I got on a crowded 105 bus last night and some young guy offered me his seat. I said no, thank you. Then he stood up and insisted and I repeated no, it's no problem. He looked quite upset that I refused his kind offer.
I am old.
I want to go live in a cave and be depressed. I wish I drank.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Weekend Round-Up
In anticipation of receiving his 14-month package and all the free time that will entail, JAW Fan has launched his own blog. See the link on the right. I'm feeling a disco inferno comin' on.
I have returned from the Holy City where Sis and I saw Broooce...again. We've been seeing Broooce for 34 years now. Each time we see him, we think okay, he's old, we're old, this will be our last show. Then we go to the show and have a fantastic time and say, okay, next time we see him will be the last time.
It ran 3 1/2 hours and was really, really great. It was a perfect, warm night for an outdoor show. The roof was open on the stadium and we could look up at the CN Tower while we waited in our seats.How can I complain about a show that starts with an accordion playing "Take Me Out to the Ball Game". It ended at 11:45 p.m. with a long, crazy Twist & Shout, and in between we heard so many of my faves, Darlington County, I love that song, and Rosalita and lots more. Sis said they would need a long hook to yank Bruce off the stage. It was like he didn't want to leave. Worth every penny, once again.
I have returned from the Holy City where Sis and I saw Broooce...again. We've been seeing Broooce for 34 years now. Each time we see him, we think okay, he's old, we're old, this will be our last show. Then we go to the show and have a fantastic time and say, okay, next time we see him will be the last time.
It ran 3 1/2 hours and was really, really great. It was a perfect, warm night for an outdoor show. The roof was open on the stadium and we could look up at the CN Tower while we waited in our seats.How can I complain about a show that starts with an accordion playing "Take Me Out to the Ball Game". It ended at 11:45 p.m. with a long, crazy Twist & Shout, and in between we heard so many of my faves, Darlington County, I love that song, and Rosalita and lots more. Sis said they would need a long hook to yank Bruce off the stage. It was like he didn't want to leave. Worth every penny, once again.
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Huzzah
Our browsers at work have been upgraded. This means I can blog at work again. Oh joy. My job may become bearable again.
The only news that matters today, however, is that photos have appeared on the Internet of Prince Harry cavorting nude. Cavorting. I'm looking up that word. Has anyone ever cavorted while clothed? I think not. Except for clothed in a bikini, perhaps. I believe the bikini clad amongst us also cavort (on a beach only), but primarily cavorting can be done in the nude only.
Oxford says to cavort is to "prance around excitedly or self-indulgently". Prance? Not run or jump? Prance. Nude prancing around = cavorting. And in Harry's case, royally.
The only news that matters today, however, is that photos have appeared on the Internet of Prince Harry cavorting nude. Cavorting. I'm looking up that word. Has anyone ever cavorted while clothed? I think not. Except for clothed in a bikini, perhaps. I believe the bikini clad amongst us also cavort (on a beach only), but primarily cavorting can be done in the nude only.
Oxford says to cavort is to "prance around excitedly or self-indulgently". Prance? Not run or jump? Prance. Nude prancing around = cavorting. And in Harry's case, royally.
Monday, August 20, 2012
WAAAH!!
Phyllis Diller died. She was very old. The title of this post is supposed to sound like her.
We must be getting old, too, because everybody we used to watch on tv when we were kids is dead.
My condolences to Fang.
We must be getting old, too, because everybody we used to watch on tv when we were kids is dead.
My condolences to Fang.
Sunday, August 12, 2012
The Long Awaited Return of Fancy Feast
My phone range at 8:30 a.m. today. I was still in bed, but I could hear Fancy Feast's voice leaving a message. He was in town. I had been told he was coming, but hadn't heard from him in over a week so I didn't know if his trip was still on. It was.
Where to begin...he has a new girlfriend and she lives about 15 minutes from me on foot. Now how convenient is that? She is recently divorced and has two small kids, so she doesn't want him staying overnight at her place until he gets to know her children. He has not met them yet. So this weekend he stayed in a rented room in NDG. Any wagers on whether I am going to be asked if, in future, he can stay here because he can't afford to rent a room every couple of weeks? I'd say that the chances of that request coming my way soon are 100%.
