Latest on Fancy Feast

It's almost a week since I last posted anything. Where does the time go? I guess we are due for some Fancy Feast news.

I got an email from him yesterday. He is miserable in Ottawa, hates his family, can't find a job, etc. etc. And he wants to move back to Montreal. So he writes: "I have a bit of money. Not much, but enough to do my own thing. What do you think if I came over for a week or so to apply for work and go to interviews? I'd want to use your address and home phone number for the job applications. When I use a Calgary number, they think it's too much hassle or something. I can pay you for the week that I'd be there."

If this was anyone else I know, I'd say yes. But we all know "a week or so" in FF-speak means he'd never leave. Last night I had a chat with A Man From Laval (AMFL) and I explained the FF situation. He zeroed in on the fact that I am in fact FF's "Enabler" and having FF in my environment prevents me from taking care of things that I need to do for myself (for example, decluttering and fixing my house).

So from now I have to quote AMFL: "You can't enable him to enable you to not do the shit you need to do." So there it is. Now I just have to tell Fancy. I can't enable him to enable me to not do the shit I need to do.

The movie that never ended

Greek film director Theo Angelopoulos has died. I saw only one of his movies, Ulysses' Gaze, and somewhere in an alternate universe, JAW Fan and I are still sitting in that theatre, watching the movie that seemed like it would never, ever end. I swear it's still going on.

Cue Sinatra (or Anka): "Regrets, I've had a few...."

Women get sold this "bill of goods" all the time: that their 50s can be their most exciting, vibrant decade ever. What utter crap. When do you ever see an article written for men that tells them how wonderful their 50s are? Never. Basically with men it's, you'll probably die of heart attack in the next ten years, and if not, Congratulations! ...So start jogging.

There’s a difference between being “50” and being “in your 50s” because once you are in your 50s it doesn’t matter whether you are 51 or 57. You are over the hill, professionally at least. Back in December (I think) two Canadians drowned on vacation in Mexico (sorry, JAW FAN, it's Bad News Mexico again) and I remember the headline said “Two seniors drown” and when I checked the story they were 72 and 55 !! So 50s is “seniors” in newspaper-speak. That’s pretty darn depressing.

As I was griping about this the other day, one of my friends (age 56, and the type who believes the things Oprah says) told me, you'll see, it only gets better! All I wanted to say was: how can you believe that shit you are saying? This whole 50 is the new 30 crap comes from the wrinkle-cream manufacturing industry. If I have to see another product called "age defying" I'll throw it across Jean Coutu. Deny, defy, whatever. We're fucking old, accept it.

Oscar Time

Very disappointed to read that Uggie the dog has not received a Best Supporting nomination. Will the Academy's blatant, shameless discrimination against canines ever end? I ask you!

Scorsese's movie Hugo has the most nominations. This is the first time in years that I have no interest whatsoever in the most nominated movie. When I first saw the trailer, I thought "meh" and I still think "meh". It's a Scorsese picture and there's no Joe Pesci? So why the f*** would I wanna see dat, eh? You tink I'm funny? You tink I am a clown? I make you laugh?

Also, re Best Actor: Go Gorgeous George!

Let Birthday Season Begin!

Happy Birthday to Mister Mushrooms. To 51 more glorious years. heh.

It's the Economy, Stupid

I received my driver's license renewal form last week. The cost for an annual renewal is $88.75. This is not a fortune.

But I noticed, for the first time, that you can pay your license on a monthly or bi-monthly installment, paying either $7.60 a month or $15.17 every two months. This payment plan can only exist because there is a significant need for it. It makes me sad to think there are enough people in this province who cannot pay $88.75 in one payment, that there is a need for payment plans for drivers licenses.

A lot of people are really hard up. This is not good. :(

We are Outlaws (?)

Last weekend, Smoothie emailed me frantically about some free preview movie passes, and I had to hurry, hurry to sign up for one. I did, not even knowing what the movie was. Turns out it was for Red Tails, and when I watched the trailer it looked like a giant yawn.

But we had our passes, so last night we met downtown. I really had no interest in seeing this movie. The big downtown theatre, however, has cut staff and there is no longer anyone checking tickets at the individual theatres (See my earlier post about Smoothie's griping about "overpaying" for IMAX Mission Impossible).

Anyway, once inside Smoothie said, well, we can always check what else is playing at this time and just duck in. So that is what we did. We saw The Artist, which I really enjoyed (as did Smoothie, who did not complain AT ALL at any point) and for free. Yes, we are thieves. Evil.

Jobs Report Update

I got a phone call yesterday from SOS about the job. It would be essentially a lateral because the tasks are so similar to what I already do. But it would be an escape!

