I'll leave you with a couple of vacation pics from BC. My friend the sea otter doin' the backstroke at the Vancouver aquarium. and some lovely scenery from Butchart Gardens in Victoria.
Sunday, September 06, 2009
To The East Coast! (and maybe the Green Monster)
I'm off to Maine in the morning. Weather forecast is decent, i.e. sunny for the entire week. On Wednesday we are going down to Boston. And with a bit of luck I will finally live my long-time dream of seeing the Red Sox at Fenway. I'm crossing my fingers. And if the rotation gods are on my side, and Josh Beckett is pitching, well, then I can just die happy.
I'll leave you with a couple of vacation pics from BC. My friend the sea otter doin' the backstroke at the Vancouver aquarium. and some lovely scenery from Butchart Gardens in Victoria.
I'll leave you with a couple of vacation pics from BC. My friend the sea otter doin' the backstroke at the Vancouver aquarium. and some lovely scenery from Butchart Gardens in Victoria.
Saturday, September 05, 2009
Summer's almost over? How did that happen?
Miss H. sez Happy Lazy Labour Day!
This is how she chases butterflies. Come here you butterfly and let me take a swipe at you.
(This technique generally doesn't work.)
Friday, September 04, 2009
I'm back
How!Here I am in Stanley Park at the famous totems. Great weather. No rain. Lots of walking, lots of site-seeing.
I'm ready to retire on the West Coast.
Note to self: Invest in lottery tickets.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Vacation: Pacific salmon vs Atlantic salmon
I had a change of vacation plans about a month ago, and I am not off to Rome this year.
On Sunday, I am heading to Vancouver with my niece for a few days. It should be fun. As long as the weather is good, and the forest fires are far away.
The following week I am heading to Maine with my sister. It should also be fun. As long as the weather is good, and the hurricanes are far away.
On Sunday, I am heading to Vancouver with my niece for a few days. It should be fun. As long as the weather is good, and the forest fires are far away.
The following week I am heading to Maine with my sister. It should also be fun. As long as the weather is good, and the hurricanes are far away.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Wham bam Ram a dan
Well, kids, here it is Ramadan again!
This is a time for fasting and abstinence, i.e., that is to say, there is to be no moon-June-spooning with Kumar during this holy month. I say to that: Hiss! Thumbs down. I know that the Koran says it is okay to moon-June-spoon after sundown, but that is on the assumption that you will be m-J-s-ing with your lawfully wedded spouse; not with some infidel hussy. So this infidel hussy is out of the picture until late Sept. Boo!
It might not be a bad thing overall because Kumar is a tad of an impatient guy, and just imagining what he must be like when he hasn’t eaten all day…well. All I can say is: Stay home and enjoy the fast, Oscar the Grouch.
It never occurred to me that at some point in my life, I would be affected by Ramadan. But in an effort to make lemonade with this lemon known as more free time, Ramadan shall become synonymous with (guess what?) decluttering!!.
Yes! I have decided that for me this will be the holy month of decluttering. There is a new show on A&E on Monday nights called Hoarders. It’s like they know what I want to watch. The real-life people on this show have hoarding compulsions, and they need professional help. I can’t turn it off. It’s like watching my dark future. Except I can still see all my floors; they are not covered with clothes and garbage. Really. It is unbelievable the level of filth and crap people can live in. Heck, I can even see a few inches of my coffee table. I’m not like them. Yet. And after Ramadan, maybe I’ll see more of my table surfaces? Maybe I’ll see that chair in my bedroom that has been covered with clothes for 6 months? It’s possible.
This is a time for fasting and abstinence, i.e., that is to say, there is to be no moon-June-spooning with Kumar during this holy month. I say to that: Hiss! Thumbs down. I know that the Koran says it is okay to moon-June-spoon after sundown, but that is on the assumption that you will be m-J-s-ing with your lawfully wedded spouse; not with some infidel hussy. So this infidel hussy is out of the picture until late Sept. Boo!
It might not be a bad thing overall because Kumar is a tad of an impatient guy, and just imagining what he must be like when he hasn’t eaten all day…well. All I can say is: Stay home and enjoy the fast, Oscar the Grouch.
It never occurred to me that at some point in my life, I would be affected by Ramadan. But in an effort to make lemonade with this lemon known as more free time, Ramadan shall become synonymous with (guess what?) decluttering!!.
Yes! I have decided that for me this will be the holy month of decluttering. There is a new show on A&E on Monday nights called Hoarders. It’s like they know what I want to watch. The real-life people on this show have hoarding compulsions, and they need professional help. I can’t turn it off. It’s like watching my dark future. Except I can still see all my floors; they are not covered with clothes and garbage. Really. It is unbelievable the level of filth and crap people can live in. Heck, I can even see a few inches of my coffee table. I’m not like them. Yet. And after Ramadan, maybe I’ll see more of my table surfaces? Maybe I’ll see that chair in my bedroom that has been covered with clothes for 6 months? It’s possible.
My fellow citizens
With Ted Kennedy gone, does this make Mayor Quimby the sole surviving member of that generation of the family?
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Shoo, go away
The black cat wants to live with us. She's driving me crazy. Go away, cutie. She needs a name. An annoying neighbour name: Bentley? Norton? What was Bill Daily's name on the old Bob Newhart show? Howard? Ok, she's Howard.
Monday, August 24, 2009
The new "Get out of jail free" card?
Rumour is that Bernie (The Earl Jones of the USA) Madoff has cancer.
Well, it worked for the Lockerbie guy. Might as well give it a whirl, Bern.
Maybe Davey Hilton can say he has cancer too, since it looks like he's going back in the can. Ah, the Hiltons! I remember years and years ago, I worked with a woman who knew them as children and she would always say what nice boys they were. Didn't matter what they were on trial for (public drunkedness, depanneur hold-ups, jailhouse sodomy) they were still such nice boys. The good ole days.
(Aside to BJB: Never wrote that book "Punch Drunk" did you? Just as well. You would have to publish a new, updated edition every 6 months.)
Well, it worked for the Lockerbie guy. Might as well give it a whirl, Bern.
Maybe Davey Hilton can say he has cancer too, since it looks like he's going back in the can. Ah, the Hiltons! I remember years and years ago, I worked with a woman who knew them as children and she would always say what nice boys they were. Didn't matter what they were on trial for (public drunkedness, depanneur hold-ups, jailhouse sodomy) they were still such nice boys. The good ole days.
(Aside to BJB: Never wrote that book "Punch Drunk" did you? Just as well. You would have to publish a new, updated edition every 6 months.)
In Chip News
I bought some new Doritos Collisions this weekend. They are a combo of guacamole and Habanero.
Habanero is, apparently, Spanish for effing hot.
The guacamole ones were very refreshing and tasty, and necessary, given the lip-smackin’ and burnin’ effect of the Habaneros. A guacamole was needed after each Habanero to cut the burn. Guacamole, habanero, guacamole, habanero...next thing you know the whole bag is gone.
I don’t know if I like these as much as the original Collisions. I will need to try a second bag in order to make an informed decision. Don't want to be too hasty.
Habanero is, apparently, Spanish for effing hot.
The guacamole ones were very refreshing and tasty, and necessary, given the lip-smackin’ and burnin’ effect of the Habaneros. A guacamole was needed after each Habanero to cut the burn. Guacamole, habanero, guacamole, habanero...next thing you know the whole bag is gone.
I don’t know if I like these as much as the original Collisions. I will need to try a second bag in order to make an informed decision. Don't want to be too hasty.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Take that, Groundhog!
Here is proof that the groundhogs and skunks didn't eat everything in my garden this summer.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Only in Canada, u say
Funny story in the Globe & Mail:
A news release sent out Monday outlined Prime Minister Stephen Harper's itinerary as he began a five-day Arctic tour. The release repeatedly spelled the capital of Nunavut as Iqualuit - rather than Iqaluit. The extra "u" makes a big difference. "It means people with unwiped bums," said Sandra Inutiq of the office of the Languages Commissioner of Nunavut.
The best thing about this story? The fact that the Inuktitut language has an actual word for "people with unwiped bums". Why doesn't every language have a word for them? Eh?
A news release sent out Monday outlined Prime Minister Stephen Harper's itinerary as he began a five-day Arctic tour. The release repeatedly spelled the capital of Nunavut as Iqualuit - rather than Iqaluit. The extra "u" makes a big difference. "It means people with unwiped bums," said Sandra Inutiq of the office of the Languages Commissioner of Nunavut.
The best thing about this story? The fact that the Inuktitut language has an actual word for "people with unwiped bums". Why doesn't every language have a word for them? Eh?
Election Day in A'stan
I'm reading the BBC reports on the voting in Afghanistan. In some provinces, the turnout by women is very good. Hurray for them. They are brave ladies. I know I would not head out to vote if it meant I risked being shot at. But they are out in high numbers. Better women than I.
Lots of underage voters, apparently. Kids as young as 13 with fake voter cards are getting to vote. These people LOVE democracy. Heh heh.
And the indelible ink washes off. So some people wash the purple off their fingers and go back in and vote again. They really LOVE voting. We should learn from this.
It's full of fraud, but the people seem very proud. I'm guessing Karzai will get back in. Not a great outcome, but what can you do. I think Dr. Abdullah-squared would be worse, and the 3rd candidate, who seems the best choice to me, doesn't have a chance. Kinda like the NDP.
Lots of underage voters, apparently. Kids as young as 13 with fake voter cards are getting to vote. These people LOVE democracy. Heh heh.
And the indelible ink washes off. So some people wash the purple off their fingers and go back in and vote again. They really LOVE voting. We should learn from this.
It's full of fraud, but the people seem very proud. I'm guessing Karzai will get back in. Not a great outcome, but what can you do. I think Dr. Abdullah-squared would be worse, and the 3rd candidate, who seems the best choice to me, doesn't have a chance. Kinda like the NDP.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Gripe, gripe
I have to gripe about a fellow worker.
We have a policy of doctor-certified sick leave that covers 9 months at full pay and 9 months at half pay. Once all the sick leave is used up it takes a certain number of years of work to build it back up. Or, if you truly cannot work, you have to go on disability, which is paid by our insurance company, not by our employer.
This colleague, who is a whiner hated by almost all, has in the past couple of years used up all her full-pay and half-pay sick days. Nobody knows what is wrong with her, as she refuses to discuss it.
Two weeks ago, we learned that she was back on “extended” sick leave. But this past Monday, she was back at work. The reason? She ran out of doctor-certified sick leave. So what gives? She was too unwell to work until her days ran out? And then suddenly she felt able to work again?
Why is the administration doing nothing? Her boss tried to get rid of her, but you can’t fire someone while they are off sick. And since she is almost never at work, he gave up. Now he is retiring and doesn’t give a damn anymore.
If she doesn’t want to work, and has a doctor willing to certify it, why not go on disability until retirement. I'm sure her doctor will sign off on anything just to get her off his back. Nobody here will mind, and she gets to stay home. Be off with you!
We have a policy of doctor-certified sick leave that covers 9 months at full pay and 9 months at half pay. Once all the sick leave is used up it takes a certain number of years of work to build it back up. Or, if you truly cannot work, you have to go on disability, which is paid by our insurance company, not by our employer.
This colleague, who is a whiner hated by almost all, has in the past couple of years used up all her full-pay and half-pay sick days. Nobody knows what is wrong with her, as she refuses to discuss it.
Two weeks ago, we learned that she was back on “extended” sick leave. But this past Monday, she was back at work. The reason? She ran out of doctor-certified sick leave. So what gives? She was too unwell to work until her days ran out? And then suddenly she felt able to work again?
