Friday, October 05, 2007

Medical Report (the latest in a continuing, endless, annoying series)

I feel ancient. I have a hiatus hernia, which the doc told me is unusual in someone my age. My stomach is popping into my esophagus. Great. And this means….another test! Next Friday.

I can’t wait to go on vacation just to run away from my medical appointments.

The Number 1 symptom of a hiatus hernia is heartburn. How often do I get heartburn? Never. How does this make any sense?

I won't know how serious this is until the next test and consult. But the doc told me hernias come in three convenient sizes: small, medium and large. And mine is a large. Apparently hernias are only a problem if they are large. Goodie!


And I may have had it for a long, long time. What does that mean? Years? Decades? I dunno. Doc also said he thought, for now, that the likelihood of requiring surgery was very small. At least that’s good news. But he did say it would be VERY beneficial for me to “lose a few pounds”. Define “a few”, thought I. But I know what he means.

Last night I was lying in bed, thinking an alien was going to spring out of my stomach.

3 comments:

cityofmushrooms said...

yikes!!

...get better

Anonymous said...

What kind of quack seriously tells someone to "lose a few pounds" before a Holiday weekend?

Next thing you know, he'll tell you to stop sampling crazy Doritos flavors or something. Heh.

Seriously though, the large ones can be horrible. My dad had one that required a surgical "fix" that wasn't.

So I guess I'm advising you to follow your Doctor's orders but to do so with an attitude?

Anonymous said...

You know, I think doctors say 'lose a few pounds' whatever the problem is - its like a standard line.

Seriously, my friend has one and controls it with diet - she has tablets to fall back on (she's our age). However, little or no alcohol, no spicy food etc etc. If we go out for a curry, out come the tablets!

My grandmother had one for years until the day the she died (it didn't kill her).