30 and have just been cleaning up my work space since then, but what a way to start. Oh, Fidel, you are so lucky.

Happy B-Day, Mrs. Anon!!

I believe this is a Big One for Ms Chicken Coupons, isn't it?

Welcome to the 40s, the decade where everything starts to fall apart!

It's endless fun. Really.

Just sayin'

I dunno 'bout you, but I'm already tired of looking at jubilant Kosovars.

Maybe I just have a strong anti-secessionist streak. I realize this puts me on the same side as Vlad Putin, but I just have to live with that.

It's Over

My time off comes to an end today. Dr McDreamy has pronounced me fit to return to work.

I went wah wah wah all the way home.

Interesting appointment. He showed me my before x-ray and my after x-ray (which was taken this morning). In the first one, my stomach was in front of my heart, which is not where it should've been. In the second, my stomach sits down below my heart, right where it is supposed to be. It's being held in place by a bunch of little staples. How nice. A place for everything, and everything in its place.

In a couple of months, I'll have another set of x-rays and another scope, and hopefully everything will continue to be A-OK.

Thank you Dr McD.

It's Ms Mushrooms' Birthday!

Bonne fete a toi
Bonne fete a toi
Bonne fete Madame Mushrooms (Champignons?)
Bonne fete a toi.

A LOL cat I finded amuzing

What's great is, this made me want to see that old cartoon again, and all I had to do was google Tex Avery Singa and there it was on YouTube. Coool.

In Bruges

This movie made me want to go to Bruges. And I don't even like Belgians.

Actually that's unfair. I don't like the idea of Belgians. The stereotype of Belgians as boring, uptight, nasty little people. I don't like those Belgians. But I know two actual Belgians and I like them both. They're both great. I think of them as exceptions to the normal Belgians, whom I don't like.

Anyway, the movie is so-so. The performances are all good, but the combination of comedy and ultra-violence doesn't work. It can work (see Tarantino) but in this case it doesn't. The movie turns far too dark in the end after all the jokes that come at the beginning.

The movie is very hostile towards Americans, but not in a clever or new way. It's just fat Americans or racist Americans, and ho hum, who cares about that.

But it has Rafe! Beautiful Rafe. And he's always worth the price of admission.

Also, my favourite line is referring to a half-pint of beer as a "gay beer". I just found that amusing.

The moral of the movie is: never be mean to a Canadian. Anyone who has seen it will understand.

Winter Effing Wonderland

As I was outside, shovelling what is either (pick one):

a) Mother Nature's latest gift of fluffy white joy; or
b) Mother Nature's latest punishment for our collective sins,

the Canada Post letter-carrier came by and handed me my mail.

Today's mail consisted of a letter from the company that fertilizes my lawn. I quote "Spring is almost here and our 2008 lawn care program includes 4 visits to optimize the health of your grass."

This suggests there is grass somewhere under the snowbanks. The snowbanks which now reach shoulder-height in some places. This suggests I live in a house, with a lawn, and not an igloo on a desolate stretch of arctic tundra. This suggests that someday Spring will come. Ha!

I laughed bitterly. Oh so bitterly.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Poetry Corner II

Good day, friends. Apparently the deep snow brings out the deep poet in many Canadians. Therefore I proudly present a collaborative effort from the Nanukian Poetry Collective.

Waste Land USA
(To Karl)

President Obama?
A change is gonna come.
But will his policies turn Marxist when time the change it brings?
How can they not be when Harpo is pulling the strings?

And she with her followers akin to the Gestapo
Will make many feel Groucho (Chico and sometimes Zeppo)

"But what of Gummo" chant the masses.
What of Gummo.

Poetry Corner

The eastern part of North America is currently being socked by a big, big snowstorm. This includes Montreal and everything south all the way to Washington, D.C. In this spirit, and that of the current Primary season, I proudly present the following poem, courtesy of JAW Fan (polite snooty applause) :

Flakes of snow upon the White House,
Like dandruff on the head of a bald man.
But what if a black man should move in?
Will the women still watch Oprah?

Lil JFK

Go to theglobeandmail.com.

Is this guy JFK's son? He certainly looks like him. Especially around the eyes. What I don't get is, given his extracurricular activities, shouldn't there be tons and tons of little Kennedys all across the continent?

Shouldn't it be totally ordinary? "Your father was JFK? Hey, me too!"

I predict a flood of new Kennedys coming out of the woodwork.

But will they all support Obama?

