RIP Mr. D.

I said good-bye today to the friendliest, sweetest cat in the world.
We spent one month short of 9 happy years together. He was the bestest! I will miss him.

Montreal Election News

There really isn't anything much to say about our municipal elections, so...wait, holy crap!...there's a transsexual hooker running for City Council.

Take that, Ciccolina. We can run with the best of the sex trade.

So...where have I been for the last 2 weeks? you may ask...or not.

Twelve days ago (but it feels like 100) I took my No. 1 cat, Mr. D., to the vet as I had noticed an alarming weight loss.  The vet took one look at him, pulled back his fur to expose his skin, showed me inside of his ears: everything was bright yellow. Advanced jaundice. "He needs immediate hospitalization," she said.

And so began 12 days of expen$ive madne$$ and feline nursing. We rushed off to the animal ho$pital in Lachine. Where he $tayed for 4 days, and the bill ended up well into 4 figure$. I brought him home last Tuesday with 5 different prescriptions and a feeding tube through his tiny nostril. Last week I syringe fed him through his nose. On Thursday, he looked so terrible, I called my vet and made an appointment to have him take a one-way trip to the giant catnip field in the sky.

But then...over the course of the weekend...he started to eat and drink on his own. He managed to sneeze the feeding tube right out of his tummy and out his nose. On Sunday, the Governor called with a stay of execution.

So on Monday I took him to our scheduled appointment but not for euthanasia, but for a consult. And we came home, both of us, with a new feeding schedule and I hope for a 9th life. However short or long that 9th life might be is unknown, but we are giving it our best shot.

And I am exhausted.

Life is not all bad

Well, I knew there had to be a reason why I stayed home today, right? A few minutes ago, I heard a loud vehicle noise, and looked out to see a fire truck parked in front of my house. Odd, I thought. I have no fire currently burning in my home. 

Shortly thereafter my doorbell rang. I opened the door to find not one, not two, but three firemen on my porch. "Oh my, are you strippers?"  I asked, "Is it my birthday?"  No, it is not even my birthday.

But they weren't strippers. They are real firemen and they were here to check if my smoke detectors were operational. Confession, they weren't. I admitted immediately that they were indeed not operational, as they have a tendency to go off for no reason. (And I am afraid they will go off when I am away and this noise will torture the cats for an extended period of time. So that is why I disconnected them, but there was no way I was going to admit that to the three nice firemen.)

So they checked the smoke detectors and put new batteries in them and reinstalled them for me. What could I say? I know it is for the best. Then they prepared to leave and one said "Do I issue a fine ("une contravention") to this lady ("cette madame")? I said "Oh No" and they all laughed and said it was a joke and firemen don't issue fines.  Well, ha ha, aren't you gentlemen amusing?

Thank you, gammy leg!

Still on the couch

It's Day 4 of immobilization. That is an exaggeration. I am mobile, just not motivated enough to face public transit and a whole day at work without being able to elevate or ice the old gammy leg. So today is a vacation day.

Still have Indian food to finish!  Busy, busy.

My Life as an Invalid

I am now on my third full day of invalidity (invalidness?) Time enough to reflect on the good and bad sides of being stuck at home with a bum leg.

Pros:
1. Guilt-free eating. As Miss Frugal I can never justify ordering in food for myself alone, but when one is incapacitated, the sky's the limit. Pizza on Friday and Indian last night, with plenty of leftovers, meaning more pizza yesterday and tonight and more Indian today and tomorrow.
2. Guilt-free sleeping. When you basically can't move, why get up? Other than to feed the felines and use the facilities, there's no reason to get up before 10. So this has been three nights in a row of 9 or 10 hours sleep. It has been heavenly. The heavenly healing power of rest.
3. Time to read an actual book!

Cons:
1. Pain.
2. Pain.
3. Discomfort.

More Tips from the Poors

Here are other ways to save $$ according to the very helpful article on Savings Tips from Poor People.

2. Go to your local Dollar Store!
3. Check grocery flyers for special deals!
4. Consider public transportation or a bike! (Cars are expensive.)
5. Get a library card!

This article is truly ground-breaking.

Couch Net Surfing

I am on the couch with an ice-pack on my twisted knee, and I expect to be here for the next few days, so, hurray for the universe, there is likely to be a surge in boredom-based blogging. Like I may catch up on a whole year's worth of neglected blogging just for something to do. And there's just so much to complain about, I hardly know where to start...