Why is the administration doing nothing? Her boss tried to get rid of her, but you can’t fire someone while they are off sick. And since she is almost never at work, he gave up. Now he is retiring and doesn’t give a damn anymore.
If she doesn’t want to work, and has a doctor willing to certify it, why not go on disability until retirement. I'm sure her doctor will sign off on anything just to get her off his back. Nobody here will mind, and she gets to stay home. Be off with you!
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
The birth announcement
I don't get it. Celine is pregnant for the second time, and yet it appears that nobody in the province of Quebec has been given the day off work.
We don't respect our royalty anymore.
May I rant about old ancient creaky fathers a bit? (Sure I may.) Effing' Rene is 67 years old. He's going to croak before he can even teach his kids how to lose millions in a casino. What kind of father is that?
The real question is: is Celine really pregnant? Or is this another secret surrogate like the first time? Hmmmm? Hmmmm? Where's the Journal de Montreal on this story?
We don't respect our royalty anymore.
May I rant about old ancient creaky fathers a bit? (Sure I may.) Effing' Rene is 67 years old. He's going to croak before he can even teach his kids how to lose millions in a casino. What kind of father is that?
The real question is: is Celine really pregnant? Or is this another secret surrogate like the first time? Hmmmm? Hmmmm? Where's the Journal de Montreal on this story?
Monday, August 17, 2009
Lazy day at work?
This is a weird day. Turns out my boss is not in, and I can't start the work she assigned me on Friday, for silly procedural reasons. So here I am.
And it's too hot to take the afternoon off. I don't really want to be home.
Tra la la. Drumming fingers on desk.
I decluttered my office a bit. If I can't declutter at home, at least I can attempt it at work.
Time to start writing my novel... It was a dark and stormy night...
And it's too hot to take the afternoon off. I don't really want to be home.
Tra la la. Drumming fingers on desk.
I decluttered my office a bit. If I can't declutter at home, at least I can attempt it at work.
Time to start writing my novel... It was a dark and stormy night...
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Argh
What should be a joyous occasion (the return of Mad Men) has turned into a major annoyance. Looks like the only way I'll be able to see it is to download the episodes at $2.50 per.
This is soooo unfair. I hate capitalism.
This is soooo unfair. I hate capitalism.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Endless Feline Summer
In Lesson One of "How to relax in the summertime" Le Grand Orange demonstrated his wedging-myself-next-to-the-lawnmower technique.
Today, he ups the ante, raises the bar, and is just generally bewildering. Because what better place to snooze on one of the hottest afternoons of the year than while squeezed between two garbage cans? And nuzzling a dirty old broom. Full disclosure: the garbage cans are empty so this is not as smelly and moronic as it looks. And his paws appear to be crossed in an aristocratic manner.
Today, he ups the ante, raises the bar, and is just generally bewildering. Because what better place to snooze on one of the hottest afternoons of the year than while squeezed between two garbage cans? And nuzzling a dirty old broom. Full disclosure: the garbage cans are empty so this is not as smelly and moronic as it looks. And his paws appear to be crossed in an aristocratic manner.
Following in the master's footsteps, Mr. D. goes for under-the-old-step-bench, next to the dirty shovel, the weed eater and the rake.
Miss H. proves that she is the brains of this operation by basking in the comfortable shade, with no garbage or tools in sight. I would like to draw a thought bubble over her head. It would say "Boyz is dumb."
Thursday, August 13, 2009
The Weather
Was just looking at the weather station, my fave.
The forecast for the next five days:
30
30
30
30
30
It's like watching a mediocre darts match.
The forecast for the next five days:
30
30
30
30
30
It's like watching a mediocre darts match.
Home again
Yes, I have taken another day off work. I had an excuse: the furnace cleaners were coming today and they didn't leave until 10:30. Well, by that time the work day is shot, right?
I had warned my boss about this possibility, so when I called in, she knew she wouldn't see me today.
Besides, it's hot and sunny and summer is passing quickly. Might as well enjoy it a bit more. It was a mistake not to schedule my summer vacation earlier. September is too late. I am completely out of gas, work-wise. No motivation. I don't give a hoot. I need a longer break, but it's still 2 weeks away.
I had warned my boss about this possibility, so when I called in, she knew she wouldn't see me today.
Besides, it's hot and sunny and summer is passing quickly. Might as well enjoy it a bit more. It was a mistake not to schedule my summer vacation earlier. September is too late. I am completely out of gas, work-wise. No motivation. I don't give a hoot. I need a longer break, but it's still 2 weeks away.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Americans are baffling
I'll fully admit that I don't understand the American love affair with guns. Why does a person need a dozen weapons in their home? I don't know.
But now they seem to be all going nuts because they don't want the government to cover their health care expenses. It is indeed very puzzling.
Why are they so attached to the "right" to be screwed over by private insurance companies? Do they sincerely believe that some pencil-pusher in a big insurance company has only their best interests at heart?
And do they really believe that pinko socialist regimes like Canada actually have panels that decide that old people are not worth treating and must be left to die? Do they really believe this? If so, how? How can they believe this?
And that guy yesterday in New Hampshire, standing on the church lawn, with his loaded gun? It made me think, once again, that Obama won't live to see the end of his first term.
But now they seem to be all going nuts because they don't want the government to cover their health care expenses. It is indeed very puzzling.
Why are they so attached to the "right" to be screwed over by private insurance companies? Do they sincerely believe that some pencil-pusher in a big insurance company has only their best interests at heart?
And do they really believe that pinko socialist regimes like Canada actually have panels that decide that old people are not worth treating and must be left to die? Do they really believe this? If so, how? How can they believe this?
And that guy yesterday in New Hampshire, standing on the church lawn, with his loaded gun? It made me think, once again, that Obama won't live to see the end of his first term.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Back 2 skool
I'm trying to pick a night course for the Fall session. I'm looking at Con U's ContinUing Ed.
I'm leaning towards a written French course 'cause I need to brush up, but maybe one of these new-fangled computer courses should be looked at too. Computers are the future, I hear.
Either one will be helpful should unemployment be on the horizon (and isn't it always in my lil paranoid world?) So, what should it be? French or computers? But not French computers.
I'm leaning towards a written French course 'cause I need to brush up, but maybe one of these new-fangled computer courses should be looked at too. Computers are the future, I hear.
Either one will be helpful should unemployment be on the horizon (and isn't it always in my lil paranoid world?) So, what should it be? French or computers? But not French computers.
Monday, August 10, 2009
I hate the bank
I’m mad at the bank. And, due to PMS, this is one of those days where I have to exercise the greatest of self-control so that I don’t close my account and move my GICS, etc., in a fit of pique.
I wanted to make a change to a monthly contribution to a mutual fund. I always communicate with the same lady (now known as “the dud”) by email. She said I could send them a fax with the info, since they required a signature, or call them and they would record the conversation. Frankly, I don’t like that second option.
Our dept does not have access to a fax machine. (Why? I don’t know.) So I sent her a letter, containing my signature, as an attachment to an email. She wrote back saying the letter is perfect, so I can now just send it by fax to them. Huh? I told the dud I don’t have a fax, i.e. could she take care of it. She said, you’ll have to call the 1-800 and have them record the conversation.
Is it too much trouble for her to send my letter by fax to the number she provided. It’s right there at her fingertips! Apparently so. Forwarding my letter by fax is too much trouble.
So now I am pissed off. And I’m plotting and scheming how I can get back at the bank for this lazy stupidity of hers.
I wanted to make a change to a monthly contribution to a mutual fund. I always communicate with the same lady (now known as “the dud”) by email. She said I could send them a fax with the info, since they required a signature, or call them and they would record the conversation. Frankly, I don’t like that second option.
Our dept does not have access to a fax machine. (Why? I don’t know.) So I sent her a letter, containing my signature, as an attachment to an email. She wrote back saying the letter is perfect, so I can now just send it by fax to them. Huh? I told the dud I don’t have a fax, i.e. could she take care of it. She said, you’ll have to call the 1-800 and have them record the conversation.
Is it too much trouble for her to send my letter by fax to the number she provided. It’s right there at her fingertips! Apparently so. Forwarding my letter by fax is too much trouble.
So now I am pissed off. And I’m plotting and scheming how I can get back at the bank for this lazy stupidity of hers.
House Hunting
I’d been feeling kinda depressed about the condition of my house lately, so I decided to go to an Open House yesterday afternoon. It was an upper unit in a 3-storey co-op right off of Sherbrooke in NDG. Nice location. And at $289,000 the price was right.
I was thinking at that price, I could sell mine (which needs work) and maybe move into something that needs less work.
Boy was I wrong.
I love my little house!
It would be great to rent that place, but own it? No thanks. $289,000 and it did not have upgraded electricity, the hardwood floors all needed refinishing and the roof was 24 years old. (Though it didn’t leak at the moment, the co-owner said optimistically.) Old windows, a couple of them cracked. And although it did have a very cute hot tub on the back deck, I counted at least four neighbours who had a clear unobstructed view of that little hot tub. Ideal for an exhibitionist. For me, not so much.
Did I mention it had a “typical” NDG bathroom. Those of you who know, know that I’m talking about THAT tile that is in every bathroom in every apartment you have ever rented if you rented in NDG. And those little octagonal bathroom floor tiles. All original. All in need of replacement.
I repeat, I love my house. Warts and all. Peeling paint and all. Unfinished stinky basement and all. I love my backyard. I love my lawn full of weeds. I am staying put.
I was thinking at that price, I could sell mine (which needs work) and maybe move into something that needs less work.
Boy was I wrong.
I love my little house!
It would be great to rent that place, but own it? No thanks. $289,000 and it did not have upgraded electricity, the hardwood floors all needed refinishing and the roof was 24 years old. (Though it didn’t leak at the moment, the co-owner said optimistically.) Old windows, a couple of them cracked. And although it did have a very cute hot tub on the back deck, I counted at least four neighbours who had a clear unobstructed view of that little hot tub. Ideal for an exhibitionist. For me, not so much.
Did I mention it had a “typical” NDG bathroom. Those of you who know, know that I’m talking about THAT tile that is in every bathroom in every apartment you have ever rented if you rented in NDG. And those little octagonal bathroom floor tiles. All original. All in need of replacement.
I repeat, I love my house. Warts and all. Peeling paint and all. Unfinished stinky basement and all. I love my backyard. I love my lawn full of weeds. I am staying put.
Sunday, August 09, 2009
Young Girls Today!
Le Grand Orange is being pursued by the most brazen hussy. She's always hanging around our house.
Saturday, August 08, 2009
Headline of the Day
"Obese inmate hides gun in his flabs of fat"
Reality keeps getting more and more like the Weekly World News.
Reality keeps getting more and more like the Weekly World News.
Punk Celebrity Death News
Willy DeVille died. Pancreatic cancer is a beeeoitch. The weirdest thing in his obit in the NY Times is the last paragraph. I quote: "Mr. DeVille's first two wives died; he is survived by his third wife..."
He was either the unluckiest guy in the world, or he got away with two murders....intriguing....I wonder if the third wife had second thoughts about marrying him?
He was either the unluckiest guy in the world, or he got away with two murders....intriguing....I wonder if the third wife had second thoughts about marrying him?
Friday, August 07, 2009
Friday Guest Blogger: Mrs. Anon
Mrs. Anon rides the Metro and encounters interesting characters. Take it away...
