Sunday, July 27, 2008
The Gambler
I'm preparing for my vacation departure tomorrow morning.
The main point of our trip is Bruce at Giants Stadium on Thursday, but in the meantime, there's Atlantic City to discover.
I have $9.00 in American quarters. Plenty to make my fortune, no?
An acquaintance who is a big gambler told me to only play the quarter machines, not to bother with the piddling nickle machines. So off I'm going with my nine bucks.
More than a fortune at the slots, what I'm really hoping for is two days of nice beach weather with no risk of hurricane remnants. Is that too much to ask? I have packed a rain poncho just in case we have to watch Bruce in a downpour. I'm too old for that kind of fun, I think. But for Bruce I will endure it.
The main point of our trip is Bruce at Giants Stadium on Thursday, but in the meantime, there's Atlantic City to discover.
I have $9.00 in American quarters. Plenty to make my fortune, no?
An acquaintance who is a big gambler told me to only play the quarter machines, not to bother with the piddling nickle machines. So off I'm going with my nine bucks.
More than a fortune at the slots, what I'm really hoping for is two days of nice beach weather with no risk of hurricane remnants. Is that too much to ask? I have packed a rain poncho just in case we have to watch Bruce in a downpour. I'm too old for that kind of fun, I think. But for Bruce I will endure it.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Rain, rain, go away
How much rain is too much? This much. It has rained every day this week except for yesterday when I joyfully managed to mow the lawn front and back without getting rained on.
Enuf.
Like any concerned farmer worth her salt, I am worried about slugs and other icky things, and having a lousy tomato harvest 'cause there's too much rain and not enough sun. O we are at the mercies of the gods.
Enuf.
Like any concerned farmer worth her salt, I am worried about slugs and other icky things, and having a lousy tomato harvest 'cause there's too much rain and not enough sun. O we are at the mercies of the gods.
Friday, July 25, 2008
No News is...No News
Well the end of the work week has arrived in London, and I have no news from those sadists, whose sole purpose in life, I have decided, is to torture me by slowing the job application process to a dead crawl.
I am frustrated with these people!
I am frustrated with these people!
Funny Message
Funny one in the ole Romantic Malebox today.
This is only funny because in his profile, he claims to be English-speaking and a university graduate.
If he asks "if we cued meet and we cued see how it goes".
My question: assuming he reads anything at all, when he comes across the word "could" in print does he know what it means? Does he think it's cooled?
In other news, I just dropped something on our secretary's desk. She was away, but there was a profile of some guy from another dating site on her screen. I should've checked him out!
This is only funny because in his profile, he claims to be English-speaking and a university graduate.
If he asks "if we cued meet and we cued see how it goes".
My question: assuming he reads anything at all, when he comes across the word "could" in print does he know what it means? Does he think it's cooled?
In other news, I just dropped something on our secretary's desk. She was away, but there was a profile of some guy from another dating site on her screen. I should've checked him out!
Thursday, July 24, 2008
In Chip News
I tried Pringles Extreme Screamin' Dill Pickle flavour tonight.
What a mistake.
I could NOT stop eating them. I wish I didn't know they existed. They are chip heroin.
Must walk away.
What a mistake.
I could NOT stop eating them. I wish I didn't know they existed. They are chip heroin.
Must walk away.
Romantic Malebox Update
Not much action of interest these days in the Malebox. Just checked in and my profile was viewed by two locals overnight, one at 4:00 a.m. and one at 5:00 a.m.
Which leads to the question: what are these guys doing on a dating website at these ungodly hours? Are they: insomniacs, night owls or very early risers? Maybe they work night shifts and are wasting time on the job. I could never imagine that, wasting time on the job! Outrageous.
Which leads to the question: what are these guys doing on a dating website at these ungodly hours? Are they: insomniacs, night owls or very early risers? Maybe they work night shifts and are wasting time on the job. I could never imagine that, wasting time on the job! Outrageous.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Worrying Thoughts
It occurred to me today that I speak in baseball metaphors more than I realize.
If I went to England, and told some co-worker it was time for him to step up to the plate, would I get a weird look? What if I say I'm 0 for 4 on something? Or I'm out in left field?
What if I'm seen as some quaint colonial, and people just smile politely because they have no idea what I'm talking about?
If I went to England, and told some co-worker it was time for him to step up to the plate, would I get a weird look? What if I say I'm 0 for 4 on something? Or I'm out in left field?
What if I'm seen as some quaint colonial, and people just smile politely because they have no idea what I'm talking about?
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
In Bond News
I watched the Quantum of Solace "teaser" trailer. Looks like more of the same of Casino Royale. That's a good thing.
In other entertainment news...what is up with Christian Bale? Weird story.
In other entertainment news...what is up with Christian Bale? Weird story.
In Real Mailbox News
Passive aggressiveness is its own reward!
Our usual mailman (oh, all right, letter carrier) must be on vacation because I have been getting other people's mail for a few days now.
Today I got some investment statements for the woman across the street. I just dropped them in her mailbox now.
Last Friday, I received a couple of similar looking envelopes for my hated Crazy Polish Neighbhour. They are still sitting on my shelf. When am I going to deal with them? Gosh, I don't know. They may sit there for a long time. I may eventually forget about them.
I think six weeks would be a nice delay. Six. One week for every foot of snow he dumped on my lawn last winter. (If I had a waxed mustache, I'd be twirling it now.)
Our usual mailman (oh, all right, letter carrier) must be on vacation because I have been getting other people's mail for a few days now.
Today I got some investment statements for the woman across the street. I just dropped them in her mailbox now.
Last Friday, I received a couple of similar looking envelopes for my hated Crazy Polish Neighbhour. They are still sitting on my shelf. When am I going to deal with them? Gosh, I don't know. They may sit there for a long time. I may eventually forget about them.
I think six weeks would be a nice delay. Six. One week for every foot of snow he dumped on my lawn last winter. (If I had a waxed mustache, I'd be twirling it now.)
