You know, with the election coming up and the war still raging, and the economy tanking, you'd think there'd be more important subjects to occupy the media than Barack Obama's pastor. You'd think.
All I can say is: thank goodness for Roger Clemens. Because for all the hoo-haw and mock disgust over Obama's pastor, what the country really needs is an Idiot's Idiot.
And he's not even in trouble over steroids this week!
Yesterday, it was his alleged affair with a 15-year-old. Where did he think he was living? Austria?
Today, it's that he used his private jet to fly babes all over the country. Well, heck. Just what is a private jet for if not babe-flying. Please, he's a baseball player. Who else is he gonna transport across state lines for sexual shenanigans? Umpires?
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
NaPoMo goes out with a Bang
JAW Fan's last contribution to National Poetry Month:
T'is with great sadness, I must say
That NaPoMo does end today.
It's been a pleasure, sharing this time,
Celebrating the month with laughter and rhyme
Alas, it is over, so please don't cry
But the time has come to say good-bye
I have had great fun "doing my thang"
And occasionally referencing the glorious wang
To have been a part of this poet arena
Was greater than the funky cold medina
The only omission...and it's really a sin
Is that I didn't pen one single poem 'bout wind.
So I want to ensure, before I depart,
That the month's final rhyming word is "fart."
T'is with great sadness, I must say
That NaPoMo does end today.
It's been a pleasure, sharing this time,
Celebrating the month with laughter and rhyme
Alas, it is over, so please don't cry
But the time has come to say good-bye
I have had great fun "doing my thang"
And occasionally referencing the glorious wang
To have been a part of this poet arena
Was greater than the funky cold medina
The only omission...and it's really a sin
Is that I didn't pen one single poem 'bout wind.
So I want to ensure, before I depart,
That the month's final rhyming word is "fart."
Hockey Round-up
(Sorry JAW Fan, but it IS that time of year.)
Avalanche = Crispy toast
Rangers = Angry, crispy toast
Sharks = Sharkey toast
Canadiens = If they lose tonight, it doesn't matter who Carbonneau decided to put in net, he will be crucified for it. Carbo toast.
Avalanche = Crispy toast
Rangers = Angry, crispy toast
Sharks = Sharkey toast
Canadiens = If they lose tonight, it doesn't matter who Carbonneau decided to put in net, he will be crucified for it. Carbo toast.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
McDump Returns
I myself did not have a Sneaky McDump sighting yesterday, but my colleague did.
She popped into my office to describe the events. He emerged from the stairwell, cast a furtive glance up and down our hallway, and then ducked into the men's room. There was no mistaking him, she said. He was very suspicious-looking.
She doesn't know his real name. Nor do I. He's remains the Men's Room Enigma...
She popped into my office to describe the events. He emerged from the stairwell, cast a furtive glance up and down our hallway, and then ducked into the men's room. There was no mistaking him, she said. He was very suspicious-looking.
She doesn't know his real name. Nor do I. He's remains the Men's Room Enigma...
Monday, April 28, 2008
Hockey News
Avalanche = toast
Rangers = toast
Canadiens = starting to brown a little, but maybe not quite toast yet.
Rangers = toast
Canadiens = starting to brown a little, but maybe not quite toast yet.
Oh No!
There are only THREE days left in National Poetry Month. This is terrible.
I hereby put forward a motion to extend NaPoMo throughout the month of May. That's an additional 31 days of NaPoMo fun!
Who's with me?
I hereby put forward a motion to extend NaPoMo throughout the month of May. That's an additional 31 days of NaPoMo fun!
Who's with me?
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Paranoia?
Ever go out in public when you're sick and feel like everyone is gawking at you like you're the Elephant Man?
I had to go to the mall to buy cat food, human food and a newspaper, and I felt like everyone was doing a double-take to look at me. Which they totally were not doing. But it felt like it.
Yes, world, here I am. Looking like crap. Feast your judgemental, unblinking eyes upon me.
I had to go to the mall to buy cat food, human food and a newspaper, and I felt like everyone was doing a double-take to look at me. Which they totally were not doing. But it felt like it.
Yes, world, here I am. Looking like crap. Feast your judgemental, unblinking eyes upon me.
Friday, April 25, 2008
Argh, I'm back at worb
I still feel lousy, but I'm here. Maybe I'll go hobe at lunch time.
My boss told me to go see our nurse*, but I can't stand our nurse because she is so biased. If you're a friend of hers she will write you a note to send you home, but if you're not, she'll say, well since you made it in, I don't think you need to go home. B*tch.
I'm not a friend of hers, so I don't even want to bother seeing her.