Had a hilarious encounter yesterday on the metro. First on the green line there was a crazy guy muttering to himself and shaking his head at the lady next to him (as if to say imagine – her, she did that, how awful). It was too funny as she’s trying to ignore him. Then I had to get over to the orange line (to get the kids at villa). The car was pretty empty except for me and this little old white lady with curly grey hair (you know the type) but she’s holding a framed photo of Obama and he’s in a graduation cap (okay this is already quite odd to me) and she’s holding it facing out for everyone to see (you might see people doing this with Jesus but Obama was a new one) so I though she was a bit off. Then this big rapper guy with like 6 gold teeth gets on and sits across from her. Sitting there he finally notices her and the photo and livens up “OBAMA! Now that’s my man!” She says “oh you know him?” and then he can’t really hear what she’s saying so he says “let me sit next to you to chat about the man”….so he scoots over to a seat perpendicular to hers and is leaning in to hear her and he says “man I love that Obama” then she says “Oh you know him? He’s my son you know!” and she nods her head “oh yes my son, I’m ever so proud of him” and that’s when mr. gold tooth and I look at each other raising our eyebrows in wonder both with a look like ohhhhhh – the kinda of look you’d see on candid camera….it’s a shame I had to get off at the next stop, I had to leave the poor guy alone with Mrs. Obama in an empty car…
Had a hilarious encounter yesterday on the metro. First on the green line there was a crazy guy muttering to himself and shaking his head at the lady next to him (as if to say imagine – her, she did that, how awful). It was too funny as she’s trying to ignore him. Then I had to get over to the orange line (to get the kids at villa). The car was pretty empty except for me and this little old white lady with curly grey hair (you know the type) but she’s holding a framed photo of Obama and he’s in a graduation cap (okay this is already quite odd to me) and she’s holding it facing out for everyone to see (you might see people doing this with Jesus but Obama was a new one) so I though she was a bit off. Then this big rapper guy with like 6 gold teeth gets on and sits across from her. Sitting there he finally notices her and the photo and livens up “OBAMA! Now that’s my man!” She says “oh you know him?” and then he can’t really hear what she’s saying so he says “let me sit next to you to chat about the man”….so he scoots over to a seat perpendicular to hers and is leaning in to hear her and he says “man I love that Obama” then she says “Oh you know him? He’s my son you know!” and she nods her head “oh yes my son, I’m ever so proud of him” and that’s when mr. gold tooth and I look at each other raising our eyebrows in wonder both with a look like ohhhhhh – the kinda of look you’d see on candid camera….it’s a shame I had to get off at the next stop, I had to leave the poor guy alone with Mrs. Obama in an empty car…
Thursday, August 06, 2009
Finally, a third Celeb Death
My celebrity triple death list was getting cold. I do realize other people had died over the past couple of weeks, like Merce "Twinkle Toes" Cunningham, one of the guys from Peter & Gordon and (Oh My) Corazon Aquino, but they just didn't fit my list.
But today John Hughes died. So that's three. (With Cronkite and McCourt) Hughes did a variation on a Strummer, dropped dead from a heart attack while taking a walk.
I saw Ferris Bueller on t.v. last year and it was a lot funnier than I remembered. I didn't much like it when it came out, but now it seemed quite good.
But my favourite John Hughes movie is Sixteen Candles, if only for the father and the expression "oily bohunk".
But today John Hughes died. So that's three. (With Cronkite and McCourt) Hughes did a variation on a Strummer, dropped dead from a heart attack while taking a walk.
I saw Ferris Bueller on t.v. last year and it was a lot funnier than I remembered. I didn't much like it when it came out, but now it seemed quite good.
But my favourite John Hughes movie is Sixteen Candles, if only for the father and the expression "oily bohunk".
In Chip News: I am defeated by modernity
It’s official. I am old, depassé and dumb. I bought a small bag of some new Doritos. I can’t remember the exact name of them. “Hot” something or “chili” something. They tasted like regular BBQ. I ate a few and then noticed a packet inside.
I took out the packet. It looked like some kind of coupon. So I put it aside. Then I ate the rest of the bag of chips.
Only after I had eaten them, did I look back at the packet. D’OH! It is an extra serving of spiciness. You’re supposed to open the packet and sprinkle it on the chips if you want ‘em extra spicy. They really need to put bigger lettering on the package for old folks like me to clue into this new-fangled spiciness business.
So, now I am left with a packet of spice and no chips to put it on. Maybe I can sprinkle it on my Triscuits? Or maybe on corn on the cob? Tis the season.
I took out the packet. It looked like some kind of coupon. So I put it aside. Then I ate the rest of the bag of chips.
Only after I had eaten them, did I look back at the packet. D’OH! It is an extra serving of spiciness. You’re supposed to open the packet and sprinkle it on the chips if you want ‘em extra spicy. They really need to put bigger lettering on the package for old folks like me to clue into this new-fangled spiciness business.
So, now I am left with a packet of spice and no chips to put it on. Maybe I can sprinkle it on my Triscuits? Or maybe on corn on the cob? Tis the season.
Stupid, busy work
Work is still busy. Argh.
Why did I expect that it would've calmed down in one day? Argh myself.
Why did I expect that it would've calmed down in one day? Argh myself.
Wednesday, August 05, 2009
Lazy Day
Yesterday, I told my boss I'd take today off work if it was sunny. And hurray it is sunny.
So I am being lazy. Slept in until 8:15. Sat in the backyard with my coffee.
I just need a decompression day away from the office. Mental Health Day!
I'll improve my mental health by working on my tan.
So I am being lazy. Slept in until 8:15. Sat in the backyard with my coffee.
I just need a decompression day away from the office. Mental Health Day!
I'll improve my mental health by working on my tan.
Tuesday, August 04, 2009
The Summer news season
Now that the garbage strike is over in Toronto, a severed foot was found in the garbage in NY State and they think it may have originated in Toronto.
This is silly. Don’t they know that all stray severed Canadian feet end up on the shores of British Columbia?
In other stupid news, there’s that video of the 7-year-old driving his family of five down the country road. Groan. Not so impressive. If I’m going to be impressed by children driving, I want to see one of the little Anonymi navigating Newman Blvd. at rush hour*. Now THAT will be worth posting on YouTube.
*While Mom sips a green beer in the back seat.
This is silly. Don’t they know that all stray severed Canadian feet end up on the shores of British Columbia?
In other stupid news, there’s that video of the 7-year-old driving his family of five down the country road. Groan. Not so impressive. If I’m going to be impressed by children driving, I want to see one of the little Anonymi navigating Newman Blvd. at rush hour*. Now THAT will be worth posting on YouTube.
*While Mom sips a green beer in the back seat.
Snarl
It is very busy at work these days and I just snapped (snapped!) at this woman who irritates the hell out of me on a regular basis. She is one of those people who dishes it out, but can't take it.
She seemed quite shocked that I let her have it in a tone that is similar to her own.
I did not, however, go "Full JAW Fan" on her.
This b**** retires at the end of the year, and I'm considering putting up a count-down calendar in my office and crossing off each day with delight and satisfaction...I am not one to wish away the time, but man, will I be happy when this nut job is out of my life.
She seemed quite shocked that I let her have it in a tone that is similar to her own.
I did not, however, go "Full JAW Fan" on her.
This b**** retires at the end of the year, and I'm considering putting up a count-down calendar in my office and crossing off each day with delight and satisfaction...I am not one to wish away the time, but man, will I be happy when this nut job is out of my life.
Celebrity B-Day
The Prez of the USA turns 48 today. hmm. I'm still adjusting to the idea that he is slightly (only slightly!) younger than me. (and Mr. Anonymous, and Ms Mushrooms and Mr Mushrooms)
I wish him the best, in particular that people will stop analysing and/or ridiculing his choice to wear baggy "Mom" jeans. He's middle-aged. It would be silly for the most powerful man in the world to wear tight jeans. You know Sarkozy would do it, but he's an idiot.
At least Obama doesn't have a pot belly. I wish I could say that.
But how can I lose weight when IGA insists on selling Pringles at a 2-for-1 special. That comes to only $1.10 per can. I cannot resist that bargain. Sadly, it means even my "Mom" jeans are getting tight.
Oh, and I decided to buy a case of 12 lime-flavoured Bud Lites. This summer is a dietary write-off.
I wish him the best, in particular that people will stop analysing and/or ridiculing his choice to wear baggy "Mom" jeans. He's middle-aged. It would be silly for the most powerful man in the world to wear tight jeans. You know Sarkozy would do it, but he's an idiot.
At least Obama doesn't have a pot belly. I wish I could say that.
But how can I lose weight when IGA insists on selling Pringles at a 2-for-1 special. That comes to only $1.10 per can. I cannot resist that bargain. Sadly, it means even my "Mom" jeans are getting tight.
Oh, and I decided to buy a case of 12 lime-flavoured Bud Lites. This summer is a dietary write-off.
Sunday, August 02, 2009
Chillin' and snoozin'
At midsummer, can anything be more relaxing than wedging oneself between a lawn mower, an emergency kit and a rake? I think not.
Weekend Roundup
It's raining! Quelle surprise! At least yesterday was beautiful.
My new t.v. is installed and running. It was E-Z. Even for a luddite like me. When my sister saw it (they have a 46") she said: it looks like a baby t.v.! She said this in a cute way. Coochie coochie coo. But compared to the 19" I had before, it seems growed-up to me.
It is not connected to the VCR or DVD player yet, however. For now I'm just enjoying the set. And you know what? The picture is totally acceptable in non-HD. I really don't have a problem with it. Last night we watched American History X which is in black and white, and it looked terrific. Perhaps that is the beauty of black-and-white.
(Aside. Speaking of AHX, how come Edward Norton played such a good tough guy and has spent the rest of his career being wimpy? What a waste.)
In other news, of cats and allergies. My nephew was over and he is allergic to cats. As soon as he sat down, he sneezed. So his mom gave him a sudafed and later he had two beers*. When she asked him this morning how he had slept he said: Not too bad, those Bud Lites did the trick.
I'm not a fan of Bud myself but he had the new ones, lime-flavoured, and I'm going to buy some. Yummy! and I don't even need them for medicinal purposes.
(*Not recommended for Mushrooms Jr for at least 9 years.)
My new t.v. is installed and running. It was E-Z. Even for a luddite like me. When my sister saw it (they have a 46") she said: it looks like a baby t.v.! She said this in a cute way. Coochie coochie coo. But compared to the 19" I had before, it seems growed-up to me.
It is not connected to the VCR or DVD player yet, however. For now I'm just enjoying the set. And you know what? The picture is totally acceptable in non-HD. I really don't have a problem with it. Last night we watched American History X which is in black and white, and it looked terrific. Perhaps that is the beauty of black-and-white.
(Aside. Speaking of AHX, how come Edward Norton played such a good tough guy and has spent the rest of his career being wimpy? What a waste.)
In other news, of cats and allergies. My nephew was over and he is allergic to cats. As soon as he sat down, he sneezed. So his mom gave him a sudafed and later he had two beers*. When she asked him this morning how he had slept he said: Not too bad, those Bud Lites did the trick.
I'm not a fan of Bud myself but he had the new ones, lime-flavoured, and I'm going to buy some. Yummy! and I don't even need them for medicinal purposes.
(*Not recommended for Mushrooms Jr for at least 9 years.)
Friday, July 31, 2009
New camera = you guessed it
Glamour pusses. Mr. D. is an accommodating subject, but Le Grand Orange is "star" material. A born poseur.
And Congratulations to the Mushrooms family on the feline addition to their family.
Nuthin' is like it used to be
I am, at this moment, eating Smarties.