Love that Internet
In trying to research a bit about the people who interviewed me, I discovered that, if I were to get the London job, my boss's boss, is a guy who translates crime novels. I found two of them on amazon in the UK.
That's pretty cool.
I was looking to see if they'd written any work-related publications but found that instead. Ya never know.
That's pretty cool.
I was looking to see if they'd written any work-related publications but found that instead. Ya never know.
Monday, July 21, 2008
Men! Grrrr
Let us think back in time. To a time long, long ago. As far back as 3 months ago. When my friend Linda died.
Doesn't seem like so long, but apparently it is ancient history.
Remember how I said her husband was distraught? In pieces? Inconsolable? Crying more than any man I have ever seen?
That was then.
He's met someone!
Grief? What grief? What me, grieve? he may well ask.
We know nothing about this new woman, but I'm taking wagers that she'll turn out to be half his age. He's 52.
As one of my friends asked today: What kind of woman dates a guy whose wife just died?
Doesn't seem like so long, but apparently it is ancient history.
Remember how I said her husband was distraught? In pieces? Inconsolable? Crying more than any man I have ever seen?
That was then.
He's met someone!
Grief? What grief? What me, grieve? he may well ask.
We know nothing about this new woman, but I'm taking wagers that she'll turn out to be half his age. He's 52.
As one of my friends asked today: What kind of woman dates a guy whose wife just died?
Survivor: London Edition
Well, I survived the phone interview. You just can't know how you're doing in one of these things. Best part: They couldn't see my hands shaking.
They will let me know by the end of the week, whether I'm going on to the next phase or whether I've been tossed off the island.
I did the best I could. They were very nice and non-threatening. I appreciated that.
Man, I am SO glad that is over. I'd love a drink right now.
They will let me know by the end of the week, whether I'm going on to the next phase or whether I've been tossed off the island.
I did the best I could. They were very nice and non-threatening. I appreciated that.
Man, I am SO glad that is over. I'd love a drink right now.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Shaved Kitty
If I had wanted to increase traffic to the site, I would've named this post Shaved Pussy Cat. But I didn't. I am a blogger of class and taste.
This is Ms. Hitler on the day after her spa grooming treatment. She's looking much hairier these days. And is healthy. She'll soon be back to her old long-haired self.
But I still think she's cute this way. Awww.
This is Ms. Hitler on the day after her spa grooming treatment. She's looking much hairier these days. And is healthy. She'll soon be back to her old long-haired self.
But I still think she's cute this way. Awww.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
A First!
I spent an hour on the phone last night with a friend of my sister's who is a job interview whiz. She's amazing. She doesn't coach people for a living, but she should.
This morning I typed up my notes from my conversation with her, and now I'm ready to rock.
For the first time in 10 days I feel confident about the phone interview. Some people can work miracles.
This morning I typed up my notes from my conversation with her, and now I'm ready to rock.
For the first time in 10 days I feel confident about the phone interview. Some people can work miracles.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Such an exciting life
I see from my Romantic Malebox that there is another fellow who has viewed my profile 3 times.
But his rate of matching to me is only 37%, whereas Ignatius rates a 62%. Algorithmicromantically-speaking, new guy is only matching me at 60% of the rate that Ignatius is. See, one hour with Ignatius and I'm juggling percentages around.
Call me Math Girrrl.
I'll check out the profile of new guy later. (What's that? I can already hear JAW Fan accusing me of cheating on Ignatius!)
But his rate of matching to me is only 37%, whereas Ignatius rates a 62%. Algorithmicromantically-speaking, new guy is only matching me at 60% of the rate that Ignatius is. See, one hour with Ignatius and I'm juggling percentages around.
Call me Math Girrrl.
I'll check out the profile of new guy later. (What's that? I can already hear JAW Fan accusing me of cheating on Ignatius!)
Another Exam
I received a notice about another competition for jobs down at HQ in New York. This time they are looking for Editors. How convenient.
I'm drowning in job applications. How many different ways can I write, I love this Organization sooo much and want to work for you?
This sure beats last year when I was sitting here fretting and waiting to be fired.
I'm drowning in job applications. How many different ways can I write, I love this Organization sooo much and want to work for you?
This sure beats last year when I was sitting here fretting and waiting to be fired.
Update II
I can't see a first encounter* going much better than last night. He was the same as his on-line persona: genuine, unpretentious and very polite. Which scores points with me because I hear so much about how people on-line are lying about everything, but he doesn't appear to have lied about anything.
We spent most of our time discussing the website we met on. He's far more familiar with it than I am, so I learned a few tricks. He talked a lot of computer talk; I stared blankly. He admitted he's never read another's man profile, and I said I've never read another woman's. So he was a bit surprised at some of the dumb-ass things men write on their profiles. His is not like that.
I'd see him again. I plan to up his access to me on the site. Oooh, computer lingo.
*better than "meeting", but not a "date".
We spent most of our time discussing the website we met on. He's far more familiar with it than I am, so I learned a few tricks. He talked a lot of computer talk; I stared blankly. He admitted he's never read another's man profile, and I said I've never read another woman's. So he was a bit surprised at some of the dumb-ass things men write on their profiles. His is not like that.
I'd see him again. I plan to up his access to me on the site. Oooh, computer lingo.
*better than "meeting", but not a "date".
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Update
Because I know JAW Fan can't wait to find out if he's going to have a new best friend....
I can report that our "meeting" went really well. Much better than I anticipated. He seems a thoroughly decent guy. It's not love/lust at first sight, or anything remotely like that, but he appears to be a good guy.
He'd get along fine with JAW Fan.
I can report that our "meeting" went really well. Much better than I anticipated. He seems a thoroughly decent guy. It's not love/lust at first sight, or anything remotely like that, but he appears to be a good guy.
He'd get along fine with JAW Fan.
Romantic Malebox Update
I have to change the nickname of my mystery date from Ignatius to Erkel. A self-described nerd who happens to be black. I'm almost ready to think he's pulling my leg. A black guy who loves REM? They are so white. All his taste is sooo white.