Water goes on, water goes off

They are about to turn the water off again. sigh. At least we got a warning today. I knew it was coming because walking home from IGA I saw the trucks arriving and the pylons being put down to block the street. Then the "Fermeture d'Eau" truck went by with siren blaring.

Fortunately I had already showered, filled cat bowls with water, filled bucket for toilet, and pots for cooking. I also had time to finish washing dishes. And I have water for tea. So I'm just going to have to relax and live the old pioneer life for another day.

Apparently there was a break in the same place about a month ago, but that was in the olden days when I was at work during the day, so I had not been aware of it.

(Yikes, I have to go back to work next week. Now I'm kinda depressed.)

How to Stop Time

You know how on most days time just seems to fly by? You look at your watch and say, wow, is it already 3, or 5 or 10? Well, today I have learned how to stop time.

Turn off all running water.

I have not had running water since 1:00 this afternoon, it is now 7:30 p.m. This has been the longest day of my life.

I can see the City crew up at the corner. I assume they are trying to fix a burst line, and aren't just sitting around drinking coffee and text-messaging their friends. Maybe I'm foolish to assume they've been working for the past 6 hours. What do I know?

When I was a kid, and the city needed to turn off the water, a truck with a loud-speaker on it would drive around the streets screaming: Attention Attention. And my mother would scream: Get some buckets! and we would fill up a few buckets with water so we could continue to use the toilet and be civilized people despite our lack of running water.

But now? You think we got a warning? Nope. Sometime after 1 p.m. I turned on the tap and nada. Nary a drip.

Dead Celeb News

Roy Scheider died.

I guess I should hum the Jaws theme. Too-doo, too-doo, too-doo.

Of course, some people here would prefer a big Bob Fosse extravaganza number, but that's not gonna happen.

Masterpiece?

I watched Pride & Prejudice on what used to be Masterpiece Theater last night. Did you know they changed the name from Masterpiece Theater to "Masterpiece"? How dumb is that? What were they thinking. That "Theater" is too high-brow even for PBS now?

Anyway, back to P&P. It was the movie version (Masterpiece Cinema, perhaps?) starring Colin Firth, who I've never really been much of a fan of. Terrible sentence structure there, I think, but I can't be bothered to fix it.

So I'm watching and I'm thinking that Colin Firth makes a great Mr. Darcy. Mainly because throughout the program, I just kept thinking "what a handsome a--hole this guy is" which, if I am not mistaken, is exactly how we are supposed to think of Mr. Darcy.

Pre-Valentine Romance Moment

Last night I saw the cutest couple in the world. Walking along on the sidewalk.

Around 9:00 I looked out the living room window and there they were, just under the streetlight, side by side in blissful companionship. The two sweetest skunks I’ve ever seen.

I love skunks. The way they waddle. I find them jolly.

Normally I see only one at a time. It’s the first time I’ve seen a couple walking side by side. They went up one neighbour’s driveway, around their car, and back out, and then up the next neighbour’s drive. And then I lost sight of them. I guess they found some nice garbage to eat.

Today in esophagus news

This recovery is totally bizarre. As long as I am not eating, I feel completely normal. So normal in fact that I forget I'm not recovered. Then I do something dumb. Like at breakfast today.

I foolishly forgot to take a sip of water or juice before eating my toast. So I take two bites of toast and cheese and gak! Next thing I know I'm standing at the kitchen sink wheezing, hiccuping and sipping water trying to dislodge the air bubble that is sticking me like a knife in the back. So weird.

It's not like choking. There's no fear of not breathing. It's just a stabbing pain and I can feel the air pocket. I think restaurant eating is off the menu for a long, long time.

Golden Rule: sip, then eat, sip, then eat.

Oh No!

Romney is all but out.

But, but...

There are still so many jokes to be made at his expense.

Book News

I'm reading Special Topics in Calamity Physics, a book I'd never heard of until it was given to me as recuperation reading.

It's a kinda Secret History story with bourgeois kids at a private high school and mystery and stuff. But with a LOT more humour. It is very clever and funny. At times it is too clever and precious in a Juno-nobody-really-talks-like-that way, but it's easy enough to ignore that because it's fun to read.

The best character is the narrator's Dad who is this manly European small-school academic. He would be played by Max von Sydow if Max was 30 years younger (and still alive? Didn't he die? I can't remember.)

Sample: narrator and her Dad go to a University production of Our Town.
"...Dad found the carpe diem premise much too syrupy ("Wake me up if someone gets shot" he said as he nodded off.)"

You can hear Max von Sydow saying that, I think.

Speaking of truffles...