*Yes, Ms Mushrooms, we have a company nurse. I know our "benefits" amaze you. Did I mention our Book Fair is next month?
My boss told me to go see our nurse*, but I can't stand our nurse because she is so biased. If you're a friend of hers she will write you a note to send you home, but if you're not, she'll say, well since you made it in, I don't think you need to go home. B*tch.
I'm not a friend of hers, so I don't even want to bother seeing her.
*Yes, Ms Mushrooms, we have a company nurse. I know our "benefits" amaze you. Did I mention our Book Fair is next month?
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Argh, I'm sick
I have a cold and I'm at home being miserable. Grrr. Sometimes circumstances just can't help but make me feel run-down, and then I'm out for the count. oh well.
The funeral was really nice. A small church, but pretty full up. I did not fall down, melt down and break down. In fact, the lectern was pretty high and there were a lot of flowers surrounding it, so my friends said they could really only see me from the top of my head to my cheeks. But the sound was clear, and my shaking hands were well-hidden so all was successful.
Linda's mother was very nice to me and seemed genuinely happy to see how many good friends her daughter had. She's a tough lady. She seems to have spent the last week supporting her distraught son-in-law. Linda's husband seems inconsolable. That was tough to witness.
The funeral was really nice. A small church, but pretty full up. I did not fall down, melt down and break down. In fact, the lectern was pretty high and there were a lot of flowers surrounding it, so my friends said they could really only see me from the top of my head to my cheeks. But the sound was clear, and my shaking hands were well-hidden so all was successful.
Linda's mother was very nice to me and seemed genuinely happy to see how many good friends her daughter had. She's a tough lady. She seems to have spent the last week supporting her distraught son-in-law. Linda's husband seems inconsolable. That was tough to witness.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Oh boy
This time tomorrow, I will be one of several eulogists (or eulogizers?) at my friend's funeral.
I've sent the text off to all our gang of friends and have been getting back positive comments. If I can avoid panicking and falling off a platform, or tripping and braining myself on the lectern, everything should be cool.
I keep thinking I should take a tranquilizer and a shot of something before the service, but that might lead to some Lucky Jim-type public speaking disaster. Sober I shall be.
I've sent the text off to all our gang of friends and have been getting back positive comments. If I can avoid panicking and falling off a platform, or tripping and braining myself on the lectern, everything should be cool.
I keep thinking I should take a tranquilizer and a shot of something before the service, but that might lead to some Lucky Jim-type public speaking disaster. Sober I shall be.
Hockey Riot, I want a riot! Hockey Riot, a riot of my own
Idiots. How embarrassing.
And this, folks, is why the Canadiens should not get past Round 2.
And this, folks, is why the Canadiens should not get past Round 2.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Eye Exam Time
I've been meaning to schedule an appointment with the optometrist for months now. I'm due.
This morning I read this headline: Pepe blesses Ground Zero.
Who's Pepe?
Oh. Pope. I see.
This morning I read this headline: Pepe blesses Ground Zero.
Who's Pepe?
Oh. Pope. I see.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
In Hockey News
It's going to Game 7. I am well pleased.
I have noted before that I do not dislike the Canadiens, but I do dislike a lot of their annoying fans, and for this reason, I am often quite happy when they lose. heh heh. This being such an all-or-nothing town, the commentators were already getting their golf bags ready last night. Ye of little faith.
This being said, last night just before the game, I was on the phone with my 81-year-old Aunt Therese, who is a big fan of Carey Price. She had to hang up at 7:00 precisely because the game was coming on and she had to watch her favourite, Carey Price. Now the last thing I want is for Ma Tante to be disappointed, so I'll have to be rooting for the Canadiens tomorrow night.
You know what is a great Canadian moment? Having an 81-year-old widow hang up on you fast because the hockey game's coming on. I loved that.
I have noted before that I do not dislike the Canadiens, but I do dislike a lot of their annoying fans, and for this reason, I am often quite happy when they lose. heh heh. This being such an all-or-nothing town, the commentators were already getting their golf bags ready last night. Ye of little faith.
This being said, last night just before the game, I was on the phone with my 81-year-old Aunt Therese, who is a big fan of Carey Price. She had to hang up at 7:00 precisely because the game was coming on and she had to watch her favourite, Carey Price. Now the last thing I want is for Ma Tante to be disappointed, so I'll have to be rooting for the Canadiens tomorrow night.
You know what is a great Canadian moment? Having an 81-year-old widow hang up on you fast because the hockey game's coming on. I loved that.