When I flew to Italy, I sat next to a black college professor from Vermont (yes, Vermont) who was so nice. We talked about the New Yorker and David Sedaris. Now that was a pretty white black guy.
If Erkel is half as pleasant as that man was, I'm laughing.
When I flew to Italy, I sat next to a black college professor from Vermont (yes, Vermont) who was so nice. We talked about the New Yorker and David Sedaris. Now that was a pretty white black guy.
If Erkel is half as pleasant as that man was, I'm laughing.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Hilarious Spam
Usually I just delete any spam message that makes it through the firewall at work, but the opening line of this one made me laugh out loud:
"In a few weeks you'll start noticing admiring glances shot at your groin"
"In a few weeks you'll start noticing admiring glances shot at your groin"
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Whoa!
As I type, the TSX is down 375 points. That's 375, with a 3. And the Dow is down 177.
Brother, can you spare a dime? What's happening? Who is behind this?
Looks like I picked a bad day to give up valium.
Brother, can you spare a dime? What's happening? Who is behind this?
Looks like I picked a bad day to give up valium.
Peggy, C'est Moi
It’s been a long time since I’ve identified with a character in a movie or TV show, but since I started watching Mad Men, I’m rooting for Peggy because she is so much like me when I was 20 and earnestly working in my first job.
When she discovered her boss’s affair, I remembered finding out that one of the lawyers in the firm where I worked was having an affair with another lawyer’s (outside the firm) wife, I was shocked and not at all impressed. Nonetheless, if he had been my boss I know I would’ve been trying to cover up for him. I was like that. Loyal.
I was the plain girl that none of the men noticed. I kept my mouth shut and never revealed a thing about myself to anybody, except one friend, the only other 20-something secretary in the place. She was hot, and some of the lawyers made passes at her. She mocked them endlessly when we had lunch together.
One Xmas party, I had two (two!) glasses of wine and said a few things that were out of character for the office, and one of the lawyers (in his 50s, I thought he was ancient and creepy at the time) said: Hey, you’re pretty sharp. And I thought: Buddy, you have no idea.
Then I could go home and listen to The Clash and The Jam. They had no idea.
When she discovered her boss’s affair, I remembered finding out that one of the lawyers in the firm where I worked was having an affair with another lawyer’s (outside the firm) wife, I was shocked and not at all impressed. Nonetheless, if he had been my boss I know I would’ve been trying to cover up for him. I was like that. Loyal.
I was the plain girl that none of the men noticed. I kept my mouth shut and never revealed a thing about myself to anybody, except one friend, the only other 20-something secretary in the place. She was hot, and some of the lawyers made passes at her. She mocked them endlessly when we had lunch together.
One Xmas party, I had two (two!) glasses of wine and said a few things that were out of character for the office, and one of the lawyers (in his 50s, I thought he was ancient and creepy at the time) said: Hey, you’re pretty sharp. And I thought: Buddy, you have no idea.
Then I could go home and listen to The Clash and The Jam. They had no idea.
Monday, July 14, 2008
Some Women!
I know I usually complain about male behaviour, but sometimes….
I have learned that a very, very good friend is saying that the exam I passed for the London job wasn’t as challenging as all that because it did not contain the language requirements (i.e. bilingual or trilingual requirements) that a New York HQ job would require.
This is bullshit. And I’m mad as hell at her about this.
She applied to write the exam for a New York HQ job and was rejected, not because of language but because she never finished university, and a U degree is a requirement for qualification. She insists she was randomly rejected. She won’t admit that she was justifiably rejected because she didn’t have the degree.
So now she is deriving some kind of satisfaction from saying that I wrote an easier exam. I am so pissed off at her right now!
I am very much looking forward to receiving notification from New York that I will be accepted to write their exam because I have all the requisite qualifications. Including U degree and bilingualism! So there!
And the day I get that acceptance notification…..I’m going to rub her nose in it.
It’s freakin’ High School all over again. Girl fight! Cat fight!
I have learned that a very, very good friend is saying that the exam I passed for the London job wasn’t as challenging as all that because it did not contain the language requirements (i.e. bilingual or trilingual requirements) that a New York HQ job would require.
This is bullshit. And I’m mad as hell at her about this.
She applied to write the exam for a New York HQ job and was rejected, not because of language but because she never finished university, and a U degree is a requirement for qualification. She insists she was randomly rejected. She won’t admit that she was justifiably rejected because she didn’t have the degree.
So now she is deriving some kind of satisfaction from saying that I wrote an easier exam. I am so pissed off at her right now!
I am very much looking forward to receiving notification from New York that I will be accepted to write their exam because I have all the requisite qualifications. Including U degree and bilingualism! So there!
And the day I get that acceptance notification…..I’m going to rub her nose in it.
It’s freakin’ High School all over again. Girl fight! Cat fight!
In other news
It appears I will meet Ignatius the nerd boy on Thursday.
This IM-ing business is weird. I feel like I know him already. Very odd indeed, this modern world of ours.
This IM-ing business is weird. I feel like I know him already. Very odd indeed, this modern world of ours.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
A Cheesie Moment
Yesterday I went to the depanneur to buy a Gazette. While there, I had a hankering for a snack, so I picked up a single serving bag of Cheetos for $1.29. I then took my place in the queue. There was a 50-something Jamaican woman ahead of me. She turned around, looked at my bag and said:
JW: What you doin' wit that small bag, girrrrl?
(I looked at her confused.)
JW: They so expennnnsiiive. Get de big bag, it's the same priiiice.
Me: But if I buy the big bag, I'm going to eat the big bag.
JW: (pause) Oh, you so riiiiiiight.
She leaves.
Fin
JW: What you doin' wit that small bag, girrrrl?
(I looked at her confused.)
JW: They so expennnnsiiive. Get de big bag, it's the same priiiice.
Me: But if I buy the big bag, I'm going to eat the big bag.
JW: (pause) Oh, you so riiiiiiight.
She leaves.
Fin
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Paging LLJ
LLJ, Please see my comment under the Ooh! post on Tuesday, 7 July.
