Monday, June 18, 2007

A Tangled Office Web

Here’s a situation. One of my colleagues is retiring this month. For the past two months, she has not been on speaking terms with another of our colleagues. It’s really, really ugly. Therefore, she has requested that NOTHING be done for her retirement. No lunch, no party, nothing because anything official would involve the hated colleague.

Some of us are appalled by this fighting and still want to do something to mark the occasion. I had planned all along to invite our retiree to lunch on my own. Before I had a chance to do so, someone else mentioned that those of us who want to, should take her out “unofficially”. So today I invited her to lunch and she was delighted. So I asked her if there was anyone else in the department she wanted to invite, again in an unofficial capacity. And she said No. Nobody else.

So I had to go back to the others and say, sorry, nobody else is invited. Can you say awkward? I am stuck in the middle because the others still want to get some kind of gift and do something for her, but I know that she really isn’t interested in getting anything at all from anybody else.

I know a lot of the problem is a language issue, as our retiree speaks very good English but isn’t really comfortable chatting and joking in English. We always speak French together but the others would not be able to keep up in French. So English would dominate the conversation which wouldn’t be fair to her since she would be the guest of honour. (Only in Quebec could such a thing occur.)

Why are office dynamics so complicated? I’m taking her to lunch on Friday and have had to tell the others that they are on their own to make other plans. I hate this.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Perhaps you could tell others that while they cannot come to the lunch, they should approach her about their own wishes. Just because you were able to speak to her and arrange something does not mean you are automatically the spokesperson for everyone.

Office stuff is crazy, My friend works with two women who have not spoken to each other in over ten years. I don't know if this helps at all.

PS Two of my sisters haven't spoken to each other in over two years. They only speak to me.They are in their 50's!

cityofmushrooms said...

since I live in the daytime world of elementary-school-moms and work in the henhouse of esl: I feel your pain! I hate to be so sexist but why do we women do this shit to each other? men mostly manage to bow out or side-step these awkward social, unspoken tho fiercely conducted wars of silences and exclusions- how do they do it? is it because they don't (seem) to care and we do??
what do the men out there in inveterateintrovert-world have to say?

Nanuk of the North, older but no wiser said...

Well I know that the hated colleague is taking the day off on the last day of the retiree's career, so as to not have to say good-bye to her. Nice, eh?
So I think there will be some kind of flowers-and-toasting thing taking place that afternoon in the boss's office.
This whole thing is also the boss's fault because she's afraid of both these ladies (yes, she's afraid of them and she is their boss) so she has refused for two months to deal with any of the unpleasantness.

What a way to retire after 36 YEARS of service.

cityofmushrooms said...

don't it make you want to go and work at a barber's? mostly silent middle-aged men grunting that they justwannatrim

anyway your above ordeal is another reason guys rule the world - we women are constantly slapping each other down and don't always need glass ceilings to cut ourselves on

I hope it somehow all works out in the retirees dept

Anonymous said...

I'm with LLJ on this one - if all the others then go and ask her out for lunch, maybe she'll get the hint and have a group lunch for everyone that SHE wants to invite.

And the manager who has done nothing about this? Pathetic! We all know you just can't have that stuff going on in your team.

Anonymous said...

Consciously not talking to someone is stupid and petty. There are plenty of people here at work I do not like. I just don't go out of my to say hello. If I see them and they start talking to me, well you talk, that's it...stupid as they may be. Then you go and complain about them to someone else. Curiously enough, I would love to know who hates me here at work.

As for your predicament, well, ummm...you do the right thing and lie your way out of it, as you do not want to alienate the co-workers who you will have to continue to work with...I don't mean not take the woman out for lunch (you can still do that), just make it seem to your co-workers that that will be a chore and not pleasurable. You might even want to imply that this retiring co-working is acting stupid and that you regret inviting her. It's all about being political and ensuring your happiness after Miss French-Lady leaves. For more details on how to lie properly in this particular situation, please call me at work.

JAW fan

Nanuk of the North, older but no wiser said...

I'm not lying about anything. I'm taking her to lunch on Friday, and everyone else is on their own. A couple of people have already confessed that they are relieved to be excluded because they want no part of the whole sticky situation.

Anonymous said...

Well, don't come crying to me when everyone strats calling you the office snoot who thinks she's better than everyone else...cause it will happen!!!! (at least, it would where I work!)

JAW fan