Pop over to newyorker.com and read David Sedaris's piece this week.
You will never look at your t.v. remote control the same way again.
Monday, February 12, 2007
Cold Canadians
It’s Valentine’s Week and you know what that means? Polls, polls, polls. Endless polls about how happy everyone is or isn’t, the secret to a long, happy marriage or the evils of the serial cheating spouse, etc.
So a look at today’s poll in The Globe & Mail is very discouraging as it does nothing to dispel the notion that Canadians are unspeakably dull, dull, dull.
Apparently, Canadians value fidelity and intelligence over everything else. Yawn.
Come on, people. How does this make us look on the international lovin’ stage?
"Money was rated important by only 5% of respondents. Being good in bed was a priority for 12% of males compared with just 4% of females." We are the laughingstock of the money-and-sex-crazed world.
"Physical attraction rated high for 30% of men but just 14% of women." Can’t we be more superficial, ladies? Why are we not pining for dreamboats? And, guys, 7 out of 10 of you don’t rate physical attraction high? You are not men, you are Devo!
I know it’s hard to be “hot” when it’s minus 20 and we’re all wrapped up in our touques, mufflers and mukluks, but let’s all stop being so sensible.
So a look at today’s poll in The Globe & Mail is very discouraging as it does nothing to dispel the notion that Canadians are unspeakably dull, dull, dull.
Apparently, Canadians value fidelity and intelligence over everything else. Yawn.
Come on, people. How does this make us look on the international lovin’ stage?
"Money was rated important by only 5% of respondents. Being good in bed was a priority for 12% of males compared with just 4% of females." We are the laughingstock of the money-and-sex-crazed world.
"Physical attraction rated high for 30% of men but just 14% of women." Can’t we be more superficial, ladies? Why are we not pining for dreamboats? And, guys, 7 out of 10 of you don’t rate physical attraction high? You are not men, you are Devo!
I know it’s hard to be “hot” when it’s minus 20 and we’re all wrapped up in our touques, mufflers and mukluks, but let’s all stop being so sensible.
From the Indian Chip News Desk
Our intreprid reporter, grocery shopper and chip aficionado, JAW Fan, writes in:
"Went grocery shopping on Saturday...Curry Lays are in fact available here (didn't see no wasabi chips, however).
Naturally, I had to buy a big bag. They were tasty in the sense that I had to eat the entire bag; however, am not certain they would be my first choice when I have a chip craving. In the Indian potato chip department, I think I would choose Tandoori Sizzlers over Curry Lays. Of course, if Curry Lays were served at a party, I wouldn't turn my nose up at them."
"Went grocery shopping on Saturday...Curry Lays are in fact available here (didn't see no wasabi chips, however).
Naturally, I had to buy a big bag. They were tasty in the sense that I had to eat the entire bag; however, am not certain they would be my first choice when I have a chip craving. In the Indian potato chip department, I think I would choose Tandoori Sizzlers over Curry Lays. Of course, if Curry Lays were served at a party, I wouldn't turn my nose up at them."
Friday, February 09, 2007
Pondering an Odd Word
A propos of nothing, except it is once again Friday afternoon and time for time-wasting, where does the expression dreamboat come from?
I looked it up in the Oxford and all it says is: "informal. a very attractive person, especially a man." Nothing there about the origin of the word.
I can understand the "dream" part, but "boat"? Why would we call somebody a boat?
I looked it up in the Oxford and all it says is: "informal. a very attractive person, especially a man." Nothing there about the origin of the word.
I can understand the "dream" part, but "boat"? Why would we call somebody a boat?
Celeb Death News
Any death of a young person is tragic, even a tabloid star, but I bet there are three people in the USA who are thrilled by the timely demise of Anna Nicole:
Crazy Astronaut Lady, her Intended Victim and Captain Catnip.
Sometimes there are real benefits to the media having the attention span of a gnat.
Crazy Astronaut Lady, her Intended Victim and Captain Catnip.
Sometimes there are real benefits to the media having the attention span of a gnat.
Papal Sizzler
This painting by Francis Bacon sold for $27 million. Just proves my theory that Bacon is irresistible at any price. Mmmmm...Bacon.
Thursday, February 08, 2007
NASA Nappy News
Astronauts do not wear “diapers”.