Everyone else can ignore it, as it's of no interest to others.
Everyone else can ignore it, as it's of no interest to others.
And so it goes
I must've dreamt about the London job all night because I woke up this morning at 7, and I could barely lift my head off the pillow. I had such a tension headache. My neck was in rigor mortis.
Two Motrin and two hours lying on a hot hot heating pad, it was gone, but I fear this is what I am up against.
If I can't get this job, it won't have anything to do with my editing or writing skills, it will be because I physically can't take the stress. Fudge.
Two Motrin and two hours lying on a hot hot heating pad, it was gone, but I fear this is what I am up against.
If I can't get this job, it won't have anything to do with my editing or writing skills, it will be because I physically can't take the stress. Fudge.
Friday, July 11, 2008
The Morning After
Went out with the girls last night. Told them about London and the on-line dating scene. Much wine was consumed. My head hurts.
Ain't nobody today gonna tell me I'm sweet like sugar candy*. I feel like crap.
*Yesterday, a 27-year-old from Morocco told me I was indeed sweet like sugar candy.
Ain't nobody today gonna tell me I'm sweet like sugar candy*. I feel like crap.
*Yesterday, a 27-year-old from Morocco told me I was indeed sweet like sugar candy.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Romantic Malebox Update
I had my first-ever IM chat last night. With the aforementioned Ignatius, the only (seemingly) decent man I've encountered in my first week of on-line "adventure".
Should I be worried that he is a Fantasia fan boy? That's okay, I'm a nerd too. At least this gives us lots of neutral ground for conversation.
You can see where this is leading, right? I will fall madly in love with Ignatius and want to have his babies (in vitro, at my age) but it will be my duty to move to London instead. For Queen and country and a really good salary.
The drama! The bodice-ripping romance! Cue the music, the splashing waves...
Should I be worried that he is a Fantasia fan boy? That's okay, I'm a nerd too. At least this gives us lots of neutral ground for conversation.
You can see where this is leading, right? I will fall madly in love with Ignatius and want to have his babies (in vitro, at my age) but it will be my duty to move to London instead. For Queen and country and a really good salary.
The drama! The bodice-ripping romance! Cue the music, the splashing waves...
London Calling
HOLY SHIT!
I was just contacted by the good folks in London. I have a telephone interview on July 21. If successful, I'd go to London for the in-person interview in September.
In other great work-related news:
I'm officially designating today: MR ANONYMOUS DAY in honour of his landing a new job. Congratulations again. I'm thrilled for you.
Actually, at this moment I'm thrilled for both of us!
I was just contacted by the good folks in London. I have a telephone interview on July 21. If successful, I'd go to London for the in-person interview in September.
In other great work-related news:
I'm officially designating today: MR ANONYMOUS DAY in honour of his landing a new job. Congratulations again. I'm thrilled for you.
Actually, at this moment I'm thrilled for both of us!
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
Today's Poll
My "profile" needs to know what is the thing about me that people notice first. Since I'm un-noticeable, and frankly should've become a professional pickpocket or a spy, really, I have to throw this question out to people who know me.
What's the first thing you notice about me? I can't think of anything other than my lack of height. (This is especially true since I stopped wearing those crazy shorts. )
What's the first thing you notice about me? I can't think of anything other than my lack of height. (This is especially true since I stopped wearing those crazy shorts. )
Talking Turkey
Yesterday the travel agent affiliated with our office sent round an itinerary for a trip to Turkey in October. Turkey in on my list of places I want to see, particularly Istanbul.
Today, a gun battle in Istanbul killed 6 people. In front of the US consulate which is, I assume, a place where a lot of tourists need to go.
I'm putting Turkey back in the oven for now. It's not done yet.
Today, a gun battle in Istanbul killed 6 people. In front of the US consulate which is, I assume, a place where a lot of tourists need to go.
I'm putting Turkey back in the oven for now. It's not done yet.
Yer Yellah
One of the dumbest laws in the history of dumb-ass laws is about to be changed. Margarine will finally be allowed to be yellow in Quebec. It has always been sickly white. This was because of pressure for the All-Powerful Butter Lobby, which didn’t want margarine to compete with the yellowy goodness of butter.
Sadly, this law comes 3 years too late, as this dumb-ass law used to always send my dear departed mother on a major rant against the government. She loved to complain about the ridiculous white-margarine law. Really, you have no idea how she loved to complain about it. I’ll be tempted to stop by the cemetery with a container of the new, improved yellow margarine, open the lid and say: Look! Finally! You can Rest in Peace!
Who would’ve thunk the day would come when Big Butter gave in to pressure. I thought you could never mess with Big Butter.
Big Butter would be a great name for a Hong Kong triad chief. mmm butter.
Sadly, this law comes 3 years too late, as this dumb-ass law used to always send my dear departed mother on a major rant against the government. She loved to complain about the ridiculous white-margarine law. Really, you have no idea how she loved to complain about it. I’ll be tempted to stop by the cemetery with a container of the new, improved yellow margarine, open the lid and say: Look! Finally! You can Rest in Peace!
Who would’ve thunk the day would come when Big Butter gave in to pressure. I thought you could never mess with Big Butter.
Big Butter would be a great name for a Hong Kong triad chief. mmm butter.
FanTasia-related item
Ever since Mr. Anonymous mentioned that the noodle place on deMaisonneuve is the only place in town where you can get General Tao tofu, I have difficulty concentrating on anything else. I'm totally distracted.
It's calling my name... the siren's call of General Tao tofu... I cannot resist...
It's calling my name... the siren's call of General Tao tofu... I cannot resist...
In FanTasia news
I have to give credit where credit is due. The FanTasia people have upped the level of service to impressive heights at long last. I got to the theatre at 7:35 last night for an 8:00 screening, and everyone had already been let in to the sweet air-conditioning of the Hall building. It was delightful.
And I love the dj thing. Again last night, I don't know what the music was, but it was excellent.
Maybe that's why they are on-time this year and letting us in early. They paid this dj and, darn it, they're going to use him/her. I like it.
