Chip Time

Back at work, and absurdly busy, but fortunately JAW Fan has a chip review for us. And he seems a bit worked up about it, like he needs a cold shower....take it away:

In search of some salt satisfaction this past Friday, I secured a sack of Jalapeno & Cheddar Doritos. It having been many months since I had even considered purchasing anything with the Doritos trademark, I was obviously overcome by an unbelievable and overwhelming urge to have my fingers turn orange and smell for the rest of the evening. Besides, the deep rich green colour of the bag and the flames coming out of the chip design seemed both calming and warming on this particularly f * *king cold November day.

Now, after my last few rants, I must happily say, "Thank you. Mr. Doritos. Bless you and a shower of kisses upon your fanny for having gotten it right"...Needless to say, these chips were Jalapeno-y and Cheesy, exactly as the name had promised. Were they the cheesiest of this triangular snack family? No...Were they the hottest pyramid-shaped pleasure food around? No...What were they, then? Well, they were simple, comforting, and decidedly yummy...yes, simple like Mary Hart's brain , comforting like Roscoe Lee Brown's voice, and yummy like Alec Baldwin in a frayed Speedo, his burly bulbous bits tantalizingly tearing away at the thin fabric, his masculinity on the edge of total exposure, sweaty with seduction and a-drizzlin' with dong dew...Pardon me, ladies, whilst I fan myself back to reality ...Where was I? Oh yes, Jalapeno and Cheddar...mmmm!!!....On the wang-o-meter, these rock-hard eight inch-scoring treats (to quote AC/DC) shook me all night long.