I got a box of chocolate truffles last night. Some of the gang from work stopped by with a goodie bag full of goodies. They did some thoughtful shopping, trying to get things they guessed I could eat.

Since I can't eat chocolate right now, the truffles and the Smarties will have to wait a couple weeks. But the Pepperidge Farm Goldfish and the Baby Bels I can eat right now. I love me the Baby Bels.

I also got a can of Karhi. I've never heard of karhi but turns out it is an Indian soup, more precisely a "mildly spiced buttermilk soup with dumplings" which should be served over basmati, which fortunately I have in the house. Yum, first Indian food of my post-op era. I also got some spinach saag. So I'm all set for some mild Indian. (Insert Gandhi joke here.)

Hooray Great News

I've been given an extra week at home. Yay!

Because Dr. McDreamy's schedule is totally FUBAR, he can't see me this Friday, but he doesn't want me to go to back to work before I see him. So I'm rescheduled to see him on Feb 18, which means another 10 days at home. I'm jumping for joy.

His office has no problem signing off on this extended period for my work's HR department, so I'm good to go, or rather to stay. wheee.

Election?

Follow-up to a phone conversation with JAW Fan.

If, rather than Clinton, the Black Guy, or crazy ass McCain, the candidates for US President were: Oprah vs Dr. Phil. Who would you vote for?

He tells it like it is, but she'll give you a new car. hmm.

But seriously, as much as her power scares me, I'd have to vote for President Oprah.

It's Super Wednesday

Happy Birthday Mr. Anonymous!

Do whatever you like, whenever you like. Be the anti-Vargas.

Question of the Day

When is somebody going to design 3-D glasses with attractive frames? How hard can that be?


In Super Tuesday news, Huckabee wins West Virginia. Enjoy, Mike. With Iowa and WV, I think you're done.

Here's something we don't see every day

It's Mahmoud in 3-D glasses!

Apparently he looking at some kind of aerial mapping thing, and not coming out of a private showing of Spy Kids. Oh well.

It's Municipal Tax Time

Everybody's fave time of the year, when we see what the City of Montreal is charging for its laughable unhelpful hostile services.

For the first time in history, my bill remains unchanged from the preceding year.

I suppose they expect me to be grateful about this.

With a total of $3030.00 (divided into 2 payments) I'm not enjoying the gouge. Does anyone like being ripped-off? Does anyone look at their bill and say "why, the City has certainly earned this money! I'll gladly pay this. Well done, sirs."

I think not.

Toast!

I had a piece of toast today. Hurray. It made squeaking, popping and grinding noises on the way down like something out of Mousetrap.

It was the first bread I've eaten in 2 weeks. That may not sound like a big deal, but 2 weeks without bread is very weird and un-natural. It'll be 2 more weeks before I attempt to swallow untoasted bread, but today was a successful Step One.

I also had bran cereal for breakfast. Whee. I am a foodie dare-devil.

Giants Win

That was a shock.

This will inevitably lead to a plethora of new babies being named Plaxico.

Plaxico? I think I bought shares in that company once.

Lazy Sunday Lazy Cat Blogging

The Big Red One and Mr. D., working hard at what they do best...lounging.

Snow Storm

Ok. These are NOT photos of yesterday's storm.
Yesterday turned out to be not so bad because so much of the precip fell as freezing rain and sleet, that there was not as much accumulation as had been predicted, and we avoided the dreaded 40 cm of snow I had feared.

These are pictures of the first storm of the season, back on December 3. This is my little car on my little street buried in snow. And the second is the picnic table in my backyard. How inviting.

I can't believe we've had 2 full months of this already, and we're only halfway through winter. Uncle!

News story of the day

ST. JOHN'S — An Iranian man studying in Newfoundland has been sentenced to three months in jail for kissing a woman on her breast while the two were sharing an elevator. Farhood Azarsina, 25, pleaded guilty last week to sexual assault.

Mr. Azarsina, a PhD student in engineering at Memorial University, admitted kissing the top of the woman's breast while the two were on an elevator at the St. John's school on Sept. 27. He apologized in court last week, explaining he acted on impulse.

Mr. Azarsina said he didn't realize the seriousness of the offence in this country. “You can't expect all males to control themselves when the breasts are out,” he said. (The Globe & Mail)

That last sentence is a keeper.

What I've learned today

Bananas and plain yogurht are a helluva lot tastier if you pour maple syrup on them.

The snow has started falling

Apparently we are on the verge of a doozie of a storm. How nice to be snug as a bug at home.

I think I'm watching too much Arrested Development. I dreamt about Jason Bateman last night. Worse things could happen, I suppose.