Mad Detective was a real Johnnie To movie. Cops, robbers, killers, good guys and bad guys all mixed up. Now THAT's a Johnnie To movie! Not like The Sparrow which disappointed me. We don't need To to create fluff and pretend he's Wong Kar Wai. We need him to stage the shoot-em-ups and Mexican stand-offs. Oh, and the "mad" detective? Yep, he was mad as a hatter. I love Lau Ching-Wan.
And I love the dj thing. Again last night, I don't know what the music was, but it was excellent.
Maybe that's why they are on-time this year and letting us in early. They paid this dj and, darn it, they're going to use him/her. I like it.
Mad Detective was a real Johnnie To movie. Cops, robbers, killers, good guys and bad guys all mixed up. Now THAT's a Johnnie To movie! Not like The Sparrow which disappointed me. We don't need To to create fluff and pretend he's Wong Kar Wai. We need him to stage the shoot-em-ups and Mexican stand-offs. Oh, and the "mad" detective? Yep, he was mad as a hatter. I love Lau Ching-Wan.
Harmonious?
Courtesy of susieq, I have some inside info on the eHarmony matching process. It's a bit weird to me. But from my reading of some profiles she kindly provided, it seems like the "applicant" checks off a series of statements in the questionnaire, and then the powers-that-harmonize stick all the checked-off answers together to create your profile.
Example: Both of susieq's first two dream dates started their profile with the same phrase "I think it is important to continually try to improve myself". Poor sue, how is she going to pick from all these gems?
See this is why I was rejected. I don't want to improve myself, and I don't want an improving man either. Isn't everybody looking for the guy living in his mother's basement, wearing his ratty sweatpants and typing with cheesie-stained fingers.
Example: Both of susieq's first two dream dates started their profile with the same phrase "I think it is important to continually try to improve myself". Poor sue, how is she going to pick from all these gems?
See this is why I was rejected. I don't want to improve myself, and I don't want an improving man either. Isn't everybody looking for the guy living in his mother's basement, wearing his ratty sweatpants and typing with cheesie-stained fingers.
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
Ooh
(It's nice to follow up a post called "Ick" with a post called "Ooh".)
I just got a pick-up offer from a verrrry cute Indian guy here in Montreal. Very cute indeed. Only problem is he's 27 years old. 2-7? Maybe I can ask him if his father is single...Got any photos of your dad, sonny? Too bad my niece already has a cute boyfriend.
I'll reluctantly have to hit Delete again. My loss this time.
I just got a pick-up offer from a verrrry cute Indian guy here in Montreal. Very cute indeed. Only problem is he's 27 years old. 2-7? Maybe I can ask him if his father is single...Got any photos of your dad, sonny? Too bad my niece already has a cute boyfriend.
I'll reluctantly have to hit Delete again. My loss this time.
Ick
I just checked my romantic mailbox and there was a message from some guy in Toronto saying "Hey sexy, I want to talk to you". And then giving me his actual name.
I didn't know I could hit a DELETE button that fast. I'm impressed by my own speedy reflexes!
I suppose this kind of thing is going to happen. But, yuck, do I NOT want to be spoken to like that!
I didn't know I could hit a DELETE button that fast. I'm impressed by my own speedy reflexes!
I suppose this kind of thing is going to happen. But, yuck, do I NOT want to be spoken to like that!
Big Math Brains
I got a message from the anti eharmony (AEH) people last night saying: we’ve changed our parameters for matches. Please try it and let us know what you think about your improved matches.
This confirmed what I have suspected about the people who run this site. They have only one thing on their minds: mathematical modelling.
Their goal is to get users to answer as many multiple choice questions and complete as many personality quizzes as humanly possible to give them loads of data that they can run their algorithms on. They get off on math big time.
I’ll be these guys’ fantasies are about performing two equations at once.
I have nothing against math people. I wish I understood math. But I never have. I blame Mr. Tsao. He just taught too fast; I couldn’t keep up.
I shall carry on with my internet quest. But due to the unexpected sudden return of the elusive unattainable Scotsman to the office today, suddenly everyone else looks like chopped liver.
This confirmed what I have suspected about the people who run this site. They have only one thing on their minds: mathematical modelling.
Their goal is to get users to answer as many multiple choice questions and complete as many personality quizzes as humanly possible to give them loads of data that they can run their algorithms on. They get off on math big time.
I’ll be these guys’ fantasies are about performing two equations at once.
I have nothing against math people. I wish I understood math. But I never have. I blame Mr. Tsao. He just taught too fast; I couldn’t keep up.
I shall carry on with my internet quest. But due to the unexpected sudden return of the elusive unattainable Scotsman to the office today, suddenly everyone else looks like chopped liver.
Monday, July 07, 2008
How many more days?
How many days until January 21, 2009?
U.S. President George W. Bush's penchant for slangy speech was always apparent from the nicknames he bestows on reporters, and it doesn't stop with other leaders.
Yesterday, as leaders of the G8 chatted with the heads of seven African nations, a televised feed of their summit in Japan picked up some of the chit-chat before a closed-door meeting, including Mr. Bush's casual style of address with the Prime Minister of Canada.
Mr. Bush slung a casual arm over Nigerian President Umaru Yar'Adua for a chat, until he caught sight of Stephen Harper. “Yo, Harper!” he called, bringing him over for an introduction. (The Globe & Mail)
This is stupid Bush as usual, but I wish he had tried to pronounce the Nigerian President's name. THAT I would want to see on the news.
U.S. President George W. Bush's penchant for slangy speech was always apparent from the nicknames he bestows on reporters, and it doesn't stop with other leaders.
Yesterday, as leaders of the G8 chatted with the heads of seven African nations, a televised feed of their summit in Japan picked up some of the chit-chat before a closed-door meeting, including Mr. Bush's casual style of address with the Prime Minister of Canada.
Mr. Bush slung a casual arm over Nigerian President Umaru Yar'Adua for a chat, until he caught sight of Stephen Harper. “Yo, Harper!” he called, bringing him over for an introduction. (The Globe & Mail)
This is stupid Bush as usual, but I wish he had tried to pronounce the Nigerian President's name. THAT I would want to see on the news.
