Let us think back in time. To a time long, long ago. As far back as 3 months ago. When my friend Linda died.
Doesn't seem like so long, but apparently it is ancient history.
Remember how I said her husband was distraught? In pieces? Inconsolable? Crying more than any man I have ever seen?
That was then.
He's met someone!
Grief? What grief? What me, grieve? he may well ask.
We know nothing about this new woman, but I'm taking wagers that she'll turn out to be half his age. He's 52.
As one of my friends asked today: What kind of woman dates a guy whose wife just died?
7 comments:
Generally speaking, men always seem to 'move on' quicker than women. But 3 months is somewhat obscene I think - what does anyone else think? (my Dad remarried 3 years after my Mum died after they dated for a year).
In my opinion, simply because you are dating someone new, it does not mean that you are actually replacing the other person. This is probably also a coping mechanism on his part. I'm not convinced that because you lose someone you've been with for x-amount of years that you have to mourn celibate for a certain amount of years afterwards. I think he will probably mourn her for the rest of his life, reagrdless of who he is with. If she was still alive and he dumped her for another woman that would be different...but in this case, I don't see it as wrong (although, I understand why others might think so.)
Where I am concerned, I know that I am not the love of my beau's life. He still carries a picture of his first boyfriend around with him all the time (he, too, died of cancer.) Although, they were not officially "together" at the time of his death, they were still extremely close and to this day, my beau keeps the memory alive at all times. All this to say, that I am not bothered by this behaviour in the least...so, the woman who is going out with your friend's husband might just see a nice person in him, and is not necessarily trying to manipulate the situation and squeeze into her place...she might be, after all, there are scuzzy people out there, but let's not be so quick to judge.
JAW fan (feeling particularly Ann Landers-y today)
My goodness such long comments.
My point: 3 months is too short.
If something happened to me and T. started dating a month later, I wouldn't be upset in the least.
I guess it depends on the individuals in question.
JAW fan
If something happened to me and T. started dating a month later, I wouldn't be upset in the least.
I guess it depends on the individuals in question.
JAW fan
You wouldn't be upset in the least because you'd be dead. Sitting on a cloud with your harp and your mother's friends in heaven.
But seriously, I think this question is one of the great divides between men and women.
Err, may be in the minority here but I don't think there is a real time limit. All I care about is did you love your spouse, do you sincerely miss them. Whether they still mourn or not is up to the individual. I'd be dead and who am I to tell somone not to enjoy a little happiness.
Unless she's some little gold-digger, then all bets are off. Companionship fine, stupidity...not so much.
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