So I returned his call and what is the first thing he asks. Can I rent a car from the car share co. in order for us to go to Verdun to pick up his favourite rotisserie chicken. They do not deliver to NDG. I kid you not. I said, no way am I renting a car so you can get chicken for lunch. He carried on as if I had said yes. I said, I'm not doing it. Forget it. He still went on about the fries and sauce. I had to get rude and say YOU AREN'T LISTENING!! I AM NOT RENTING A CAR TO GET CHICKEN! He sighed and said "fine".
He came over around 12 and we ordered Chalet. It was good enough for me. I felt totally stuffed.
Anyway, I won't go into every anecdote I heard in 3 hours, but the one that will stay in my mind is when I asked how his sister was doing. She got married last November (which was another drama I won't go into). He told me she is getting a divorce. I was quite shocked. He ran through the long list of everything that was terrible and awful about his soon-to-be-ex-brother-in-law, but the one image that will stay with me forever is he has untreated toe fungus.
I really have to end it here because I can't top that.
Where to begin...he has a new girlfriend and she lives about 15 minutes from me on foot. Now how convenient is that? She is recently divorced and has two small kids, so she doesn't want him staying overnight at her place until he gets to know her children. He has not met them yet. So this weekend he stayed in a rented room in NDG. Any wagers on whether I am going to be asked if, in future, he can stay here because he can't afford to rent a room every couple of weeks? I'd say that the chances of that request coming my way soon are 100%.
So I returned his call and what is the first thing he asks. Can I rent a car from the car share co. in order for us to go to Verdun to pick up his favourite rotisserie chicken. They do not deliver to NDG. I kid you not. I said, no way am I renting a car so you can get chicken for lunch. He carried on as if I had said yes. I said, I'm not doing it. Forget it. He still went on about the fries and sauce. I had to get rude and say YOU AREN'T LISTENING!! I AM NOT RENTING A CAR TO GET CHICKEN! He sighed and said "fine".
He came over around 12 and we ordered Chalet. It was good enough for me. I felt totally stuffed.
Anyway, I won't go into every anecdote I heard in 3 hours, but the one that will stay in my mind is when I asked how his sister was doing. She got married last November (which was another drama I won't go into). He told me she is getting a divorce. I was quite shocked. He ran through the long list of everything that was terrible and awful about his soon-to-be-ex-brother-in-law, but the one image that will stay with me forever is he has untreated toe fungus.
I really have to end it here because I can't top that.
Wednesday, August 01, 2012
We're No. 3! We're No. 3!
Okay, we have one silver, but really we are the Barons of Bronze.
One other thing: Apparently there is a big serious scandal in badminton. I just want to type the words "badminton scandal".
One other thing: Apparently there is a big serious scandal in badminton. I just want to type the words "badminton scandal".
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Olympic Thought
I realized today why swimming is the most exciting Olympic sport to watch. It's exactly like horse racing. Two to four minutes of go-go-go and then it's over and it's usually incredibly close at the finish.
For some reason, watching track doesn't have the same thrill, except for the 100 m.
For some reason, watching track doesn't have the same thrill, except for the 100 m.
Friday, July 27, 2012
Olympics
Rather than say something original, I'm going to steal a comment from a commenter at the Guardian:
"it would have been perfect if the Queen had been stroking a white cat". LOL. Love that.
The Corgis stole the show for me.
"it would have been perfect if the Queen had been stroking a white cat". LOL. Love that.
The Corgis stole the show for me.
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
To a Deluxe Apartment in the Sky
Okay, at the risk of sounding like a broken record, here goes. Didn't Sherman Hemsley die years ago?I swear he was already dead. What he doing dying again? I don't get it.
I think Weezie died a while ago? I think. I don't know.
I think Weezie died a while ago? I think. I don't know.
Sunday, July 15, 2012
Weekly post
Isn't it terrible that I seem to be reduced to a weekly post? If they would update our browsers at work, I could use blogger again, but we are still in the Web stone age, so I have to blog from home only and that is a drag.
If only Fancy Feast was back in my life, I would have so many more amusing anecdotes to post. Nooooo! His African mask is enough to remind me of how bad things could get.