This is the first time I have eaten Smarties since they got rid of the green, brown and blue ones which were apparently going to maim and kill us all slowly and painfully.
It's a bit strange to see only yellow, red, orange, purple and black ones. Are the black really black or just dark brown? I'm not sure. There's an overabundance of pink, though, that's for sure.
The first time they changed Smarties, when they added the blue ones, I thought: I'm not sure that I agree with this. It affected my sense of Smartie authenticity.
And, now, with the green ones completely gone, I am again left adrift by the changing Smarties. Never realized til now how much the green ones appealed to me.
Adrift, I say.
This is the first time I have eaten Smarties since they got rid of the green, brown and blue ones which were apparently going to maim and kill us all slowly and painfully.
It's a bit strange to see only yellow, red, orange, purple and black ones. Are the black really black or just dark brown? I'm not sure. There's an overabundance of pink, though, that's for sure.
The first time they changed Smarties, when they added the blue ones, I thought: I'm not sure that I agree with this. It affected my sense of Smartie authenticity.
And, now, with the green ones completely gone, I am again left adrift by the changing Smarties. Never realized til now how much the green ones appealed to me.
Adrift, I say.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Mental health break
Speaking of summer and "air conditioning" and action photography, the most amusing/interesting photos I've seen on-line in a while are of the US swimmer whose bathing suit ripped right up the back when he plunged into the water. heh heh. Fortunately, being an athlete, he's got a backside not to be embarrassed about. Imagine if this had happened to Alec Baldwin! I fear it wouldn't be such a nice sight:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/07/27/ricky-berens-splits-swims_n_245780.html
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/07/27/ricky-berens-splits-swims_n_245780.html
All's well
I picked up my new t.v. at the friggin' post office last night. How weird to step up to the counter to collect a package and have it be a 50-lb box. Oh well. I got the darn thing home. And all this without getting wet. The rain started 30 minutes after my box-lugging ordeal.
Did I mention how humid it was last night. Not fun.
Now to get the darn thing installed. Fortunately my nephew will be around this weekend. Should I have trouble with the new t.v. I figure a kid his age can hook it up no problemo. But I hope not to need his assistance. On verra.
I also got my new camera. I have finally entered the digital world. yippee. So be prepared to see a number of action photos of fat cats. "Action" being lying in the grass. I need to practice my artistic "skills".
Did I mention how humid it was last night. Not fun.
Now to get the darn thing installed. Fortunately my nephew will be around this weekend. Should I have trouble with the new t.v. I figure a kid his age can hook it up no problemo. But I hope not to need his assistance. On verra.
I also got my new camera. I have finally entered the digital world. yippee. So be prepared to see a number of action photos of fat cats. "Action" being lying in the grass. I need to practice my artistic "skills".
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Summertime, summertime, sum, sum, summertime
Summer is finally here. Now I can bitch, bitch, bitch about the freakin' humidity.
I'm happy.
Let the complaining commence.
I'm happy.
Let the complaining commence.
Summer television is lousy
I tried to watch the fat people dating show that premiered last night. I figured I needed some mindless summer t.v. watching (not that I have a new t.v. yet!, she muttered).
Why do people watch these shows? This is the first one I’ve seen, and I couldn’t make it all the way through. Is there really that big an audience for cheesy romance? It’s weird and uncomfortable.
Question: am I just really old? When did it become acceptable to say “I’m a great person”. If you have to keep saying “I’m a wonderful person” then maybe you aren’t so wonderful. Is this what the self-esteem movement of the past 20 years has wrought? “I’m really wonderful. I’m a catch”. Oh Ms Stewart Smalley, shut up.
The Fatchelor seems like a nice guy, but the women are so needy and pathetic. (Note to self: Duh, it’s dating show!) How can every single one of them feel “a connection” in the first 2 seconds? Lame.
And as a fat girl myself, I have to say that fat girls shouldn’t wear short skirts. Really. I don’t show off my fat potato-stomper legs, and neither should you.
On Monday I failed at watching the people-dating-in-the-dark show, too. The women were okay, but one of the men was so annoying to me that I had to switch him off.
So my t.v. watching has been reduced to the Red Sox, who are thankfully on RSE a lot, and The Big Bang Theory. I noticed for the first time this week how much Jim Parsons has a Rowan Atkinson rubber face. They could play Bean & Son.
Why do people watch these shows? This is the first one I’ve seen, and I couldn’t make it all the way through. Is there really that big an audience for cheesy romance? It’s weird and uncomfortable.
Question: am I just really old? When did it become acceptable to say “I’m a great person”. If you have to keep saying “I’m a wonderful person” then maybe you aren’t so wonderful. Is this what the self-esteem movement of the past 20 years has wrought? “I’m really wonderful. I’m a catch”. Oh Ms Stewart Smalley, shut up.
The Fatchelor seems like a nice guy, but the women are so needy and pathetic. (Note to self: Duh, it’s dating show!) How can every single one of them feel “a connection” in the first 2 seconds? Lame.
And as a fat girl myself, I have to say that fat girls shouldn’t wear short skirts. Really. I don’t show off my fat potato-stomper legs, and neither should you.
On Monday I failed at watching the people-dating-in-the-dark show, too. The women were okay, but one of the men was so annoying to me that I had to switch him off.
So my t.v. watching has been reduced to the Red Sox, who are thankfully on RSE a lot, and The Big Bang Theory. I noticed for the first time this week how much Jim Parsons has a Rowan Atkinson rubber face. They could play Bean & Son.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
My new t.v.
Last weekend I bought a new t.v. I bought it online (with free delivery!) so that I would not have to deal with lugging it home. The anticipated date of delivery was this Thursday. It is coming via Canada Post. I have a tracking number.
This morning when I checked, the package had been processed in Mississauga last night. I was expecting to perhaps stay home tomorrow in anticipation of an early delivery. Just now, I checked Canada Post’s website again as I am a compulsive tracking checker. It says the item is in Montreal and “out for delivery”. Shit! I’m not home!
Why are they being so efficient? I hope that with an item as big as a t.v. (26” Samsung*) they will make more than one attempt at delivery before forcing me to go to the post office and get that sucker back home on my own steam.
The last thing I want to do is complain that Canada Post’s service is too fast, but well, yeah, I may have to complain. What a dumb turn of events.
(*Had an argument with Kumar about the price. Long story. Perhaps in another post.)
This morning when I checked, the package had been processed in Mississauga last night. I was expecting to perhaps stay home tomorrow in anticipation of an early delivery. Just now, I checked Canada Post’s website again as I am a compulsive tracking checker. It says the item is in Montreal and “out for delivery”. Shit! I’m not home!
Why are they being so efficient? I hope that with an item as big as a t.v. (26” Samsung*) they will make more than one attempt at delivery before forcing me to go to the post office and get that sucker back home on my own steam.
The last thing I want to do is complain that Canada Post’s service is too fast, but well, yeah, I may have to complain. What a dumb turn of events.
(*Had an argument with Kumar about the price. Long story. Perhaps in another post.)
Monday, July 27, 2009
This is summer?
Call me Noah. There was a thundercrack around 10 last night that made me jump out of my skin.
For a change it is sunny right now but it looks so windy the flags are ready to be torn from the flagpoles and the clouds are zipping by like they're in fast motion. Weird apocalyptic weather.
And I'm busy. At work. Too busy. It's not fun.
My vacation is the first 2 weeks of September. While I am looking forward to it, it also means that by the time vacation comes, summer is over. Wah!
Only 14 years to retirement...
For a change it is sunny right now but it looks so windy the flags are ready to be torn from the flagpoles and the clouds are zipping by like they're in fast motion. Weird apocalyptic weather.
And I'm busy. At work. Too busy. It's not fun.
My vacation is the first 2 weeks of September. While I am looking forward to it, it also means that by the time vacation comes, summer is over. Wah!
Only 14 years to retirement...
Friday, July 24, 2009
Celebrity Death News - Canine Edition
The Taco Bell dog died.
This does not, however, constitute Celebrity Death No. 3 for this week, as the rules state that all celebrity deaths must be human deaths.
Don't ask to see the rule book. Just take my word for it.
This does not, however, constitute Celebrity Death No. 3 for this week, as the rules state that all celebrity deaths must be human deaths.
Don't ask to see the rule book. Just take my word for it.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Forecast says...
...more rain all weekend.
I think I'm getting depressed.
Thank god I've been told that God of Gamblers can be found on YouTube. If Chow Yun Fat tumblin' dice can't cheer me up, nothing can.
I think I'm getting depressed.
Thank god I've been told that God of Gamblers can be found on YouTube. If Chow Yun Fat tumblin' dice can't cheer me up, nothing can.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
O Brother Where Are Thou?
There’s not much in the news these days, i.e. no charlatan financial adviser has absconded with MY money, so I’ll share a couple of Kumar stories to pass the time.
(If you wondering where the Mushroomses have disappeared to, they are at a scenic lake in Saskatchewan for 2 “relaxing” weeks. Until they started going there, I didn’t realize Saskatchewan even had any scenic lakes. So much I don’t know about this Great Land of Ours.)
So, Kumar and I were discussing nuclear arsenals (not a euphemism). He was concerned about the eventual, inevitable deterioration of the facilities which store nuclear weapons around the world. This led to a discussion of mankind’s generally violent nature. I said that we can’t do anything about it. Since the first time a caveman hit another caveman over the head with a rock, humans have been violent. He stopped me right there and said: No, not cavemen. The first violent act by a human was Cain against Abel. Yes, of course it was. Those two brothers, they just slipped my mind.
In other news, he told me that recently he was shocked, shocked to learn that his younger brother has been hiding a “secret” girlfriend. She is an Anglophone (translation: white Canadian infidel). Kumar had NO IDEA his brother was seeing someone. (Does this run in the family, or what, I thought.) I love a family with secrets. Anyway, this has become an issue because Kid Brother is seriously thinking about marrying his infidelette, and he needs Big Brother’s support against The Parents, who apparently will be unhappy when they find out about this utter madness. (I'm picturing a lot of breast-beating and garment-rending.) So Kumar has offered KB his complete support to do what he wants with his life and marry who he wants. Film at 11.
(If you wondering where the Mushroomses have disappeared to, they are at a scenic lake in Saskatchewan for 2 “relaxing” weeks. Until they started going there, I didn’t realize Saskatchewan even had any scenic lakes. So much I don’t know about this Great Land of Ours.)
So, Kumar and I were discussing nuclear arsenals (not a euphemism). He was concerned about the eventual, inevitable deterioration of the facilities which store nuclear weapons around the world. This led to a discussion of mankind’s generally violent nature. I said that we can’t do anything about it. Since the first time a caveman hit another caveman over the head with a rock, humans have been violent. He stopped me right there and said: No, not cavemen. The first violent act by a human was Cain against Abel. Yes, of course it was. Those two brothers, they just slipped my mind.
In other news, he told me that recently he was shocked, shocked to learn that his younger brother has been hiding a “secret” girlfriend. She is an Anglophone (translation: white Canadian infidel). Kumar had NO IDEA his brother was seeing someone. (Does this run in the family, or what, I thought.) I love a family with secrets. Anyway, this has become an issue because Kid Brother is seriously thinking about marrying his infidelette, and he needs Big Brother’s support against The Parents, who apparently will be unhappy when they find out about this utter madness. (I'm picturing a lot of breast-beating and garment-rending.) So Kumar has offered KB his complete support to do what he wants with his life and marry who he wants. Film at 11.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Alphabits
What do you call it when one person, let’s call her N, was seeing another person K and then they agreed to stop seeing each other because N lives in the province of Q, but K lives in the province of O, in the city of T, which is 6 hours drive from the city of M, where N lives.
