How Very Low

Argh.

The U.S. government has vowed that Americans will never be hungry again. But they may experience "very low food security."

Every year, the Agriculture Department issues a report that measures Americans' access to food, and it has consistently used the word "hunger" to describe those who can least afford to put food on the table. But not this year.

…"hungry" is "not a scientifically accurate term for the specific phenomenon being measured in the food security survey." a USDA sociologist, said, "We don't have a measure of that condition."

The USDA said that 12 percent of Americans -- 35 million people -- could not put food on the table at least part of last year. Eleven million of them reported going hungry at times.

Beginning this year, the USDA has determined "very low food security" to be a more scientifically palatable description for that group." (Washington Post)

I suppose people with "very low food security" also have "very low money security" and probably "very low job security" too. I have a "very low tolerance security" for this type of semantic baloney.

In Business News

La Senza is being taken over by Victoria's Secret.

I ask you, what is the world coming to when a sovereign nation can no longer maintain control of its independent chain of sexy underwear stores? Honestly!

The only possible good that could come of this is one day Bob will make a La Senza commercial that will be broadcast on Canadian television. Isn't he overdue to star in another advert for ladies' undergarments. Yes, I believe he is.

Vive le Quebec Somewhat Libre

30 years ago today, the Parti Quebecois were elected for the first time, thus launching an exodus of skilled, educated, employable citizens who were terrified by the prospect of Quebec separation.

30 years later, we’re still part of Canada....and still getting lotsa $$$ from the Federal Government.

30 year later, numbskulls like Bernie “Dirty” Laundry are still saying independence is an achievable goal.

Sometimes it gets really, really tiring to live in this province. Sigh.

It's George Again

Clooney is People’s Sexiest Man Alive for the second time.

I guess this means I have to pull on a trenchcoat, a slouching hat and dark glasses and slither over to a busy news-stand (perhaps the bus station?) to purchase a copy of this embarrassing magazine. I only do this for George. Luckily he doesn’t earn this title every year, though he is certainly entitled to it.

Why can’t they put George in a top hat and a monocle so it looks like I’m buying the New Yorker?

He's no Sean Connery

I know this may turn out to be an unpopular statement, but the movie hasn't even opened yet and I'm already sick of all the "new" James Bond hype. Enough. I hope it flops.

Why they ever picked this guy to be Bond is beyond me. Look at him. The only role he is suited for is "The Vladimir Putin Story". I don't like him.

This weekend, everyone should be rushing out to see the new Christopher Guest movie instead.

I have spoken.

Celebrity Gossip Round-Up

What’s wrong with men?

Why would anyone cheat on that lovely Reese Witherspoon? She’s so cute and adorable*. I really liked her in Walk the Line. I hope she gets quickly over her scummy soon-to-be ex-husband and waltzes straight into the arms of that ruggedly handsome Joachin Phoenix. They made a nice on-screen couple, so why not?

As for the cheating scum of a husband, he goes straight into the Hugh Grant Memorial Hall of Infamy, for cheating men who don’t know how good they’ve got it. Long may he rot there. Perhaps he can share a cubicle with Brad Pitt.

But I wasn’t really too surprised about Reese’s ex-scum because I remember several years ago, before Paris Hilton was the media fixation of the past couple of years (Aside: is it my imagination or are her 15 minutes finished? We seem to hear a lot less about her now than last year. I ask hopefully), anyway, I read in an article about the Hilton sisters how they were regularly pursued by various men and two names stood out for me: Ryan (Boo Hiss Scum!) Philippe (“But isn’t he married to that nice Reese Witherspoon?” I wondered at the time) and Salman Rushdie. You see, I couldn’t focus much on Philippe because I was too busy being grossed out by the mental image of Salman Rushdie lustily draping himself over teenage girls. It still makes me shudder.

*If anyone is planning to leave a comment here claiming she is not cute and adorable, don’t bother. She is. End of discussion.

Iraq News of the Day

150 people were kidnapped this morning.

I just can't get my head around this plot. How do you kidnap 150 people at the same time? I think of kidnapping, in Iraq and anywhere else for that matter, as you grab a guy and throw him into the back of a car or van. How do you round up 150 people? Does nobody fight back? I don't get it.

And for the Ware-less of the world, I can report that I saw Ware* on Anderson's show last night. He was saying that PM Al-Maliki will never have any serious power because he's the only major player who doesn't have his own militia. How can you be a playa without your own militia. If you have your own militia, do you pay them out of your own pocket? I guess so. This is why I'll never have my own militia, I suppose. Why doesn't Al-Maliki have one? He can't afford it? Or would it be frowned upon by the Americans?