Addicted Still
I'm having my Green Tea and Passionfruit smoothie. With skim milk.
When I asked for it, the guy said: Do you want a cookie* with that? I laughed and said: I wouldn't have ordered skim milk if I was going to have a cookie. He said, you'd be surprised. I guess it's like the people who always have a Diet Coke with their Big Mac and fries.
*He didn't say biscuit or cake or crisp. Thankfully. No need to consult the High Court. This item is taxable, despite its healthiness. This seems wrong.
When I asked for it, the guy said: Do you want a cookie* with that? I laughed and said: I wouldn't have ordered skim milk if I was going to have a cookie. He said, you'd be surprised. I guess it's like the people who always have a Diet Coke with their Big Mac and fries.
*He didn't say biscuit or cake or crisp. Thankfully. No need to consult the High Court. This item is taxable, despite its healthiness. This seems wrong.
Pure Blogging Gold
I must thank my good friends at eHarmony for rejecting me because in so doing they have launched me on a summer project that I believe will provide a veritable goldmine of blogging material. I speak, of course, of internet dating.
I found another site to join. I filled out their questionnaire, and they accepted me. And, apparently they think I’m wonderful. To protect the innocent I’ll call it Anti-EHarmony (AEH) for now.
I hardly know where to begin. (Oh, my boss is on vacation for the next 3 weeks, which is great for blogging reasons and for Asian movie festival attendance reasons as well.)
First things first. Guys are stupid.
I want to speak to any woman who would be seriously interested in meeting a guy who uses either of these two words in his on-site nickname: “horny” or “licker”. Really, fellas. I’m going to spend one click of the mouse finding out about a guy nicknamed JoeHorny? That is pathetic.
Actually, thinking about it now, it would probably be great fun to check out what he had to say. Or very, very disturbing.
For research purposes I’ll have to decide whether to investigate this doofus, knowing that everyone can check out who has been checking their profile. And when, and how often. That’s fair, I believe, in this game. That means no stalking without the person’s knowledge. And there is a “block” function that can be used to stop someone from accessing your profile if they are creeping you out. Seems safe enough.
Pathetico No. 2. If you are a middle-aged very, very average looking guy, how much luck do you think you’re going to have when the first line of your profile says: I’m looking to have sex with two women at once. My advice: hire two hookers. There’s no other way, pal. And his name wasn’t even JoeHorny. Gotta give the guy credit for honesty, I suppose. He’s not wasting anyone’s time and I’m certainly not going to waste his.
I found another site to join. I filled out their questionnaire, and they accepted me. And, apparently they think I’m wonderful. To protect the innocent I’ll call it Anti-EHarmony (AEH) for now.
I hardly know where to begin. (Oh, my boss is on vacation for the next 3 weeks, which is great for blogging reasons and for Asian movie festival attendance reasons as well.)
First things first. Guys are stupid.
I want to speak to any woman who would be seriously interested in meeting a guy who uses either of these two words in his on-site nickname: “horny” or “licker”. Really, fellas. I’m going to spend one click of the mouse finding out about a guy nicknamed JoeHorny? That is pathetic.
Actually, thinking about it now, it would probably be great fun to check out what he had to say. Or very, very disturbing.
For research purposes I’ll have to decide whether to investigate this doofus, knowing that everyone can check out who has been checking their profile. And when, and how often. That’s fair, I believe, in this game. That means no stalking without the person’s knowledge. And there is a “block” function that can be used to stop someone from accessing your profile if they are creeping you out. Seems safe enough.
Pathetico No. 2. If you are a middle-aged very, very average looking guy, how much luck do you think you’re going to have when the first line of your profile says: I’m looking to have sex with two women at once. My advice: hire two hookers. There’s no other way, pal. And his name wasn’t even JoeHorny. Gotta give the guy credit for honesty, I suppose. He’s not wasting anyone’s time and I’m certainly not going to waste his.
Sunday, July 06, 2008
Tennis Anyone?
I cannot believe how much of this beautiful Sunday I spent indoors watching Wimbledon. It just wouldn't end. Awesome match.
The world's gone Mad! Mad, I tell you
Pringles are not chips. The High Court says so. Well, what can we depend on in this crazy world anymore, I ask you.
"The makers of Pringles were yesterday celebrating a High Court ruling that the snack is not a crisp." (i.e. chip, as they are know round these parts)
"The Pringles case comes several years after McVities successfully argued that Jaffa Cakes were cakes rather than biscuits. Marks & Spencer was involved in a similar wrangle more recently over its tea cakes, which HM Revenue & Customs officials insisted were biscuits." (The Scotsman)
Biscuits, cakes, crisps, non-crisps. What's the world coming to? I despair. All these debates have to do with whether these items are subject to GST-type taxes or not, depending on how they are defined. The world is in turmoil. The centre cannot hold. Anarchy is loosed upon the world.
"The makers of Pringles were yesterday celebrating a High Court ruling that the snack is not a crisp." (i.e. chip, as they are know round these parts)
"The Pringles case comes several years after McVities successfully argued that Jaffa Cakes were cakes rather than biscuits. Marks & Spencer was involved in a similar wrangle more recently over its tea cakes, which HM Revenue & Customs officials insisted were biscuits." (The Scotsman)
Biscuits, cakes, crisps, non-crisps. What's the world coming to? I despair. All these debates have to do with whether these items are subject to GST-type taxes or not, depending on how they are defined. The world is in turmoil. The centre cannot hold. Anarchy is loosed upon the world.
Thursday, July 03, 2008
Romance is Dead to Me
This is hilarious.
I came home from work tonight depressed and feeling sorry for myself. I need to marry a millionaire so I can leave my rotten place of employment forever and live happily ever after.
But where to meet a millionaire?
So, after seeing their many t.v. commercials, I went to eharmony.com to find my match. It’s true! I did. I filled out an incredibly long personality profile which, as instructed, I answered as honestly as I could.