Problem with this "escape" is that it would cost me about $20 grand a year. That's how much less it pays than my current pay-for-doing-nothing. Is it a sign of desperation that I'm still thinking about it even with $20 thou less? Oh yes, it is a sign of desperation.

Anyway, SOS said she would not expect me to apply officially for the job because taking a pay cut like that is insanity. I guess I have to agree. Far be it from me to argue with SOS.

The Jobs Report

JAW Fan informs me that once again his job is on the chopping block. I think I should have a standard paragraph ready whenever this subject comes up so I can just cut-and-paste it annually. He could know as early as before his Mexican getaway whether he is a) chopped b) left alone or c) relocated. c) appears to be the ideal scenario as it could be to an office very close to his home. On the other hand, it is turns out a) is the answer, then he will be more than close to home, he will be at home. Let us await further developments...

In my job news, Smoothie contacted me yesterday because his sister works in recruitment in a big company that is in a similar field to my esteemed employer. And her big company needs an editor, and she wanted to receive my c.v. So, why the heck not, thought I. Sister-of-Smoothie (SOS) now has my life in her hands, or at least my work life story. I don't expect anything to come of this, but let us await further developments...

Golden Yawn

Who watched the Golden Globes? I did. And they were dull as heck. The only funny part was the introduction of Colin Firth.

At least Clooney won. And he looked ASTOUNDINGLY handsome. He's still got it. Representing all of us who will turn 51 this year. You go, Georgie boy.

Fancy Feast wants to enter the "snow war"

I was complaining about CPN to FF in an email. So he wrote:

"Would you like me to come over and straighten him out? I'll just go have a talk with him. It'll start with "Please don't shovel snow onto Nanuk's property." How the conversation ends is entirely up to him. But I can guarantee you he won't do it anymore after a talk with me. No threats or anything, I'll keep it civil. I just have a way of showing pricks like that I mean business. And it's such a stupid thing to be confrontational about that he'll just drop it."

I responded: "Frankly, I think he's a bit off and has power/control issues, so I'm afraid it would end in a confrontation. And you can't park on my lawn all winter. As soon as you would leave, he'd go back to doing it. I'm convinced. thanks anyway."

FF responded: "I know his type quite well. Trust me, I am very confident that I can yield permanent results out of him. It would also give me an excuse to visit you ;) "

We can see where this is headed, right?

First snowstorm of the season

We got quite a lot of snow today, and you know what that means....my Crazy Polish Neighbour has dumped a lot of snow on my lawn. grrr.

I hate that fucker with a hatred whose limits know no depths. (I don't even know if that makes sense. What I mean is I really, really hate him.)

Bad Timing

Yesterday was my aunt's 81st birthday. She is in Calgary. She is a cat owner and sometimes sends me various funny cat pictures, etc. I sent her a Happy B-Day email and in it I included a link to YouTube so she could see my kitties in action.

She replied including a long paragraph about how her cat of 11 years had to be put down last Friday and how upset she is about it. And how empty the house is. etc. etc.

Awkward!

FF Update

Turns out Fancy Feast is apartment-sitting for the month of January. So in February he has to move somewhere else.

I'm not out of the woods yet. Aiiyeee.

He keeps sending me photos of meals he has prepared, and new recipe ideas. What does he think? That I am some kind of piglet who can be lured with food? Oink.

All Quiet on the Blog Front

Is it January blahs? Nothing seems to be happening anywhere. I have no news. I have posted two more Tall Cats of Belmore videos to YouTube, if anyone cares to watch. I have one registered viewer and it is, of course, Fancy Feast.

Last weekend I saw Mission Impossible on Imax. It was fun. Tom Cruise is still the most wooden expressionless actor on earth. But, despite him, I enjoyed the movie.

Anyone have any news to share? Anyone?

In Wedding News

Well, single gals, looks like we are out of luck. There's is now a Mrs. Potato Head.

Yep, our Potato Head Defense Minister, has gotten married. I was just reading the bio of the new Mrs. Potato Head, and I think she married down. She appears very accomplished, while he is just a Tory doofus. Oh well.

How long will it last? Will Peter PH be the Russell Brand of the Harper cabinet? Do we give it 14 months? Or will Mrs. PH do a Sinead, and have second thoughts after 18 days? Stay tuned.

Stars are Born

Introducing the YouTube sensations of 2012. The first in a series:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uiKCBv_An9w

Happy Fancy New Year

I can report that Fancy Feast has now returned to our nation's capital.

Special note to J&J: Have you noticed that your neighbourhood is feeling a tad "fancier" in the last week or so? Well, it should. He is now living on Frank, a mere few short blocks from your place.

You have been warned.

It's Twenty Twelve

Happy New Year to one and all.

I'll be making my resolutions when I am good and ready, and at this point, that may mean nevah!