I cut my grass tonight and since it had not been cut in ages, it was jungle land so I had lots of raking to do. I was finishing up by going to the north side of the house. I turned the corner from the back yard to the north side and there's a guy, standing next to my recycling bin, peeing. In my driveway. I saw his wang and everything!
Me: (startled) (yelling) WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?
Peeing Guy: (startled) I'm so sorry. I have to pee.
Me: (still yelling) Get off my property!
PG: I'm really sorry, but I have to pee.
Me: (always yelling) I don't care. Get off my property!
PG: But, lady, I was going to pee in my pants!
Note that I am holding a rake in both hands the whole time and am now walking towards him.
Me: I don't give a shit! Get the hell off my property!
PG: I'm really sorry. I'll pay you. I'll give you money!
Me: I don't want money! I want you to get off my fucking property!
PG: But I have to finish!
At this point, I realize that this guy is not a trouble-maker or a vagrant, just a young guy who urgently had to pee and picked the wrong place. He seems more scared than I do at this point. I am now A Crazy Rake-Wielding PMS Head Case. As I walk back towards the back yard I say:
Me: I'll call the cops if I see you here again!
PG: Lady, I'm NEVER coming back here.
I go around the corner, but I can still hear him yelling:
PG: I'm really sorry.
This is so much funnier to me now than it was 2 hours ago. :D
7 comments:
wow you had gerald depardieu in your back yard and you didn't even get his autograph
If it had been Gerald, he would not have apologized repeatedly. He would've just shrugged. Que voulez-vous, hein?
true
poor guy! I've seen people do it in my back lane but never yelled at them (for fear they might come back and do worse). Don't pee on the crazy cat lady's yard!
I hope you dumped your raked up grass onto your neighbour's property. If snow is free and natural, then so is grass.
I didn't dump my raked grass, but I always make a point of leaving the blown grass that lands in his driveway, in his driveway.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who turns crazy at PMS time - I didn't have any weapons, like a rake, but I yelled at some guy the other day for trying to push into a queue that I was in - I was ever so subtle 'get in the queue like everyone else'.
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