Mamma Mia!

Is this a bad year to go to Italy? I have a ticket to ride to Rome in October, but do I want to go?

Bad things come in threes.

1. First they had the big eartha-quake-a
2. Today they had a nasty train derailment.
3. What will be No. 3?

I could always count the totally embarrassing loss to the Brazilians last week, but that's not quite a national disaster. (Some Italians may disagree with that. Really. 3-zip. It was ugly.)

Could my visit be No. 3? Will I, with all my negative powers, wreak havoc and bring doom to Rome? No. I am not No. 3, I am not a number. I am a free tourist.

Stay tuned...

Chip Time!

Take it away, JAW fan (I'm imagining balalaikas playing in the background):

When it comes to new chip flavours, President's Choice never ceases to blow my pants off...usually leaving me scampering around in my underwear, seeking for a place to crunch in private. This past week I had the glorious honour of sampling their new Greek Flavour potato chip (Feta, Olive and Oregano)...At first, I thought, nothing special here. Yes, they had a hint of cheesiness...but, seriously folks, nothing to write Aristotle Onassis about...However, the following day, after a couple more mouthfuls, these super tangy treats made me want to break some dishes in celebration. Obviously, my taste buds were napping the first time around or just purely lackadaisical for whatever reason.

In any case, "All hail Zeus!" is what you will shout after sampling these savoury snacks...snacks that would have made the saddest of Spartans dance his woes away in a fury of happy nakedness, leaving his confused wife wondering why her mousaka was left untouched.

On the still-ever-so-popular wang-o-meter, these Olympian delights measure a javelin-esque 8.5 inches and will have you secretly wishing that Zorba was your own private concubine.

The Return of the King Kumar

I was doing my dishes on Saturday around noon when I saw Kumar’s magical Corolla pull up in front of the house. Hadn’t seen him in 9 weeks (but who’s counting?) (Well, me actually.)

If you need to update your scorecard, let me say that a) we are definitely NOT getting back together, but b) we remain friends and on very good terms. And why not? Only Kumar manages to combine snuggling with a rambling explanation of Indian partition. He’s one in a million.

We did have a bit of a disagreement when he told me that he thinks Silvio Berlusconi is “The Man” and he should model his life after his. And I’m not sure he was joking. I said, Berlusconi is 70 years old with dyed hair, botox and plastic surgery! You wanna go that route, be my guest.

When Kumar is 70, I’ll be 90, so I don’t think his botoxed forehead will be a big concern of mine. My only worry will be, hey, where’s the orderly? It’s time to change my Depends.

Point to Ponder

I have been thinking about the "death comes in threes" theory, and I believe we are short a celebrity death. To explain:

1. David Carradine
2. The man who invented the magic fingers bed
3. Ed McMahon

next

1. Farrah
2. MJ
3. ????

We're due for another...

New link

Ms Mushrooms kindly reminded me of a great site that I had forgotten about.

So now, whenever you have a hankering to look at pics of Cats that look like Hitler, just click on the Kitlers!! link.

That's me: Always trying to anticipate my readers needs.

No need to thank me. Sieg Miaow.

Feeling Olde

The weatherman on CBC this morning said: "I don't know much about Thriller because it came out before I was born." What is this child doing on my t.v.?

True story: talking to my sister on the phone last night, she said, COMPLETELY unprompted, "this is so big, nobody's going to be talking about Jon & Kate anymore". I swear I had not once mentioned to her my new obsession. I didn't even know she had seen the show.

What will happen to Blanket? Blanket is 7 now. I guess he hasn't been dangled out of a window for years. Who will dangle Blanket now?

Celebrity Death DAILY DOUBLE *

Holy crap!

We need 2 poems.

I didn't even get a chance to post my usual Celeb Death follow-up, which was supposed to be:

1. Ed McMahon
2. Farrah
3. Who will be No. 3?

Even death moves too fast for my meagre blogging skills. What a bad time for the Anonymous family to be away!

Michael Jackson's best song: Don't Stop Til You Get Enough. Nobody is allowed to argue with me on this. I have spoken.

Worst song? Anything he did with the wretched Paul McCartney (the famous Cirque orgy attender.) (Enuf said.)

A Canadian aside: I'm watching Newsworld right now. Is it me or is Jian Ghomeshi getting better looking as he ages? He looks hawt. Jian just said about MJ: He was a Gretzky. Only in Canada.

*Is there any way to make this headline flash on-and-off? It seems appropriate.

Celeb Death News

So Farrah finally died. She was 62.

Not much to say, but maybe tomorrow we could all sport Big Hair in her honour.

You know who is really relieved by the timing of this news? The Governor of South Carolina.

Men are dumb

I didn't watch the news until quite late last night and it turned out there was another Republican sex scandal happening. Even a news-hound like me can't keep up with these guys.

The governor of South Carolina is a lovestruck nit-wit. And irresponsible. And a liar.