Also, K is sort of religious and creationist, and he follows I, but N is non-religious and is a lapsed RC, and this is a fundamental difference. But N and K really like each other. So after 2 months, K came back, but they agreed they were still not seeing each other, but then K came back again, and now neither N nor K knows whether they are seeing each other again, but they probably aren’t. But they still plan to see each other without officially “seeing each other”.
Is there a name for this situation?
Also, K is sort of religious and creationist, and he follows I, but N is non-religious and is a lapsed RC, and this is a fundamental difference. But N and K really like each other. So after 2 months, K came back, but they agreed they were still not seeing each other, but then K came back again, and now neither N nor K knows whether they are seeing each other again, but they probably aren’t. But they still plan to see each other without officially “seeing each other”.
Is there a name for this situation?
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Old Celeb Dies
Walter Cronkite was 92. He was old. When you've lost Cronkite, you've lost Middle America. I guess that particular sentiment doesn't really apply here, but it was a good line.
Does this round off any group of three celeb deaths? Or has it been long enough that he is the first in the next group of three?
I hereby declare Cronkite to be No. 1 on the latest list.
Who shall fill the No 2 and 3 positions? Any ideas? Who is looking sickly lately? Frank McCourt is on the verge. I guess he will be No. 2, unless somebody sneaks in ahead of him. That would be a newscaster, an author, and.... We need an actor, singer or politician to round out the group.
P.S. Holy mackerel. it's 3 hours later, and I just read that Frank McCourt is dead. I swear I didn't think he's was going to jump into the No. 2 spot that fast. RIP Mr. McCourt.
Does this round off any group of three celeb deaths? Or has it been long enough that he is the first in the next group of three?
I hereby declare Cronkite to be No. 1 on the latest list.
Who shall fill the No 2 and 3 positions? Any ideas? Who is looking sickly lately? Frank McCourt is on the verge. I guess he will be No. 2, unless somebody sneaks in ahead of him. That would be a newscaster, an author, and.... We need an actor, singer or politician to round out the group.
P.S. Holy mackerel. it's 3 hours later, and I just read that Frank McCourt is dead. I swear I didn't think he's was going to jump into the No. 2 spot that fast. RIP Mr. McCourt.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Guess What?
It's raining again! Wheeee!
I'm so glad I took a day off yesterday. I got a sunburn. What a treat.
I'm so glad I took a day off yesterday. I got a sunburn. What a treat.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Happy Bastille Day
(Other than the title, this post has nothing to do with France.)
In money matters....
Last Saturday, the lottery prize was about $22 million, and I won TEN dollars. I was so excited. So tomorrow I have to reinvest my winnings because the top prize is now up to $32 million. I was so thrilled with my TEN dollar prize that I can’t imagine winning more. $32 million buys a lot of Triscuits.
In other news, I was reading the G&M’s article about high-interest savings accounts, which are basically non-existent these days, unless you consider 1.6% to be high interest. But the thing that caught my eye is that one of the best rates is offered by Canadian Tire Bank. Excuse me? Canadian Tire has its own bank?
Am I the only person who didn’t know this? Canadian Tire is where I might go for a garden hose or a lawn chair, but Canadian Tire Bank? If I made a withdrawal would I get regular Bank of Canada money or would I get Canadian Tire money. And for years, Canadian Tire had Scrooge as its spokesman. Would I invest my money with Scrooge? Maybe he wouldn’t even let me make a withdrawal. He'd keep all my money and fondle it with his greedy little fingerless gloves. I don’t trust this bank at all.
In money matters....
Last Saturday, the lottery prize was about $22 million, and I won TEN dollars. I was so excited. So tomorrow I have to reinvest my winnings because the top prize is now up to $32 million. I was so thrilled with my TEN dollar prize that I can’t imagine winning more. $32 million buys a lot of Triscuits.
In other news, I was reading the G&M’s article about high-interest savings accounts, which are basically non-existent these days, unless you consider 1.6% to be high interest. But the thing that caught my eye is that one of the best rates is offered by Canadian Tire Bank. Excuse me? Canadian Tire has its own bank?
Am I the only person who didn’t know this? Canadian Tire is where I might go for a garden hose or a lawn chair, but Canadian Tire Bank? If I made a withdrawal would I get regular Bank of Canada money or would I get Canadian Tire money. And for years, Canadian Tire had Scrooge as its spokesman. Would I invest my money with Scrooge? Maybe he wouldn’t even let me make a withdrawal. He'd keep all my money and fondle it with his greedy little fingerless gloves. I don’t trust this bank at all.
Monday, July 13, 2009
le Deluge
Rain, rain, go away
You're destorying my plants
You effing rain.
On a brighter note: I've now gone a full week without chips! Bravo for me. I'm really clearing out those Triscuits, though. (I never claim to be perfect.)
You're destorying my plants
You effing rain.
On a brighter note: I've now gone a full week without chips! Bravo for me. I'm really clearing out those Triscuits, though. (I never claim to be perfect.)
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Talk about the weather
I went to the glorious city of my birth for a family do today. All morning the weather station was going booga booga booga, scaring me with their forecast. What a storm there’s going to be, they claimed. Be afraid, be afraid.
The day was sunny, and everything was hunky dory through our family reunion lunch hour. I headed for home with only a few drops falling. I drove and drove, and suddenly I was turning into JAW Fan. Stupid alarmist fools at the weather station, I grumbled. Trying to scare me. I hate you people, I said with a sneer. I was already planning on calling JAW Fan later to say, those annoying scaremongers at the weather station…how I hate them.
But then…approaching the Champlain Bridge, it hit. It was soooo bad. I could barely see the road. It was awful. It crossed my mind that I could be the subject of one of those oddity news stories: The woman who drowned in her car. People still talk about the guy who drowned in his car on Decarie a few years ago. I was sure I following in his wet foot steps. Glug, glug.
I got home and there was a bit of water on the basement floor, a sure sign of a heavy downfall.
Well, I survived. But it was not fun. Not fun at all.
The day was sunny, and everything was hunky dory through our family reunion lunch hour. I headed for home with only a few drops falling. I drove and drove, and suddenly I was turning into JAW Fan. Stupid alarmist fools at the weather station, I grumbled. Trying to scare me. I hate you people, I said with a sneer. I was already planning on calling JAW Fan later to say, those annoying scaremongers at the weather station…how I hate them.
But then…approaching the Champlain Bridge, it hit. It was soooo bad. I could barely see the road. It was awful. It crossed my mind that I could be the subject of one of those oddity news stories: The woman who drowned in her car. People still talk about the guy who drowned in his car on Decarie a few years ago. I was sure I following in his wet foot steps. Glug, glug.
I got home and there was a bit of water on the basement floor, a sure sign of a heavy downfall.
Well, I survived. But it was not fun. Not fun at all.
Thursday, July 09, 2009
Caption this photo
Harper: So I stuck it in my pocket! (haw haw)
Merkel: Ha! Ha! Ha! (thinking: What a douchenozzle!)
Young woman next to Merkel: (thinking: Unfuckinbelievable.)
Young woman in front row: (thinking: How long can I keep this smile pasted on my face when I'm trapped between these two old pervs. help!)
Sarko: Whawn hawn hawn. I am so French.
Berlusconi: Guess where my hand is!! Hee hee.
Wafergate
Ok, let's tackle Stephen Harper and the Disappearing Host, shall we?
I say he pocketed it.
I watched the video. When one is given Communion, the Host goes from hand to mouth PDQ. Harpo kept fingering the thing, like he was at the roulette table in Vegas and it was his last chip.
If it don't go from hand to mouth is less than a second, it don't go to mouth at all.
It's in his jacket pocket, gathering lint, right now!
The PM's spokesman is paid to say was the PM tells him to say. So, yeah, having that stooge says Harpo ate the Host does not prove a thing.
I want Benny16 to take Harpo aside tomorrow, throw him into a confessional and say "Talk! Talk! Vee have vays of making you talk, you evangelical dumbo". If you don't want Communion, don't put your hands out. Sure Michaelle Jean stuck her hands out, but Michaelle ate raw seal heart! She takes everything in stride. Would Harpo eat raw seal heart? I think not. But then his jacket pocket would stink like crazy.
So, to summarize, the sky is blue, the grass is green and I still hate Harper. These are constants in life.
I say he pocketed it.
I watched the video. When one is given Communion, the Host goes from hand to mouth PDQ. Harpo kept fingering the thing, like he was at the roulette table in Vegas and it was his last chip.
If it don't go from hand to mouth is less than a second, it don't go to mouth at all.
It's in his jacket pocket, gathering lint, right now!
The PM's spokesman is paid to say was the PM tells him to say. So, yeah, having that stooge says Harpo ate the Host does not prove a thing.
I want Benny16 to take Harpo aside tomorrow, throw him into a confessional and say "Talk! Talk! Vee have vays of making you talk, you evangelical dumbo". If you don't want Communion, don't put your hands out. Sure Michaelle Jean stuck her hands out, but Michaelle ate raw seal heart! She takes everything in stride. Would Harpo eat raw seal heart? I think not. But then his jacket pocket would stink like crazy.
So, to summarize, the sky is blue, the grass is green and I still hate Harper. These are constants in life.
Wednesday, July 08, 2009
Never say never
I vowed I was not going to post anything about Michael Jackson's funeral. I avoided the whole story as best I could. But I just saw pictures of his kids. All three of them. And, wow, Blanket actually looks like him!
Blanket looks more like a girl than a boy. This being said, he's the only one of the kids who looks like his father. Could Blanket be the only one who is actually a biological offspring?
Cute kid.
Blanket looks more like a girl than a boy. This being said, he's the only one of the kids who looks like his father. Could Blanket be the only one who is actually a biological offspring?
Cute kid.
Tuesday, July 07, 2009
A-Triscuit, A-Trasket
Further to a discussion with JAW Fan (whose company makes those tasty Triscuit treats), I compared the total calorie count of a full bag of buffalo wing/blue cheese potato chips vs a full box of T's.
The box of Triscuits comes in at 1,000 calories, whereas the full bag of chips totals 1,750 calories.
So while T's are not quite a "diet food", they aren't as bad for me as chips.
All of this calculating is unfortunately delaying me in reporting on the only really important news of this day: Joyce DeWitt arrested for drunk driving!
No way to smoothly segue from Triscuit to DeWitt, I fear. However they do rhyme, so maybe a poem is hidden in here...
The box of Triscuits comes in at 1,000 calories, whereas the full bag of chips totals 1,750 calories.
So while T's are not quite a "diet food", they aren't as bad for me as chips.
All of this calculating is unfortunately delaying me in reporting on the only really important news of this day: Joyce DeWitt arrested for drunk driving!
No way to smoothly segue from Triscuit to DeWitt, I fear. However they do rhyme, so maybe a poem is hidden in here...
Monday, July 06, 2009
Sad announcment
I am, and not for the first time, giving up chips. Smokers, I do understand you. I have lived and will now live again the agony of chip withdrawal. Alcoholics, I get it. I now will start each day vowing that, today, I will not eat a chip. Or a Cheeto. I can only plan for one day at a time. I consider myself a charter member of CA.
Yesterday, Day One, I snacked on Triscuits. They are yummy, for what they are. But the idea of trying to convince (or fool) myself that a Triscuit is in any way, shape or form, a substitute for a potato chip (or a Cheeto) makes me more than a bit depressed. What’s next? Rice cakes? Probably. Eat rice cakes and wear a hair shirt.