I'm trying to imagine this happening here. For the Liberal leadership, Bob Rae's private militia would be fighting Ignatieff's militia. Two nerd armies duking it out.

(*He looked good.)

Miscellaneous Monday

I have the day off for Remembrance Day. yay. It was supposed to rain all day, like it did Saturday and Sunday, but so far, it hasn't. double yay.

I was out raking leaves at 10:30 a.m. for about half an hour. I'm so good.

I've been doing housework ever since then. I'm so good.

I'm trying to decide which night class to take in January. I can't take another basic law class until the spring because nothing in January is being offered at a convenient time. So I'm thinking of a language class. Either Mandarin or Japanese. I'm not planning to go back to China any time soon, but I am planning to visit Japan in the next 2 or 3 years, so I'm leaning towards Japanese. I learned a good lesson in Italy, which is I HATE not speaking a single word of the local language, so if I can at least learn to say "where is the train to Kyoto, please" in Japanese, that would be great.

In theory, I should be taking Spanish again (for the 20th time) because that could actually be helpful at work, but I don't want to. All the courses are conversational, and I don't need conversational Spanish, I need to be able to read Spanish and increase my vocabulary. There don't seem to be any classes for that. And I'm not really keen on going over "la casa de mi hermano" again.

In domestic news, the Big Red One got walloped by Miss Hitler this morning. Their "play" is getting really rambunctious. There were tufts of red fur all over the living room. This was part of the reason I decided it was time for housework. I may change her name to Tuffy because she is a Formidable Opponent.

Remembrance Day

There are only three World War I veterans left in Canada. Average age is 106. I salute you, gentlemen. If I recall correctly there were six left at this time last year. This year could very well be the end of the line for living memory of the War. My grandfather was a WWI vet, but he has been gone for almost 30 years. I can't imagine still having him around. He was born in 1894. Boy, that feels likes a long time ago.

Today's the day when I think of my dad the most. Even more than at Christmas or on his birthday. Remembrance Day was a big event for him, and so it's become my day for him. He fought in France, but not for long as he was wounded after 3 weeks or so. He spent 4 years in England, preparing and training, and it was over for him in 3 weeks. A rather lopsided investment, I guess. He loved his time in England, though.

In The Gazette today, the front page is filled with the photos of the 42 Canadians who have been killed in Afghanistan. They have made Remembrance Day feel current again, and relevant in a new way for young people. Being a small country with a small army and a small number of Afghanistan deaths, we can still think of each of them individually. We look at their faces and remember their names. I feel sad for the American soldiers; their casualty numbers are so high, they seem more like statistics. That's a shame. It's just not right.

What's up Doc?

Loyal readers of this blog (all 5 of you) with astoundingly good memories will recall I saw my doctor 6 months ago, and he threatened me with cholesterol-reducing medication if I didn’t shapen up and fly right. How quickly 6 months passes. (Really, it’s scary.)

I saw the doctor again this week and had to confess that I had lost a grand total of 1 pound since May. That was embarrassing. But my blood work was almost identical to my results of 6 months ago, so I got another stay of execution. He’s a patient man. And he's as reluctant to prescribe as I am to take any prescription.

I told him I had heard about “people” who have unpleasant side effects (such as leg pain) to Lipitor and other such meds, and he told me that yes it was true, about 5% of people report leg pain when using these drugs.

So I says: “Well I don’t want that”.
So he says: “Well, then, you know what you have to do, don’t you?”
So I says (meekly): “Yes.”

I’m lucky he didn’t slap me upside the head with his stethoscope.

I live my life back at Square One.

Friday Cat Blogging

He's outta here. The Red One heads for the exit.

Tangled up in cell phone cameras

Someone has posted Bob doing Tangled Up in Blue in Montreal on Wedneday, on YouTube. I'm sure it was done with the best of intentions but frankly we can't see Bob, or see much anything else and we can barely hear him. Nice try, though.

Poor Tony

Very funny line in the Times of London today.

"A moment’s sympathy for Tony Blair. As battle commences between a Republican President and a Democrat Party poised to regain the ascendancy in American politics, Mr Blair will reread his gospels and sorrowfully reflect that no poodle can serve two masters (Matt 6:24, approx.)."

Baldwin News Flash

"SANTA MONICA, Calif. -- Actor Daniel Baldwin was arrested on suspicion of stealing an SUV.
Baldwin was stopped Wednesday by officers in Santa Monica who saw him in a white GMC Yukon reported stolen in neighboring Orange County, authorities said."