NASA calls them “MAGs” or Maximum Absorption Garments.
A NASA “diaper” can last 8 to 10 hours, depending on how much it is used.
The NASA "diapers" helped to influence the consumer diaper market, as well as feminine hygiene products. “It's what we call a spinoff, which is anything that is developed for the space program and then is passed down for commercial use.” (Newsweek)
On behalf of women, old folk and babies everywhere, I thank you NASA.
NASA calls them “MAGs” or Maximum Absorption Garments.
A NASA “diaper” can last 8 to 10 hours, depending on how much it is used.
The NASA "diapers" helped to influence the consumer diaper market, as well as feminine hygiene products. “It's what we call a spinoff, which is anything that is developed for the space program and then is passed down for commercial use.” (Newsweek)
On behalf of women, old folk and babies everywhere, I thank you NASA.
On Noted Moobies, or why I love the Times of London
The world is in too depressing a state to think about today. So instead, let us concentrate on man boobs.
This is why the I love The Times of London. They can pull off this high-wire act of being a respected serious newspaper and still run items like this.
“A record 4,000 blokes in the UK had their man-breasts, or ‘moobs’, removed by cosmetic surgery last year. According to the British Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons, that’s almost double the number for 2005, when 2,100 went under the knife for the same reason.”
"Newspapers have taken to printing shots of noted moobies, such as Simon Cowell, Tony Blair, Robbie Williams and Chris Moyles, going topless on holiday."
"Farcical, saucy, and somewhat tragic, man-breasts make ideal fodder for the British tabloid media.”
I love that last sentence. It says, tsk tsk, shame on the shameless tabloids for covering the exact same cheesy, funny story that we are now covering in our serious high-minded way.
Here’s the link: http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/men/article1334483.ece
Funny, I see no mention of the manziere or bro.
Saucy. I love that word, and yet I never find an opportunity to use it. I love the British.
This is why the I love The Times of London. They can pull off this high-wire act of being a respected serious newspaper and still run items like this.
“A record 4,000 blokes in the UK had their man-breasts, or ‘moobs’, removed by cosmetic surgery last year. According to the British Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons, that’s almost double the number for 2005, when 2,100 went under the knife for the same reason.”
"Newspapers have taken to printing shots of noted moobies, such as Simon Cowell, Tony Blair, Robbie Williams and Chris Moyles, going topless on holiday."
"Farcical, saucy, and somewhat tragic, man-breasts make ideal fodder for the British tabloid media.”
I love that last sentence. It says, tsk tsk, shame on the shameless tabloids for covering the exact same cheesy, funny story that we are now covering in our serious high-minded way.
Here’s the link: http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/men/article1334483.ece
Funny, I see no mention of the manziere or bro.
Saucy. I love that word, and yet I never find an opportunity to use it. I love the British.
Return of the Mushroom People
Technical difficulties have finally been resolved at the Mushroom household.
Glad to have you back on line.
Turns out Foxfire was the key. I have no idea what that is but others here mentioned it and turns out they were right. Hats off to you knowledgeable people.
Glad to have you back on line.
Turns out Foxfire was the key. I have no idea what that is but others here mentioned it and turns out they were right. Hats off to you knowledgeable people.
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Astronutty
I'm still following the deranged astronaut story. I'm fascinated by it.
Maybe it's just me, but I expect people like this, people who are clearly far-and-away smarter than the rest of us mere shlubs, to have a better grip on their emotions than everybody else. Is that unfair? Maybe. But that's the way I see it. These scientifically-brained people should have more self-control and more stable relationships because they think logically and with great precision and care, no? I guess not.
I get the feeling a lot of astronautical dirty laundry is about to come spilling out. These classic American heroes aren't going to seem so heroic after all. Turns out they are depressed, alcoholic, cheating no-goods like everybody else. Lunch-bag letdown.
I look forward to a public statement from Shuttle Captain Stud Muffin and Army Captain I Need a Restraining Order There's a Crazy Woman Out to Get Me.
I guess sometimes your life goes off the rails and it really isn't your fault. Weird. And slightly scary.