Yesterday, Day One, I snacked on Triscuits. They are yummy, for what they are. But the idea of trying to convince (or fool) myself that a Triscuit is in any way, shape or form, a substitute for a potato chip (or a Cheeto) makes me more than a bit depressed. What’s next? Rice cakes? Probably. Eat rice cakes and wear a hair shirt.
Friday, July 03, 2009
In the news
I am shocked that Palin is resigning. There's got to be a money scandal roaring down the pipe, and she is trying to get out of the public eye quickly. Maybe she'll even get arrested. That would be nice.
The real question: will this shock story get CNN off the Michael Jackson thing for more than 5 minutes? I wouldn't count on it.
The real question: will this shock story get CNN off the Michael Jackson thing for more than 5 minutes? I wouldn't count on it.
Minor celebrity death news
Argh. Too busy to blog today. But in the spirit of the times, I'll post this link to the truly strangest obituary I have read in a while. Raises a number of questions, the most common being WTF?
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/02/world/asia/02shi.html?_r=1&ref=obituaries
Should the link not work just go to the nytimes.com obits and look up Shi Pei Pu.
People should always have sex with the lights on.
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/02/world/asia/02shi.html?_r=1&ref=obituaries
Should the link not work just go to the nytimes.com obits and look up Shi Pei Pu.
People should always have sex with the lights on.
Wednesday, July 01, 2009
Celebrity Death News
We have a No. 3 for the latest list.
Karl Malden.
He was ancient. I mean, he was. Really old. RIP.
Karl Malden.
He was ancient. I mean, he was. Really old. RIP.
Oh Canada!
Happy Canada Day, In this house a.k.a laundry-window washing-and-shrub-trimming day.
You realize 2009 is half over? How did that happen so fast? It scares me how quickly time zips by.
It's time for my mid-year Resolution Round-Up. How am I doing on my 2009 New Year's Resolutions?
1) Declutter the house. Am strongly considering pushing this one onto the 2010 New Year's List. Can I do anything in the decluttering dept in 2009? I have only 6 short months to get moving. So the short answer is: No. I will not achieve this in 2009. Dud.
2) Packing a lunch. Yay. I'm still doing this. I think I have missed only one week. I'm still only packing a lunch once or twice per week, but I've stuck with this one. Frankly, some of my packed "lunches" have been pretty lame, but I've not abandoned this one. Bravo for me. (Bows.)
3) Lose weight. Sigh. And sigh again. The scale she go up, she no go down. (Why is my weight loss problem being narrated by Chico Marx? No idea, boss.) I blame this entirely on Kumar. Two Kumarless months and I gained 5 pounds. All his fault. He is so thoughtless.
You realize 2009 is half over? How did that happen so fast? It scares me how quickly time zips by.
It's time for my mid-year Resolution Round-Up. How am I doing on my 2009 New Year's Resolutions?
1) Declutter the house. Am strongly considering pushing this one onto the 2010 New Year's List. Can I do anything in the decluttering dept in 2009? I have only 6 short months to get moving. So the short answer is: No. I will not achieve this in 2009. Dud.
2) Packing a lunch. Yay. I'm still doing this. I think I have missed only one week. I'm still only packing a lunch once or twice per week, but I've stuck with this one. Frankly, some of my packed "lunches" have been pretty lame, but I've not abandoned this one. Bravo for me. (Bows.)
3) Lose weight. Sigh. And sigh again. The scale she go up, she no go down. (Why is my weight loss problem being narrated by Chico Marx? No idea, boss.) I blame this entirely on Kumar. Two Kumarless months and I gained 5 pounds. All his fault. He is so thoughtless.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Mamma Mia!
Is this a bad year to go to Italy? I have a ticket to ride to Rome in October, but do I want to go?
Bad things come in threes.
1. First they had the big eartha-quake-a
2. Today they had a nasty train derailment.
3. What will be No. 3?
I could always count the totally embarrassing loss to the Brazilians last week, but that's not quite a national disaster. (Some Italians may disagree with that. Really. 3-zip. It was ugly.)
Could my visit be No. 3? Will I, with all my negative powers, wreak havoc and bring doom to Rome? No. I am not No. 3, I am not a number. I am a free tourist.
Stay tuned...
Bad things come in threes.
1. First they had the big eartha-quake-a
2. Today they had a nasty train derailment.
3. What will be No. 3?
I could always count the totally embarrassing loss to the Brazilians last week, but that's not quite a national disaster. (Some Italians may disagree with that. Really. 3-zip. It was ugly.)
Could my visit be No. 3? Will I, with all my negative powers, wreak havoc and bring doom to Rome? No. I am not No. 3, I am not a number. I am a free tourist.
Stay tuned...
Chip Time!
Take it away, JAW fan (I'm imagining balalaikas playing in the background):
When it comes to new chip flavours, President's Choice never ceases to blow my pants off...usually leaving me scampering around in my underwear, seeking for a place to crunch in private. This past week I had the glorious honour of sampling their new Greek Flavour potato chip (Feta, Olive and Oregano)...At first, I thought, nothing special here. Yes, they had a hint of cheesiness...but, seriously folks, nothing to write Aristotle Onassis about...However, the following day, after a couple more mouthfuls, these super tangy treats made me want to break some dishes in celebration. Obviously, my taste buds were napping the first time around or just purely lackadaisical for whatever reason.
In any case, "All hail Zeus!" is what you will shout after sampling these savoury snacks...snacks that would have made the saddest of Spartans dance his woes away in a fury of happy nakedness, leaving his confused wife wondering why her mousaka was left untouched.
On the still-ever-so-popular wang-o-meter, these Olympian delights measure a javelin-esque 8.5 inches and will have you secretly wishing that Zorba was your own private concubine.
When it comes to new chip flavours, President's Choice never ceases to blow my pants off...usually leaving me scampering around in my underwear, seeking for a place to crunch in private. This past week I had the glorious honour of sampling their new Greek Flavour potato chip (Feta, Olive and Oregano)...At first, I thought, nothing special here. Yes, they had a hint of cheesiness...but, seriously folks, nothing to write Aristotle Onassis about...However, the following day, after a couple more mouthfuls, these super tangy treats made me want to break some dishes in celebration. Obviously, my taste buds were napping the first time around or just purely lackadaisical for whatever reason.
In any case, "All hail Zeus!" is what you will shout after sampling these savoury snacks...snacks that would have made the saddest of Spartans dance his woes away in a fury of happy nakedness, leaving his confused wife wondering why her mousaka was left untouched.
On the still-ever-so-popular wang-o-meter, these Olympian delights measure a javelin-esque 8.5 inches and will have you secretly wishing that Zorba was your own private concubine.
Monday, June 29, 2009
The Return of the King Kumar
I was doing my dishes on Saturday around noon when I saw Kumar’s magical Corolla pull up in front of the house. Hadn’t seen him in 9 weeks (but who’s counting?) (Well, me actually.)
If you need to update your scorecard, let me say that a) we are definitely NOT getting back together, but b) we remain friends and on very good terms. And why not? Only Kumar manages to combine snuggling with a rambling explanation of Indian partition. He’s one in a million.
We did have a bit of a disagreement when he told me that he thinks Silvio Berlusconi is “The Man” and he should model his life after his. And I’m not sure he was joking. I said, Berlusconi is 70 years old with dyed hair, botox and plastic surgery! You wanna go that route, be my guest.
When Kumar is 70, I’ll be 90, so I don’t think his botoxed forehead will be a big concern of mine. My only worry will be, hey, where’s the orderly? It’s time to change my Depends.
If you need to update your scorecard, let me say that a) we are definitely NOT getting back together, but b) we remain friends and on very good terms. And why not? Only Kumar manages to combine snuggling with a rambling explanation of Indian partition. He’s one in a million.
We did have a bit of a disagreement when he told me that he thinks Silvio Berlusconi is “The Man” and he should model his life after his. And I’m not sure he was joking. I said, Berlusconi is 70 years old with dyed hair, botox and plastic surgery! You wanna go that route, be my guest.
When Kumar is 70, I’ll be 90, so I don’t think his botoxed forehead will be a big concern of mine. My only worry will be, hey, where’s the orderly? It’s time to change my Depends.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Point to Ponder
I have been thinking about the "death comes in threes" theory, and I believe we are short a celebrity death. To explain:
1. David Carradine
2. The man who invented the magic fingers bed
3. Ed McMahon
next
1. Farrah
2. MJ
3. ????
We're due for another...
1. David Carradine
2. The man who invented the magic fingers bed
3. Ed McMahon
next
1. Farrah
2. MJ
3. ????
We're due for another...
Saturday, June 27, 2009
New link
Ms Mushrooms kindly reminded me of a great site that I had forgotten about.
So now, whenever you have a hankering to look at pics of Cats that look like Hitler, just click on the Kitlers!! link.
That's me: Always trying to anticipate my readers needs.
No need to thank me. Sieg Miaow.
So now, whenever you have a hankering to look at pics of Cats that look like Hitler, just click on the Kitlers!! link.
That's me: Always trying to anticipate my readers needs.
No need to thank me. Sieg Miaow.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Feeling Olde
The weatherman on CBC this morning said: "I don't know much about Thriller because it came out before I was born." What is this child doing on my t.v.?
True story: talking to my sister on the phone last night, she said, COMPLETELY unprompted, "this is so big, nobody's going to be talking about Jon & Kate anymore". I swear I had not once mentioned to her my new obsession. I didn't even know she had seen the show.
What will happen to Blanket? Blanket is 7 now. I guess he hasn't been dangled out of a window for years. Who will dangle Blanket now?
True story: talking to my sister on the phone last night, she said, COMPLETELY unprompted, "this is so big, nobody's going to be talking about Jon & Kate anymore". I swear I had not once mentioned to her my new obsession. I didn't even know she had seen the show.
What will happen to Blanket? Blanket is 7 now. I guess he hasn't been dangled out of a window for years. Who will dangle Blanket now?
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Celebrity Death DAILY DOUBLE *
Holy crap!
We need 2 poems.
I didn't even get a chance to post my usual Celeb Death follow-up, which was supposed to be:
1. Ed McMahon
2. Farrah
3. Who will be No. 3?
Even death moves too fast for my meagre blogging skills. What a bad time for the Anonymous family to be away!
Michael Jackson's best song: Don't Stop Til You Get Enough. Nobody is allowed to argue with me on this. I have spoken.
Worst song? Anything he did with the wretched Paul McCartney (the famous Cirque orgy attender.) (Enuf said.)
A Canadian aside: I'm watching Newsworld right now. Is it me or is Jian Ghomeshi getting better looking as he ages? He looks hawt. Jian just said about MJ: He was a Gretzky. Only in Canada.
*Is there any way to make this headline flash on-and-off? It seems appropriate.
We need 2 poems.
I didn't even get a chance to post my usual Celeb Death follow-up, which was supposed to be:
1. Ed McMahon
2. Farrah
3. Who will be No. 3?
Even death moves too fast for my meagre blogging skills. What a bad time for the Anonymous family to be away!
Michael Jackson's best song: Don't Stop Til You Get Enough. Nobody is allowed to argue with me on this. I have spoken.
Worst song? Anything he did with the wretched Paul McCartney (the famous Cirque orgy attender.) (Enuf said.)
A Canadian aside: I'm watching Newsworld right now. Is it me or is Jian Ghomeshi getting better looking as he ages? He looks hawt. Jian just said about MJ: He was a Gretzky. Only in Canada.
*Is there any way to make this headline flash on-and-off? It seems appropriate.