At the end, here is what they told me.
Quote: One of the requirements for successful matching is that participants fall within certain defined profiles. If we find that we will not be able to match a user using these profiles, we feel it is only fair to inform them early in the process.
We are so convinced of the importance of creating compatible matches to help people establish happy, lasting relationships that we sometimes choose not to provide service rather than risk an uncertain match.
Unfortunately, we are not able to make our profiles work for you. Our matching model could not accurately predict with whom you would be best matched.. We hope that you understand, and we regret our inability to provide service for you at this time. Unquote.
I’ve been rejected by eharmony. I’m a hideous troll! Yikes! I am unmatchable.
But, seriously, I remember reading that this company is subtly religious, i.e. it likes to match up churchy people, without ever saying that this is what they are doing. Could this be true? There were 5 or 6 questions about religion and I answered "No" or "Not at all important" to all of them. I suspect this makes me untouchable in their eyes. Don’t they even want to save my soul? Don’t they want my money? My non-existent romantic life = death of capitalism?
If it isn’t the religion thing, then what else? The problem is, of course, that they don’t tell me why I’m unmatchable in their opinion. Where am I falling outside "normal" parameters? I didn’t even hint at "must be George Clooney" or "must be a millionaire". I was being realistic! I guess I shouldn't have answered honestly.
So now what do I do?
I came home from work tonight depressed and feeling sorry for myself. I need to marry a millionaire so I can leave my rotten place of employment forever and live happily ever after.
But where to meet a millionaire?
So, after seeing their many t.v. commercials, I went to eharmony.com to find my match. It’s true! I did. I filled out an incredibly long personality profile which, as instructed, I answered as honestly as I could.
At the end, here is what they told me.
Quote: One of the requirements for successful matching is that participants fall within certain defined profiles. If we find that we will not be able to match a user using these profiles, we feel it is only fair to inform them early in the process.
We are so convinced of the importance of creating compatible matches to help people establish happy, lasting relationships that we sometimes choose not to provide service rather than risk an uncertain match.
Unfortunately, we are not able to make our profiles work for you. Our matching model could not accurately predict with whom you would be best matched.. We hope that you understand, and we regret our inability to provide service for you at this time. Unquote.
I’ve been rejected by eharmony. I’m a hideous troll! Yikes! I am unmatchable.
But, seriously, I remember reading that this company is subtly religious, i.e. it likes to match up churchy people, without ever saying that this is what they are doing. Could this be true? There were 5 or 6 questions about religion and I answered "No" or "Not at all important" to all of them. I suspect this makes me untouchable in their eyes. Don’t they even want to save my soul? Don’t they want my money? My non-existent romantic life = death of capitalism?
If it isn’t the religion thing, then what else? The problem is, of course, that they don’t tell me why I’m unmatchable in their opinion. Where am I falling outside "normal" parameters? I didn’t even hint at "must be George Clooney" or "must be a millionaire". I was being realistic! I guess I shouldn't have answered honestly.
So now what do I do?
Dear Lord
Since this is the week that contains both a Canadian Holiday and an American Holiday, let's take a moment to compare the behaviour of each of these peoples at the gas pump.
Canadians will swear under their breath while filling up, and blame the government, taxes, greedy oil companies for the high prices, whereas Americans...
...will pray at the pump.
Yep, there's a group of people in Ohio who are going to gas stations and forming prayer circles, asking Jesus to lower the price of gas.
They also want to go to Washington and pray in front of the Saudi Embassy. Yep, that'll help. Doesn't the greatest percentage of US oil get imported from Canada? Pray to ME you kooks! I demand it!
Canadians will swear under their breath while filling up, and blame the government, taxes, greedy oil companies for the high prices, whereas Americans...
...will pray at the pump.
Yep, there's a group of people in Ohio who are going to gas stations and forming prayer circles, asking Jesus to lower the price of gas.
They also want to go to Washington and pray in front of the Saudi Embassy. Yep, that'll help. Doesn't the greatest percentage of US oil get imported from Canada? Pray to ME you kooks! I demand it!
Onward I trudge
I received an acknowledgement from NYC of my application to get on the roster.
Sometime in August I'm supposed to check their website to see if my magical application file number appears on the list of people who will be invited to sit the exam.
I spend my life waiting for a moment that just don't come. Bruce would advise I shouldn't waste my time waiting, wouldn't he?
Sometime in August I'm supposed to check their website to see if my magical application file number appears on the list of people who will be invited to sit the exam.
I spend my life waiting for a moment that just don't come. Bruce would advise I shouldn't waste my time waiting, wouldn't he?
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
Middle-age health woes
I have to share this because it was such a Dean Martin moment.
JAW Fan calls me to complain about his sore back, and in the background I hear this loud tinkling noise. I'm about to ask if those are ice cubes I hear, but he beats me to it by saying he's fixing himself a vodka.
I believe it was Homer who said: Alcohol, the cause of and solution to, all of life's problems.
I really think he needed to down some painkillers with that vodka, but he preferred to actually wake up tomorrow morning. I just can't figure out how a person drinks vodka while lying on his back on the floor. I can understand ending up on your back on the floor after consuming vodka (especially with painkillers) but not during the consumption process.
JAW Fan calls me to complain about his sore back, and in the background I hear this loud tinkling noise. I'm about to ask if those are ice cubes I hear, but he beats me to it by saying he's fixing himself a vodka.
I believe it was Homer who said: Alcohol, the cause of and solution to, all of life's problems.
I really think he needed to down some painkillers with that vodka, but he preferred to actually wake up tomorrow morning. I just can't figure out how a person drinks vodka while lying on his back on the floor. I can understand ending up on your back on the floor after consuming vodka (especially with painkillers) but not during the consumption process.
My Name is Nanuk...and I am an Addict
I'm sliding down a slippery slope.
Last month while in The Holy City I went to Second Cup with my sis and niece, and I ordered a green tea-and-passion fruit smoothie. I loved it passionately. So, I resisted going back because I knew from that very moment that this was a bad, bad thing.