The obvious place to begin is with our Provincial government's latest foray into blatant, racist foolishness but that will put me in a bad mood, so I am going to skip to something small and silly.  Sympatico has one of their lame articles up today entitled How to Learn Savings Tips from Poor People" (I paraphrase). Anyway Tip No. 1 is....don't buy bottled water. Really? In fact all 10 of their Poor People-inspired tips are things I do everyday. So have I been a closet poor all along? Don't buy bottled water because at $1.50 a bottle, that costs a lot over the course of a year. Who knew? Only the poors, apparently.

Awkward moments in Judeo-Christian relations

Have you ever been somewhere you knew you needed to be, but wanted to get outta there as fast as you possibly could? 

Smoothie's dad died last week, and this afternoon I went to the shiva. I read up on shivas on Wikipedia, but frankly, it didn't help. One thing I had been told was to make sure I removed my shoes. But they had posted a sign on the door saying guests didn't have to remove their shoes. So what was I supposed to do? Shoes on or shoes off? I was already having an anxiety attack in the vestibule. I took off my shoes and went into the living room.

I knew the family were not supposed to greet me. I was to walk over to them, but I didn't know where to go first. To Smoothie's mom? Smoothie? What to do? Everyone was in black, black dresses on all three of the ladies, Smoothie in a black shirt and pants, torn black tie.

His mom was occupied talking to people, so I approached him, Smoothie sitting low on his uncomfortable chair. As I was talking to him, his mother said "Nanuk, take a chair and sit down."  I'd never met any of the Smoothie family before, so how did she know I was me?  I didn't sit right away, because I was feeling so obvious and Catholic!  Eventually, I got around to shaking her hand and again she said "Nanuk, take a chair and sit!"  Mama Smoothie is a force of Nature, I quickly learnt.

Also, when you offer condolences, the family is not supposed to thank you. But Mama Smoothie thanked me and said they were doing the mourning all wrong. Okay, I thought. Older sister Smoothie also thanked me, but sister Smoothie the younger just looked at me in an evil way when I offered my sympathies. I just wanted to run away. Which I did after signing the book of condolences.

I found my way back

I've haven't' blogged in I dunno how long, but jeez Eydie Gorme died, so I had to come on-line to bid her adieu.  Steve is still alive.

RIP Eydie.

The Duchess is in Labour! The Duchess is in Labour!

I still don't care.

Just sayin'

I don't care about the Royal Baby.
I don't care if the Royal Baby is a boy or a girl.
I don't care what day the Royal Baby will be born.
I just don't care.

Happy 4th of July

Ted Nugent announced today that he may run for President in 2016.

Please, Lord, let it be so.

Wango Tango! Wango Tango!

Hot Dog! It's Canada Day

Happy Canada Day to one and all.

Mark Carney begins his first day on the job as the Governor of the Bank of England. What a mistake. He has already given up one day off!  I miss him. Come back to Canada, Mark, and run for the Liberals, and win and become Prime Minister and make everything okay again. Please.

In other Canada Day news. Anyone who has met Smoothie, or in Mushrooms' case, talked to him on the phone, may have detected a scent of Ignatius J. Reilly about him. I often find him very Ignatius like. In a case of life imitating art, today Smoothie is manning a Hot Dog stand down in the Old Port. And he is so excited about the experience. Ever since they announced that the City of Montreal will be permitting street vendors, he has been talking about that as a dream job. Serving people, talking all day long to strangers. Yep, that would be his dream job. Let us hope that today opens the door to a long career of hot dog vending.

Tony Soprano

I don't know what to say, except he was younger than us.  He probably had a very unhealthy lifestyle. But it still seems so wrong and unfair to drop dead at 51.

Smoking on Mad Men

Betty has always been completely alien to me as a mother. But last night for the first time in 6 seasons, Betty did something my own mother once did. She offered her teen-aged daughter a cigarette, saying she would rather have her smoking in front of her than behind her back.

Sally accepted the smoke; I did not.

Now I wonder if my mother would have been happy to have someone to smoke with. Never thought of it that way before...  my mom, my smoking buddy? Did my sister and I both let our mother down by never taking up smoking?  My mom smoked for only a couple more years after that, so maybe she gave it up because she didn't have a daughter to smoke with.

We are an embarrassment

Last year, our dodo of a mayor resigned. So we got an Interim mayor. This morning the Interim mayor was arrested.

Is there a brown paper bag big enough to cover the whole island?

The Man of My Dreams

Rupert Murdoch has filed for divorce from his 44-year-old wifey.

Finally. My chance to get my paws on that 82-year-old BILLIONAIRE hunk.

Mad Men Question

How many years of therapy is Sally Draper going to need?
Correction: How many decades of therapy...?

I'm still alive

I have not ceased to exist.  Work is super busy. And this is the suckiest Spring we have had in years. Bleh!!