Modern Love

BGTSmoothie in his endless quest to find a new girlfriend has been chatting (and rather explicitly I might add, being an old lady and thus by definition prudish by young folks’ standards, or so I am told) with a new girl. He has not met her yet, but he knows she weighs over 300 lbs. He weighs about 250 lbs. Here is our conversation:

S: It’s not the weight that bothers me, it’s her attitude.
Me: You’re just saying that to pretend that it’s not the weight when you know the problem really is the weight.
S: NO! It’s her attitude. I suggested we should go to the gym together and encourage each other to lose weight, but she isn’t interested.
Me: Seems like a good idea to me.
S: See? That’s what I mean about her attitude being the problem and not the weight. She says she can’t lose weight and so she doesn’t even want to try.
Me: But I have the same problem, and you don’t reject me.
S: What?
Me: I hate being fat, I complain about it constantly and yet I do nothing about it. And you don’t reject me because of it.
S: But you don’t weigh 320.
Me: A-HA! So I AM right, it is the weight and not the attitude. Just admit it’s the weight.
S: You don’t weigh 320. The weight wouldn’t be a problem if she had a better attitude.
Me: But it is the weight.
(Pause)
Me: (joke) You’ll have to be on top.
S: Yes, we’ve already discussed that.
Me: Oh come on. You haven’t even met her yet.
S: I actually suggested something. I don’t know if this is offensive or not, but I suggested it.
Me: What?
S: I said we shouldn’t have sex until we’ve each lost 20 lbs.
(Pause)
Me: (surprising myself) I think that’s a great idea. It certainly would be motivating. I’m all for that idea.
S: Really?
Me: Yeah. I would take a deal like that with someone new.
S: Wow. Thanks for agreeing!
(Conversation ends on a happy note.)