Who says you can't get hooked on one hit?
Yesterday, in honour of Canada Day (what an excuse!), I went to SC and bought another. It had been a whole month.
Now I'm sipping another one. From one month between Smoothie Nos. 1 and 2, to a mere 24 hours between Nos. 2 and 3.
At least I'm getting them made with skim milk. But still. I'm feeling decadent. .... And loving it.
Last month while in The Holy City I went to Second Cup with my sis and niece, and I ordered a green tea-and-passion fruit smoothie. I loved it passionately. So, I resisted going back because I knew from that very moment that this was a bad, bad thing.
Who says you can't get hooked on one hit?
Yesterday, in honour of Canada Day (what an excuse!), I went to SC and bought another. It had been a whole month.
Now I'm sipping another one. From one month between Smoothie Nos. 1 and 2, to a mere 24 hours between Nos. 2 and 3.
At least I'm getting them made with skim milk. But still. I'm feeling decadent. .... And loving it.
Survey says
51 percent of U.S. workers 18 and older say their biggest source of stress on the job is their colleagues, according to an online survey.
Only 51 percent, says I?
I thought stupid annoying colleagues would be the main factor for about 95 percent of workers.
Only 51 percent, says I?
I thought stupid annoying colleagues would be the main factor for about 95 percent of workers.
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
Back to the ole drawing board
I've officially given up on the London job. Tomorrow will mark 5 weeks since I wrote the test, and I got nuthin' from them. I have to assume the people who are short-listed for an interview have been contacted by now. And everyone else, i.e. yours truly, is an also-ran. harumph. I knew the test was a c***sucker, but I still held out that little glimmer of hope. The light has gone out now. pffft. extinguished.
Onward. I completed my application for another job. This is not for one specific job, but to be on the roster of our Big Brothers down in NYC. This is a roster of jobs in the writing, editing, and/or reporting field. You get called either to HQ or to some place in the field.
I don't really want a job through these channels, I just want to write the exam to get more exam-writing practice. The test lasts a whole day, and then there's an interview. Again, only if you are successful on the test do you get an interview. Who knows what comes of this.
Problem with being on a roster is you basically have to take whatever position comes open. You have one chance to turn down an assignment. If you turn down a second offer, you are ziiiip off the roster. And there are very few places where our Big Brothers have offices that I'd be interested in moving to. i.e. NYC, Wash, D.C., Paris, and of course, Roma.
But Geneva? There's lots o'jobs in Geneva. yawn. I'd rather shoot myself than move to Geneva. Bor-ing town. Nairobi? I'd rather shoot myself in Geneva than go to Nairobi. So basically it's NYC or bust. Bangkok? Verrry nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there.
I'm sick of my current employer. It's so corrupt. How corrupt is it? you may ask. Here's last week's example: Our head of HR is engaged to be married as soon as his divorce becomes final. His intended is a woman in a technical support job that is graded one level below mine. On the same day we hear about the engagement, we learn that The Intended has been promoted to an analyst job three grades higher than mine. What an amazing coincidence. I can't stand these jerks anymore.
Onward. I completed my application for another job. This is not for one specific job, but to be on the roster of our Big Brothers down in NYC. This is a roster of jobs in the writing, editing, and/or reporting field. You get called either to HQ or to some place in the field.
I don't really want a job through these channels, I just want to write the exam to get more exam-writing practice. The test lasts a whole day, and then there's an interview. Again, only if you are successful on the test do you get an interview. Who knows what comes of this.
Problem with being on a roster is you basically have to take whatever position comes open. You have one chance to turn down an assignment. If you turn down a second offer, you are ziiiip off the roster. And there are very few places where our Big Brothers have offices that I'd be interested in moving to. i.e. NYC, Wash, D.C., Paris, and of course, Roma.
But Geneva? There's lots o'jobs in Geneva. yawn. I'd rather shoot myself than move to Geneva. Bor-ing town. Nairobi? I'd rather shoot myself in Geneva than go to Nairobi. So basically it's NYC or bust. Bangkok? Verrry nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there.
I'm sick of my current employer. It's so corrupt. How corrupt is it? you may ask. Here's last week's example: Our head of HR is engaged to be married as soon as his divorce becomes final. His intended is a woman in a technical support job that is graded one level below mine. On the same day we hear about the engagement, we learn that The Intended has been promoted to an analyst job three grades higher than mine. What an amazing coincidence. I can't stand these jerks anymore.
Happy Canada Day!
It's Canada Day, or as it is known in this igloo: Time to Paint the Front Porch Day.
Yesterday, the weather station threw me a curveball and announced it would NOT rain today, so I sped (well, sort of) off to Reno to buy wood stain for the front porch. Is it a sign of lengthy, too lengthy home ownership to be disoriented and lost when Reno no longer carries one's "brand" of wood stain. I was upset. I wanted my brand. No dice.
So I bought CIL instead. Seems okay. But it is oil-based. Strongly oil based. I wondered if some desperate person could come along and siphon the oil off my porch? It is so oil-based that if I was opening the can and using this stuff indoors I would be higher than Harold and Kumar by now. I'd even find their jokes funny probably.
Anyway, first coat is done. Second coat will be applied on the weekend. The exciting joys of summer. Still beats shovelling 20 cm of snow off the darn porch.
Yesterday, the weather station threw me a curveball and announced it would NOT rain today, so I sped (well, sort of) off to Reno to buy wood stain for the front porch. Is it a sign of lengthy, too lengthy home ownership to be disoriented and lost when Reno no longer carries one's "brand" of wood stain. I was upset. I wanted my brand. No dice.
So I bought CIL instead. Seems okay. But it is oil-based. Strongly oil based. I wondered if some desperate person could come along and siphon the oil off my porch? It is so oil-based that if I was opening the can and using this stuff indoors I would be higher than Harold and Kumar by now. I'd even find their jokes funny probably.
Anyway, first coat is done. Second coat will be applied on the weekend. The exciting joys of summer. Still beats shovelling 20 cm of snow off the darn porch.
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