Maybe it's just me, but I expect people like this, people who are clearly far-and-away smarter than the rest of us mere shlubs, to have a better grip on their emotions than everybody else. Is that unfair? Maybe. But that's the way I see it. These scientifically-brained people should have more self-control and more stable relationships because they think logically and with great precision and care, no? I guess not.
I get the feeling a lot of astronautical dirty laundry is about to come spilling out. These classic American heroes aren't going to seem so heroic after all. Turns out they are depressed, alcoholic, cheating no-goods like everybody else. Lunch-bag letdown.
I look forward to a public statement from Shuttle Captain Stud Muffin and Army Captain I Need a Restraining Order There's a Crazy Woman Out to Get Me.
I guess sometimes your life goes off the rails and it really isn't your fault. Weird. And slightly scary.
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Breaking News: Chip Edition
I have been informed that Lay's have come out with a new curry flavoured chip.
2007: The Year of the Indian-themed snack food. It's about time!
More details as this important story unfolds...
UPDATE: Curry Lays are for now available only in Toronto and Vancouver. This is an outrage. Apparently Asian-Canadians aren't eating enough chips, so they are introducing two specialty flavs: Curry and Wasabi. But only in TO and VANC. Life is so unfair. Jeez, we've got Asians, lots of them. They need chips too!
The theory that only Asians would be interested in savoury curry or wasabi flavoured chips is totally racist. I'm contacting the Human Rights Commission. My chip-tasting rights are being violated.
2007: The Year of the Indian-themed snack food. It's about time!
More details as this important story unfolds...
UPDATE: Curry Lays are for now available only in Toronto and Vancouver. This is an outrage. Apparently Asian-Canadians aren't eating enough chips, so they are introducing two specialty flavs: Curry and Wasabi. But only in TO and VANC. Life is so unfair. Jeez, we've got Asians, lots of them. They need chips too!
The theory that only Asians would be interested in savoury curry or wasabi flavoured chips is totally racist. I'm contacting the Human Rights Commission. My chip-tasting rights are being violated.
On Love-sick astronauts
This crazy astronaut story that is currently unfolding has Larry King Live written all over it. Even Anderson's gonna be all over this one, stuttering his way through the whole sordid tale.
I confess I’m intrigued why this woman who, let us assume since she is an astronaut, is not an idiot, would drive 900 miles, put on a disguise, and attempt to eliminate her romantic rival.
Can I be the first to call her the “Astronut”. heh heh.
She’s married and the mother of three kids. Wow. NASA: Hot bed of adultery.
Now we know what kind of shenanigans take place up there on Discovery. That’s astronaughty!
Miles O’Brien will be scandalized.
I just checked out the picture of the shuttle pilot who is at the centre of this illicit triangle. Hmm. Okaaay. Maybe he has a really great sense of humour.
I confess I’m intrigued why this woman who, let us assume since she is an astronaut, is not an idiot, would drive 900 miles, put on a disguise, and attempt to eliminate her romantic rival.
Can I be the first to call her the “Astronut”. heh heh.
She’s married and the mother of three kids. Wow. NASA: Hot bed of adultery.
Now we know what kind of shenanigans take place up there on Discovery. That’s astronaughty!
Miles O’Brien will be scandalized.
I just checked out the picture of the shuttle pilot who is at the centre of this illicit triangle. Hmm. Okaaay. Maybe he has a really great sense of humour.
Happy Birthday to you
It's Mr. Anonymous's birthday (a.k.a. he who is not Mickey Rourke in Year of the Dragon).
What can I say about someone I've known for 30+ years. Therefore, instead of mere words, here is my gift, a couple of photos that will be dear to his heart.
What can I say about someone I've known for 30+ years. Therefore, instead of mere words, here is my gift, a couple of photos that will be dear to his heart.
Monday, February 05, 2007
Expolounge
If you haven't visited Jason's site lately, go on over. I did.
I especially loved the features on Coringware and Woolco. Brought a little tear of nostalgia to my eye. Ah, Woolco. We had a Woolco in the mall in Valleyfield. It was known as "Le Woolco" in our house. Many a teen-age Saturday afternoon wasted in that mall.
Today it's a Zellers, and a pretty good Zellers at that. Much cleaner and better organized than the ones near me in Montreal. Thumbs up to the Valleyfield Zellers.