Moron. See, this is why we all prefer Alec. He doesn't steal cars.

We now return to our regular scheduled programming...

Dylan in Montreal

Here I am, post-Bob, and very happy. In my extensive Bob-reading on the blogs, it appears that he either blows hot or cold. And I am delighted to report that we got a Hot Bob last night.

It was like Bob knew my secret (or not-so-secret) wish list and complied. No Maggie’s Farm for us, nope, he opened with Absolutely Sweet Marie (Wish No. 1), and I was absolutely thrilled with that.

So happy was I, in fact, that he was well into Senor (talk about your obscure numbers) before I noticed he was hatless (Wish No. 2). We had good seats, not close enough to really see his face, but his hipster sideburns were clearly visible.

Wish No. 3 came true when he played Tangled Up in Blue. Now and forever one of my favourite songs.

Bob remained hatless until the halfway point. Then we got the black cowboy hat: which I’m forced to admit, looked pretty dang cool.

Bob’s voice? Put himself, Tom Waits and Leonard Cohen in a blender. That’s it.

Leave it to Bob to knock me off-kilter with a terrific version of Girl from the North Country. It was oddly, pleasantly jingly, almost like a countrified, electrified Christmas song. That was an unexpected pleasure, one of the high points of the night.

Another high point: all of his wiggling and bobbing at the piano during Highway 61. Bob was channelling his inner Jerry Lee Lewis. That rocked!!! Wow. Terrific stuff. I’ve seen complaints that he doesn’t move on stage. That is a lie. The man had ants in his pants.

Then he did Nettie Moore, which I knew he would, and he did it well, which I knew he would. My fave off the new record.

Then came Summer Days, which Ms. Chicken Coupons was waiting for, and by all accounts I think she was happy with that number. Right?

Bob does not speak to the crowd. I knew this going in and, you know what, it isn’t a problem. Because even though he didn’t talk, I felt he was very engaged with the crowd and the audience felt close to him. He gave us the songs, which is his job. And he does his job very, very well.

One tiny disappointment: not nearly enough harmonica playing. But if the trade-off for the harmonica is to have Bob doing a lot of toe-tappin’, hip-wigglin’ groovin’ at the keyboard, so be it. I’ll take it.

So now that’s over. What do I do with the rest of my life?

Fearless Prediction

With Rummy gone, Cheney will be next. He'll resign within 6 months or so, for "health reasons". They will claim that the tiny stone of a heart of his is giving him trouble.

This will pave the way for Bush to install his choice for Republic President in 2008 into the Vice Prez seat, thus screwing McCain, as usual.

W.'s choice for new Veep: Condi or Jeb. I'm leaning towards Condi 'cause George may love his brother but he loves a woman who worships him even more. Idol worship is thicker than blood. On the other hand, Jeb is neither black nor female, so he's got that going for him.

The morning after

Is Rummy a goner?
UPDATE: 1:20 p.m. Oh yes he is. He is gone, gone, gone. Go home and weep into your millions, Rummy.

Will Bush have a massive hangover at his press conference today?

The Democrats have taken over the House. Does this mean everyone has gone gay? Isn't that what "they" told us would happen.

I saw that when Hilary left the podium after her victory speech last night, the theme song they played was BTO's "You Ain't Seen Nothin' Yet". Hey, that's a Canadian song, Hil.

I used to think Hilary had no chance of being President, but apparently 20% or so of Republicans in her district voted for her. And she's the Republican's Satanic poster girl. I'm keeping an eye on that broad.

Meanwhile back in reality, Israeli army kills 18 Palestinians in Gaza, including women and children. Who cares? Britney's divorcing K-Fed! wheee.

My 500th Post

At last!

Happy Bob-Day to you
Happy Bob-Day to you
Happy Bob Day every-body
Happy Bob Day to you.

Bob pic of the day

This was taken in 2004 when Bob was given an honorary degree in Scotland.
It looks more like he's heading to the gallows.
When it Scotland, act like a dour Scot.

Why I have no confidence in the US voting system

I picked this up from the TalkingPointsMemo site:

"My wife just came home from voting here in Webster Groves MO. She used the electronic touch-screen voting system. . . She touched Claire McCaskill's picture and the machine recorded a vote for Jim Talent. She then called one of the people running the polling center who helped her correct the problem. My wife then had to call the person over another time after it recorded her vote a Republican again. In her frustration she asked the person who was responsible for the design of this system. The polling person leaned in very close to my wife and whispered, "We're f----d."

Republican majority, anybody?