Dude, the only time it makes sense to fall in love with a woman who lives in Argentina is when you also live in Argentina. Also, if it turns out that you have been taking flights to Argentina, and the tax-payer is footing the bill, you deserve to be tossed out on your ear.

The good thing is that his wife is not standing by her doofus man. That's rare in US politics. Hang him out to dry. Stick a fork in him, he's done. etc. etc.

But the big issue is, of course, all this focus on Governor Dumbo means less time for Jon & Kate!

Holiday

Happy St-Jean to everyone. It's a gorgeous hot sunny and quiet day here. I'm enjoying with great outdoors of the backyard with my feline companions, who are luvin' the cool of the green grass.

Meanwhile, Kate says that Jon is unfit to be a father. I'm now addicted to reading the gossip about J&K. It's so much better than the show. He's clearly immature, but on the other hand, he was married to Ms Dictatorette. A bad match.

Stop me anytime.

Celeb Sidekick Death News

HEY-OH
HEY-OH

How can I grieve appropriately for Ed McMahon when Jon & Kate have split up?

Oh, the humanity.

Those people again

I believe it was just last week that I said I would not waste my time watching another episode of Jon & Kate +8. But I probably will. Because, once again, the Internets are innundated with J&K+8 "intrigue" over a big announcement tonight.

And I am enough of a sucker to watch to see if they are getting separated.

What an idiot I am.

Who cares? I don't, and yet I know I will watch. Somebody save me from myself.

Summertime Fun

Yesterday I read The Road by Cormac McCarthy. This is a great book, but for those of you who are not “into grim reading” these days, and you know who you are, don’t read it. It’s a 10 on the grim-o-meter. This is about the end of the world, and not even the world as we currently know it. The end of a worse world, with our world long gone.

Having seen the Road Warrior more times than I can count, a lot of this felt familiar, but it is still a harrowing read. It reaffirmed something I’ve always known about myself. I’d rather be dead than struggling for survival. I’m too lazy to live. Frankly, I can’t even battle three groundhogs and come out on top. Forget about survival of the fittest. The thought of scavenging and hiding, and not having a nice place to go to the bathroom? Nope, no thanks.

So if world powers decide that all-out nuclear war is inevitable, well, I’m painting a big ole bull’s-eye on my roof. Drop the bomb on me, baby.

Shake, shake, shake

The guy who invented the Magic Fingers Vibrating Bed has died.

I hope he died in his sleep, while being massaged.

He was 92.

Mahmoud's Troubles

How many days have these protests being going on in Tehran? Four or five, at least.

I see the photos of crowds numbering 500,000+ marching in the streets every day, and I have only one question: Don't these people have jobs?

I don't get it

For the past 2 Mondays I have watched the most hyped show on t.v. Jon & Kate +8.

Maybe it's because I don't have 8 children of my own, but frankly I find these people dull.

She is a shrew, and he is bor-ing. Platte! as we say 'round these parts.

The kids are cute, for sure. But, really, why should I care?

Dullsville (just down the road from "Squaresville").

Dream question

Did you ever have a dream where a total stranger is central to the story?

Last night, there was this guy in my dream. A young dark-haired guy. He was complaining that my father always had a big drama queen fit at Christmas. (Ah, dreams! I luv when they make no sense.) I swear I've never seen this guy before. It wasn't a case of him being someone I know but not looking like himself. He was really someone I've never seen.

My question is: how does our brain fabricate an image of a complete stranger in our dreams?

Hockey Joke

Starbucks in Detroit has a new offering on its menu. It’s called the Hossa. It comes without a cup.

Hardy har har.

Famous People R Not Us

I’m reading about the lawsuit that the Cirque du Soleil guy has launched against the guy who published the “tell-all” unauthorized bio about him. I frankly don’t care how many drug-fuelled orgies the guy hosted. But I do have one question.

Why do celebrities always attend drug-fuelled orgies? In this case, I believe both Paul McCartney and Robert DeNiro are named as attendees.

Now I personally am not famous, but I don’t want to attend any drug-fuelled orgies, and even if I was famous, I still wouldn’t want to. But is it an obligation under the rules of fame that you have to be keen on this type of thing?

Is it a case of, say, I suddenly became well-known, I would receive an invitation from Mr. Cirque, and then I’d be, like, oh well, now that I am a celebrity, I must attend drug-fuelled orgies because that’s what the famous do in their spare time.

Why does being famous appear to automatically mean that you are into multiple-sex-partner, multiple-drug parties? Can’t you just go to somebody’s mansion for a BBQ and a few beers? Are there celebrities who don’t attend these bacchanals? And, if so, are they considered L7 losers or “squares”?

And McCartney and DeNiro are in their 60s. Don’t you just get bored with it after a few decades?

June 16, 1904

Happy Bloomsday.

Things to do*:

1. Feed cat
2. Stroll about town
3. Go to a funeral
4. Visit a brothel

(*Clarification: Not MY list of things to do, just a Bloomsday list of things to do.)