Celeb Death News
So Farrah finally died. She was 62.
Not much to say, but maybe tomorrow we could all sport Big Hair in her honour.
You know who is really relieved by the timing of this news? The Governor of South Carolina.
Not much to say, but maybe tomorrow we could all sport Big Hair in her honour.
You know who is really relieved by the timing of this news? The Governor of South Carolina.
Men are dumb
I didn't watch the news until quite late last night and it turned out there was another Republican sex scandal happening. Even a news-hound like me can't keep up with these guys.
The governor of South Carolina is a lovestruck nit-wit. And irresponsible. And a liar.
Dude, the only time it makes sense to fall in love with a woman who lives in Argentina is when you also live in Argentina. Also, if it turns out that you have been taking flights to Argentina, and the tax-payer is footing the bill, you deserve to be tossed out on your ear.
The good thing is that his wife is not standing by her doofus man. That's rare in US politics. Hang him out to dry. Stick a fork in him, he's done. etc. etc.
But the big issue is, of course, all this focus on Governor Dumbo means less time for Jon & Kate!
The governor of South Carolina is a lovestruck nit-wit. And irresponsible. And a liar.
Dude, the only time it makes sense to fall in love with a woman who lives in Argentina is when you also live in Argentina. Also, if it turns out that you have been taking flights to Argentina, and the tax-payer is footing the bill, you deserve to be tossed out on your ear.
The good thing is that his wife is not standing by her doofus man. That's rare in US politics. Hang him out to dry. Stick a fork in him, he's done. etc. etc.
But the big issue is, of course, all this focus on Governor Dumbo means less time for Jon & Kate!
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Holiday
Happy St-Jean to everyone. It's a gorgeous hot sunny and quiet day here. I'm enjoying with great outdoors of the backyard with my feline companions, who are luvin' the cool of the green grass.
Meanwhile, Kate says that Jon is unfit to be a father. I'm now addicted to reading the gossip about J&K. It's so much better than the show. He's clearly immature, but on the other hand, he was married to Ms Dictatorette. A bad match.
Stop me anytime.
Meanwhile, Kate says that Jon is unfit to be a father. I'm now addicted to reading the gossip about J&K. It's so much better than the show. He's clearly immature, but on the other hand, he was married to Ms Dictatorette. A bad match.
Stop me anytime.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Celeb Sidekick Death News
HEY-OH
HEY-OH
How can I grieve appropriately for Ed McMahon when Jon & Kate have split up?
Oh, the humanity.
HEY-OH
How can I grieve appropriately for Ed McMahon when Jon & Kate have split up?
Oh, the humanity.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Those people again
I believe it was just last week that I said I would not waste my time watching another episode of Jon & Kate +8. But I probably will. Because, once again, the Internets are innundated with J&K+8 "intrigue" over a big announcement tonight.
And I am enough of a sucker to watch to see if they are getting separated.
What an idiot I am.
Who cares? I don't, and yet I know I will watch. Somebody save me from myself.
And I am enough of a sucker to watch to see if they are getting separated.
What an idiot I am.
Who cares? I don't, and yet I know I will watch. Somebody save me from myself.
Summertime Fun
Yesterday I read The Road by Cormac McCarthy. This is a great book, but for those of you who are not “into grim reading” these days, and you know who you are, don’t read it. It’s a 10 on the grim-o-meter. This is about the end of the world, and not even the world as we currently know it. The end of a worse world, with our world long gone.
Having seen the Road Warrior more times than I can count, a lot of this felt familiar, but it is still a harrowing read. It reaffirmed something I’ve always known about myself. I’d rather be dead than struggling for survival. I’m too lazy to live. Frankly, I can’t even battle three groundhogs and come out on top. Forget about survival of the fittest. The thought of scavenging and hiding, and not having a nice place to go to the bathroom? Nope, no thanks.
So if world powers decide that all-out nuclear war is inevitable, well, I’m painting a big ole bull’s-eye on my roof. Drop the bomb on me, baby.
Having seen the Road Warrior more times than I can count, a lot of this felt familiar, but it is still a harrowing read. It reaffirmed something I’ve always known about myself. I’d rather be dead than struggling for survival. I’m too lazy to live. Frankly, I can’t even battle three groundhogs and come out on top. Forget about survival of the fittest. The thought of scavenging and hiding, and not having a nice place to go to the bathroom? Nope, no thanks.
So if world powers decide that all-out nuclear war is inevitable, well, I’m painting a big ole bull’s-eye on my roof. Drop the bomb on me, baby.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Shake, shake, shake
The guy who invented the Magic Fingers Vibrating Bed has died.
I hope he died in his sleep, while being massaged.
He was 92.
I hope he died in his sleep, while being massaged.
He was 92.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Mahmoud's Troubles
How many days have these protests being going on in Tehran? Four or five, at least.
I see the photos of crowds numbering 500,000+ marching in the streets every day, and I have only one question: Don't these people have jobs?
I see the photos of crowds numbering 500,000+ marching in the streets every day, and I have only one question: Don't these people have jobs?
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
I don't get it
For the past 2 Mondays I have watched the most hyped show on t.v. Jon & Kate +8.
Maybe it's because I don't have 8 children of my own, but frankly I find these people dull.
She is a shrew, and he is bor-ing. Platte! as we say 'round these parts.
The kids are cute, for sure. But, really, why should I care?
Dullsville (just down the road from "Squaresville").
Maybe it's because I don't have 8 children of my own, but frankly I find these people dull.
She is a shrew, and he is bor-ing. Platte! as we say 'round these parts.
The kids are cute, for sure. But, really, why should I care?
Dullsville (just down the road from "Squaresville").
Dream question
Did you ever have a dream where a total stranger is central to the story?
Last night, there was this guy in my dream. A young dark-haired guy. He was complaining that my father always had a big drama queen fit at Christmas. (Ah, dreams! I luv when they make no sense.) I swear I've never seen this guy before. It wasn't a case of him being someone I know but not looking like himself. He was really someone I've never seen.
My question is: how does our brain fabricate an image of a complete stranger in our dreams?
Last night, there was this guy in my dream. A young dark-haired guy. He was complaining that my father always had a big drama queen fit at Christmas. (Ah, dreams! I luv when they make no sense.) I swear I've never seen this guy before. It wasn't a case of him being someone I know but not looking like himself. He was really someone I've never seen.
My question is: how does our brain fabricate an image of a complete stranger in our dreams?
Hockey Joke
Starbucks in Detroit has a new offering on its menu. It’s called the Hossa. It comes without a cup.
Hardy har har.
Hardy har har.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Famous People R Not Us
I’m reading about the lawsuit that the Cirque du Soleil guy has launched against the guy who published the “tell-all” unauthorized bio about him. I frankly don’t care how many drug-fuelled orgies the guy hosted. But I do have one question.
Why do celebrities always attend drug-fuelled orgies? In this case, I believe both Paul McCartney and Robert DeNiro are named as attendees.
Now I personally am not famous, but I don’t want to attend any drug-fuelled orgies, and even if I was famous, I still wouldn’t want to. But is it an obligation under the rules of fame that you have to be keen on this type of thing?
Is it a case of, say, I suddenly became well-known, I would receive an invitation from Mr. Cirque, and then I’d be, like, oh well, now that I am a celebrity, I must attend drug-fuelled orgies because that’s what the famous do in their spare time.
Why does being famous appear to automatically mean that you are into multiple-sex-partner, multiple-drug parties? Can’t you just go to somebody’s mansion for a BBQ and a few beers? Are there celebrities who don’t attend these bacchanals? And, if so, are they considered L7 losers or “squares”?
And McCartney and DeNiro are in their 60s. Don’t you just get bored with it after a few decades?
Why do celebrities always attend drug-fuelled orgies? In this case, I believe both Paul McCartney and Robert DeNiro are named as attendees.
Now I personally am not famous, but I don’t want to attend any drug-fuelled orgies, and even if I was famous, I still wouldn’t want to. But is it an obligation under the rules of fame that you have to be keen on this type of thing?
Is it a case of, say, I suddenly became well-known, I would receive an invitation from Mr. Cirque, and then I’d be, like, oh well, now that I am a celebrity, I must attend drug-fuelled orgies because that’s what the famous do in their spare time.
Why does being famous appear to automatically mean that you are into multiple-sex-partner, multiple-drug parties? Can’t you just go to somebody’s mansion for a BBQ and a few beers? Are there celebrities who don’t attend these bacchanals? And, if so, are they considered L7 losers or “squares”?
And McCartney and DeNiro are in their 60s. Don’t you just get bored with it after a few decades?
June 16, 1904
Happy Bloomsday.
Things to do*:
1. Feed cat
2. Stroll about town
3. Go to a funeral
4. Visit a brothel
(*Clarification: Not MY list of things to do, just a Bloomsday list of things to do.)
Things to do*:
1. Feed cat
2. Stroll about town
3. Go to a funeral
4. Visit a brothel
(*Clarification: Not MY list of things to do, just a Bloomsday list of things to do.)
Are we sick yet?
The H1N1 don't-call-it-swine-flu* virus is now a global pandemic.
And yet, here I am, stuck with an employer who has not yet allowed us ALL to stay home and garden. How inhumane.
*I suspect "The Pig Aids" is also unacceptable, but I haven't confirmed that yet.
And yet, here I am, stuck with an employer who has not yet allowed us ALL to stay home and garden. How inhumane.
*I suspect "The Pig Aids" is also unacceptable, but I haven't confirmed that yet.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Fatty fatty 2 by 4
I took the day off today to take Miss Hitler to the vet. It is time for her annual shave and haircut. She is so matted, she has long since ceased to be cuddly. But tomorrow she will be all happy and bare.
On the bright side, she did not gain any weight in the past year. She is still obese and too tubby to clean her own behind. But she is not obese enough to get her own show on TLC.
On the bright side, she did not gain any weight in the past year. She is still obese and too tubby to clean her own behind. But she is not obese enough to get her own show on TLC.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Chastity
I asked JAW Fan for a poem in re Chastity's upcoming sex change. Here is his contribution:
Even if Chastity Bono gets a wiener
It ain't going to make her any leaner.
Poor Chaz. No matter whether she's a woman or a man, poor thing, she's still gonna be nothin' but a portly dullard.
Even if Chastity Bono gets a wiener
It ain't going to make her any leaner.
Poor Chaz. No matter whether she's a woman or a man, poor thing, she's still gonna be nothin' but a portly dullard.
Tick, tick, tick
No doubt JAW Fan is wondering what is taking me so long to get to blogging about the web site we were both on this week.
Deathclock.com
For (morbid) fun, go the site, fill in the form, but fill it in 4 times: once for each of the categories Normal, Pessimistic, Optimistic and Sadistic. And see the results.
Clearly, it doesn’t matter if you smoke your lungs out and line your arteries with tasty, tasty fats, as long as you are an Optimist, you will live forever.
Here are my forecast death dates:
Normal: May 10, 2038
Pessimist: March 3, 2015
Optimist: June 1, 2050
Sadist: May 10, 1999 (I’m already dead)
I’d like to examine the scientific methodology behind this data. But, whatever, if it’s on the internet it must be true.
Nanuk, the New Optimist
Deathclock.com
For (morbid) fun, go the site, fill in the form, but fill it in 4 times: once for each of the categories Normal, Pessimistic, Optimistic and Sadistic. And see the results.
Clearly, it doesn’t matter if you smoke your lungs out and line your arteries with tasty, tasty fats, as long as you are an Optimist, you will live forever.