I especially loved the features on Coringware and Woolco. Brought a little tear of nostalgia to my eye. Ah, Woolco. We had a Woolco in the mall in Valleyfield. It was known as "Le Woolco" in our house. Many a teen-age Saturday afternoon wasted in that mall.
Today it's a Zellers, and a pretty good Zellers at that. Much cleaner and better organized than the ones near me in Montreal. Thumbs up to the Valleyfield Zellers.
From the Doritos News Desk
I tried the new flavour Tandoori Sizzlers. What a name. Like an Indian steak house, if such a religious abomination were possible.
Anyway, Tandoori Sizzlers certainly do sizzle. I had one and thought “interesting”. It tastes like that thin crispy bread you get as an appetizer, except it’s on a Dorito. I couldn’t argue with this. So I had another, and another. After about 6 chips, I realized I couldn’t feel the inside of my mouth anymore. Thus, “sizzler”.
I’d give them a 3 out of 5 on the Nanukian Doritos-meter. Good for the occasional treat, especially if you’re in the mood for Indian but don’t actually wanna pay for a restaurant meal, but not something I could eat every week.
The elusive Cool Ranch remain my faves. Maybe this is because I can never find them anywhere. Their mystique grows with each passing month I soldier on without them. They are my great lost love.
(Yep, I’m gearing up for Valentine’s Day. If I have to yearn for a chip, so be it.)
Anyway, Tandoori Sizzlers certainly do sizzle. I had one and thought “interesting”. It tastes like that thin crispy bread you get as an appetizer, except it’s on a Dorito. I couldn’t argue with this. So I had another, and another. After about 6 chips, I realized I couldn’t feel the inside of my mouth anymore. Thus, “sizzler”.
I’d give them a 3 out of 5 on the Nanukian Doritos-meter. Good for the occasional treat, especially if you’re in the mood for Indian but don’t actually wanna pay for a restaurant meal, but not something I could eat every week.
The elusive Cool Ranch remain my faves. Maybe this is because I can never find them anywhere. Their mystique grows with each passing month I soldier on without them. They are my great lost love.
(Yep, I’m gearing up for Valentine’s Day. If I have to yearn for a chip, so be it.)
Sunday, February 04, 2007
Smarty II
Listened to part two of the Martin Amis interview on CBC today. It was terrific stuff.
I wish I could remember the exact quote, but I can't so I'll have to paraphrase something he said that made me laugh. He was disagreeing with the saying "whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger". He said, the opposite is true, what doesn't kill you makes you weaker and eventually does kill you.
You had to be there. It was so typical of him. Dark and amusing.
I wish I could remember the exact quote, but I can't so I'll have to paraphrase something he said that made me laugh. He was disagreeing with the saying "whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger". He said, the opposite is true, what doesn't kill you makes you weaker and eventually does kill you.
You had to be there. It was so typical of him. Dark and amusing.
Big Accomplishment
I read a book in under a week. Given my tortoise-like reading habits, this is major stuff.
It was "only" a lite murder mystery by Anne Perry. And I did start it while I was sick at home. But still. This is progress.
I'm all keen to start another one today....since there's nothing on t.v. except some football game.
(I know, I know, it's a Big Deal.)
It was "only" a lite murder mystery by Anne Perry. And I did start it while I was sick at home. But still. This is progress.
I'm all keen to start another one today....since there's nothing on t.v. except some football game.
(I know, I know, it's a Big Deal.)
Friday, February 02, 2007
In the news today
Here’s something I didn’t know:
“…a prominent Ottawa lawyer has been suspended from the practice of law for 60 days after a disciplinary panel ruled Friday that he had engaged in professional misconduct by having a sexual affair with a client.”
I really had no idea you couldn’t sleep with your lawyer. Really.
I don’t have a lawyer so I suppose the point is moot. But still.
It isn’t illegal but it violates the code of professional conduct.
I wonder who else you can't sleep with. Your accountant? (Wow, that would be verrrry exciting.) Your broker? Your doctor? Your dentist? (I know this is being violated by my dentist and the friend that referred me to him.) Your contractor? HA! That one happens all the time. Your auto mechanic. (Now THAT would come in handy.) Your favourite foreign correspondent? Anchorman?
“…a prominent Ottawa lawyer has been suspended from the practice of law for 60 days after a disciplinary panel ruled Friday that he had engaged in professional misconduct by having a sexual affair with a client.”
