Cue Sinatra (or Anka): "Regrets, I've had a few...."

Women get sold this "bill of goods" all the time: that their 50s can be their most exciting, vibrant decade ever. What utter crap. When do you ever see an article written for men that tells them how wonderful their 50s are? Never. Basically with men it's, you'll probably die of heart attack in the next ten years, and if not, Congratulations! ...So start jogging.

There’s a difference between being “50” and being “in your 50s” because once you are in your 50s it doesn’t matter whether you are 51 or 57. You are over the hill, professionally at least. Back in December (I think) two Canadians drowned on vacation in Mexico (sorry, JAW FAN, it's Bad News Mexico again) and I remember the headline said “Two seniors drown” and when I checked the story they were 72 and 55 !! So 50s is “seniors” in newspaper-speak. That’s pretty darn depressing.

As I was griping about this the other day, one of my friends (age 56, and the type who believes the things Oprah says) told me, you'll see, it only gets better! All I wanted to say was: how can you believe that shit you are saying? This whole 50 is the new 30 crap comes from the wrinkle-cream manufacturing industry. If I have to see another product called "age defying" I'll throw it across Jean Coutu. Deny, defy, whatever. We're fucking old, accept it.