Re: last week's post. Yes! I totally admit it is stalkerish, but hey, I don't care. They are weird and I am happy to sneak photos of them in their natural weirdo CPN habitat. No photo this weekend because Hallelujah! Hallelujah! they seem to be vamoosed on vacation. Peace at last on Belmore. Their daughter is home alone and she is normal (must be adopted).
In other news, having lunch with Smoothie today, he made one of his Smoothie comments that had me laughing and going Wha? at the same time. In a nutshell, he cannot figure out why South Asian males are appealing to me, but black males not so much. (Yes, we were also discussing if having a preference is racist. We both think it is not.) We can blame the South Asian preference on Kumar (wherever he is*). Smoothie's observation went like this. "Take a black guy. And put my hair on him (at this point he grabs the top of his head as if to remove a hairpiece). And you've got an Indian." Me: "So, you're saying that an Indian is just a black guy with a white guy's hair." S: "Yes, they've got soft hair like us." Me: "That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard." This conversation should be in a Tarantino movie.
*Still Toronto, as far as I can determine
Update: 8:00 p.m. Dammit! They are already home. I cannot catch a freakin' break.
If only Fancy Feast was back in my life, I would have so many more amusing anecdotes to post. Nooooo! His African mask is enough to remind me of how bad things could get.
Re: last week's post. Yes! I totally admit it is stalkerish, but hey, I don't care. They are weird and I am happy to sneak photos of them in their natural weirdo CPN habitat. No photo this weekend because Hallelujah! Hallelujah! they seem to be vamoosed on vacation. Peace at last on Belmore. Their daughter is home alone and she is normal (must be adopted).
In other news, having lunch with Smoothie today, he made one of his Smoothie comments that had me laughing and going Wha? at the same time. In a nutshell, he cannot figure out why South Asian males are appealing to me, but black males not so much. (Yes, we were also discussing if having a preference is racist. We both think it is not.) We can blame the South Asian preference on Kumar (wherever he is*). Smoothie's observation went like this. "Take a black guy. And put my hair on him (at this point he grabs the top of his head as if to remove a hairpiece). And you've got an Indian." Me: "So, you're saying that an Indian is just a black guy with a white guy's hair." S: "Yes, they've got soft hair like us." Me: "That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard." This conversation should be in a Tarantino movie.
*Still Toronto, as far as I can determine
Update: 8:00 p.m. Dammit! They are already home. I cannot catch a freakin' break.
Sunday, July 08, 2012
Monday, July 02, 2012
Celebrity News
Alec B., 54, married his 28-year-old yoga instructor. All together now "There's no fool like an old fool".
In happier news, Katie H. left the couch jumper. That is one hostage-taking I am happy to see finally resolved. Time to get their kid into therapy and de-programming.
In happier news, Katie H. left the couch jumper. That is one hostage-taking I am happy to see finally resolved. Time to get their kid into therapy and de-programming.
Sunday, June 24, 2012
24-Hour Party Pole
It's St-Jean Baptiste weekend. That means it is time for the annual CPN party. This is not a St-Jean party, just the one day of the year when the miserable CPNs invite other Poles to their house. Here is the man himself, with his table of booze. Is it me, or did he used to have a LOT more bottles on the table, say 12 or 13 years ago? (i.e. the night of lying in the street aka the night of using chicken coupons)
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Father's Day
It's Father's Day, so happy day to the Dad Men out there.
It is also Fancy Feast's birthday. The Big 3-0. So to celebrate this occasion here is a picture of the famous African mask. So easy to pop this in a mail box.
It is also Fancy Feast's birthday. The Big 3-0. So to celebrate this occasion here is a picture of the famous African mask. So easy to pop this in a mail box.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Alright Already
Ok, you bunch of demanding complainers. Here is a blog post.
JAW Fan has found the ideal retirement community for me. Who needs NDG when I can live at this corner. It's life sustaining!
BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE!
After a very long dry spell, here is an email exchange between your humble blogger and Fancy Feast.
Background: you may or may not remember that just before he departed on his cross-country trip almost a year ago to the day, FF purchased a 4-foot tall wooden African mask at a garage sale. Because of its size, of course, he could not take it on the road, so it stayed here. He also left behind a large bag of his personal papers. I weighed the bag: 15 pounds.