I really had no idea you couldn’t sleep with your lawyer. Really.
I don’t have a lawyer so I suppose the point is moot. But still.
It isn’t illegal but it violates the code of professional conduct.
I wonder who else you can't sleep with. Your accountant? (Wow, that would be verrrry exciting.) Your broker? Your doctor? Your dentist? (I know this is being violated by my dentist and the friend that referred me to him.) Your contractor? HA! That one happens all the time. Your auto mechanic. (Now THAT would come in handy.) Your favourite foreign correspondent? Anchorman?
Jim “Groundhog” Joyce’s Birthday
On February 2nd of every year the ghost of James Joyce rises from the grave and tries to see his shadow with his good eye. If he sees it, we will receive six more weeks of hyperliterate navel-gazing. Being half-blind, he invariably fails. Depressed, he grabs Nora and flies into exile.
Later, short of money, he complains: groundhogdayisanightmarefromwhichIamtryingtoawake. yes. YES.
Later, short of money, he complains: groundhogdayisanightmarefromwhichIamtryingtoawake. yes. YES.
Thursday, February 01, 2007
A 21st Century Fiefdom? You Betcha
Yesterday on CBC news, I heard about the Isle of Sark, off the coast of England.
According to its web site, it is “the last bastion of feudalism in the Western world.” It’s a genuine fiefdom. How weird is that.
Is there not something incongruous about a fiefdom with its own Web site? www.sark.info
It explains: “There is no true freehold, all land being held on perpetual lease (fief) from the Seigneur,… The Seigneur holds the Island in perpetual tenure from the Crown in return for certain obligations and annual dues (rente), and may not have that taken away from him unless he reneges on his commitment. Also he may not sell his Fief (the whole Island) without Crown permission.”
They have a Seigneur? That is so 17th Century!!
I know it’s none of my business, but shouldn’t somebody be trying to rescue the serfs of Sark?
This bit is interesting. And I stand corrected, the place isn’t 17th Century, it’s 11th Century:
Oath of Allegiance: The Seigneur, after inheriting the Fief, is required to pay "Foi et Hommage" to the Sovereign. The Seigneur kneels at the Sovereign's feet with his hands held out palm to palm and, in the case where the reigning sovereign is female, Her Majesty encloses the Seigneur's hands with Her own and the Seigneur says: "Souveraine Dame, Je demeure Votre homme lige à Vous porter Foi et Hommage contre tous". Her Majesty replies "Nous vous acceptons advouant tous vos legitimes droits et possessions relevant de cette tenure de Nous, sauf pareillement à tous Nos Droits de Regalité". This is the old feudal homage following the same pattern as that sworn by King Harold to William Duke of Normandy in 1064.
According to its web site, it is “the last bastion of feudalism in the Western world.” It’s a genuine fiefdom. How weird is that.
Is there not something incongruous about a fiefdom with its own Web site? www.sark.info
It explains: “There is no true freehold, all land being held on perpetual lease (fief) from the Seigneur,… The Seigneur holds the Island in perpetual tenure from the Crown in return for certain obligations and annual dues (rente), and may not have that taken away from him unless he reneges on his commitment. Also he may not sell his Fief (the whole Island) without Crown permission.”
They have a Seigneur? That is so 17th Century!!
I know it’s none of my business, but shouldn’t somebody be trying to rescue the serfs of Sark?
This bit is interesting. And I stand corrected, the place isn’t 17th Century, it’s 11th Century:
Oath of Allegiance: The Seigneur, after inheriting the Fief, is required to pay "Foi et Hommage" to the Sovereign. The Seigneur kneels at the Sovereign's feet with his hands held out palm to palm and, in the case where the reigning sovereign is female, Her Majesty encloses the Seigneur's hands with Her own and the Seigneur says: "Souveraine Dame, Je demeure Votre homme lige à Vous porter Foi et Hommage contre tous". Her Majesty replies "Nous vous acceptons advouant tous vos legitimes droits et possessions relevant de cette tenure de Nous, sauf pareillement à tous Nos Droits de Regalité". This is the old feudal homage following the same pattern as that sworn by King Harold to William Duke of Normandy in 1064.
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