What I learned this weekend

Basic training in the real army is just like in the movies. It’s chin-ups, sit-ups, burpees, and push-ups, repeat, repeat, until you are sick and/or until you are producing pools of sweat. My nephew survived his first weekend of basic, as an official member of the Reserves.

In Canada, you can swear your oath of loyalty on the Bible, the Koran, or nothing at all. We’re pretty flexible in this regard.

He threw up just once. This is an apparent achievement ‘cause some of the recruits (male and female) were sick a lot. He said: “A lot of them are pretty fat.”

And the sergeants yell at you a lot. When you do good, they are nice, but screw up and then yell at you. And swear at you.

Just like Full Metal Jacket.

They got long lectures on staying hydrated and drinking as much water as they can stand.

Just like Jarhead.

One kid got dehydrated, fainted, and was not seen again.

And then there are the showers. My nephew is a kid who spends 20 minutes showering, using up all the hot water in the house and getting yelled at by his mother (my sis). This weekend: 60 guys, 6 showers, 30 minutes. That’s 3 minutes each.

But he loved it all. When his parents picked him up he was beaming. He said: “I’ll never be the same again!” Then he asked them to stop at McDonald’s.