So today I receive this:
FF: Say, would it be too much to ask that you mail me my wooden mask?
Me: Yes, it would be too much to ask. The thing is almost as tall as I am.
You'll need to pick it up or have somebody pick it up for you. There's also a big bag of your personal papers to go with it. (Notice how I now have zero tolerance for his bull)
FF: I'm pretty sure you can get a postal service to pick it up as is. You don't even need to put it in a box.
(Notice how he completely ignored what I said and answered as if I had said yes and had not even mentioned the big bag o'papers)
I did not respond. It would only escalate and then he would tell me I'm a bad friend for not sending him two African masks.
JAW Fan has found the ideal retirement community for me. Who needs NDG when I can live at this corner. It's life sustaining!
BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE!
After a very long dry spell, here is an email exchange between your humble blogger and Fancy Feast.
Background: you may or may not remember that just before he departed on his cross-country trip almost a year ago to the day, FF purchased a 4-foot tall wooden African mask at a garage sale. Because of its size, of course, he could not take it on the road, so it stayed here. He also left behind a large bag of his personal papers. I weighed the bag: 15 pounds.
So today I receive this:
FF: Say, would it be too much to ask that you mail me my wooden mask?
Me: Yes, it would be too much to ask. The thing is almost as tall as I am.
You'll need to pick it up or have somebody pick it up for you. There's also a big bag of your personal papers to go with it. (Notice how I now have zero tolerance for his bull)
FF: I'm pretty sure you can get a postal service to pick it up as is. You don't even need to put it in a box.
(Notice how he completely ignored what I said and answered as if I had said yes and had not even mentioned the big bag o'papers)
I did not respond. It would only escalate and then he would tell me I'm a bad friend for not sending him two African masks.
Sunday, June 03, 2012
Another celeb death: our youth is disappearing
I may start to think of 2012 as the year all of JAW Fan's favourite celebrities died.
Now it's Richard Dawson. Survey says: Rest in peace.
Now it's Richard Dawson. Survey says: Rest in peace.
Thursday, May 24, 2012
14 Months!
Today at Kraft, a head rolled. It was JAW Fan's head. Yep. After surviving 10+ years of cuts, they finally called his number. His final day on the job will be in early September.
He took tomorrow and Monday off, so there will be no comments from him here until Tuesday.
He gets 14 months paid. 14 months! I can't stop thinking about 14 months at FULL PAY. It's disturbing to me how much I am envying him. He doesn't have to work in his particular hell hole anymore. That's something to envy, for me.
He sounded fine on the phone. A bit manic, but he'd been into the wine since he got home. Now he can plan the next phase of his life. I find that part exciting. I think his mother is more upset about it than he is. Moms, what can you do, eh?
He took tomorrow and Monday off, so there will be no comments from him here until Tuesday.
He gets 14 months paid. 14 months! I can't stop thinking about 14 months at FULL PAY. It's disturbing to me how much I am envying him. He doesn't have to work in his particular hell hole anymore. That's something to envy, for me.
He sounded fine on the phone. A bit manic, but he'd been into the wine since he got home. Now he can plan the next phase of his life. I find that part exciting. I think his mother is more upset about it than he is. Moms, what can you do, eh?
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Happy Mother's Day
Happy Day to all the Moms out there.
Totally unrelated to Mother's Day, Mr. D. says, sorry, this unit is currently occupied. No vacancy.
Totally unrelated to Mother's Day, Mr. D. says, sorry, this unit is currently occupied. No vacancy.
Sunday, May 06, 2012
Weekend round-up
Did everyone watch the Kentucky Derby? It was a really exciting race. That winning jockey is a motor mouth. He wouldn't stop talking. Still. Good for him. A beautiful ride.
In gardening news...let me present before and after pics. Including the lawn inspector at work.
In gardening news...let me present before and after pics. Including the lawn inspector at work.
Friday, May 04, 2012
Sad Day
My man MCA's got a beard like a billy goat.
Such a shame. Adam Yauch died. He was only 47. Ack! No more Beastie Boys.
Such a shame. Adam Yauch died. He was only 47. Ack! No more Beastie Boys.
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