Funny Old Guys
From this morning's McLaughlin Group:
Mort Zuckerman: "I love Abigail Adams. I used to date her before she married John!"
McLaughlin: "I used to date her mother. "
HA!
Mort Zuckerman: "I love Abigail Adams. I used to date her before she married John!"
McLaughlin: "I used to date her mother. "
HA!
Oh Questy!
CNN reporter and lunatic Richard Quest was arrested for possession of meth, and loitering in a park.
This explains his nutty behaviour. Of course it's drugs. All these years I just assumed he'd been dropped on his head as a child.
This explains his nutty behaviour. Of course it's drugs. All these years I just assumed he'd been dropped on his head as a child.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
A Mere 3 Hours Later...
My first load is hanging on the line. Situation functional, if not ideal. Translation: Yeah, there's a drippy tube, but that can be fixed after this weekend's washes are completed. Hooray.
Also, what happened to spring? We've gone from winter to summer with no transition in between. Well, it's not like Al Gore hadn't warned us. But it is rather disconcerting having the weather be so warm so fast.
My tulips have sprouted like some mutant creatures in a horror movie. Slow down, guys, slow down.
Also, the cats needed a lot of brushing this week. They were in a hurry to throw off their heavy winter coats, I guess. Shedding like crazy. Now they are chic and swell in their slim summer wear. And lying in the sun by the open windows. Open windows? Already? Yep.
Also, what happened to spring? We've gone from winter to summer with no transition in between. Well, it's not like Al Gore hadn't warned us. But it is rather disconcerting having the weather be so warm so fast.
My tulips have sprouted like some mutant creatures in a horror movie. Slow down, guys, slow down.
Also, the cats needed a lot of brushing this week. They were in a hurry to throw off their heavy winter coats, I guess. Shedding like crazy. Now they are chic and swell in their slim summer wear. And lying in the sun by the open windows. Open windows? Already? Yep.
Life Goes On
I now return to my regularly scheduled programming.
I was prepared to be hunkered down for the day, awaiting the delivery of my new washer, because the clerk at the store told me the delivery was scheduled for Saturday "between 7 a.m. and early evening". When I asked if they could narrow that range down a bit, they said "no".
So I got up at 6:30 (on a Saturday!) just in case they were early, fully expecting them to arrive in the "early evening". But no, my Saturday is not ruined. They arrived at 7:54 and were gone by 8:02. Yay!
My new Maytag is rather pretty.
Now I have to install the thing. Never a dull moment. Why do I suspect that my next post will be entitled "Anybody got any tips on installing a washing machine?"
I was prepared to be hunkered down for the day, awaiting the delivery of my new washer, because the clerk at the store told me the delivery was scheduled for Saturday "between 7 a.m. and early evening". When I asked if they could narrow that range down a bit, they said "no".
So I got up at 6:30 (on a Saturday!) just in case they were early, fully expecting them to arrive in the "early evening". But no, my Saturday is not ruined. They arrived at 7:54 and were gone by 8:02. Yay!
My new Maytag is rather pretty.
Now I have to install the thing. Never a dull moment. Why do I suspect that my next post will be entitled "Anybody got any tips on installing a washing machine?"
Friday, April 18, 2008
Hockey News (apologies to JAW Fan, but it just has to get done)
While the whole city is watching the Canadiens and the Bruins, and the route numbers on our city buses light up to say “Go Habs Go”, and our fire stations are covered in Canadiens banners, and more than a few dog-walkers have little Canadiens capes for their faithful companions, I am also watching the Flyers and the Capitals, and it is a fantastic series. I even stayed up to watch double overtime last night. It was hair-raising. Unfortunately, though, Ovetchin hasn’t done anything yet and I fear the Caps are almost out. Too bad.
The Senators were mercifully put out of their misery quickly. Thank gawd. If they could’ve been eliminated in 3, that would’ve been even better, but you can’t change the rules.
I fear a big crack has opened up in the Canadiens’ armour. Price looked terrible last night. The pressure is finally getting to him. I feel sorry for anybody who has to play on that team. The Bruins have deserved their wins, and the Habs haven’t deserved theirs, so I’d like to see this go 7 games, so Boston can bow out honourably.
The Senators were mercifully put out of their misery quickly. Thank gawd. If they could’ve been eliminated in 3, that would’ve been even better, but you can’t change the rules.
I fear a big crack has opened up in the Canadiens’ armour. Price looked terrible last night. The pressure is finally getting to him. I feel sorry for anybody who has to play on that team. The Bruins have deserved their wins, and the Habs haven’t deserved theirs, so I’d like to see this go 7 games, so Boston can bow out honourably.
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