Here’s the kind of things that cause me illogical worry before a trip.
1) Saturday, I was on the bus and a normal-looking woman sat in the seat in front of me. Then suddenly she began this loud distracting churchy humming. Like a bad soprano tuning-up. And she didn’t stop. Suddenly I thought, what if there is someone like this on the trip? What if I have to endure a week of somebody’s really, really irritating humming or singing or whistling? That could ruin my vacation.
2) This morning, as I was stepping out of the shower, Mr. D. hopped onto the side of the tub and promptly barfed his whole breakfast at my feet. What if this happens every day while I’m away? I could come home to a dead dehydrated cat.
3) I don’t worry about the plane going down, except in a case where it runs out of fuel, or an engine falls off, and we coast along looking for a place to land (but we are midway over the Atlantic so of course there is no place to land), and the pilot tells us there is a problem and everybody has many, many long minutes to ponder their impending doom*. That I don’t like. On the other hand, if it’s a bomb and the whole plane just goes kablooey, I don’t care because I won’t know what hit me and I’m okay with that. I just hope somebody wants to adopt the cats.
*Also, I’ll be annoyed that I haven’t picked up those Dylan tickets in advance at the box office because I have to be the one to pick them up in person with my credit card, so my friends will be stuck with no Dylan tickets…and I’ll be dead, thus missing Bob completely. Maybe I should go over to the box office and get them this week…
10 comments:
This is merely all pre-vacation paranoia (which I know all too well)...in reality, however, your one true concern should be not fitting into any of your clothes after an entire week of pasta eating...My recommendation: before heading out, go buy some clothing in a size higher, so that when you do return home you won't have to go to work on your first day back draped in a bedsheet toga.
This also makes me wonder what kind of potato chips exist in Italy...Maranara Ruffles?... Fettucini Doritos?...Mmm!
JAW fan
should number 3 happen, I have no doubt that both poseidon adventure-era gene hackmann (in that turquoise turtle neck) and george kennedy as george patroni will rescue you from the perils of the high seas or (better yet) charleton heston will get on the radio from some air traffic control tower somewhere and instruct you how to bring the plain to a safe landing
as for number 1: give the hummer and dirty look and MOVE
I mean give the hummer A dirty look
(monday morning brain freeze)
Ah! George Patroni...They really should have cast him in Snakes on a Plane.
And speaking of heroes from an era gone by, this weekend on the Comedy Network, I watched The Pamela Anderson roast from a few years ago. In any case, the jokes were F*** this and F*** that. Tommy Lee Big C**K jokes. Pamela and her stretched P***Y jokes. T**S, T**S and more T**S (you get the idea!) In any case, at one point they cut to the audience, and there's Charo laughing her tuckus off...Very weird!
JAW fan
is charo still alive????
Yes she is indeed. And she has a couple of fans on this site, so be nice. (Between you and me, I'm no longer amused by her, but I don't tell the others that.)
I really, really want to be rescued by Gene Hackman.
everybody does
Gene Hackman is 76.
Charlton Heston is 80 (and he has Alzheimer's)
George Kennedy is 81.
It will be up to you to get rescue THEM.
(after you send off your credit card with a friendly nun who has miraculously survived the crash, knowing full well that the safety of those Bob Dylan tickets should be your final thoughts).
no, no, no, no
mz nanuk is in a time warp and gene et al are wearing their 1970's orange or turquoise clothing, the lapels are wide, the cars are big
hey, karen black is still making main stream hollywood movies!
they'll be rescue'in a plenty
as for bob, I agree that friendly (singing!) nun (helen ready of course) will surely get those tickets, will perhaps even contact bob lui meme
(if one is worried about transatlantic flight, one would do well to enter another era...)
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