Here are my forecast death dates:
Normal: May 10, 2038
Pessimist: March 3, 2015
Optimist: June 1, 2050
Sadist: May 10, 1999 (I’m already dead)
I’d like to examine the scientific methodology behind this data. But, whatever, if it’s on the internet it must be true.
Nanuk, the New Optimist
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Food Fakery
A couple of decades ago, when I was in Paris and looking for something to eat that wouldn’t cost a fortune, I went into a shop and bought two quintessentially French things, which were available at home, but I just never bought them: Orangina and BabyBel cheese.
I loved Orangina while over there, but once I was home it just didn’t taste the same, so I rarely bought it again.
But BabyBels I have continued to buy, when ON SALE, for the past 20-odd years. Last night at IGA (where else?) there were BabyBels ON SALE, so I picked them up. This morning I am reading the label; it says “Cheddar Taste”.
Cheddar Taste but not cheddar? Is it not cheese? Don’t tell me that my favourite food that comes in red wax with a red wax belt and looks like a Pac Man when you remove the “product” is not cheese. I am sad. :(
I loved Orangina while over there, but once I was home it just didn’t taste the same, so I rarely bought it again.
But BabyBels I have continued to buy, when ON SALE, for the past 20-odd years. Last night at IGA (where else?) there were BabyBels ON SALE, so I picked them up. This morning I am reading the label; it says “Cheddar Taste”.
Cheddar Taste but not cheddar? Is it not cheese? Don’t tell me that my favourite food that comes in red wax with a red wax belt and looks like a Pac Man when you remove the “product” is not cheese. I am sad. :(
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
No Good Thievin'
Last week at IGA, I noticed a woman doing her shopping by putting her items directly into the large cloth recycleable grocery bag that she had placed in her shopping cart.
Later, as I was standing in line to pay (like a sap), I saw her approach one of the queues and simply pull her stuffed grocery bag out of her cart, and “excuse me, excuse me, excuse me” go through the queue and out the door. It was a quick move and very efficient.
And she wasn’t no spring chicken.
How much of this fraud is going around? And why is the criminal element always so devilishly clever?
Later, as I was standing in line to pay (like a sap), I saw her approach one of the queues and simply pull her stuffed grocery bag out of her cart, and “excuse me, excuse me, excuse me” go through the queue and out the door. It was a quick move and very efficient.
And she wasn’t no spring chicken.
How much of this fraud is going around? And why is the criminal element always so devilishly clever?
Ah, it's Miller time
I had a meeting at 9:00 that I was worried about, but I got through it looking like I knew what I was talking about and didn't make a fool of myself. So it is over. Hurray.
And my boss has taken the day off sick.
You know what that means, eh? Guess who is sitting back and resting on her laurels for the remainder of the day.
Moi.
And my boss has taken the day off sick.
You know what that means, eh? Guess who is sitting back and resting on her laurels for the remainder of the day.
Moi.
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
Sometimes, I'm not smart
I, for one, am happy it is raining pitchforks this morning. Why? Because when I did my spring planting a few weeks ago, it didn't quite occur to me that planting a lot more of everything meant a lot more watering of everything.
I'm developing heavy-watering-can-shoulder-itis.
So let it rain. Let Nature do my work for me. On the plus side, my green beans are growing like cray-zee.
My lettuce remains a lost cause, as my groundhog-in-residence (whom I have named George, because he needed a name since he lives here) is devouring every shoot on a nightly basis. And this morning, I was informed that a raccoon has been hanging around the 'hood too. He also needs a name...but not Rocky.
I'm developing heavy-watering-can-shoulder-itis.
So let it rain. Let Nature do my work for me. On the plus side, my green beans are growing like cray-zee.
My lettuce remains a lost cause, as my groundhog-in-residence (whom I have named George, because he needed a name since he lives here) is devouring every shoot on a nightly basis. And this morning, I was informed that a raccoon has been hanging around the 'hood too. He also needs a name...but not Rocky.
Monday, June 08, 2009
The never-ending story
I have cancelled my subscription of the 2nd romantic mail box, the one I joined last month. I had told myself that I would only pay for one month’s membership, unless a miracle occurred (and I was popular). No such miracle materialized, nor did I see the Virgin Mary in my cheese toast, therefore Ms Frugal is saving her $40.00 per month from now on. So there!
So now what? I’m staying on the other site because it is FREE. But it is dismal too.
I’ve considered:
a) walking along Ste Cate Street at lunch time, pitching myself to the ground, and waiting for some dashing prince to pick me up. But I might be lying on the sidewalk until 2:00 and that would be bad and I’d be late getting back from lunch. And I’d have footprints on my back.
b) buying one of those “how to meet a man” books. Actually, having just saved $40.00, I could probably get more than one of those how-to's. Especially at a second hand store. (What is sadder than buying some other woman’s cast-off how-to-find-a-man book. Clearly it didn’t work for her either…) (Or she found her man, and didn't need the book anymore? That's more positive. Let's believe that.)
There must be someone nice and solvent out there. With hair.
There is a handsome young gentlemen that I see several times per week at lunch. I could simply walk up to him and say “Hiiii. Where do you work?” But I live in fear of becoming the female Howard Wolowitz of the organization. Effin’ creepy.
So now what? I’m staying on the other site because it is FREE. But it is dismal too.
I’ve considered:
a) walking along Ste Cate Street at lunch time, pitching myself to the ground, and waiting for some dashing prince to pick me up. But I might be lying on the sidewalk until 2:00 and that would be bad and I’d be late getting back from lunch. And I’d have footprints on my back.
b) buying one of those “how to meet a man” books. Actually, having just saved $40.00, I could probably get more than one of those how-to's. Especially at a second hand store. (What is sadder than buying some other woman’s cast-off how-to-find-a-man book. Clearly it didn’t work for her either…) (Or she found her man, and didn't need the book anymore? That's more positive. Let's believe that.)
There must be someone nice and solvent out there. With hair.
There is a handsome young gentlemen that I see several times per week at lunch. I could simply walk up to him and say “Hiiii. Where do you work?” But I live in fear of becoming the female Howard Wolowitz of the organization. Effin’ creepy.
Friday, June 05, 2009
Thinking about Death in the afternoon
Since I’m on the subject of inconvenient death…
Last weekend someone I knew very slightly died of a cocaine overdose. Her obituary started “Suddenly, at her home…”
I’ve seen that wording many times, and innocent that I am, I’ve always assumed that the deceased had either a) a massive coronary or b) fallen off a ladder.
Now, the next time I read “Suddenly, at home” I’m gonna be thinking cocaine overdose. Or that they pulled a Carradine, so to speak.
Last weekend someone I knew very slightly died of a cocaine overdose. Her obituary started “Suddenly, at her home…”
I’ve seen that wording many times, and innocent that I am, I’ve always assumed that the deceased had either a) a massive coronary or b) fallen off a ladder.
Now, the next time I read “Suddenly, at home” I’m gonna be thinking cocaine overdose. Or that they pulled a Carradine, so to speak.
Life and little death questions
So, it's a beautiful Friday, sunny and getting warmer. What better time to sit and ponder the idea of having a family member pleasure himself to death.
David Carridine was 72. Let us assume he had adult children. Just how does one react at one's father's funeral knowing that he died this way? i.e. how can you not laugh about it. Is it even possible to grieve knowing Dad died while...well, you know.
It has to be the most pointless, stupidest death ever.
I wonder of all the men who've died doing this, and I'm certain there are more than we can imagine, how many died on their first try? I'd say most are probably first-timers with bad timing. Who knows?
David Carridine was 72. Let us assume he had adult children. Just how does one react at one's father's funeral knowing that he died this way? i.e. how can you not laugh about it. Is it even possible to grieve knowing Dad died while...well, you know.
It has to be the most pointless, stupidest death ever.
I wonder of all the men who've died doing this, and I'm certain there are more than we can imagine, how many died on their first try? I'd say most are probably first-timers with bad timing. Who knows?
Thursday, June 04, 2009
Celeb Death News
Bill Killed.*
(*Like I'm the only person who's going to make that joke.)
RIP Grasshopper.
(*Like I'm the only person who's going to make that joke.)
RIP Grasshopper.
On the way to work today
I had to get off the bus on Monkland this morning because, as I had feared might happen, I started having a huge embarrassing coughing fit. The kind where my eyes start watering, and I cannot contain it, and it sounds like I am going to cough up a giant hairball. It was awful. I walked the rest of the way to the metro so I could cough like a maniac while attracting minimal attention. Not a great start to the day.
So far at work I have been quiet. I just keep making that rrrggghhkkk throat-clearing old geezer sound that drives people crazy, but I notice that everyone is keeping their distance from me.
I DON'T HAVE SWINE FLU. I swear I don't.
So far at work I have been quiet. I just keep making that rrrggghhkkk throat-clearing old geezer sound that drives people crazy, but I notice that everyone is keeping their distance from me.
I DON'T HAVE SWINE FLU. I swear I don't.
Wednesday, June 03, 2009
So sick of being sick
I swear this is the last day I am staying home. I coughed all night, so miserable. At one point I wondered what does bronchitis feel or sound like? I dunno. I don't cough if I am vertical, but as soon as I go horizontal, it starts. Blech!
I've gone so far as to shmear myself with VapoRub this morning. A return to childhood remedies. Just to loosen the darn thing up.
If I had a sore throat I might go to IGA to see if they have any of those Daniel Craig popsicles in stock. They probably don't.
I'm reading a PD James mystery in my misery. Cats don't bother my reading. They sure are lazy though. They don't do a darn thing all day, I've noticed.
In other news, Ms Mushrooms is on her way to TO right now, as I type, to give a couple of readings and attend the big gala on Saturday. I'm sure she is scared shitless.
I've gone so far as to shmear myself with VapoRub this morning. A return to childhood remedies. Just to loosen the darn thing up.
If I had a sore throat I might go to IGA to see if they have any of those Daniel Craig popsicles in stock. They probably don't.
I'm reading a PD James mystery in my misery. Cats don't bother my reading. They sure are lazy though. They don't do a darn thing all day, I've noticed.
In other news, Ms Mushrooms is on her way to TO right now, as I type, to give a couple of readings and attend the big gala on Saturday. I'm sure she is scared shitless.
Tuesday, June 02, 2009
Still illin'
I am at home today feeling like a miserable cow. I do not like being sick. I do not like it at all.
I have managed to read a book in 24 hours. I never do this unless I am sick. I re-read, actually, When We Were Orphans. It was like reading it new since not one line of it was familiar. Maybe I never actually did read it before? I dunno. Anyway, I liked it, but it is not as good as Remains of the Day.
I may read another book today.
(Reading a book a day. Is this what it's like to be Greg? No. That would be reading a book a day, while drinking obscure Czech beer.)
I have managed to read a book in 24 hours. I never do this unless I am sick. I re-read, actually, When We Were Orphans. It was like reading it new since not one line of it was familiar. Maybe I never actually did read it before? I dunno. Anyway, I liked it, but it is not as good as Remains of the Day.
I may read another book today.
(Reading a book a day. Is this what it's like to be Greg? No. That would be reading a book a day, while drinking obscure Czech beer.)
Monday, June 01, 2009
Grumble, grumble
I have been attacked by a germ that has left me coughing and with a scratchy throat since Saturday. I have therefore been grumpy and kept a low profile. It's not fun.
I assume Ms Susieq is back safely in Melbourne, after her world travels, and is now suffering from jet lag. Welcome home.
I assume Ms Susieq is back safely in Melbourne, after her world travels, and is now suffering from jet lag. Welcome home.
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